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Chapter Text

Week 8

Dance Style: Contemporary

Song: One and Only -Adele

               There were images that remained indelible in Greta’s mind, moments when time seemed to stop. She was fortunate that some of these were beautiful: the blazing look in Carson’s eyes in that hot rehearsal room before she kissed Greta, Carson’s sweet smile the first morning after the finale when she realized their time was finally their own, all the moments when they had nowhere to be but wrapped up under the covers together.

               More often, the images that tended to stick around were far from joyful. Greta thought the worst was the look on Carson’s face when she told Greta to get out of her apartment. It was one of those pictures she would never be able to forget. Greta couldn’t imagine anything more painful than that… until right now.

               Carson was in her dressing room, still wearing her suit from their number. Her hair hadn’t been brushed out. Her stage makeup was still on. She was staring at her phone but Greta could tell she wasn’t comprehending anything. Carson was in a stunned stupor. All the color had drained from her face, leaving her complexion ghastly white. Her hands shook.

               “Carson?” Greta asked quietly. “What’s going on?”

               No answer.

               “Car?” She tried again. “What’s wrong?”

               Carson turned to look at her, eyes shimmering with unfallen tears.

               “It’s Lake Valley,” she said. “There’s been an accident.”

               Greta felt her stomach bottom out. The surge of adrenaline, the thunderbolt of fear, gave her a physical, visceral reaction.

               “What… what kind of accident?” Greta asked, relieved that her voice at least sounded steady. She knew that Carson would need support and that she was the only one who would be able to provide it.

               “I don’t know.” Carson admitted. “There’s a text message from Meg here.”

               Carson gave her phone to Greta with a wobbly hand.

               Greta placed one of her hands under Carson’s, giving her a kind of steadiness. She kept it there as she took Carson’s phone from her. Carson slid over in her seat, making just enough room for Greta to squeeze in next to her. Greta felt the warmth of Carson’s leg pressed up against her own. Just that simple touch was enough to ground them both a bit more.

               “Do you want me to read it?” Greta asked.

               Carson nodded.

               “It looks like…” Greta paused. “Nothing. It just says… There’s been an accident. Call me when you get the chance.” Greta looked at her. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? Would it have killed her to put in a few details?”

               Carson shrugged. “There’s a voicemail… but I haven’t been able to listen to it yet. I just… I can’t…” She turned her sad eyes to Greta. “Can you do it?”

               She really didn’t want to, she was worried about what she might hear, but Greta wouldn’t say no to Carson. If Carson couldn’t do it herself, Greta would take this on.

               Greta opened Carson’s phone once more and quickly slid over to the voicemail app. She tried to keep her face completely impassive as she listened to the message. She forced herself to meet Carson’s pleading eyes, still glistening with the hint of tears. Greta held Carson’s hand. It was sweaty with nerves, but she didn’t mind. It was Carson. Carson was finally letting Greta be there for her.

               Greta listened to the message as she lightly stroked the inside of Carson’s palm with her thumb. She knew Carson liked that. She would always give her whatever small comforts she could.

               When the voicemail ended, she put the phone down and took a deep breath. Hating that she had to be the person to tell Carson, but also knowing she was the right person for the job, Greta began to speak.

               “Car, honey… You know that there’s been an accident.”

               “What kind of accident?”

               “Your dad was driving.”

               “Fuck. It was that car, wasn’t it? I hate that old car… I keep trying to get him to let me buy him a new one.”

               “Car… I know. Just breathe, okay?”

               Carson nodded and Greta could see the way she was swallowing hard, still trying not to cry.

               “Okay.”

               “There was an early snowfall back in Lake Valley. It kind of came from nowhere and he had no way of knowing that he’d be caught out in it. The temperatures plummeted fast and the roads got coated with a sheet of ice. I don’t know what, but something made him slam on the brakes.”

               Greta made the mistake of looking at Carson and knew that if she was going to keep talking, if she was going to tell Carson what happened, she couldn’t look at her, not at those big brown eyes. Those eyes melted Greta every time she looked at them, but Greta couldn’t melt right now. She needed to be strong. For Carson.

               “He’s in the hospital. He’s having surgery right now.”

               Greta finally looked at her and watched as her favorite pair of brown eyes filled with water.

               “You should call your sister. I think it’ll help you to talk to her. She’s family, after all.”

               Greta felt hopelessly out of her depth. ‘Please don’t pull away, Car.’ She thought to herself. Five years ago, that thought would never have crossed her mind. Now, Greta was about to find out just how much progress they made.

               “Can you do it?” Carson’s voice was small. Why were the simplest requests sometimes the most challenging?

               “Actually, wait…” Carson stopped Greta before she could complete the call.

               “Okay.” Greta sat frozen.

               “I think I need to go.”

               “Go? To Lake Valley?”

               Carson nodded, her gaze firmly on the ground.

               “That makes sense. You should be there for your family.”

               “But… the show…”

               Greta hadn’t even considered how this might affect their position and standing on the show. The show was important to both of them… but ultimately it didn’t matter. There was so much else that was more important. More real.

               “Who cares about the show?” Greta asked, her face incredulous. “We’re just dancing on tv.”

               Carson stared at Greta for a moment, almost as if she had never seen anything like her. Then… catching them both by surprise… she burst out laughing.

               The 180 degree turn in Carson’s emotions was enough to give Greta a case of mental whiplash.

               “What… what’s so funny?” She asked.

               “Nothing… everything.” Carson managed to get out. “It’s just I never thought I’d see the day when GRETA MOTHERFUCKING GILL would say that dancing doesn’t matter.”

               “It doesn’t!” Greta insisted, making Carson laugh even harder. “Not compared with this!”

               “I know.” Carson said. “I know. I have no idea why I’m laughing…” Then the tears flooded her eyes once more.

               “I know I have no right to ask… but Greta, can you come with me?”

               Greta couldn’t believe what she was hearing. How could Carson think she didn’t have the right to ask? Greta would follow her anywhere. But Carson was… actually asking.

               “You want me to come with you?” She asked to clarify that she heard correctly.

               “Yes.”

               “Me?” Greta asked again, horrified to hear the way her voice broke with emotion. She couldn’t fall apart like this, not when Carson needed her.

               Greta let her brain recalibrate while Carson watched her with a stunned expression on her face. She had spent so long trying to get Carson to be okay with reaching out, to be okay with letting herself fall into Greta’s waiting arms that now, when it finally happened, it caught her off-guard.

               “Please?” Carson asked, her voice both gentle and unsure. “I don’t want to do this without you.”

               “Of course.” Greta nodded, relieved that her voice was sounding more normal. “Anytime you want me, any place you need me, I’ll be there.”

               Carson practically tumbled into Greta’s arms, desperately seeking the comfort that came with the touch of the woman she loved. Greta tightly wrapped her arms around Carson. She would hold Carson for as long as she needed to be held: until the tears came and went, until she stopped shaking, until Carson knew how loved and safe she was in Greta’s embrace.

               Carson finally pulled away first, with a sad and nervous chuckle.

               “Let’s get you changed up and head home to pack a bag,” Greta said, wiping a salty tear off Carson’s cheek. “I’ll make some calls on the way.”

               That very night, the two of them were in the air, beginning the long journey to Carson’s hometown of Lake Valley. Carson could barely handle getting changed out of her performance outfit. Luckily, Greta was beyond capable of making all their arrangements. She called Clance and let her know what was happening. Clance immediately understood and began to make some calls of her own. Dancing With The Stars was willing to make accommodations and work with them, something Greta was still getting used to. Turns out, a lot could change in five years.

               Greta had forgotten just how much of a nervous flyer Carson was. During the time they attempted a long-distance relationship, it got so bad that she tried to be the one to travel to Carson. It wasn’t always possible, but she really did try. At least tonight she was able to upgrade their seats; it was just the two of them alone in the row. Even so, Carson’s leg bounced up and down and she was picking at her nailbeds with such determined intensity that Greta worried they were about to start bleeding.

               Ignoring the sign overhead, Greta unbuckled her seatbelt, flipped up the armrest between them and slid over as close as she could to Carson. Greta reached around her small frame, ignoring the way her still sore shoulder protested and pulled Carson closer to her. Carson didn’t fight it.

               “I’m sorry,” Carson whispered, her face pressed against Greta’s chest.

               “What on earth could you possibly be apologizing for?” Greta asked.

               She felt Carson’s shoulders shrug.

               “Oh, Car.” She whispered, running her fingers through Carson’s hair. “I’ve got you, okay? I’ve always got you.”

               “I know… and I’m sorry.”

               “You’re not making much sense.”

               “We should be a partnership.” Carson mumbled. “We can’t be a partnership if you’re always taking care of me. That’s not fair to you.”

               “Oh, honey.” Greta squeezed Carson tighter as her own heart ached. “You still don’t get it. I WANT to be there for you. I want to be here. It’s one of the only things I’ve ever truly wanted. And so what if you need a little more TLC right now? There have been times I’ve needed you too.”

               “Not really.” Carson countered, as if she had forgotten their whole history. “You’ve always been so strong. Always.”

               Greta shook her head. “Not always. You’ve been strong when I couldn’t be. You’ve held me up when I was too weak to stand. You don’t remember?”

               “It was so long ago.”

               “Not that long.” Greta said, smiling with reminiscence. “I remember a certain someone falling asleep on a bench once, just because she didn’t want me to be alone.”

               “Well, yeah.”

               “What makes you think I wouldn’t do the same for you?” Greta asked. “Carson… be still and listen.”

               Carson finally smiled as her own words were repeated back to her.

               “No relationship is perfectly 50/50. Sometimes it’s 60/40, or 30/70. Right now, we need to be 90/10. And I’m okay with that. That’s how it works. It won’t always be like this. It won’t always hurt this much. You won’t always hurt this much.

               “I’m so tired, Greta.” Carson admitted.

               “I know you are baby. It’s okay. Close your eyes. We’ll be there soon.”

               And finally, in the war between sleep and adrenaline (plus the cold brew Greta couldn’t stop Carson from guzzling in the airport), sleep finally won out.

               Carson snuggled into Greta’s chest. It didn’t take long before her heavy breaths told Greta that she had finally fallen asleep.

               “I love you, Carson Shaw.” Greta whispered to Carson’s sleeping frame. “Please, just let me.”

               It wasn’t until the plane lurched to a stop at the airport gate that Carson finally jolted awake. She wasn’t sure when she had fallen asleep, but she must have been out cold. She tried to discreetly wipe her mouth, embarrassed at the way she had drooled a little on Greta’s tee shirt. She hoped Greta hadn’t noticed. If Greta was repulsed by her, she didn’t let on.

               “Hey you,” Greta whispered. “We’re here.”

               “I gathered.”

               “How are you doing?” Greta’s eyes searched her, almost looking into Carson’s soul.

               All Carson could do was shrug.

               “I get it. Let’s get you to the hospital.”

               “Greta…” Carson almost laughed at Greta’s eagerness to help. “It’s so late. There’s no way the hospital is going to let us visit.”

               “Oh, right. That makes sense.”

               “Let’s just got back to the house, talk to Meg, and head to the hospital in the morning.”

               “Sounds good. I’ll drive.” Greta said.

               Carson wanted to argue but the look on Greta’s face made it clear there was no way she would be open to negotiation.

               “Fine.” Carson sighed.

               Greta took charge and Carson couldn’t help but be grateful.

               “You sit here with our bags.” She instructed once they reached the rental car counter. “I’ll see to the car.”

               Carson sat down and put her head in her hands. She couldn’t believe any of the last few hours were real. She wasn’t alone with her thoughts for long. Greta returned quickly, a set of car keys and several pieces of paperwork in her hands.

               “You ready?” She asked Carson.

               Carson silently shook her head no and Greta sat down beside her.

               “Do you need a minute?”

               Carson nodded, tears filling her brown eyes once more.

               “Okay. We can do that. Come here.” Greta pulled Carson close to her, letting Carson relax into her arms, smell the comfort of Greta’s familiar perfume, feel the safety of simply being held by the woman she loved. She let Greta’s calm wash over her, steadying her heartbeat, and slowing her racing thoughts. Carson took a deep and heavy breath.

               “Good girl.” Greta whispered to her. “Now, do a few more of those.” It was a direction Carson could follow.

               “Okay.” Carson finally said, a resignation showing on her face. “I’m ready.”

               Greta rose to her feet and extended her hand to help Carson stand, a real-life metaphor that wasn’t lost on Carson. Greta had been extending a hand to her this whole time. Carson always viewed herself as the strong and steady one, but now it seemed their roles had been fully reversed. Or maybe… Carson considered, we’re what each other has needed all along. She took Greta’s hand and let Greta pull her to her feet.

               They were quiet during the longer-than-she remembered drive to Lake Valley. Greta kept fumbling with the radio, trying to get any station that wasn’t country music or Jesus rock. After a couple minutes of this, Greta finally gave up. Carson knew that Greta wasn’t comfortable with silence in these tense situations. She always had music blaring or headphones in her ears. She would claim to be choreographing. Sure, she claimed to be working, but Carson knew that the music helped her filter her own rapid-fire thoughts.

               Carson reached over the console to gently place her hand on Greta’s thigh, as if to say, “I’m here,” even though she herself was still struggling to find the words. Greta kept her hands at 10 and 2 for the remainder of the drive. With two highway exits to go before they reached Lake Valley; the blinking yellow and orange lights of a construction crew forced them to crawl to a stop. It wasn’t a densely populated area, but any time a highway was reduced to a singular lane of traffic, it slowed everything down.

               “How are you feeling?” Greta asked Carson, her voice soft and gentle.

               “I just want to get there.” Carson’s voice sounded pained. “I feel like the universe is conspiring against me at this point.” She added, gesturing to the traffic jam they found themselves in, only twenty minutes from her childhood home.

               “We’re close.” Greta answered, meeting Carson’s eye. Her steadiness looked much like the first time the two ever danced together. Greta projected an image of calm that Carson desperately needed. She was the grace that grounded her. Carson was the luckiest. Greta didn’t have to be here. She had a million better things that she could probably be doing. Still, she chose to be here… with Carson. ‘She’s still choosing me.’ Carson thought and felt a swell of comfort course though her body.

               “Greta…” She managed to say before stumbling over her words.

               “What is it? What do you need?”

               Carson shook her head.

               “Nothing. I just wanted to say thank you for coming with me.”

               “You don’t need to thank me.”

               “It feels like I do. You dropped everything for me, just because I asked…”

               Greta’s eyes turned soft as she looked at Carson.

               “Of course I did….” She opened her mouth to say more, then thought better of it and hesitated.

               Carson was going to ask what she was about to say, but then the traffic started moving again and Greta returned her focus back to the road and her task of making sure they arrived in Lake Valley safe and sound.

               On the outside, Greta looked calm, cool, and collected. On the inside, her emotions were ricocheting from one extreme to the other. She wished she could articulate… all of it, any of it.

               This wasn’t the time or place. Emotions were running high and she could tell that Carson was barely holding it together. As much as Greta wanted to tell Carson how she felt, she had to put the worry, and the angst, and the anxiety on the back burner for now.

               They pulled into the long and winding driveway of Carson’s childhood home. The lights were still lit inside. There was no way that Meg was asleep yet.

               “Are you ready?” She asked Carson.

               “No… but I’ve got to do this anyway.”

               Greta took her hand once more and gave it a small squeeze. “I’ll be right here, every step of the way.”

               Carson nodded and they got out of the car. Meg had been waiting for them. The moment they slammed the car doors closed, the front door of the house opened, and Meg stepped out onto the porch.

               Greta watched in silence as Carson sprinted to her sister. She saw Meg wrap her arms around Carson. Carson was exactly where she needed to be and Greta was only too happy to give them a moment alone. She busied herself by getting their hastily packed bags out of the rental. She slung both over her good shoulder and followed Carson up to the house.

               Carson turned to look at her. There were tears in her eyes and on her cheeks, but there was a relieved smile on her face. Greta found herself letting go of a tight breath of her own.

               “He’s going to be okay.” Carson managed to get out before falling into Greta’s arms, a fresh wave of emotion crashing over her. Greta held onto her girl while she looked up at Meg.

               “He’s still in the hospital.” Meg explained, unasked. “Might be there for a while as he recovers, but he’s breathing on his own. We can all go see him tomorrow. That is… if you’re staying too.” There was a question in Meg’s tone and a protectiveness in her eyes. Greta couldn’t really blame her for that.

               “I’ll be here for as long as Carson needs me to be.” Greta answered decisively. When she did, she felt Carson grab onto her a little tighter, as if she didn’t believe Greta was going to stay until this very moment. “I’m not going anywhere.” Greta added.

               Meg gave her a small nod and ushered them both inside.

               Greta wasn’t sure how well Carson would be able to sleep, but the emotion and exhaustion of the night were too much for her to overcome. The second Greta got into bed in what had once been Carson’s childhood bedroom, Carson crawled into her arms and promptly fell asleep.

               For Greta, sleep felt miles away. The thoughts racing through her head made her brain feel like a pinball machine. Boing boing boing.

               Greta kept running her hands through Carson’s hair, feeling Carson’s chest rise and fall with her own. The steady rhythm helped settle her anxious heart. Greta didn’t realize until just now how heavy the weight of everything had been tonight. The worry. The fear. Greta bore it stoically all night, supporting Carson’s feelings, but not making room for any of her own. Sure, that was exactly how things needed to be right now. But finally, in the quiet, Greta let the feelings finally wash over her.

               Thank goodness Carson’s dad was going to be okay. Carson had only just begun to put herself back together.  If things were different… Greta shuddered to think about what Carson’s reaction would be. Greta squeezed Carson closer. She felt the way Carson nuzzled even tighter into her embrace, and finally Greta closed her eyes. Exhaustion overcame her and she tumbled into sleep too.

               It was a fitful night for them and they both woke up just as the sun was peeking through the curtains. When Greta opened her eyes, Carson was wrapped around her like a koala. She let out a soft sigh and let herself be present in the moment.

               This was growth, right? Carson wasn’t pushing her away. Carson wanted her here. Greta looked down at her. She was so beautiful. The light from the window landed on her face, and Greta couldn’t help but think that Carson looked like a tousled little angel. Greta knew Carson wasn’t perfect. Neither was she. But right here? Just like this? Carson was damn close.

               Greta felt Carson begin to stir. The grip on her body relaxed. Greta gently kissed Carson’s forehead, easing her awake.

               “Hi.” Carson mumbled groggily.

               “Hey you.”

               “What time is it?”

               Greta rolled over to check her phone, ignoring several missed call notifications from Clance. She would deal with those later.

               “It’s only six.” Greta gave Carson the answer to her question. “We could stay here for a few more minutes, if you want.”

               Carson nodded and Greta watched as all of Carson’s worries began to etch themselves on her face again.

               “He’s going to be okay.” Greta reminded her. “You’ll see him in a couple of hours.”

               “I know.” Carson whispered, but Greta could hear the doubt and fear still ringing in her voice.

               After a quick thrown together breakfast, they all piled in Meg’s minivan and drove to the hospital. Carson held the door open for Greta to climb into the passenger seat, an acquiescence to Greta’s longer legs and hopped into the backseat behind her. Immediately, Greta reached behind her to hold Carson’s hand. Greta felt the way it was shaking in her own and choosing not to comment, gave Carson’s hand a reassuring squeeze. Once Carson saw her dad, once she had visible evidence that he was going to be okay, Carson would be okay too.

               As they traveled the couple of highway exits to the hospital, Greta was afforded the opportunity to watch Carson and Meg in an enclosed space. Even though she knew both would argue otherwise, Greta was able to see the similarities between the two. The way Meg would tap her manicured fingernails on the steering wheel mirrored the way Carson’s knee kept bobbing up and down in the backseat, they both wore identical worried expressions on their faces. The tension in the air was palpable. Even so, Greta forced herself to stifle the chuckle that rose in her throat when she realized how similar the sisters were. That was the thing about stressful situations. Sometimes they elicited a different emotional response than you might expect.

               By the time they got to the hospital, Carson’s grip on Greta’s hand had grown so intense that it was almost painful. Still, Greta never wavered. She knew what real pain was. It was all those months that she had gone without talking to Carson, without being able hold her, without being able to just be near her. It meant the world to Greta that Carson asked her to be here. Greta wasn’t going to squander that.

               Meg turned the van off but didn’t move. None of them did. They just sat there. Together, but each alone with their thoughts.

               Meg sighed and then motioned that they should get out of the car. Greta turned to look at Carson and registered the look on her face instantly.

               “Can you give us a minute?” Greta asked Meg. Carson’s sister nodded and stepped out of the car, rummaging through her massive handbag in the parking garage, looking for something as an excuse to give them a moment alone.

               “Car?” Greta asked tentatively.

               Carson squeezed her eyes shut as if she could will herself to be somewhere, anywhere else.

               “I hate hospitals.” Carson’s voice was barely a whisper. “Greta… I’m scared.” She admitted.

               “Oh, my love.” The soft use of that word tumbled out of her mouth. “I’ll be right there with you, ok? I know it’s hard and it’s scary but I’m right here. Let me be your safe place?”

               Carson met her eyes and nodded.

               She took another deep breath and finally rose out of her seat. Greta followed her, lacing her fingers with Carson's, letting Carson absorb some of her strength.

               Greta felt Meg’s eyes on them. She pursed her lips but said nothing other than making a “hmm” sound.

               Greta had no idea what or how much Carson had shared with her family about their breakup. Right now, she didn’t care. She couldn’t worry about all that. The fact of the matter was that Carson needed her, and if Meg didn’t like it, that was a problem for future Greta and Meg to work out.

               Carson never released Greta’s hand: not when they awkwardly shuffled into the same partition of the revolving door, not when they boarded the elevator, not when they arrived at the door to Mitch’s hospital room. In fact, it wasn’t until Greta felt the twinge of a tug on her bad shoulder that she even realized Carson stopped moving. She stood there, just outside the door, petrified.

               “Car?” Greta asked gently. But it was like Carson couldn’t hear her, like she was in another world entirely.

               “Car? Carson!”

               It was her use of Carson’s full name that made her register Greta’s voice.

               “I’m sorry. I-I-I- can’t.”

               Carson released her grip on Greta’s hand and in a flash, she was gone, disappearing down the long hallway.

               It was shock more than anything that had Greta rooted to the spot. All Carson wanted to do was get here, to Lake Valley, to her dad, and now that she was here… she just couldn’t take that last step.

               If anyone understood the instinct to run when things got hard, it was Greta. She knew what it meant to be so terrified that fleeing seemed like the only option.  She also knew what it felt like to stay. That was because of Carson. Greta had the opportunity to turn the tables and show Carson that. She stepped forward into Mitch’s hotel room.

               Greta took a deep breath and in so doing, the antiseptic, cloyingly clean smell of the hospital reached her nose. She hated hospitals almost as much as Carson did, but for the love of her life, she would walk into this room with its too bright lights and beeping monitors and take Carson’s place at Mitch’s side until Carson was ready.

               “He’s awake.” The nurse told Meg and Greta. “Go on in.”

               Meg sat in what Greta assumed was her usual spot in a chair on the right-hand side of Mitch’s bed. Greta hesitated but felt much more comfortable when she heard Carson’s dad’s voice.

               “Do I hear my favorite daughters?” He shifted up in his hospital bed and caught sight of Greta. “And my favorite daughter-in-law?”

               “Oh… I’m not…” Greta started to say but then decided not to get wrapped up in the technicalities of what Mitch just said.  Still, she couldn’t help the way her heart began to swell with the thought of being his actual daughter.

               “Greta… it’s so good to see you… where’s Carson?”

               Meg rolled her eyes and for a fleeting minute, Greta hated her: the judgement in her face, the superiority of her expression. Then, the feeling passed and Greta composed herself enough to answer Mitch’s question.

               “She just needed a minute.”

               “I bet she was tired…” he wheezed, “…from all that dancing.”

               Dance. It seemed so silly now. So inconsequential. But still, Greta smiled.

               “She is… you know I worked her hard this week…” Greta’s warm tone matched the flush on her face when she realized the double entendre she just said to Carson’s FATHER of all people.

               He didn’t notice. The exhaustion of a hospital stay would do that to you, but Meg gave an uncomfortable cough.

               “Another week?” He asked.

               “Another week.” Greta confirmed.

               “Good.” His voice still sounded wheezy and breathy. “Everything is good, right? …with you and her?”

               “We’re finding our way.” Greta answered honestly.

               “Good.” He said again. His eyes closed, the IV painkillers working their way through his system.

               “Where’s Carson?” He asked again.

               Meg looked at Greta. “The medicine makes him groggy.” She explained. “I’ll go get her. You stay here with dad.”

               Greta watched helplessly as Meg hightailed it out of the room, leaving her alone with Mitch.

               The last time they had spoken, it was to get Carson the help she needed. Greta figured the universe could forgive her for being a bit apprehensive right now.

               She didn’t need to be.

               “Come here, my sweet girl.” Mitch said softly, leaving Greta with nothing to do but comply.

               She sat down in the hospital chair next to his bed.

               “Hi Mitch.” Greta couldn’t think of anything more original to say. She was just happy to see him awake and hear him talking. Now, if only Carson was here.

               “I’m so proud of you.” Mitch said.

               “What?” Greta asked, certain that she had heard him incorrectly.

               “I’m so proud of you.” He repeated. Greta looked into his eyes, a perfect replica of Carson’s and saw that they were slightly watery. “It’s just…” He reached for Greta’s hand which she surrendered. “I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you that before.”

               Greta smiled even as tears clouded her own eyes.

               “Only once.”

               He nodded knowingly. “Carson?”

               “Car-…” and Greta’s voice broke and embarrassingly she burst into tears.

               “Oh sweetie,” Mitch said, but all it did was make Greta cry harder. For someone who had never known parental love, all it took was Mitch’s gentle voice to break Greta wide open. Everything she had been through since reuniting with Carson came spilling out. Not with words, but with tears.

               “It’s okay.” He soothed. “Let it out. You’ve been so strong. I know you have.”

               Greta cried.

               She cried and cried. She cried for the childhood she never had, for how nice this felt, for the way that Carson healed her, then broke her, then put her back together again. All of it came pouring out in a torrent of emotion.

               She didn’t know how long she cried. She only knew that when her tears finally began to subside, that neither of the Shaw siblings had returned yet. She still had a minute.

               “Mitch…” She said.

               “Greta” He returned fire with a mischievous smile she recognized as Carson’s.

               “Just…” She refused to let words fail her. “You’re the best parent I’ve ever had.”

               At another time, in another place, Greta might have been embarrassed by her admission. With Mitch, it just felt right.

               A smile crossed his face. “You brought my daughter back to me. It was brave and it’s a debt I’ll never be able to repay.”

               Greta squeezed his hand and FINALLY let herself begin to heal.

               A pseudoknock at the door alerted Greta to Meg’s sudden presence. She had returned without Carson.

               “I couldn’t find her.” Meg said, unbothered.

               Mitch locked eyes with Greta once more. “She’s scared of hospitals,” he said.

               “I know.” Greta nodded. “Meg’s here now, let me try my hand at finding her.”

               “You’re probably who she needs anyway.” Meg said, shrugging her shoulders. “Carson and I… we’ve never really gotten… well… welcome back.”

               Greta smiled and nodded before bequeathing her seat to Meg. Now, to find Carson.

               Meg couldn’t have looked very hard because it took Greta all of five minutes to locate Carson. She found her sitting on a bench outside the hospital, looking up at the stars.

               “This seat taken?” Greta asked her.

               Carson turned her head and realized that Greta was standing there. Greta felt the familiar warmth in her heart that always showed up when she saw Carson’s involuntary smile.

               “Always open for you.” Carson slid over to make room for Greta, who sat down next to her.

               “Looking for answers in the stars again?”

               “Thinking about my mom.”

               Aside from one conversation in a rehearsal room five years ago, Greta never heard Carson mention her mom. The pain of being left behind was still always with her. It showed up in small ways: the way Carson would sigh as she deleted e-mails advertising mother’s day specials, the way Carson would get inexplicably sad several times a year. Greta eventually filed the days away for reference: her mom’s birthday, the anniversary of the day she left. It was all unspoken. Carson opening up about her mom was new.

               “It’s just…” Carson continued. “I know my dad is going to be okay, but what if he wasn’t? He’s all I’ve got. I don’t know if I can handle seeing him look like… not him.”

               Carson curled into Greta’s arms. “I know no one lives forever, but I’m not ready for any of this.”

               Greta didn’t know what to say, or if she should even try to say anything. She pressed her lips to Carson’s temple, feeling Carson’s hair tickle her nose.

               Carson sighed.

               “I have to go in there. Don’t I?”

               “We can stay out here for a few more minutes until you feel steadier, but yeah. You have to go in there. It’ll be okay. I saw him already and I’ll be right beside you.”

               “I’m so glad I have you.” Carson said and then looked at Greta as if she wanted to say more but thought better of it.

               “I’ll always be here for you, Car. You’re never alone. Not as long as you have me.”

               Carson nodded and got to her feet.

               “You’ll hold my hand the whole way in?” She asked.

               “Of course.” Greta answered. “Always.”

               When they drove back to the house that night, Carson was feeling so much better. Seeing her strong, tough, never take so much as an aspirin father laid up in a hospital bed was hard, just as she imagined it would be. There was also a certain comfort to seeing him with her own eyes and confirming that he would be okay. She needed the reminder that all the nightmare scenarios that she concocted in her head were just that. He’d have a long road ahead as he fully recovered but Carson knew that her dad would do what he needed to get back into fighting shape. Watching him crack jokes and tease Meg and Greta was just the balm her heart needed.

               The three women realized that they were starving and blitzed through a McDonald’s drive-thru on the way home. Carson was pretty sure that she never saw Greta eat fast food before, but all three made quick work of their meals.

               When they finished it was Meg who unsubtly broke the silence.

               “So… are you two back together now?”

               Jeez. Way to get right to the point.

               Carson looked at Greta who seemed just as stunned by Meg’s question as she was.

               “Uh… yes.” Carson said while Greta said, “Yeah… we are.”

               Meg nodded, staring them down. “Good.” She said simply. “About damn time.”

               Carson never really understood her sister and heaven knows that they weren’t close, but every once in a while, Meg showed she cared about Carson.

               “Okay. I’m going to bed. I’m exhausted.” Meg announced. “Good night you two.”

               Meg went upstairs and Carson and Greta burst into laughter. It felt good to laugh after so much worry. Carson couldn’t help but notice how damn gorgeous Greta was when she laughed like this: real and raw and genuine. Carson could see the tiny gap between her front teeth that Greta hated but she adored. She could see the way Greta crinkled her nose in the cutest way possible. She could see Greta as she WAS. She could witness the very essence of Greta’s heart.

               Carson had fallen back in love with Greta. Truthfully, she had never stopped loving her, not completely. Sure, on some of her darkest nights, when things were bleak and hope was nowhere to be found, she couldn’t hear how her heart beat for this woman and this woman alone. But it did. It always had. It always would.

               Greta stopped laughing at the look on Carson’s face.

               “What? Do I have French fries in my teeth or something?”

               It’s not that… it’s…I just love you. I realized I haven’t told you today.”

               Carson wanted to shout it to the night sky. She wanted the echo of her voice to announce to the world that she was in love with Greta Gill.

               “I love you too.”

               The words didn’t seem like enough. It wasn’t enough to say it. Carson needed to show her. It was like a switch had flipped.  All of the emotion of the past twenty-four hours needed to go somewhere and Carson had a hunch about how it could be harnessed.

               “What?” Greta asked again, but Carson was already walking over to her, a fire blazing in her eyes.

               Carson bent down, her lips landing perfectly on Greta’s. After a moment of surprise, Greta eagerly returned the kiss.

               Carson needed this comfort. The warmth of Greta’s mouth relaxed something deep within Carson. Greta’s kiss melted the fears that Carson had been holding in her chest. She knew that Greta had spent so much of her life feeling like a burden, like she was too much. To Carson, she was exactly enough.

               She grabbed Greta’s hands, pulling her off her seat and onto her feet.

               “Upstairs with you.” Carson instructed.

               Greta cocked an eyebrow and paused for a moment, but ultimately followed Carson.

               It was a weird thing, to push the love of your life into your childhood bedroom and into the bed where the student council president gave a younger version of you the queer awakening you desperately needed. Still, looking at Greta, as she laid down on Carson’s small bed, still wearing her cropped hoodie and yoga pants provided an arousal Carson couldn’t deny. Her hair, still in curls, though less polished than usual, Greta was effortlessly beautiful. Greta had always been a stunner, but Carson loved her like this.

               Carson had to take a moment to catch her breath. Misreading Carson’s hesitation, Greta propped herself up on her elbows. “Is everything okay?” She asked.

               “Yeah.” Carson answered. “You’re just… I’m sorry, have you seen yourself?”

               Greta’s smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. Carson noticed the way her old insecurities were rooted in her brain. She wasn’t going to say anything about that. Greta did take Carson by surprise with what she actually said.

               “Are you sure you want to do this?” Greta asked, gesturing to the space in between her and Carson.

               “Why not? Is it the childhood bedroom throwing you off?”

               “Carson… that isn’t it.” Greta said, exasperated that Carson didn’t seem to be getting it.

               “What is it then?”

               “You’ve had a long, heavy emotional day. I’m just making sure this is something you really want to do.”

               Oh Greta. Her sweet Greta.

               Carson reached her hand out and pressed it against the side of Greta’s face.

               “I want this. I want your skin on mine. I want your touch. I want to feel you close to me. I want you, Greta.”

               “Okay.”

               “Okay?” Carson asked to confirm.

               Greta nodded and she watched as a small smirk crept across her face and a twinkle returned to Carson’s favorite pair of honey brown eyes.

               “Good.” Carson climbed on top of Greta, straddling her hips with her thighs. “Besides, it’s been a stressful day and I think we need to relax… don’t you?”

               Carson wiggled her eyebrows up and down earning herself a real and unencumbered laugh from Greta.

               She was so beautiful.

               When Greta stopped laughing, she looked up at Carson with hunger in her eyes.

               “I think I can help with some stress relief.” She engaged her abs, sitting up only breaths away from Carson and reached up and pulled her shirt over her head.

               Carson allowed her gaze to wander, taking in Greta’s body, the perfect combination of muscle tone and softness.

               “Wow.” Carson gasped. She didn’t mean to say it out loud, but the look on Greta’s face was worth it.

               “Come here.” Greta purred and closed the gap between their mouths. Carson relaxed into Greta’s kiss. This was the comfort she had been seeking all day.

               “We’ve got to be quiet.” Carson said.

               “I can do that.”

               “Mmm… good. Because I want you tonight.”

               Greta looped her hand behind Carson’s neck, pulling her close.

               “Let me relieve some of your stress, darling.”

               Her words and her kiss always undid Carson. Yes. In a million different universes, yes. Greta’s lips met Carson’s as she worked her hands under Carson’s tee shirt.

               “Why are you still wearing this?” Greta asked against her mouth. “I want it gone.”

               Carson was only too eager to comply. She whipped her shirt off with lightning speed and discarded it on the floor. She pressed her body down on Greta’s, feeling the warmth of her skin. Being close like this was the only thing in the last day that felt right.

               Greta shivered as Carson traced her fingertips down her skin. Familiar goosebumps appeared. Carson would never get tired of having this effect on Greta. This beautiful woman, this elegant and fiery and passionate woman chose Carson as the recipient of her affection. Now, Carson just wanted to return that fire, to lose herself completely in Greta’s magnificence.

               That’s exactly what she did.

               Carson lowered her lips down, pressing them to the special place behind Greta’s ear that always made her tremble. Sure enough, the little gasp Greta let out curved Carson’s lips into a smirk.

               “I want to take my time with you,” Carson whispered. “If that’s okay…”

               Carson pulled back long enough to see Greta nod her agreement. She looked into those trusting honey brown eyes with dark pupils blown wide and felt warmth flow through her body to her center.

               She wanted to love Greta completely and ravage every inch of Greta’s body. Slowly and deliberately, she worked her way from Greta’s neck to her breasts. The way she arched her back was invitation enough, but it was when she whispered “please” in that pleading tone that made Carson want to take her right then and there. But, no. There was still so much of Greta’s body that warranted exploring. Carson was still finding new freckles, new places to put her lips, her tongue, her teeth, that would make Greta whimper.

               Still, there were also the old standbys. Carson found one of those as her exploration trailed lower and lower. That little spot on her hipbone above the waistband of her pants? Carson hardly brushed it with her mouth, earning herself a mewling sound from Greta. She was writhing in the bed, her mouth hanging slightly open as she tried not to make a sound. She reached for any part of Carson’s skin that she could get her hands on. Carson felt Greta’s nails scrape down her back as her hips bucked up. Greta’s wanting was unbearably sexy.

               Carson reached down to give Greta some gentle pressure through her yoga pants: one part relief and one part turn-on. Greta shifted her hips, searching for the perfect position.

               “So impatient,” Carson said in a teasing whisper. “Have I ever left you unsatisfied?”

               Greta shook her head. Her breath was ragged, a hot flush colored her cheeks.

               Fuck. Carson didn’t think she’d ever seen Greta this desperate… hot. Carson’s insides surged with a molten desire.

               She ran her hands along Greta’s still bucking hips, feeling the way the curve of her body seemed perfectly made for Carson’s touch. She grinned, a wolfish smile on her face.

               “You know, I adore how you look in yoga pants, but I think it’s time you lose these. Don’t you?”

               “Yes.” There was a dry croak in Greta’s voice.

               Greta lifted her hips once more and Carson removed her yoga pants and underwear in one fluid motion.

               “What do you want?” Carson asked her.

               “You. Just you.”

               “Yeah. I understand.” Carson reached out and caressed Greta’s face. “But what do you want?” She repeated.

               Greta’s breath hitched.

               “Your mouth. Your perfect mouth.”

               “I can do that. Can you relax and let me take care of you?”

               Greta nodded once more.

               “Good girl.” Carson purred.

               She lowered herself down and began to trail kisses, working her way up Greta’s thighs.

               “I love your legs.” Carson said in between kisses. “They’re so sexy.”

               Greta’s muscles tensed and Carson could feel the tone of all the years of her dance training.

               “Relax.” She instructed and Greta did. “Let me take care of you baby.”

               “Carson… please.”

               The NEED in Greta’s voice had Carson pulsing, but her own orgasm could wait. She had Greta begging and Carson wasn’t about to deny her. If Greta wanted her mouth, she would get it.

               Her lips worked their way closer and closer. She could smell Greta. She was so fucking turned on. Carson’s heart pounded in her ears. Greta was so wet that she was beginning to drop down her thighs. Carson drew her tongue up Greta’s leg, tasting her.

               “God, you taste so good.” She said, her voice deep.

               “Car…” Greta moaned. Carson looked up and locked onto Greta’s pleading eyes.

               She nodded and practically dove into Greta with all the enthusiasm of a new relationship, which, in a way, was exactly what they were. Sure, they had history, but what they were starting now… it was new. It was different. It was the best of everything. Carson had grown. They had grown together. Carson realized all the ways they had been given a gift. Their past AND their present. It wasn’t a hindrance; it was a blessing.

               She flicked her tongue, dancing it over Greta’s clit and felt just how turned on Greta was. Swollen and completely hers.

               As that thought crossed Carson’s mind, she felt Greta’s hand reach down. Greta’s fingers locked in-between Carsons’ as if to say, “I’m right here. I’ve got you.” Things Carson heard a hundred times before, but now they felt different. Carson finally believed them. With Greta’s fingers intertwined with hers, Carson’s tongue explored farther, licking Greta, drinking her up, sucking on her until she was right on the edge.

               “Baby please.” Greta still remembered to whisper, but only barely.

               “It’s okay.” Carson murmured. “You can come for me. I want to feel you.”

               Carson flicked her eyes up and allowed herself to take in the magnificent sight that greeted her. Greta, completely undone, hair splayed on the pillow, mouth open, eyes closed. Beautiful. Breathtaking.

               Carson returned her attention to where it was most needed. Her tongue continued to play, reacting to the way Greta’s hips bucked, the way they were able to move together. Soon, far too soon because Carson was enjoying herself so much, she heard Greta’s breathing change, and felt the pulse under her tongue.

               “Carson!” Greta cried out and Carson quickly pulled her hand out of Greta’s grasp to cover her mouth. Greta was writhing with pleasure, palpable under Carson’s mouth. Carson guided Greta through her orgasm, applying pressure and backing off, until Greta looked like she had melted. The waves of Greta’s climax were more beautiful than any ocean sunrise Carson had ever seen in her life.

               Finally, Greta collapsed onto the pillows. Carson wiped her mouth and wiggled in next to her. There were a couple minutes of silence where Carson just listened to Greta’s breathing. Part of her wanted to freeze this moment, to live in it forever.

               Greta’s eyes fluttered open, still with a slightly heady haze to them.

               “So much for being quiet.” Carson teased her.

               Greta didn’t make any effort to silence her laugh. If Meg was going to hear them, she would have done so already.

               “Well,” and she pulled Carson’s face closer. “You didn’t leave me with much choice.”

               Carson closed the gap between their mouths and Greta leaned into the kiss with a soft kind of bliss. They kissed for a long time, because they could. Because they were here together.

               “Hey Carson?” Greta asked, her expression turning serious.

               “Yeah? What is it?”

               She ran a fingertip down Carson’s face, staring intently as if she was trying to commit every detail to memory.

               Greta swallowed hard.

               “Nothing… just… that was amazing. You were amazing. I’ve never felt like that.” Carson grinned. “Would it be okay if…” Greta’s voice changed again, turning small and quiet. “Can you hold me?”

               Carson’s mind drifted back in time to the first time Greta made this simple request, as if she was asking for the world. That Greta seemed miles away from this one. Yet, the question was the same, which meant the Greta of old was still in there.

               “Come here.” Carson told her and Greta curled up into her arms. Carson breathed her in. She still smelled the same as she always had. It was a small comfort but one that settled Carson’s still worried heart.

               “Car?” Greta asked, looking again like she wanted to say something, but her eyes looked so tired. Carson placed a kiss on the top of her head, letting Greta’s now messy curls tickle her nose. Greta wiggled closer.

               “What is it, pretty girl?” Carson asked, but Greta’s eyes were already closed. She murmured something, but the words were unintelligible.

               “What was that?” Carson asked, not expecting an answer. She assumed Greta had already fallen asleep

               “I love you, Carson.”

               Every time Greta said it, it felt like the world stopped. Greta’s deepening breaths told Carson that those four words would be the last thing she heard from Greta tonight. Greta, who was as close as she could possibly be, was leaning into trusting Carson once more.

                ‘She still loves me,’ Carson thought to herself. It was enough to turn anyone’s head.  

               “I love you too, Greta Gill.” Carson whispered in her ear as Greta slept. “I’ve never stopped loving you.”

               Lake Valley sunrises seemed to come earlier than Los Angeles ones. Still, Greta’s eyes flew open long before the sun crossed the horizon line. She woke up as if from some kind of dream. Greta gently rolled over, so as not to wake Carson. Her deep snores and closed eyes told Greta that she was successful.

               Greta couldn’t get over how peaceful Carson looked in her sleep. The creases between her eyebrows disappeared. All the worry Carson carried every day seemed to fade away. Her features were so soft. Greta felt herself wanting to capture this moment in her mind and tuck it away forever.

               With the dawn of a new day, Greta knew she had to get up. She’d been ignoring her phone for far too long. Carson was her priority, but she cringed when she thought of all the unopened notifications glaring red on her phone. Still, the real world could wait five more minutes, right?

               Five minutes turned into twenty, but Greta couldn’t help it. Not when the sunlight was framing Carson’s body like that. But, eventually, begrudgingly, Greta hoisted herself out of bed and made her way to the Shaw’s living room. She looked at her notifications and did a quick mental calculation on who to call first.

               Like it was even a question… Clance.

               Greta scrolled to Clance’s contact screen on her phone. Was it too early to call? Probably. Did she need to call anyway? Yes.

               Greta swiped to complete the call. Nothing. It wouldn’t go through. She glanced back down at her phone. No service. Jeez. How did people live like this?

               “There’s a spot on the front porch…” Greta turned at the sound of the voice.

               “Here.” Meg said, pushing a cup of coffee into Greta’s hands.

               Greta took it gratefully. She took a sip, letting the warm beverage hit her chest.

               “Is that… cinnamon?”

               Meg nodded. “Carson told me how you like your coffee. Did I get it right?”

               “Yeah. It’s perfect.”

               Meg hesitated for a moment then turned to head back to the kitchen.

               “Meg… wait!” Greta called out, knowing that Carson was in a deep sleep and wouldn’t wake up.

               Meg turned around and Greta found that she didn’t actually know what to say.

               “Just… uh… thank you.” Greta looked at the contents of her mug as if they were extraordinarily fascinating. “You know… for this.”

               One thing about Carson’s older sister: she didn’t miss anything.

               “No. Thank you.” Meg replied. When Greta still looked confused, Meg continued. “For Carson.” She sighed. “I know we’re not close, but she’s still my sister. I want her to be okay and I don’t think that would have happened without you.”

               A lump formed in Greta’s throat. She swallowed hard to clear it. She still spent so much mental energy trying not to remember that night. She knew how much it affected her, how it affected Carson. Heck, she knew it affected Mitch. She had never given a thought to Meg.

               Meg read the look on Greta’s face and suddenly looked like she wanted the ground to open up and swallow her whole. Where Carson was warm and open, Meg was standoffish and reserved. She was how Greta used to be… before she met Carson.

               “She’s my sister.” Meg repeated before heading back to the kitchen and leaving Greta alone once more. She pushed her emotions down and walked outside, to the one place in this god-forsaken house that she could get cell service.

               Greta had to hand it to Clance. The woman was a dynamo. After less than an hour on the phone, they had most of the particulars worked out. She just hoped Carson would agree.

               Having swallowed the last sip of her coffee while she was on the phone with Clance, Greta padded to the kitchen in search of a refill. Meg was standing at the counter when Greta walked in.

               “Any chance of more of the good stuff?” Greta asked, setting her turquoise mug down next to Meg’s.

               “I’ll do you one better,” came Meg’s quiet reply. “Mimosa?”

               Greta burst out laughing. There was something about seeing Carson’s stuffy, buttoned-up sister pouring cocktails at 7:45am on a Wednesday morning that was just funny.

               “You know what? Sure.” Greta answered. “But just a little one. With any luck, Carson and I are going to be rehearsing today.”

               “I’m glad. It’s good for her.”

               Greta didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t like she and Meg had any kind of relationship, let alone one where they could discuss the intricacies of Carson’s feelings. Meg didn’t seem to care.

               “She’s at her best when she has something to work for. Routine works for her and she’s always been goal-oriented.”

               Greta nodded. She knew this about Carson.

               “I can see it when we watch the show. She’s coming back to herself.”

               Meg sighed as she bustled around the kitchen, gathering supplies to cook up a breakfast. Flour, milk, and eggs, were pulled out and placed on the counter, supplies for pancakes.

               “I guess…” Meg continued as she pulled out measuring cups. “I worry what happens to Carson when it all ends this time.”

               “It’ll be different.” Greta said, trying to sound more confident than she felt. She had some of the same fears. She stuck to the facts.

               “Carson’s doing the work now. She’s learning how to ask for help. And… I’ll be better. This time, I’ll be better.”

               “Greta…” Meg said softly, but she didn’t get a chance to finish her thought because the both heard footsteps echoing down the hallway. Carson was finally awake.

               “Later,” Greta mouthed and Meg nodded.

               “Please tell me there’s still coffee.” Carson grumbled.

               “Coffee and mimosas.” Meg said, a false cheeriness in her voice.

               “I’ll take one of each.” Carson muttered. Then she looked up and caught Greta’s eye. Was Carson blushing?

               Carson looked back at the ground but Greta saw the smirk she was trying to hide. Carson was DEFINITELY thinking about last night. And just like that, Greta was being transported back there as well. Carson’s mouth… her damn mouth. Well, she had earned the right to that smirk.

               Greta knew at some point they’d have to talk about what last night was. An emotional release? A way to bury feelings? She wasn’t sure.

               Carson took a sip of her coffee then one of her mimosa.

               “Okay. When are we headed back to the hospital.”

               “So, about that…” Greta answered.

               “What?”

               “What would you say to going to the hospital a bit… later?”

               “Why would I do that?” Greta couldn’t miss the edge in Carson’s voice.

               “In order to have rehearsal.”

               It sounded like a record scratch in the small country kitchen.

               “Rehearsal?” Carson choked out, looking at Greta like she had lost her mind.

               “Yup. Rehearsal.” Greta tried to keep her voice casual. “Clance got us a space here, if you want to keep on doing the show. Of course, it’s entirely your choice. If it’s too much for you, we can bow out of the competition now.”

               The silence stretched on and Greta had a sense that Carson was torn.  It was ultimately Meg who spoke first.

               “Carson,” she said softly, reaching out to take her sister’s hand. “It’s your choice, but I think you should keep going in the competition.”

               “You do?”

               “It’s your choice, but…”

               “It’s what dad would want.” Carson finished.

               “But, is it what you want?” Greta asked Carson, her gentle eyes locked on Carson’s worried ones.

               “I think it is.” Carson whispered.

               Relief flooded Greta’s body. Carson wasn’t going to run. She wasn’t going to retreat into herself. She was going to push forward. Greta would be at her side when she did. She wasn’t going anywhere.

               “Then we better get to work.”

               Meg and Greta shared a look.

               Things were moving forward.

               Carson wasn’t sure what to expect when she walked into the studio Clance found for them. She was surprised Lake Valley even had a studio. As Carson entered the space, there was an immediate sense of comfort and familiarity. A large florescent-lit room, mirrors everywhere, it even smelled the same, with the faintest odor of sweat.

               “Okay,” Greta said as she sat down on the floor and patted the space next to her, letting Carson know that she should do the same. “I want to talk to you before the cameras show up.”

               “I’m sorry. Cameras?”

               “Yeah, Car. We are still making a television show.”

               Carson felt her heartbeat quicken, a pulse of anxiety flooding through her chest.

               “Hey. Look at me.” Greta told her.

               Greta’s voice was warm, like the cozy feeling of her favorite fuzzy blanket. Just hearing her helped Carson’s anxiety. Carson turned to look at Greta and the rush of calm was something she would never get used to, but she was grateful that Greta was hers.

               “This is on your terms, okay?” Greta held her hand, lightly caressing Carson’s palm with her thumb. Just this simple touch was able to warm Carson from the inside. “If you need a break, say so. I’ll make sure you get it. But there’s another option…”

               “Which is?”

               “This is obviously an emotional week, so you can… use it. I know the impulse is to shut it down and block it out, but what if you didn’t? What if you let everything you’re feeling… here,” Greta lightly pressed her hand to Carson’s chest, right above her heart. “Let it be a part of your dancing. Find the pain. Find the love. Let it heal you.”

               “That’s what dancing does for you, right?” Carson asked.

               Greta nodded. “It always has. Maybe it can help you too.”

               Carson rested her head on Greta’s shoulder as Greta wrapped an arm around her and held her close, their heartbeats in sync with each other. It had always been like this. It should always be like this.

               “Greta…” Carson whispered as Greta placed her soft lips on her forehead, the gentlest of kisses.

               Before Carson could continue, the door swung open. The camera crew was here.

               Carson watched Greta as they entered the studio and began to set up. What surprised her the most was the complete lack of change in the redhead. She didn’t move away from Carson. She didn’t put on a façade. Greta just stayed there, right where she was, holding Carson. In fact, she didn’t move until they were mic-ed up and the cameras were rolling.

               Carson knew the first frame filmed would be the image of them canoodled on the floor. She didn’t mind that. Eventually, she would have to give a full interview, setting the scene for the viewers, but for now, she was going to treasure every second that she was safe in Greta’s arms.

               Good things never last forever. Sooner than Carson would have liked, Greta was using her right arm to haul Carson to her feet. It was time to rehearse and they were already a day behind the rest of the couples.

               “Are you okay?” Greta asked, eyes tracking every twitch of Carson’s face.

               “Yeah.” Carson said, and she was… mostly. “Tell me what style of dance we’re doing?”

               Greta’s mouth split into a dazzling grin and Carson knew the answer.

               “Contemporary.” Both women said at the same time.

               Carson’s smile grew wider. They were still on the same page, even after all this time. She knew this would be good for Greta. Contemporary was her favorite style to choreograph and she hadn’t had much opportunity to do that in years. Carson was less sure that it would be a good thing for her. Contemporary was full of long, graceful, and elegant lines. It didn’t play to Carson’s natural strengths. THAT was a problem, but one they could overcome. It was the other thing Contemporary required that worried Carson.

               Emotion.

               Carson knew what she had to do; she had performed this style before. Still, she wished it wasn’t THIS week, not when her heart felt so raw.

               Greta leaned over and whispered in her ear so the mics wouldn’t catch her words. “Use it, remember?” Greta reminded Carson of the conversation they just had. “It’ll be okay. Trust me.”

               Carson gave Greta a barely perceptible nod. Greta who had come back to her, Greta who had fought for her, Greta who traveled all this way just because Carson asked… that Greta deserved her very best.

               “You’ve had a difficult week,” Greta said, her camera mask falling back on her face, even though her eyes warmly looked at Carson.

               ‘It’s okay.’ Carson repeated mentally to herself. ‘It’s okay to be real.’

               “Yeah.” Carson nodded. “I mean, obviously we’re not in our regular studio. I had a bit of a family emergency, so we decided to bring Dancing With the Stars to Idaho this week.”

               With that, Greta took over and Carson was grateful.

               “So, this week we have a contemporary number to One and Only by Adele.”

               ‘You have got to be kidding me,’ Carson thought.

               Carson knew this song. She loved this song. But dancing to it with Greta? Now? It might just break her. Maybe she should let it.

               “Okay. Let’s listen to this and see what we’ve got.”

               Even with everything that was going on, Carson still loved to watch this part of Greta’s process. It was the part where art came alive. Greta disappeared from the present moment and went somewhere else altogether. It was the closest thing Carson knew to magic.

               Greta played the song twice and by the time they heard it the second time, Carson had a sense of Greta’s vision. She just wasn’t sure if she could execute it.

               The number was elegant and refined, but there was a sense of rawness to it. Immediately, Carson knew they had a winning number on their hands. Greta turned to look at her, a slight pink flush of exertion coloring her cheeks.

               Beautiful.

               Carson’s feet carried her across the floor before her brain even caught up to what she was doing. She looped her hand around the back of Greta’s neck and pulled her in for a kiss, cameras be damned.

               Greta allowed it, but pulled away after several moments, a surprised smile twitching at the corner of her wet lips.

               “So, I guess you liked the dance?” Greta teased.

               Maybe it was the sleep debt that she still had to pay, maybe it was the emotions of the last couple days, but Carson couldn’t remember the last time she had been this exhausted at the end of rehearsal. Greta called a wrap for the day and she exhaled. They cut rehearsal short by a few hours so Carson would have time to get to the hospital for visiting hours.

               “That was really good, Car.” Greta praised her. “I think we’ve still got a shot at some 10s this week.”

               “That’s good.” Carson said, still trying to catch her breath after their final run-through of the number.

               “Actually…” one of the techs interrupted them. “There’s one more thing.”

               “Of course there fucking is,” Greta muttered under her breath.

               “Week 8 means two dances.” Carson said. “You told me that once.”

               “I did.” Greta looked please that Carson remembered. “Oh well, I guess we should rip the band-aid off.” Greta took the envelope the tech handed to her and ripped it open.

               Greta’s eyes darted back and forth, reading quickly. She handed the paper to Carson.

Perform and upgrade a dance from your previous season of Dancing With the Stars.

               “At least it’s not a solo.” Carson quipped. “I don’t think I’m up for that this week. What number do they want us to perform? It doesn’t say here.”

               “It’s your choice.” The tech told them. “You’ll need to let us know tomorrow which number you’ve decided on.”

               Greta nodded and the camera crew took that as their cue to leave. Once they were gone, Carson turned to her. “How are we supposed to choose?”

               Greta’s eyes twinkled with delight.

               “I have an idea. I know who we should ask.”

               Greta wasn’t initially sure how receptive Carson would be to her idea, but she bounded into Mitch’s hospital room with all the energy of a golden retriever puppy.

               Carson explained the situation, talking rapid fire to a rapt Mitch and a Meg that could only respond by silently shaking her head. Mitch pressed the button on his hospital bed, elevating his torso so he could look at Carson when he talked.

               Unexpectedly, he turned to Greta first. “Most people are going to be doing their old freestyles, right?”

               “That’s what I’m assuming, yes.” Greta said. She spent the whole drive to the hospital thinking about which number would be best. Mentally, she had worked out a couple of options.

               “If everyone is doing their freestyles, you girls should do something else.”

               “That’s what I was thinking too.” Greta agreed.

               “What about that Disney number you did? That was fun.”

               Greta knew a good idea when she heard it. She looked over at Carson to see what she thought and found that she didn’t even need to ask. Carson’s dimpled grin was answer enough.

               “It’ll be different…” Carson said. “But in this case, I think different is good.”

               Greta smiled too. The energy and enthusiasm Carson was showing reminded Greta of how Carson used to be.

               If Carson thought Greta would keep their I2I choreography the same, she was about to be sorely disappointed. Greta got up extra early, kissing Carson on the forehead before heading out the door,

               Greta still loved an empty studio and the peace she found there. It was just her, the music, and the movement. Her brain quieted and she could focus on the task at hand.

               Greta queued up the music and began to find places where she could up the ante from their previous choreography. A lift here, a step sequence there, ugh, Greta’s shoulder began to ache just thinking about it. Whatever. There were only three weeks of competition left, and that’s if they were lucky.

               She still had another hour until Carson was expected to arrive. Might as well work on their contemporary number too.

You’ve been on my mind

I grow fonder every day

               Extend. Turn. Push to get those perfect lines.

Lose myself in time

Just thinking of your face

               God. This song. It tugged at her heart. She knew it was one of Carson’s favorites and Greta understood why. Carson was a romantic. Greta could always count on Carson doing little things to surprise her, to make her feel loved. She’d never had that before and it devastated her when that went away.  Not because she needed the romance, but because she needed Carson. She loved the part of Carson that wanted to leave cute notes or order Greta’s favorite takeout, just because. Greta felt her eyes welling with tears as she realized that she was getting that person back. Nope. She wouldn’t cry here. Back to the music and the dance.

               By the time the door finally swung open and Carson burst into the studio, Greta was already sweaty and icing her throbbing shoulder.  She might have overdone it, since it was sore before they even attempted any partner work.

               “Good news!” Carson yelled before she noticed the ice pack. “Shit… what happened?”

               “Just the usual.” Greta turned her grimace into a smile. “What’s the good news?”

               “Dad’s scheduled to get released tomorrow. Are you sure you’re okay?”

               “I’m fine.” Greta dismissed Carson’s concern. “And that’s fantastic news, Car!”

               “Yeah. I mean, he still has a long recovery ahead of him, but he’s out of immediate danger and that’s such a relief.”

               Greta walked over to Carson and pulled her into her arms, inhaling Carson’s familiar and comforting scent. Carson let herself be held.

               “Ready to rehearse?” Greta asked.

               And truly, Carson was.

               Greta had never seen Carson put so much effort into a rehearsal before. Carson had always been a hard worker, but today she had a different kind of drive. Greta wondered…

               Still, but the time they were ready to wrap for the day, Greta was convinced the dances were in solid shape. Carson would still need to work on the emotion the pieces required, but Greta was confident that by performance day Carson would get there.

               The cameras were gone. It was just the two of them. Alone.

               It was exceedingly rare for Greta to be caught wrong-footed, but somehow Carson managed to keep doing it.

               She reached out for Greta’s hand, at least making sure she was pulling on Greta’s uninjured arm, and used her strength to pull Greta close.

               The thin layer of their shirts was all that separated their body heat. Greta could hear her heart pounding before Carson’s lips collided with hers with a jarring crush.

               Greta surrendered to the kiss instinctually, letting herself enjoy it for a moment before her mind finally caught up to what was happening. This wasn’t Carson. The way her lips were forceful, the way her hands felt rough. Greta pushed her away even as Carson surged forward.

               “Whoa…” she said, looking at Carson, trying to figure out what was going on in her head. “Let’s just… wait a minute.”

               “What? Why?” Carson asked. She didn’t even realize how rough she was being with Greta. “Is the rehearsal room off-limits now? There aren’t any cameras here.”

               “It’s not that… it’s just… that was…” Greta found tears forming in her eyes again.

               “Car, I love you, but you can’t just fuck away your feelings.”

               Carson looked angry, she started to fire a retort back. “I’m not…” Then the dime dropped, that was exactly what she had been doing.

               “I’m sorry.” Carson looked ashamed with herself.

               Greta smiled and shook her head. “I know. And you missed the other half. I said I love you.”

               “Yeah?” Carson’s voice was small. She still needed help to believe that.

               “Yeah. I do.”

               Whatever pain was in Carson’s eyes vanished and something bright and shining took its place.

               “I love you too.”

               “Okay, then talk to me. I understand wanting to numb your feelings with sex, but why don’t we try something else?”

               Carson sighed deeply and her sad eyes returned.

               “Please, Carson. Can you talk to me?” Greta asked gently.

               “I’m terrified.” Carson whispered.

               “Okay. Let’s start there. What are you scared of?”

               “EVERYTHING!” Carson groaned. “This week has been so much. My feelings are so big and I’m afraid that once I let them out, I won’t be able to stop. But I know I can’t shove them down, because that didn’t work last time. So, I’m kind of… stuck.”

               “Okay.” Greta wasn’t sure what to say. She’d never been the person to find the right words when the moment called for it, but she knew she needed to try something. “How about this? What if we sit here, just you and me? You don’t have to talk, just be with what you feel, okay?”

               Carson was silent but she sat down next to Greta. Greta reached an arm around her and Carson leaned into Greta’s touch. She was pushing herself into Greta as if she couldn’t get close enough.

               “I’m right here, Car.”

               “You’re not leaving?” Greta could hear the lump that had clearly formed in Carson’s throat.

               “What?” Greta’s voice lifted, surprised by Carson’s question.

               “I’m here. I’m with you.” Greta tried to reassure her.

               “But you left.”

               Greta felt like someone had stabbed her in the gut. During the past few weeks, she had told Caron her truth. Now, she was forced to sit with Carson’s.

               Carson wasn’t wrong. She left. Who could say if it was the right decision? She only knew it felt like the right thing to do at the time. Even so, there was damage done and Greta felt the ache in her heart. She wished she could have made a different choice. She wished there was another option, one that didn’t hurt the woman she loved so much.

               “I didn’t want to go.” Greta admitted in a whisper.

               “Then, why did you?”

               “I didn’t know what else to do! You were so lost and I didn’t know how to help or even if I could. I thought I was making everything worse. At that point, it seemed like the only move I had left to make. Seeing you hurting like that…” Greta trailed off.

               She could tell that Carson was looking for her to say more. And Greta knew that it was the fear of losing her father that finally allowed Carson to access the hurt that Greta’s leaving planted in her heart.

               “It’s okay.” Carson said. “You can tell me… whatever it is.”

               “I told you before, when you hurt, my world stops. It’s like I can feel it myself when you’re in pain. Watching you sink like that… it broke my heart. The only thing I could do was get you help. Walking out that door…” Greta’s voice cracked. “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

               ‘Don’t cry,’ she chastised herself. ‘This isn’t about you.’

               She turned her head away from Carson so she wouldn’t see, but it was fruitless. Carson not only always looked at her, but she SAW her.

               “I think it was really brave.”

               Greta, someone who prepared for every eventuality, wasn’t prepared to hear that.

               “Can you please look at me?” Carson asked.

               Greta turned to face her, not sure what she would see on Carson’s face. She shouldn’t have worried. Her favorite pair of chocolate brown eyes showed nothing but tenderness.

               “Greta…” Carson gently pressed her hand on the side of Greta’s face, gentle and sweet. Greta leaned into the soft touch. “You did what you thought was right. I know you’re constantly thinking and rethinking it. But let me say unequivocally and without a doubt, that you saved my life. You left… but you got me help. And when you were ready, you came back. How can I ask for more than that?”

               “Car?” Greta asked.

               “Yeah.

               “Can you please kiss me?”

               Carson’s mouth split into a wide grin. “Yes ma’am. I think I can.”

               Two days later, Greta’s sexual frustration had her kicking herself for not letting Carson fuck her when she had the chance. They had been go-go-go since their plane touched down back in LA. Greta had never been so grateful to be home. She wasn’t someone that usually required much stability, the life of a dancer suited her just fine, but the start of the week had been… a lot.

               The first night back, they spent in their own separate apartments. Carson hesitatingly asked if they should go back to their own places. Greta wasn’t sure what the “right” answer was. She wasn’t even sure what she wanted. 

               Figuring that it wouldn’t be the worst thing to put the ball in Carson’s court, she asked what she wanted to do.

               Carson got a sheepish look on her face.

               “I think I need to sleep in my own bed… alone. Is that okay?”

               Greta heaved a silent sigh of relief. While she didn’t mind the quiet time herself, she was even happier that Carson was asking for what she needed. She would have loved a more confident ask, but beggars couldn’t be choosers.

               “Of course that’s okay. I want you to have what you need.”

               “You’re not mad? For real?” Carson asked nervously.

               Greta placed her finger under Carson’s chin, tilting it up and lightly pulling Carson’s lips into her own for a soft kiss.

               “Not mad. I promise.” She said once she pulled away.

               Once Greta got back to her apartment, she was forced to admit that it felt weird and quiet without Carson there. She found herself missing the hum of Carson’s nervous energy, the way her footsteps would clomp on Greta’s hardwood floors, the way she’d voice any question or thought that popped into her mind.

               After spending days in each other’s company, it took less than an hour for Greta to miss Carson.

               “Get it together.” She scolded herself as she brewed a cup of herbal tea. “You’re being pathetic.”

               Greta had just made herself comfortable on her couch when her phone buzzed with an incoming facetime call. She swiped right to answer.

               “Hey.” She heard her favorite voice in the world. Greta found herself smiling as Carson’s face filled her phone’s screen.

               “Hey beautiful. Is everyone all right?”

               “Yeah.” Carson nodded. “I just… I missed you. Is that pathetic?”

               Greta laughed. When Carson said it, it wasn’t pathetic at all. “Nope. I was just thinking the same thing, so you’re in good company.”

               Greta, would it be okay if you stayed on the phone with me until I fall asleep?”

               She could see the uncertainty in Carson’s eyes, as if this was some massive ask.

               “Car… of course! I want to give you whatever you need. I want you to feel comfortable asking me. That’s what love is. And I love you, remember?”

               Finally, Carson’s face relaxed. “I might need you to say that a few more times before I believe it.”

               “I love you. I love you. I love you.” Greta repeated. “As many times as you need.”

               Something finally shifted between them. Greta felt it the next morning as they picked up where they left off after yesterday’s rehearsal. It was almost like they were back to normal… back to the way they were five years ago, when they were at their best.

               ‘Almost,’ Greta thought, because there was a homey kind of steadiness that was never present before. Sometimes when broken things were repaired, they remained fragile. Sometimes though, they became stronger. For the first time, Greta thought that she and Carson might be the latter.

               Carson attacked both their dances with a gusto that had been missing until now. They spent the morning working on their revamped version of I2I’s jazz. Greta couldn’t believe what she was seeing from Carson. Carson had settled into the pocket of the rhythm and was hitting the nuances with a new grit.

               When they reached the bridge of the song, where they danced side-by-side, Greta was so distracted by how well Carson was doing that she stopped dancing entirely. Greta couldn’t help but watch. Carson’s muscles flexed then relaxed as she performed the steps. Greta’s eyes traced the line of Carson’s toned bicep and thought about how good it felt to have those strong arms wrapped around her. She kept looking, turning her gaze lower: the curve of Carson’s hips, the tone of her abs, just visible where the tank top Carson was wearing didn’t quite reach the waistband of her pants, exposing a delightful sliver of sweaty skin. Greta licked her lips.

               “What? Am I doing something wrong?” Carson asked, finally noticing that Greta had stopped dancing.

               “No.” Greta’s voice was deep, brimming with unbridled lust.

               “Then what…” Carson trailed off, finally clocking the expression on Greta’s face. “Oh…” She blushed, but looked pleased with herself.

               Greta was never more relieved that there weren’t any cameras in the room. She walked over to Carson’s side of the dance floor, standing behind her. She reached her arm around Carson’s waist, her hand landing on the muscles she had been ogling only moments before, and pulled Carson into her.

               “Tonight, I’m going to have my way with you.” She whispered, her lips barely grazing Carson’s ear. “How does that sound?”

               Carson nodded yes, her pupils black and blown wide.

               Greta gave her ear a light brush with her tongue before returning to her spot on the dance floor.

               “Again. From the top.”

               “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me…” Carson groaned, desire working its way through her vocal tone.

               Greta smirked. Five years later, she still had it.

               The cameras showed up for the second half of rehearsal, limiting Greta’s ability to tease. It was just as well, because their contemporary piece needed some more work.

               Greta expected Carson to struggle with the emotional nature of this dance, but she hadn’t expected her to struggle so much with the steps themselves. The dance was supposed to be moving and fluid, all long lines and grace. What Carson was doing… it wasn’t that. She failed around helplessly, looking less graceful than Greta had seen her in weeks. The first run-through was painful to witness. The second take wasn’t much better. Greta stopped them halfway through the third pass.

               “That bad, huh?” Carson asked.

               Well, at least she knew.

               “It’s not bad. You’re DOING the steps… they’re just…”

               Greta sighed. She wished it was just the two of them. The lenses of the cameras in the rehearsal room had her feeling like a trapped animal. She looked at Carson, expecting to see her typical frustration since Carson had always been a perfectionist. Carson’s mouth was set in a hard line, but her eyes… they were twinkling with the hint of mischief.

               Was… was Carson baiting the cameras?

               In case Greta wasn’t picking up on her meaning, Carson gave her an infinitesimal wink.

               Greta had to hand it to her. It was a genius idea.   Lowering their expectations when they started the week at a disadvantage was a smart move. Consumed with her care for Carson as she had been, Greta hadn’t given their presentation in front of the cameras much thought. The fact that Carson had… even through everything… Greta had to conceal her grin. She was only too willing to play along.

               For two hours, they had one of the “worst rehearsals” they ever had. They successfully lowered expectations. When the cameras finally left, Carson turned to look at Greta, positively beaming.

               “I was so nervous you wouldn’t pick up on what I was trying to do. You looked so serious!”

               “You had me fooled for a minute,” Greta admitted. “That was an absolutely brilliant idea.”

               “My dad’s.”

               “Of course.” Greta smiled.

               “I probably extended our rehearsal time though… didn’t I?”

               Greta wished that wasn’t true. She wanted so badly to take Carson back to her apartment right then and there. Between her dancing that morning and the stunt she just pulled, Greta wanted to devour her. But it would all be for naught if they didn’t dance well.

               “The faster you nail this performance. The sooner you’re mine.”

               Carson’s breath hitched and Greta felt the heat of arousal grow insider her. She loved having that effect on Carson.

               “Better get going then.” Carson moved close to Greta, bridging the gap between them until it was mere inches. She leaned in, standing on her toes so she could reach Greta’s lips. She gave Greta the softest kiss possible, then lightly traced her tongue over Greta’s bottom lip. Greta’s skin immediately erupted into goosebumps.

               “Don’t forget,” Carson whispered, pulling back. “You’re mine too.”

               The warm excitement that surged through Greta’s whole body told her that Carson was right. They belonged to each other.

               Any one of Greta’s dance partners from past seasons could have told you the way Greta compared dance to foreplay. She often told that to some of her male partners, as a way of drawing some sort of emotion out of them. The only partner she never said it to: Carson. The only partner for which it was true: also Carson.

               From the moment the cameras left the room, Carson changed completely. She entered a different gear. Her eyes were filled with a fire that Greta had only seen on performance nights. It was like Carson didn’t hear the music, she felt it.

I don’t know why I’m scared

I’ve been here before

               Carson looped her arms around Greta’s waist, guiding her with the grace of a seasoned professional, all without taking her eyes off Greta. It was enough to make any woman go weak in the knees. Greta almost did, but she was held by Carson’s strong arms.

               The rest of their rehearsal carried on in a similar fashion and by the time they were done, Greta was so flushed with exertion and attraction that she had to stop to catch her breath.

               “Yours or mine?” Carson asked, hoisting both their duffel bags over her shoulder and wrapping her other arm around Greta.

               “Mine, if that’s okay.”

               Carson nodded. “I like your place better anyway.”

               It was a casual statement that seemed to be saying something more. Greta tried to ignore that part… for now, at least.

               “Good to know.” She teased.

               “Can we call my dad on the way there?”

               “Of course we can. Are you sure you want me there for the call?”

               Carson playfully pulled Greta against her hip. “Yeah. You’re family too,” she said with a grin.

               Greta could have burst into tears. Family. The thing she never had. The thing she always wanted. She rested her head on Carson’s shoulder as they walked out the studio door, saying nothing. She didn’t think she needed to. She trusted that Carson knew.

               They only just crossed the threshold into Greta’s apartment before Greta’s hungry lips found Carson’s.

               Carson let out a soft “ooh” of surprise before closing her eyes and matching Greta with a breathless surrender. The kiss was soft and sweet, warm like a freshly baked cookie just out of the oven. Greta used her body to push Carson against the hard door. Both still wore their rehearsal clothes, the thin layers of mixed cotton and spandex feeling like a brick wall to Greta. She needed to feel Carson’s heat, her body, her skin.

               “Too many clothes,” Greta complained against Carson’s mouth, desperate to be closer to the woman she loved.

               “I’m barely wearing any…” Carson started to argue before realizing it wasn’t the point.

               Carson pushed Greta back, making space for her to slowly and deliberately life her shirt over her head. Not quite a striptease, but Greta’s reaction gave Carson permission to consider that particular action in the future.

               Greta let her eyes wander, their gaze feasting on the woman in front of her: all skin and sweat and muscle.

               “Look at you,” Greta purred. “I can’t believe you’re mine.”

               Carson stepped forward and gently placed her hand on Greta’s cheek, pressing the pause button.

               “I’m yours.” Carson whispered, “in every way.”

               Greta smiled wide and Carson let out a soft sigh. That smile. Greta must have seen something in her expression because her eyebrows quirked and if Carson didn’t do something quick, they might never even make it out of the entryway. Greta didn’t miss a beat.

               “Bedroom?” She asked.

               “Lead the way.” Carson told her. “But first,” she looked down at her naked torso. “This seems terribly unfair.”

               Greta was about to argue, but she saw the way Carson was looking at her, a hunger in her eyes that was unmistakable. God, that look. The way Carson looked at her made Greta feel sexy. Without thinking, Greta pulled her shirt over her head and threw it down on the floor.

               “So sexy,” Carson growled, running her hand down Greta’s chest, feeling her abs tighten as her breath hitched.

               “Bedroom. Now.” Greta said, her voice already betraying how the warm heat of wanting was spreading through her body and between her legs.

               Carson smirked, confident and flirty, and took Greta’s hand, leading her down the hall.

               It was the best of both worlds: the familiarity of a long-term relationship with the heat of a newly burning rekindled flame. They just made it into the room when Greta finally took control.

               She took Carson’s mouth in hers once more. The kiss this time was both deeper and more playful. Greta ran her tongue along Carson’s bottom lip. Carson’s lips parted in response, as she knew they would. Greta smiled against Carson’s mouth as she stepped forward, moving Carson that much closer to the bed. Carson’s tongue crashed against Greta’s closed lips, causing her to moan in frustration. Greta smiled as she felt the vibration.

               One more step forward for her. One more step backward for Carson. Greta cocked an eye open to get her bearings. The last thing she wanted to do was reaggravate Carson’s knee injury. At this point, they were both held together by physical therapy, Tylenol, and a lot of ice.

               “Get on the bed.” Greta instructed.

               Carson grinned and practically vaulted herself onto the mattress. Not the point, but it was adorable and Greta couldn’t help but smile. They had horny sex, desperate sex, loving sex, and even sad sex. She couldn’t remember the last time they were playful like this. Sometimes it was nice to simply have FUN with your person. Greta didn’t waste any time and climbed onto the bed, scrambling on top of Carson.

               “Well, I don’t mind this view.” Carson said, propping herself up on her elbows.

               “Oh yeah? How about this?” Greta reached behind herself and unclipped her own bra in one fluid motion.

               Carson gulped. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s better.”

               Greta slowly and deliberately lowed her body, her shoulder protesting the movement. She’d ice it later. She was mere centimeters from Carson when she stopped, enjoying the results of her tease etched on Carson’s face.

               “How are you real?” Carson whispered.

               “Oh, I’m real. I’m about to show you how real I am.”

               “Please?”

               It was a playful question, not a beg. It didn’t have to be. Greta was in. All in. On this and everything else.

               “Mine.” She whispered before closing the distance between them and showing Carson exactly what she meant by that.

               Greta woke up before Carson the next day. She knew she should be focusing on their performance tonight, but how could she think about anything other than last night?

               She turned to look at Carson whose chest was rising and falling with deep sleepy breaths. Greta gently brushed a messy curl off her face and tucked it behind Carson’s ear. She was forever pulling Carson’s hair off her face, but she didn’t mind.

               Last night.

               Given the way the week started, Greta couldn’t believe they were here now. Carson lay naked next to her, a satisfied smile playing on her lips in sleep. She was simply stunning. The way Carson’s body seemed to melt into Greta’s last night refused to leave her mind. Greta had never known Carson to just surrender like that before, eager and trusting, giving in to all the ways Greta wanted to love her. She was perfection last night.

               Carson finally stirred. Greta placed a soft kiss on her temple.

               “Time to wake up, sleepyhead. Today is a big day.”

               “Five more minutes,” Carson negotiated. “You exhausted me last night, woman.”

               Greta laughed, low and throaty. “Okay, fine. I’ll get the coffee started.”

               “I hate that you’re a morning person now.” Carson grumbled.

               “You’ll hate it less when the coffee’s ready.”

               Carson rolled over and made an unintelligible sound into her pillowcase.

               “I take it that means I’m right.”

               Another grumble brought a smile to Greta’s lips. If she didn’t get up now, she never would. The temptation for another spin in the sheets would be too goddamn tempting. Taking one final glance at Carson, still desperately trying to cling to sleep, she finally got out of bed and wandered to the kitchen.

               Carson stretched and listened to the sounds of Greta puttering around her kitchen. It all felt so normal, so natural, like this is how they always lived their lives. Her mind wandered to that little velvet box she still kept tucked away. For the first time in years, it felt like she and Greta were looking down the road of possibility. They had a future again.

               Smiling to herself, Carson threw on one of Greta’s hoodies, inhaling its familiar floral scent and made her way to the kitchen. By then, Greta already poured their coffee and was throwing fruit into the blender for smoothies.

               Carson winced as Greta turned on the blender. Greta shot her an apologetic look and held up a finger. “Ten seconds,” she mouthed.

               True to her words, ten seconds later the grating noise had stopped. Greta split the concoction into two glasses and handed one to Carson along with a piping hot mug of coffee.

               “Breakfast of champions… I hope.” Greta said, giving Carson a cheers with her coffee cup.

               Greta’s smile faded and her expression turned more serious.

               “How are you feeling?”

               Greta’s expression was so intense that Carson felt like her entire being was being scanned by an x-ray machine.

               “I’m okay… I think.” Carson answered. She didn’t quite know how she was feeling, but “okay” seemed a good enough answer for now.

               Greta didn’t stop looking. Carson realized in that moment that there was a difference between looking and seeing. She had been looked at all her life, looked through as if she didn’t matter, as if she would be fine because she always was. Greta was the first one who SAW her.

               “Actually…” Carson said, feeling safe enough to share. “I’m kind of scared.”

               Greta took a beat, gulping down a long sip of her own cinnamon-flecked coffee.

               “Okay.” Greta’s voice was soft, like she was approaching a wounded animal. “Can you tell me what you’re scared of?”

               “What are you? My therapist?” Carson asked.

               She saw the wounded look that crossed Greta’s face and immediately wanted to take back what she just said.

               “I was just teasing. I promise.” Carson course corrected and was relieved when Greta seemed to relax. She took a deep breath.

               “It’s the normal pre-show fear plus…” Carson said.

               “What’s the plus?”

               “I’m really afraid I’m going to cry on camera.” Carson surprised herself by saying it out loud.

               “I know.” Greta’s voice was soft and tinged with understanding. It was two simple words, but Carson knew that Greta got it. Heck, Carson spent several tense moments hiding Greta’s on-camera tears during their first season. What Carson really appreciated was the way Greta didn’t dismiss her. She didn’t push away Carson’s fears. She didn’t tell Carson it wouldn’t happen. Instead, she crossed the kitchen. She wrapped an arm around Carson, just to be close.

               “Whatever happens, I’ll be there with you, okay?”

               How did Greta always know the right thing to say?

               Carson leaned into her, letting the comfort of the woman she loved wash over her.

               “Okay.” She said.

               And it was.

               Here they were, back in the ballroom. Carson knew that in an hour’s time, this place would be buzzing with the lights, music, and energy of tonight’s broadcast. For now, it was just a room. Carson forced herself to take deep breaths, trying to steady her racing nerves. It helped a little.

               She swore to Greta on the drive over that she would be fine. Now that she was here, she felt less certain. Her emotions felt all over the place. One minute, tears threatened to fall from her eyes. The next, laughter threated to escape her lips. Neither felt particularly appropriate for the situation. Exhaustion had finally begun to take its toll.

               “Hey, Carson.”

               Carson was relieved to recognize the familiar voice. Lupe.

               “You’re supposed to be in your dressing room, getting ready.” Lupe told her, double-checking the schedule on her clipboard.

               “I know. I was just… trying to get my head right, I guess.”

               “Makes sense. Hey, I heard about your dad. I’m glad he’s going to be okay.”

               “Thanks, Lu. I really appreciate that.”

               Lupe tilted her head. “You’ve got friends here. Feel free to lean on us if you need to. We’re not Gill, but it’s still something.”

               “It is.” Carson agreed. “Thanks.”

               A slightly awkward silence hung in the air.

               “You should still probably get to your dressing room though…”

               “Oh… right.” Carson said before scurrying off.

               It didn’t take her too long to get ready. Her costume for their revamped I2I number lacked some of the sparkly pizzazz of many of Carson’s other costumes. Still, it was comfortable. After this week, it was nice to wear something that made her feel like herself.

               She just finished putting on her stage makeup when Carson heard a knock on her door.

               “Hey there, sugar.” It was Allie. “I’m glad to see you back!”

               Carson nodded and forced a smile. Was EVERYONE going to check on her?

               “Thanks, Allie.”

               Allie noticed the outfit Carson was wearing and chuckled.

               “You guys are doing I2I? That’s an amazing choice. Everyone else is doing their old freestyles.”

               “My dad’s idea.” Carson mumbled.

               “Of course.”

               Allie invited herself into Carson’s dressing room and gave her a one-armed side hug.

               “Jo and I love you, Carson. We’re here for anything you might need.”

               “Yeah, thanks.”

               Forever able to read a room, Allie gave Carson one final squeeze before departing.

               Carson clenched her jaw. She knew everyone meant well. They were checking in. This was what friends did. But right now? She hated it. She didn’t want to feel anything until their performance. Turn the feelings on to perform. Turn them off to survive.

               She should have known better.

               Five minutes until the show aired, Greta arrived at Carson’s door, looking even cuter as Roxanne than she did five years ago.

               “There’s my girl.” Greta said. “I know I’ve mentioned it before, but I adore that outfit on you.”

               Carson shrugged and looked away.

               “Hey now.” Greta missed nothing. “Don’t be bashful. You look hot!”

               “You sure?”

               Greta grinned like Carson was a particularly enticing dessert that she couldn’t wait to sample.

               “Oh, babe. I’m sure. If we didn’t need to be on stage in a few minutes, I’d take you right now.”

               “You’re insatiable.” Carson said, but she was finally smiling. Once again, Greta found the right words to say, giving Carson the distraction she needed.

               “Only for you,” Greta winked. “Let’s go.”

               Carson and Greta had the anchor position for both their dances tonight. Usually, it was a spot that Carson loved. Tonight though, she just wanted to get their performances over with. The waiting seemed interminable. Even though it was the quarterfinals, there were still five numbers before theirs, not to mention listening to the judges’ commentary, getting scores, and a plethora of commercial breaks.

               By the time they were ready to perform, Greta had been sending Carson looks for ten minutes. Carson couldn’t help the way she was unable to sit still.

               Finally, their promo package aired, broadcast on the giant screens in the ballroom and into the homes of millions of viewers. Carson hadn’t even thought about what the preview of their week would show but it was clear from Greta’s narrowed eyes as she watched the screen that Greta had. Carson realized Greta must have been back and forth with the producers all week. Greta was still protecting her.

               “Greta…” Carson started to say.

               “Don’t.” Greta cut her off. “You would have done the same for me. Let’s just dance it out, okay?”

               Carson nodded her agreement.

               “I love you.”

               Greta’s face shone like sunshine.

               “I know. I love you too.”

               Everything felt like it was happening too fast. The promo package wrapped up, the announcer’s voice ran overhead through the massive speakers, and it was time to dance. Carson’s panic rose up unbidden. Greta saw it immediately from across the dance floor.

               “Breathe.” She mouthed at Carson.

               Carson didn’t fight against Greta’s words. She was so damn tired of fighting. It was okay to surrender. Greta would never hurt her. Not on the dance floor. Not in real life.

               She closed her eyes and focused on taking the deepest breath she possibly could. In through her nose. Out through her mouth. It helped.

               When she opened her eyes, Greta was still looking at her. A smirk played on her lips. She mouthed to Carson.

               “Good girl. Let’s go.”

               The music piped into the speakers and Carson felt a change come over her. Her body knew what to do. Greta’s upgraded choreography was locked into her muscles. Her body was never the problem, the problem was usually her brain.

               ‘This is dad’s favorite dance.’ Carson thought and like a mantra, his smiling face came swimming to the forefront of her mind. It gave her the extra oomph she needed.

               Carson had a hunch that she performed well, but the hug she received from Greta when they finished their number confirmed it. The roar from the audience didn’t hurt either.

               “You were brilliant!” Greta all but yelled in her ear as she kept holding Carson close.

               “I did it for dad.” Carson whispered back and she felt something inside her shift. The way Greta held her longer told Carson that Greta felt it too.

               When she pulled back, Carson felt Greta’s eyes boring into her, searching Carson for some insight into how she was feeling. Carson just shrugged. Words were hard. This week had some of the highest of highs and lowest of lows. What words could she possibly say in the five seconds they had before facing the judges?

               Carrie Ann was up first.

               “Wow!” She yelled, rising out of her seat. “Just wow! You guys took a risk and swung for the fences and let me just say… you hit a home run!”

               Sure, the softball metaphor was a bit much, but it was hard for Carson to be critical with Greta’s arm draped protectively around her. Carson found herself getting distracted by the feel of Greta’s touch. Too late, she realized the host had asked her a question.

               “What?” She asked, hating herself for sounded stupid on tv.

               “It was a difficult week for you, wasn’t it?”

               Well, THAT was a loaded question.

               If she talked about her dad, she would probably cry. She didn’t want to shut down how she was feeling either. That didn’t work. She tried that. It almost cost her everything.

               “It really has been.” She said, feeling brave.

               Greta’s face didn’t change, but she felt Greta’s grip on her back tighten for a beat. Then, Greta started rubbing gentle circles on the small of her back, just out of view of the cameras. Carson couldn’t believe how lucky she was to have Greta beside her once more. She could do anything if Greta was by her side.

               “My dad had an accident. He’s going to be okay, but it was a scary and stressful week.” Carson felt her voice beginning to crack. “This is his favorite dance. I hope I made him proud.”

               Emotion broke through her façade and tears began to fall. Greta took over.

               “I’m certain that you did. Carson’s been an absolute trooper this week, working on the routines any moment she hasn’t been at the hospital. She’s amazing and I couldn’t ask for a better partner.”

               The host nodded and sent them upstairs to wait for their scores, which mercifully arrived quickly.

               9, 9, and a 10 from Carrie Ann. That put them in third place heading into the second dance of the night.

               Greta didn’t know what to think or what to say. Would Carson ever stop surprising her? She danced beautifully, that was to be expected… but for her to be so open, willing to share… vulnerable.

               It felt like a monumental shift to steadiness. Like there was solid ground under her feet.

               The second the cameras were shuttered for the commercial break, Greta scooped Carson into her arms. She hugged her close, hoping the warmth in her heart would find a way to reach Carson.

               “What was that for?” Carson asked her.

               It was a sixty second commercial break and Greta felt like it would take sixty hours to explain everything that she was feeling.

               “Just… I don’t know.” Greta admitted, letting herself take a good look at the woman she loved. “It’s just you… you’re so…” and Greta spoke the first word that popped into her mind. “Miraculous.”

               Carson looked like she didn’t know what to do with that.

               “I still don’t really know what I did, but I’ll take it, I guess.”

               Greta wanted to tell Carson. The words were crashing through her brain faster than she could process them or begin to articulate them.

               Vulnerable.

               Carson was allowing herself to be vulnerable. It was new and felt so fragile, like the first wildflower that blooms in spring. Greta wanted to nurture it, give it the right amount of sunshine, the right amount of water. Too much or not enough of either, and Greta was afraid she would wilt it.

               She didn’t want to walk on eggshells. Not with Carson. Not anymore. She wanted to leap. She wanted to trust. She knew how to before. She could do it again.

               She just had to use their common language.

               Something was up, but Carson couldn’t put her finger on it. She got changed quickly for their final routine and waited for Greta. She knew it would be at least a few minutes more. Carson’s flowy shirt and pants combo was easy to slip into. Greta’s gowns were more intricate.

               Carson didn’t mind. It gave her time to think, to breathe slowly. It helped to settle her heart and her mind. She couldn’t believe she said all that on camera. She expected to feel the crush of her customary panic response, and while it was there… it wasn’t a crush. It was manageable.

               A few more minutes. A few more deep breaths.

               Carson’s eyes were closed, but she could sense Greta’s presence even before she opened her eyes. The room felt warmer somehow, like it was bathed in a kind of a glow.

               “Hey gorgeous,” Carson said, her tone matching her heart.

               “Your eyes are closed.”

               “Don’t need my eyes to know it’s you.”

               Finally, Carson opened her eyes and looked at her girl. Greta’s gray, plunging v-necked dress fit her perfectly. Her hair was straightened, with just a light curl at the end. Greta was beautiful, radiant. Everything she saw in Greta, she loved. There was so much depth to her. Layers on layers on layers. Carson loved every single one.

               Greta’s eyes had a shine to them. They weren’t filled with tears, instead it was something else that Carson couldn’t place.

               “Can I talk to you about the dance?”

               Carson nodded.

               “Forget the steps.”

               “What?”

               Greta smiled, “Not literally. It’s contemporary this week, remember? It’s all about feeling. Feel the pulse of the music, the lyrics. Feel this.” Greta stepped to Carson and placed Carson’s hand on her chest, right over her heart.

               Carson closed her eyes and breathed, feeling Greta’s heartbeat under her palm.

               “It’s just you and me out there. Forget the rest of it, okay?”

               One of the techs appeared in the doorway before Carson could answer.

               “Time to go, ladies.”

               Carson took Greta’s hand. They would do this, together.

               On the show, there were special nights. At first, Carson didn’t think this was one of them. The music started before she was ready and she felt like she was a beat behind for the entirety of the first verse. The routine threatened to be a disaster, but Greta’s voice in her ear as she twirled Carson changed everything.

               “Feel me,” she said.

               The choreography called for Greta to take Carson’s hand and Carson felt a squeeze.

               It helped to settle her brain enough so she could hear not only herself, but the words of Greta’s pre-performance pep talk. ‘Listen to the lyrics.’

               Carson did.

You’ll never know, if you never try

To forget your past and simply be mine

               Greta spun into her and Carson felt her engaged core muscles underneath the fabric of her lacy dance dress. Weren’t these lyrics all they ever asked of each other?

I dare you to let me be your one and only

I promise I’m worthy, to hold in your arms

So come on and give me the chance

To prove I am the one who can walk that mile

               With one chorus, Carson fell into her rhythm and partnering Greta became as natural as breathing. They were perfectly in sync as they danced side by side. Carson extended her arm and then moved into a spin watching out of the corner of her eye, making sure she was matching Greta’s movement. Perfect. Carson twirled Greta around before the separated once more to dance mirror images of each other for the second verse.

If I’ve been on your mind

You hang on every word I say

Lose yourself in time at the mention of my name

Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close

And have you tell me, whichever road I choose you’ll go?

               Carson knew it wasn’t a coincidence that Greta pulled them apart for this section of the choreography. She was telling a story… their story. All of it.

               Was it possible for a heart to swell and constrict at the same time? Because that was happening to Carson. This dance was special, not only because Greta’s work was brilliant, but because it was theirs.

               The second chorus began and Greta fell into Carson’s arms with full trust that Carson would catch her. Carson never wavered. Most of her strength had returned, not just physically, but emotionally too.

               The music shifted. Carson knew this was Greta’s favorite and the most pivotal moment of the number. The bridge of the music began to build in volume and intensity.

I know it ain’t easy giving up your heart.

I know it ain’t easy giving up your heart.

Nobody’s perfect.

I know it ain’t easy giving up your heart.

Trust me, I’m worth it.

               The music repeated and Carson felt herself totally surrender: her body, her mind, her heart. Without a word, Carson could feel Greta doing the same.

               Greta was a sight to behold as Carson guided her through the end of their number. It was as if her heart was on display, showing its beauty to the whole world. Carson was so full of love that her mind went blank except for one thought.

               One thought echoed through her mind, through the glowing judges’ comments, through Greta’s celebratory hugs, through receiving their perfect score.

               Maybe it wasn’t too late to give Greta the ring in that blue velvet box, after all.

END OF CHAPTER