Archive of Our Own ^beta

When Shockwave heard the news of Skids’ death through a lone message, they dropped the tablet with a clatter, hitting their back against the wall as they fell into it, sliding down to the ground. 

It’s about Skids. I tried to save him. I’m sorry. - Ratchet

If it weren’t news about Shockwave losing one of their pupils, they’d appreciate the curtness and how concise the message was. But this. This was one of their… their kids. Their children. 

“This isn’t real, this isn’t happening,” they said quietly, clutching their helm. Their golden optic shuts tight before offlining as they fight off the waves of grief that are crashing into them. “Not. Not him too,” they then rasped out. And suddenly the world feels much colder and much more lifeless than before. 

It had only been a few weeks since Dark Cybertron. Where they had gained their emotions and memories back. It was difficult. Dealing with 4 millions years of pent up everything almost all at once. It was only a few weeks ago was Shockwave on the Lost Light with Optimus, sitting across Trailbreaker and Skids. Catching up with them and giving them a tearful hug to the both of them, having missed the two so much. They recalled apologising immensely to make up for what they did for the past millions of years. But seeing their kids again, the two beaming and happy that their Shockwave was back was enough to make Shockwave feel somewhat alright again. Now, they were gone. 

Both of them. First Trailbreaker, now Skids. Hearing about Trailbreaker was heartbreaking enough. The more they think about it, the more they feel worse. A sob finally breaks out from them and they cover their face as they sit on the ground. Their frame shook as they pulled themselves closer. This was punishment, wasn’t it? For all the crimes that Shockwave did, it was their kids who paid the price. 

“I know I’ve done wrong, but please I can’t take this,” Shockwave pleaded quietly to Primus. “I can’t keep losing them.” They’d spent all those years in the past protecting them only to lose them in the end. And that’s what killed Shockwave the most. “Why couldn’t it have been me?” they then said. There’s a small echo in the back of their mind as they say that, answering that question. Because they were in the safety of their apartment, their home, away from any danger. 

When the door slides open, there’s shuffling before Optimus is right beside them, alarmed at their state. His servos placed itself gently on their shoulder and they looked up towards him. He doesn’t say anything but the look on his face tells them that he knew as well. So when they fall into his arms, he isn’t surprised and instead held them close as they cried into the crook of his neck. All Optimus can offer is “I’m sorry.” But it doesn’t fill the hole in Shockwave’s spark. 

The next few days, Shockwave barely slept. They worked tirelessly on an object that Optimus could only call reality breaking. They glanced over at the photo of them and their students in front of the academy all those millenniums ago every time they worked on their device, determined to at least see Skids, Trailbreaker, Damus, Windcharger, Soundwave, Skywarp and Thundercracker again. It was nothing meant to change their timeline, it was only to. Only to let them, all of them know that Shockwave loved them dearly. And that they never meant to leave them alone like that. 

They only hit the breaking point when they hear of Damus’ death. Brutally killed by Megatron, the very person who corrupted him in the first place. If Shockwave had still been them, if they weren’t shadowplayed by the damned Senate, then maybe Damus would have been sent down a different path. The licks of betrayal from last time when Damus had tried to murder Shockwave through phone call was nothing compared to the rage of losing Damus in its entirety. Shockwave wanted to strangle Megatron for what he did to Damus, remembering that he corrupted him to get to Optimus. It made their spark flare and they gripped the table a bit too tightly, leaving dents before snatching their servos away in surprise. Woops. With a huff, they boot up the device and a portal opens in front of them. This was it. Time travel had been possible thanks to the brilliance of Brainstorm. So of course if he could do it, then why not Shockwave? Granted his was in a briefcase and Shockwave’s was a device hidden within their panels. When they activate it, they brace for what they’re about to see as they put in the date to exactly when that picture was taken. There was the possibility of being not recognised by their students, no, their kids, since this was before the empurata, but they’d have to go with that familiarity. Soundwave would immediately know it was them. 

After steeling themselves, they step through, feeling a complete shift change. It’s brighter and the world isn’t… destroyed. In fact Cybertron looked pristine. Especially the academy that they were standing in front of. It was only just a few minutes before Senator Shockwave would have their kids come out to the steps and line up, sit down and take the photo, so Shockwave took refuge at a nearby bench and waited patiently. They watched all of them clamouring about, bumping into each other, giving an awkward apology and everyone just being. Happy. As if they were a family. There’s nudging and jokes being passed about and it makes Shockwave’s filials flapped in happiness as they can’t help but smile at the sight. When the picture is taken, the students go back inside, the Senator staying last as they watch their kids fondly go back in, a soft smile on their face. Shockwave doesn’t realise their servo on their face, ghosting over their former features before giving a soft sigh. Another time, maybe. When the Senator went back in, now was their que. Entering through the doors, they made their way down the halls towards where the outliers hung out. There was a lounge that the outliers frequented, locked away with a code so as to allow for security and the safety for all of them. When Shockwave beeped into the lounge, the whole room fell silent. When Skids stood up, it took all of Shockwave’s strength to not just go and hug him. Soundwave is the second to stand up and there’s a frown on their face, even visible through the mask. 

“Shockwave?” Soundwave then asked. 

“What, how- we just saw you a few minutes ago, what happened?” Trailbreaker then said. 

“You’ve been. You’ve been empurata’ed,” Damus then said with slight fear. That fear quickly spread through the room as they realised that the Senate may be coming for all of them now. The only one who stayed calm was Soundwave. 

“I,” Shockwave started. They then motioned to Soundwave. “Soundwave, you’ll have to explain to them,” they then said. Soundwave looked at them for a moment, reading them before nodding. 

“This is a different Shockwave,” Soundwave started. “They’re. They’re from the future.” 

“Why are you here then?” Thundercracker asked. Shockwave went to speak before cutting themselves off. They then sighed and took out their photo.

“I just wanted to see all of you again, together,” Shockwave said. “What happens in the future… I can’t tell you too much, but it’s not pretty,” they said. “I’ve lost so much of myself and you all and I just wanted to get the chance to see you all again.” Their voice cracked for a moment, full of emotion. “You have no idea what I’ve been through,” they then laughed, wanting to cry. They then stood their awkwardly. “I just wanted to say to you all that. I love you all very much, you all mean the world to me and I would do anything to have this again in my time. But it isn’t meant to be. I know I’m not going to be the same later. And I’m so, so sorry. For the things I do after the Senate empuratas me. It isn’t the only thing they do to me.”

“They shadowplay you,” Soundwave finished gravely, now looking fearful. Shockwave nodded.

“I need you to know I didn’t mean to abandon you like that, I didn’t want to,” they then said, wringing their servos together. “It took me a very long time to break out of that shadowplay. And it took the help of a dear friend to bring me back from oblivion.”

“Orion?” Trailbreaker then asked. Shockwave laughed. 

“Yes, Orion,” they said. They wished they could smile. “I’m guessing the Senator hasn’t stopped gushing about him?” they asked. Their kids laughed and their filials wiggled in happiness at that. When Soundwave hugged them, they froze for a moment before landing their optic on them. Of course, Soundwave understood them the most. They could read them again. Not like when they first had their empurata. They hug them back tightly and soon they feel everyone else joining in on the hug. Their spark swells with happiness and they shut their optic tight, holding all of them as close as possible. “I love you all so, so much,” they then rasped out. “I’ll get better, I’ll be better, for all of you,” they said. When the hug ended, they found themselves missing it. “I was hoping for all of you to be my legacy,” they announced. “I just hope this time that is the case,” Shockwave said. “I won’t really be able to see the fruits of my labour until I come back so I hope I made some impact on all of you. But in my timeline at least, I will live for all of you. But I need you all to listen to me from this one thing. It’s a human concept, something many of you won’t get to learn about or experience but that concept is family. It’s the ties that bind us together and that’s dependent on our trust in one another and whether or not we can rely on each other. You’re a family, right here and now. And as family, you look after one another and make sure each other is safe. You may fight and argue with each other but in the end you’re all family . That means not discriminating one another for their altmode nor their frame, we’re all different and I want you to embrace that and find strength in one another. It doesn’t matter if you’re a seeker, empurata’ed, or a grounder. I need you all to promise me that you will look out for one another and keep their best interests in mind. Promise me that,” they said sternly. “I was too young and naive to realise it or know it then, so I am telling you this now.”

They fidgeted for a moment when their optic landed on Damus who was looking at them with more familiarity than ever. The two were both empurata victims. It was like looking in a mirror. They then reset their vocaliser. “I have to speak to Damus, individually, if that’s alright with you all,” Shockwave then said. When their kids all leave the lounge, all of them give friendly smiles or knowing looks of respect, some even hug Shockwave before heading to their rooms. They’re left with Damus in the room and they turn to face him. They place a servo on his shoulder and their filials tilt back, knowing exactly how tragic it is for Damus with the path he went in their timeline. “Damus… You’ve been through so much,” they started. “I wish I could have been there when you needed me most.” They wanted to cry again, so they hugged Damus especially close, tight to them as they let out a shaky breath. “You had every right to hate me, I don’t blame you for trying to kill me,” they said. Damus only looked at them with a bright optic, EM field filled with confusion, fear and denial. He didn’t imagine doing something like that. “Whatever you do… don’t listen to Megatron. I didn’t have the capacity to react or care back then, but I do now. And what he does to you… You are so much better than he is. I know you have the capacity for compassion. Please,” they then hung their helm down. “Don’t let this Shockwave have to go through the grief of losing you, Skids and Trailbreaker,” they said, pushing away from him, holding him by the shoulders, looking directly at him. Damus only nodded in response. “You’ll be alright, I know it.”

They went to leave before giving one last look towards Damus. He was standing there, claws wrung together and a look on his face that Shockwave could only see as bright and innocent. 

After shutting the door to the lounge, Shockwave made their way to their lab, entering with their code, recalling Shockwave had gone to the Senate hall for the day. When they enter, they’re met with instruments all too familiar with them and they resist the urge to start working on something with state of the art tools. Post-war most of these tools would be shoddy or completely rusted. They produced a miniature data drive from their frame and they placed it on Shockwave’s workdesk. Their optic caught on a photo taken recently, propped up against the wall. It’s a photo of Shockwave and Orion, the Senator smiling towards the camera as Orion leans in close, helm resting on theirs as he gives a toothless smile, optics bright, face young. They picked it up and looked at it closely, an optic smile forming. After setting it down gently, they took one last look around the lab and the room before leaving, heading towards the rest of their kid’s rooms.

The first door they knocked on was Soundwave. They were getting ready to leave. Shockwave remembered this was the day Soundwave did leave without a word to anyone. “Are you sure you want to leave?” they asked, sadness in their voice. Soundwave could only nod.

“I have to,” Soundwave said. “It’s getting too dangerous. Me staying here,” they said. Even then Shockwave could see Soundwave frowning under their mask. 

“I understand, but please take my words to spark. They’re your family. They understand you better than others.”

“I know. Which is why it’s making it more difficult than I’d like it to be,” Soundwave confessed. “When we were all in that room, together… it was a harmony I had never seen before. I know I shouldn’t… use my abilities on them, but I’m glad I did. I felt it… family. Within all of them,” Soundwave said. “I didn’t think I’d feel that here.” Shockwave pulled them into a hug and the two stayed there for a moment before Soundwave let go. 

“Just be safe out there, alright?” Shockwave said. “I just… hope that when the war comes… Being an Autobot or Decepticon won’t tear you all apart,” they said, a tired look on their optic. “Good luck,” they then said. “And good luck to you too, Ravage,” they then cooed to the corner of the room. Soundwave pulled back in surprise and Shockwave laughed. “I knew you had him the whole time,” they chuckled. “Despite your efforts to try and hide him in your room.” Soundwave couldn’t help but laugh as well, as Ravage came pattering out. Shockwave petted Ravage’s head, the panther-like cassette nudging against them in reciprocation. They waved their goodbyes and left the room, heading to the next one. 

Next was Thundercracker and Skywarp.When Shockwave entered the room, the two Seekers were rather nervous. “I know we’re not supposed ta ask anything but… what happens to us?” Thundercracker asked anxiously. 

“TC!” Skywarp hissed from across the room. 

“Well, I haven’t been able to keep in touch with the two of you, neither of you really… answer my calls,” Shockwave replied. They sighed. “It’s to be expected though. I wasn’t vigilant enough when the others were harassing you for being… well, Seekers, and I apologise for that,” they said. “But… I do hear you both get human significant others,” they then said this time in a more light manner. 

“What?” Skywarp then asked. She hopped off of the berth, wings in a curious position. 

“And you have a dog,” Shockwave nodded towards Thundercracker. 

“What’s, what’s a dog?” Thundercracker asked, glancing at Skywarp, who only shrugged. 

“You’ll see when the time comes,” Shockwave hummed. “But in the near future, you two go to live with Starscream,” they then said. “I know it was for your safety and comfort ultimately but… I did miss you two dearly,” they said quietly. “Funny it’s only now that I realise how much I cherish all of you.”

“I honestly didn’t think you cared about us that much,” Skywarp said. “You’re not wrong in us leaving soon,” she frowned. 

“We would have stayed, y’know if the circumstances were better,” Thundercracker added, trying to cheer Shockwave up. 

“In an ideal world I would have had you all stay with me,” Shockwave sighed. “Unfortunately, that wasn’t meant to be,” they said, filials laid back in disappointment and sadness. “You two will have better lives after the war than most so I hope you work towards that happy ending.” They huffed. “You should say your goodbyes to Soundwave,” they then said. “Let them know that you do care for them.” 

“They’re leaving?”

“Yes,” Shockwave said. “They were kind enough to stay for the photo, I remember that at least. Now, I’ll leave you two be.” The door opened and they paused for a moment. “Just. Don’t forget who your family is, alright?” they said softly. 

“I won’t,” Thundercracker replied. Skywarp was apprehensive but nodded in response. 

“ We won’t,” Skywarp then corrected. She punched Thundercracker playfully in the shoulder and he chuckled. Next was Trailbreaker, Windcharger and Skids. Skids… They’d have to speak to him last. When Shockwave knocked on the door, the door immediately opened to Windcharger and Trailbreaker in their respective areas, the two having shared a room since the two had entered the academy. 

“Hello, Teebs, Windcharger,” Shockwave said. “I just wanted to speak to all of you individually before I left.” Windcharger, who had been practicing her powers, carefully set down the magnetic object and waved. 

“Somethin on your mind, Senator?” Trailbreaker asked. Shockwave shook their helm.

“Not Senator, just Shockwave,” they said. “Just… you two go to do great things, I’m just sorry how it ends for you, Teebs. But after this whole… experience, that future may change for the better, at least I hope. You’re a good person, Teebs. And I know you’ll do even greater things after this. Protect your family,”  they then said, placing a servo on his shoulder. “Your field will protect them, so protect them, do that for me, alright?” They then hugged Trailbreaker who immediately reciprocated. They pulled away and patted Windcharger’s pauldron. “I haven’t been able to keep in touch with you in my timeline so I am unsure of your fate, but please know that I hope only the best for you. I remember you were the newest addition to this family but that doesn’t mean I love you any less,” they said. “Windcharger, stay safe and if anything I hope you and the Senator stay in touch even when things go awry. Now, you two go say goodbye to Soundwave, they’re leaving soon.” 

And last was Skids. They didn’t know why they were dreading this exact moment so much but perhaps it was because he had so much potential to be great only to be a victim to death. They paused outside him and Damus’ room for a moment before the door opened, Skids standing right in front of him. 

“Hey,” Skids said. 

“Hey there, Skids,” they replied. Skids stood aside to let them in and they stepped in. They wrung their servos together before straightening their posture. But the words die in their throat as soon as they try to say something. And they realised they didn’t know what to say. All these inspirational and words of wisdom. It didn’t mean anything in comparison to just seeing Skids again. Alive and well. After letting out a frustrated sigh and shutting their optic, Skids placed a servo on their shoulder and they went to hug Skids right after. Letting out a shaky breath, they stood there, trying not to break down. “You have no idea how devastated I was to lose you, Skids, when Ratchet sent me the message...” they finally said. “I had only got to see you a few weeks before you died. I was hoping to see you after you were finished with your mission on the Lost Light.” They pulled away to look at him, optic landing on the small Matrix tattoo on his cheek. “When I last saw you, you didn’t have this Matrix tattoo,” Shockwave pointed out. “You grew out of it. And I didn’t get to see that,” they said, filials leaning back to mourn over that lost time. “I can only hope that none of you are separated for too long in this new timeline, I’ll guess I’ll have to see for myself when I return,” they smiled.

“You’re coming back?” Skids asked. 

“If everything goes according to plan, yes,” Shockwave said. 

“What does that mean?”

“That’s for the Senator to worry about, you just continue being your brilliant self,” Shockwave said, patting his shoulder. “Stay with them and remember who your family is, alright?” they then said. “You’ll need them for the journey ahead.”

“I’ll do my best,” Skids said. He was silent as he took a better look at them. “I didn’t think I’d actually see you like this,” Skids then confessed. 

“Well, you won’t have to see it again,” they huffed. “Long as the Senator heeds my warnings. It’s already unorthodox of messing with a timeline and creating a branch but that’s the cost of time travel. Maybe when I come back I’d have made a communicator that ignores time and space.”

“That sounds like you,” Skids chuckled. 

“It does, doesn’t it,” Shockwave replied. They looked at their time travel device and sighed. ”I suppose I should head back, otherwise Orion will worry about me,” they huffed. “I’ll see you all soon. Hopefully circumstances will be different.” They took one last look at Skids before giving a fond sigh. “Tell Damus to go say goodbye to Soundwave, you go say goodbye to them too.”

“See you,” Skids said with a small smile. They hugged Skids once again before leaving the room, bumping into Damus along the way. With an affectionate pat on Damus’ shoulder, they left the academy, standing in the courtyard before inputting their return coordinates.  The portal opened up, allowing them to step through. They found themselves back in their apartment and sat down on the berth. The door then opened to a tired Optimus. Shockwave gave a soft hum as he fell into their arms, nuzzling into their touch. 

“Long day?” Shockwave asked. When Optimus only gave an mmm in response, they chuckled. 

“Seems like you’re in a good mood though,” Optimus replied. 

“That’s because,” they said as they grabbed the photo of them and their students from the nightstand and held it out for Optimus to see. “I got to see all of my wonderful kids again. And maybe, we’ll get to see them soon.”

“What… exactly did you do?” Optimus then asked. 

“I may have traveled to the past,” they said. 

“Why am I not surprised,” Optimus said in an amused manner. He then nuzzled into them again. “At least you’ll finally recharge more peacefully now.”

“Always looking after me,” Shockwave cooed. 

“Someone has to.”

“Well, I’m glad it’s you,” they hummed. Optimus moved up and pressed a kiss to the side of their helm and started purring. For now it was good to be grateful for the things they did have in their timeline. And at least the Senator would have their family, that was enough for Shockwave. The next step was to reconnect with their remaining kids. Soundwave, Windcharger, Skywarp and Thundercracker. Hopefully… hopefully they would forgive them. If not. Then they would at least understand why. 

The next few days pass as Shockwave attempted to come into contact with their kids. Soundwave was reluctant, remembering the last time they interacted Shockwave had ‘killed’ Ravage and tried to kill Soundwave as well. Or at least was resolved to at some point. Skywarp and Thundercracker were fairly quick to respond upon seeing how Shockwave was now. No longer the logical cold scientist that the two were afraid of, instead, more reminiscent of the Senator. Windcharger was the most difficult to keep track of and contact but when they did, Windcharger almost responded immediately, almost ecstatic at the fact that they had reached out to catch up and apologise. When Soundwave and Shockwave meet up for the first time in a while, the two stand awkwardly across from each other. Soundwave doesn’t say anything and instead looks at them, reading them with their power. After a few minutes of silence, Soundwave was the first one to hug Shockwave, surprising Shockwave for a moment. They laughed for a moment before hugging back, their laugh turning into a shaky sob, ‘crying’ tears of happiness. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Shockwave apologised. Soundwave already knew their intentions and how they felt, what was going through their mind. 

“I didn’t think you’d come back like this,” Soundwave said. 

“Me neither. It took a very dear friend to bring me back,” they replied. When the two separated, Soundwave smiled under their mask. “I have a lifetime of… well, everything to make up for, but I hope you will forgive me for everything I’ve done. But if you don’t, I do understand. I did. Almost kill you.”

“Well, I wasn’t the only one who tried, right?” Soundwave tried to joke. 

“Yes, Damus also… tried to,” they sighed, filials leaning back. ”Who knew I’d lose so many of you.” The reunion between the two is short, but Soundwave promises to come and visit and that’s all Shockwave can look forward to really. 

One morning they wake up to a message from an unknown sender. All it seems to be is a photo. When they open the message, their filials move back and forth in excitement, an optic smile on their face. 

“Figured you’d want to see this, thank you for everything - SW” The photo’s more recent, taken in another timeline but still familiar.  They’ve all undergone frame changes, some paint changes too. Damus is in the front centre and everyone squeezes in close towards him, all who look much closer and clumped together, bright smiles on their faces. Above the kids are Shockwave and Optimus, looking like the proudest parents. Shockwave then sees themselves holding up what looks to be a sparkling and zooms in to see Optimus holding the sparkling as well before realising it looks eerily similar to both Shockwave and Optimus. There’s a slight gasp that comes from them and they can only feel elated at the fact that their family’s grown bigger.

At least one of them had a happy ending. And that was enough for them to feel content.