Chapter Text
"Azula always lies. Azula always lies. Azula always lies." Zuko repeated to his empty bedroom, hugging his knees from where he was perched in the middle of his bed. “ Azula always lies. ”
Father wouldn't kill him. Father loved him! And why would Grandfather order him to kill Zuko? It made no sense! Especially when they’d just lost Lu Ten.
(Zuko couldn’t think about that right now, the pain of losing his older cousin was too much. They’d never been all that close, with Lu Ten being so much older than him; but he’d tried to make time for him and Azula when he was in Caldera. He’d taught them both how to play Pai Sho.)
Honestly, Azula should have come up with a better lie if she wanted to scare him. This one was ridiculous. Zuko wasn't afraid. He wasn't!
But Azula had looked sincere; worried almost. Not that Zuko could tell her lies from the times she told the truth, of course. Her sneer hadn't been quite right; it wasn't as vicious as it normally was. And mother had seemed a bit off as well when she came to wish him goodnight.
(It had sounded almost like goodbye, like she was wishing him well for more than just this one night; like there were too many words she wanted to say and she didn’t know where to start.)
But Azula always lies , he reminded himself.
"Who's Azula?" asked a curious voice from next to him. Zuko startled and was quick to jump off the bed to put it between him and the boy. Wait. The intruder was a little boy? He looked like he was Zuko's age!
"What are you doing here? And why are you dressed all weird!" he demanded. In retrospect, it probably wasn’t the smartest thing to say but Zuko wasn’t used to speaking to boys his age, okay?
"Uh" the other boy trailed off, looking around the room, looking more and more confused. "What is this place? And who are you ? How did I get here?! I was in the middle of the village a second ago!" Now the boy seemed to be panicking, turning around frantically. Zuko felt bad now. The boy looked kinda like the baby turtleducks did when Azula threw rocks at them. The young prince shook himself; this boy was an intruder , in his room , in the middle of the night ! He shouldn't be worrying about his feelings! No wonder Father thought he was so weak.
"Hey! I asked first! You answer! I am Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation, son of Prince Ozai and Princess Ursa, grandson of Fire Lord Azulon, and I order you to explain yourself this instant!" Zuko demanded.
He usually wouldn't yell at a servant, because Mother said you should always be kind to the people who served you, but this boy had broken into his room and wasn't being respectful at all! Father would want him to put the boy in his place. Disrespect was inexcusable, and while Zuko didn't mind all that much, the other nobles at the palace would. The boy needed to learn if he wanted to survive around here. Not that Zuko cared, of course. Well, maybe he did. There weren’t many boys his age in the palace, and he usually wasn’t allowed to talk to them. It would be nice to have a friend of his own, for once . Princes didn’t have friends, it was undignified to need anyone outside of yourself. Azula is allowed to have friends , a snide voice whispered in the back of his mind.
"I'm in the Fire Nation?!" The look of abject horror threw Zuko off. How could he not know he was in the Fire Nation? He was in the middle of the Caldera Palace, for Agni's sake! But as the boy backed away from him, muttering unintelligibly under his breath, Zuko got a better look at him. He was wearing the thickest coat the young prince had ever seen ─ it even had fur on the edges! It was also blue, which reinforced Zuko's suspicion that it wasn't made anywhere near Caldera. They didn't make coats like these around here ─ why would they need to when it was always so hot, even during monsoon season? After further inspection, it dawned on Zuko that the boy didn't even look like he was from the Fire Nation. His skin was too dark, for one. And his hair was brown, longer on top and pulled up in some sort of ponytail while the sides were shorn close to the skull. His eyes were blue. Zuko had never seen that deep shade of blue before. It was mesmerising; like if you looked too long into them, you might drown and not even realise it before it was too late, and your lungs were already full of sea water.
"You're from the Water Tribe!" He couldn't be sure of course ─ Zuko had never met anyone from the other nations ─ but this boy really did fit his tutors' description of the savages that lived in the icy poles.
As soon as he said it, the scenery changed. Where a second ago had been the walls of his bedroom, all Zuko could see was white. The water tribe boy was still there, but they were now surrounded by ice.
"Oh thank the spirits, I'm back! But wait─ how did you follow me?" The boy exclaimed.
"What─ I didn't do anything!" Where was he? How was he going to go back home? There was nothing around as far as he could see! And how had he even gotten here in the first place? What in the Spirits was happening?
"Well I suppose you came here the same way I travelled to the Fire Nation…" the boy said thoughtfully.
"Which is… how exactly?" Zuko asked tentatively. He didn’t think he’d done anything, let alone travelled hundreds of miles without noticing.
"Well, I don't know, but I think this might be a dream. It makes the most sense, right? I'm Sokka! What did you say your name was again?" The boy ─ Sokka ─ said, apparently comforted by his theory.
Zuko thought about it for a moment and decided Sokka must have been right. After all, he had been in his bed. He’d likely drifted off and hadn’t realized. And how else could this change of location be explained? It was a weird thing for his mind to come up with, though. Maybe Azula’s warning had been part of the dream, too?
Well, it couldn't hurt to talk to this boy then, since he wasn't real. Right? If he was going to dream up an imaginary friend, he might as well have fun with it. Father couldn’t reprimand him for something that happened only in his head ─ at least Zuko didn’t think so.
(He’d learnt long ago how to have his nightmares silently. As long as no one ever found out about them, he was left alone. That meant he didn’t have Mother to reassure him when he woke up gasping for breath. He had to spark his own flames to light up the dark. They made all shadows look like monsters, but it was better than seeing nothing at all. Zuko wasn’t afraid of the dark, but if he didn’t have anything to look at, his nightmares would play themselves out in front of his eyes, whether he was sleeping or not.)
"I'm Zuko. It's nice to meet you, Sokka of the Water Tribe." The prince made sure to bow deeply, in case this was a spirit in disguise. He didn't think so, but it wouldn't hurt to take precautions. Mother had brought him along to enough plays that he knew to be wary of strangers in eery locations and odd events. If the hero didn’t treat them with enough respect, bad things happened.
"Likewise! But aren't you cold dressed like that? Do you want to borrow a coat?"
"I don't really feel the cold actually. I can tell the air is supposed to be glacial but I don't really feel it? I guess that's just how dreams are. Like when you know what place you're in, even though it doesn't look like the real thing at all!"
"Oh yeah, that makes sense!" Sokka looked like he wanted to say more but a woman rounded the bend of the ice moat just before he could.
"Sokka? Who are you talking to?" The woman asked, looking right through Zuko without seeing him.
When Sokka turned around again to point to his new friend, Zuko was gone.
*****
The whole village was gathered around a bonfire, while Gran Gran told her story. No one else could see him, but Sokka knew Zuko was there too, standing silently by his side. The flames reflecting in his golden eyes made him look ethereal ─ more than usual anyway, which was impressive since he wasn’t actually real. Sokka would have been worried about seeing things that weren’t there if he’d believed in spirits.
"A very long time ago, before Tui and La took their mortal forms, the Moon and Ocean spirits were lovers, separated by a great distance; for Tui was confined to the stars, and La couldn't leave his waters."
"They couldn't be together in body, but love, as it so often does, found a way. The Moon and the Ocean have always been connected, complementary, push and pull. And so too, were Tui and La linked through the spirit world. It allowed them to communicate despite the sky that kept them apart."
"Eventually, they got to be together in their mortal forms, but neither forgot what it was like to love from a distance. In their great kindness, they sometimes bless human lovers, soulmates kept apart by land, the ways of the world and fate. They give them the ability to visit each other through the spirit world."
"A link so strong, it can pull a soul from its body and guide it to one's soulmate for a time, no matter how far away. It is a rare blessing and a gift to be cherished."
She said the last words looking at Sokka, and her heavy gaze made him feel like she could see through him, to the furthest reaches of his soul.
Sokka didn’t believe in spirits, of course, but he supposed the explanation to what was happening to him mattered little. The important thing was that he wasn’t going crazy ─ or if he was, he wasn’t the first to experience that particular brand of madness. Maybe, just maybe, Zuko was more than just a figment of his imagination. Maybe the Fire Prince standing invisible next to him was real.
It seemed hard to believe, yet it rang like truth, like a part of him had never doubted it.
^∆^
The Fire Sage was talking, but Zuko was hardly listening. What had to be the whole of Caldera was gathered in the courtyard and beyond the Palace gates, the crowd decked in white spilling into the streets. If Zuko squinted, it almost looked like it had snowed over the city. Most couldn't see what was happening on the raised dai where Zuko was standing, but the coronation of a new Fire Lord was not an event to be missed.
Zuko didn't understand why father was the new Fire Lord. He didn't understand why grandfather Azulon was dead, or why mother was gone, or why Uncle Iroh was not the one kneeling in front of the Fire Sages, while the golden headpiece was fastened in his hair. He didn't understand why he was the new Crown Prince.
Father always said that Zuko was slow to understand, and he had to admit that was true. Azula, standing proudly next to him, didn't look confused. She looked smug, and her smirk was vicious. Then again, she'd always been better than him at hiding what she truly thought. His little sister had a tendency to become meaner when she was upset. So maybe that explained why she'd looked so triumphant when they'd learnt about mother's disappearance. Maybe she didn't truly mean it. Maybe she missed Mother and Lu Ten too. Zuko hoped so, anyway. Father would say hope was for fools and peasants, but he couldn’t let go of the baby sister that had played with him without always trying to win. He missed the Azula that wasn’t always in competition with him and winning. He missed the sweet little girl that had looked up to him. Before she learned to firebend and realized she had the most fun when someone else was crying.
The young prince was startled out of his thoughts by a flash of blue.
He watched, horrified, as Sokka started waving in front of people's faces and insulting them, but it was soon obvious he was the only one who could see and hear the Water Tribe boy. Zuko breathed a discreet sigh of relief, and tried to focus on the ceremony again. Father would be mad if he realised how distracted he’d been.
Sokka, however, wasn't inclined to let him.
"Hey Zuko, who's the old guy in a goofy robe?" When Zuko didn't react, he planted himself right in front of the Prince, "I know you can see me, stop ignoring me!"
It was only years of experience keeping up a stony façade that allowed him to hide his annoyance and pretend he hadn’t heard.
“Zuko! Stop it! Oh man, we need a signal for when we can’t speak aloud. I refuse to spend the rest of my life speaking to a wall when other people are around! You know, I could just be as annoying as possible until I force a reaction out of you. Zuko, Zuko, Zuko, Zuko, Zuko, Zuko, Zuko ─ I can keep this up for hours, by the way ─ Zuko, Zuko, Zuko, Zuko, Zuko, Zuko, Zuko, Zuko, Zuko ─ ”
Something must have betrayed his amusement at the other boy’s antics, because Sokka grinned triumphantly at him.
And then his face morphed into the most ridiculous grimace he had ever seen. It was all Zuko could do to hold back a startled laugh. He must not have been very successful either because Azula glared at him sharply. Thankfully, no one else seemed to have noticed.
The rest of the coronation went by in a blur of trying not to laugh at Sokka's antics, and keeping an impassive expression as the boy made increasingly sarcastic commentary on the surrounding nobles and officials.
^∆^•
Sokka couldn't believe he had a soulmate. It was like having a built-in best friend who would always be with you, and what was better: he didn't have to share him with anyone! Sokka had something special that no one else did, not even Katara with her water magic.
Having a soulmate was a Sokka-only thing. Not that he'd told anyone about Zuko, of course. He could have used him to brag to the other children in the village, so that they finally saw him as the cool warrior he was, but it felt wrong somehow. Their visits felt much too intimate to talk about carelessly. It all felt so unreal; he was afraid the second he told anyone about Zuko, the other boy would vanish like he'd never been there.
That wasn't the only reason he kept it to himself. He didn't think his family would approve of him having a Fire Nation soulmate. It should have bothered Sokka, too. But this boy wasn't evil. He may be the Prince of a nation that had waged war on the world, but he wasn't evil. Maybe Sokka should be more wary of him ─ after all, he'd only known Zuko for a short time ─ but there was an irresistible pull to the other boy that drew him in. It was like his whole life, something had been missing, without him ever realising. Now that it had been returned, all he ever wanted was to see Zuko, and talk to him, and show him all the little things that made up his life in the South Pole. He wanted to learn about Zuko’s life in the Fire Nation as well. It was all so different! Sokka could never have imagined there were places in the world that never had snow .
And maybe he shouldn't, but he trusted him. Kind, awkward Zuko who fed the turtleducks in that pond he liked so much, and was always nice to the servants in the palace ─ even though none of the other nobles were.
Zuko, who could make fire out of thin air but insisted he was a terrible firebender. Sokka didn't know much about bending in general, but if Katara's accidental waterbending was any indication, the prince must be pretty good ─ at least he never got Sokka soaked. The way he could light up a flame in his palms and not be burned was incredible. He had never realised before that fire could be so pretty. To Sokka, fire had always been nothing more than a necessity. (And something to fear, if it ever came from a firebender.)
It was strange seeing the Fire Nation and its people ─ who he'd heard so many horrors about ─ through their prince's eyes. There was no baby eating or drinking blood from the charred skulls of their enemies, for one. They were just, unbelievably, people . They lived their lives not so differently from Sokka's own people. They had different traditions and jobs, and they weren't barely surviving like the Southern Water Tribe, but they had husbands and wives, brothers and sisters, sons and daughters. They loved each other too.
In Sokka's mind, there were two Fire Nations. There were the common people of Caldera, shopkeepers and artisans and thousand different professions he had never heard about; the Fire Nation that was undeniably human . People like Zuko, he could learn to appreciate or even love, like the Prince so fiercely did. And then there was the Fire Nation he had learnt about in his childhood from tales of raids and genocide and the slow death of his culture.
Before, Sokka had hated the Fire Nation; no buts or ifs about it. It had been straightforward and unconditional. It had also been impersonal. An anger that was not his own, not truly, but that of his tribe, passed down through generations.
It wasn't like that anymore. It wasn't so large and wide or impersonal anymore. In fact, it was focused on one person in particular. Fire Lord Ozai had become, in Sokka's mind and heart, the face of the Fire Nation, the one person responsible for all the hurt of a hundred years of war. If he couldn't hate all of the fire nationers, he could certainly hate this one.
It wasn't the Fire Lord he hated ─ although that too ─ but the man himself. It was the way he treated Zuko ─ his own son! ─ like he was dirt under his shoe. It was all the humiliating comments and cruel jabs. It was the way Zuko cowered in fear whenever his father's gaze rested on him. The other boy tried to hide it, but he was a terrible liar and had no talent for deception.
Sokka didn't see Ozai very often ─ mostly because Zuko avoided him most of the time ─ but when he did, he was always left with a sick feeling in his stomach, rising bile and bubbling anger. No father should treat his son like this. He should have been protecting Zuko, teaching him how to navigate the intrigues of the court. Instead, he threw him to the orca-wolves again and again. Ozai demanded perfection from his son, but he continuously set him up for failure.
Love shouldn't be conditional. Zuko shouldn't have to burn himself out to meet impossible expectations for the sake of earning his father's approval. As time passed, Sokka realised whatever Zuko did, it would never be enough. He was set up to fail from the start and every time he got close to the finish line, the boundaries of victory shifted.
Ozai would never love his son, as tragic and heartbreaking as it was. Zuko didn't know that, though. Sokka had tried to talk to him about it, but all he ever did was retract into his shell and insist his father loved him, that he only wanted him to be better, that it was for his own good and that he was lucky his father accepted him despite how flawed and useless he was.
Any arguments that Zuko was good enough were met by the unbeatable 'But Azula is better, and father loves her. If I could just be better, he would love me too' . The lapse in logic between the previous declaration and this one seemed to elude him.
Privately ─ and sometimes not so privately ─ Sokka thought it was a good thing Zuko wasn't like his sister. Azula may have been a prodigy but she was also cruel and vicious. Zuko had kindness and mercy. Ozai called it weakness. Sokka knew having a heart was a good thing. The kind-hearted hero always won in the stories.
If he had been old enough to articulate any of these thoughts into actual words ─ as opposed to the knowing and bone deep feeling ─ Sokka might have been able to show Zuko what he saw. He might have told Zuko that he was enough, that he would always be enough for Sokka and that Ozai didn't deserve him. Zuko might have believed him and learnt to love himself. But Sokka was young and he'd never been very good at voicing the feelings and vague concepts that lived in his mind. So Zuko learnt to see himself through the lense of his father's expectations and Azula's triumphs.
(It would be years before Sokka had the clarity to wonder how Zuko managed to become a good person and retain his heart despite the cruelty and hate he was raised into.)
Sokka's feelings about the Fire Nation weren't the only contradictory thing about his visits, however.
Zuko himself was a paradox. He was a shy and discreet kid, always somewhat sad. Sokka didn't always understand why his friend was sad, but he’d made it his mission ─ back when what they had was still new and fragile ─ to cheer him up as often as he could. It wasn't easy to coax him out of his shell, and extremely rare to get even a chuckle out of him.
But sometimes, Sokka would make him laugh that vibrant, full body laugh and it would be like when the sun rises for the first time in spring.
To Sokka, Zuko was the sun.
- ^∆^•
Zuko had always been taught that the Water Tribe was nothing but a bunch of savages that refused the culture and prosperity the Fire Nation was trying to share with the world. That they were too stupid and brutal to understand all the good they could bring them, and so fought them every step of the way.
They weren't savages. They were people living in an unforgiving environment, doing their best to survive. They were also a dying people; their numbers dwindling and traditions all but lost.
It had never occured to Zuko that maybe the peasants of the South Pole were perfectly content living the way they always had, and the Fire Nation had been the one to bring the war to them.
Hearing the story of the war from their perspective had sparked many conflicting feelings inside him. He did believe the Fire Nation meant well ─ of course it did ─ but maybe they had been going about it wrong. Perhaps they could have shared their culture and civilization with the rest of the world without violence.
Of course that had always been the plan. They'd only been at war because the other nations resisted this beneficial change. But Zuko wasn't so sure war was a viable alternative.
After all, it stood to reason that they would be reluctant to alter centuries of traditions ─ humans didn't like change, it was a well known fact. It also stood to reason that they would become even more reluctant if this change was forced upon them by means of violence.
Not that he presumed to know better than the Firelords that had preceded him of course.
What he'd been told about the Water Tribe was undeniably mistaken, however. Which could be explained by minimal contact between their two nations in the last century.
Nonetheless, Zuko learnt many things during his spiritual visits to Sokka. The young boy was always eager to share bits of his life in the South Pole with Zuko, which led to the Prince witnessing many traditional activities such as fishing or sailing or even hunting ─ things no Prince of the Fire Nation should know about.
Zuko didn't think he'd ever have occasion to put this new knowledge to use, but Sokka still did his best to teach him. Which really meant listening in to the tribesmen's lesson to Sokka who was learning about a warrior's duty. The young prince couldn't practice of course, but he made sure to listen attentively, and would often repeat advice to Sokka who had a tendency to get easily distracted during explanations and would then be at a loss when it came time to actually do something.
They made quite a good team, Zuko thought.
"Zuko, how do I tie the hook to the fishing pole again?"
"You just have to pull the thread left and then through the loop you just made. No, the other left!"
"Ouch!"
"Did you just plant the hook in your thumb? If you'd just done like I told you, this wouldn't have happened!"
"Oh shut up, I'd like to see you do it! But seriously, how do I get it out? It hurts!"
"You could… Use a second one?"
"Great! Now I have two fishing hooks in my thumb. Great plan Sunshine."
But what truly fascinated Zuko about the Water Tribe was the way its members interacted with each other. There were so few of them, it was like the whole village was just one big family. They weren't like Zuko's family, though.
It had taken him embarrassingly long to understand the dynamics between Hakoda, Bato and Kya. He'd never seen adults act like this with each other before. It was Sokka who explained it to him, in the end. They were in love. Zuko didn't think his parents had ever been in love. He'd heard about love before, of course, but to him it had been a thing of stories and spirit tales like the ones they played on Ember Island that Mother used to take him and Azula to.
Sokka had said the words like they were evident, an established and unquestionable fact. He'd also fake-gagged a second after. Zuko hadn't found it disgusting. It was mesmerising really, the way each of them would brighten up and smile when the others were around.
They loved their children too, equally and unconditionally. Zuko hadn't known love could be like that. He hadn't believed it at first.
Hakoda was a father and a leader. He had to be hard and unforgiving if he wanted strong children. And yet, Zuko had never seen him raise a hand to either of them.
At first, Zuko had feared for Sokka when he broke rules or was disrespectful, but there had never been more than light chastising. He'd concluded that the Water Tribe simply did not hold its children to the same standards the Fire Nation did. After all, their culture was different in so many other ways. Sokka was not punished because he wasn't breaking the ever changing rules of adults.
Sokka seemed to always understand what the rules were, like it was easy. Azula was like that too. Zuko never understood what the rules were. No matter how hard he tried, he would always end up crossing a line he hadn't known was there. It was no wonder Father thought he was stupid.
But one day, as Hakoda and Bato were teaching them ─ not that they knew they had more than one student ─ how to throw a boomerang, Sokka had let his fly and fall into the water of a nearby hole through the ice. Zuko had immediately braced for the inevitable anger over the failed attempt. Sokka, however, had taken off running ─ Zuko followed, it was instinct at this point ─ and jumped into the ice cold water.
Zuko would never forget the feeling of being trapped under layers of ice, plunged into water so glacial he could feel the cold despite his uncorporeal form.
Panic rose as he couldn't find the hole they had fallen through.
Where was Sokka? He had to find him!
Zuko blinked, and he was in his room in the royal palace, breathing with the candle flame in front of him, meditating.
Zuko blinked, and he was on the ice again, a blue lipped Sokka shivering next to him in the arms of a soaked Hakoda. He must have jumped in after them to rescue his son from drowning.
Sokka was clutching his boomerang in a trembling hand. That's when Zuko realised he hadn't fallen in the hole by accident. He'd jumped. On purpose . To retrieve a stupid boomerang.
He could hear himself yelling at the boy about recklessness and putting his life in danger and "What were you thinking?!"
His voice sounded wrong, too deep. He couldn't even feel the words rolling off his tongue.
He finally registered that he wasn't the one yelling: Hakoda was. Angrier than Zuko had ever seen him. He shouldn't have been so shocked by it ─ he'd been expecting this for months ─ but it was jarring. Hakoda wasn't angry because Sokka had messed up the throw.
He was angry the same way Zuko was. Anger not born out of disappointment or shame, but fear . Fear for this reckless boy they both loved.
Sokka was loved in a way Zuko never had been. There were no ifs or buts about it.
Father loved Zuko too. He had to . But not like Hakoda, Bato and Kya loved Sokka and Katara.
Even Mother hadn't loved him like that. She hadn't loved him enough to stay .
Zuko didn't like to think about Katara. Observing her and Sokka was painful. Their relationship was everything he and Azula could have been, but weren't.
He warmed up to her eventually. How could he not? She was sweet and kind, brave and fierce. She couldn't see him, and maybe she wouldn't like him if they ever met, but Zuko couldn't help loving her. He couldn't help loving Azula either, despite everything.
It was the thing about little sisters. They were annoying and perfect and always better than you, but it was impossible not to love them. That was the thing he and Sokka had in common, the understanding of having a little sister.
They would spend hours sometimes, just talking about Katara and Azula.
"Sokka look! I'm waterbending!" Zuko smiled fondly at the girl as she hovered a bubble of water above their heads, a smile bright like the sun on her face.
The Prince thought she was pretty good for a little girl that had never had a master to teach her. She was a long way from mastering her bending, but still.
A pang of guilt went through as he thought about why exactly Katara didn't have a master.
Inevitably, she lost her focus as soon as her brother faced her. The water went splashing all over Sokka who let out a shriek in a pitch that didn't belong to any human vocal cords. Zuko burst out laughing and doubled over at the betrayed look his soaked friend threw his way.
- ^∆^•
"I still think swords are the superior weapon. Boomerangs are all well and good in large open spaces but if you're fighting in the streets, it'll just rebound on the walls and then it's just as likely to hit you in the head!"
"But boomerang!" Sokka exclaimed, "We don't even have streets in the South Pole. I don't need a weapon for enclosed spaces! And you're missing the point anyway. Boomerangs are a strategic weapon, they give you the effect of surprise against dumb Fire Nation soldiers: just when they think you've missed, it comes back and bonks them on their stupid heads!"
"You're just jealous you don't have swords as cool as mine! Besides, it's not like your boomerang ever comes back. We can have this conversation again when you actually know how to use it." Zuko replied, smugly raising his chin in the air.
"Oh I'm sorry Mr I-learnt-to-swordbend-from-the-best-swordsman-in-the-whole-fire-nation, I didn't start training before I could walk! I had more useful things to learn about. It doesn't mean I won't be a great warrior someday."
"Did you just say swordbend?" The prince asked disbelievingly, "And don't be all smug about your 'important things'. I had to remind you which way was starboard just three days ago; a sailor you are."
"Sokka? Are you talking to yourself again?" Little Katara asked, making Zuko shiver as she walked right through him. It was not a feeling he thought he would ever get used to. It was extremely uncomfortable, and not just because it reminded he wasn't actually present. Each time set his nerve endings on fire; it was how he imagined being hit by lightning felt like.
Sokka rubbed the back of his neck, a light pink tinge staining his cheeks. "Hey Ka. Did you need something?"
"You never play with me anymore," she whined and oh no , her lower lip was starting to wobble and her eyes were filling with tears. Zuko could not handle a crying Katara. It drove him crazy to see her sad and know there was nothing he could do about it. "You're always busy learning to be a warrior and even when you're not you just leave to talk to yourself outside the village! It's like you'd rather be alone than talk to me!"
Zuko turned his own set of seal-puppy eyes to a bewildered Sokka, silently urging him to do something .
While Sokka might have resisted one of their pleading looks, he wasn't armed to weather both of them.
"No, don't cry Katara! Of course I wouldn't rather be alone than with you! It's just our dads have been piling it on thick lately and I'm tired. I promise I'll try to make more time for you from now on!" The water tribe boy apologized, wrapping his sister in a hug. She kept sniffling a bit and burrowed deeper into Sokka's chest for a while.
When she pulled away, she was smiling again.
"Look," she gasped, pointing to the sky. "It's snowing black!"
Sokka and Zuko both looked upwards, the former craning his neck back and extending his tongue to catch one of the dark grey snowflakes. As soon as it landed, though, he made a grimace that would have been comical if not for the growing sense of dread coming over Zuko.
"Something's wrong," he said. "Go back to the village; maybe your parents will know what's going on."
Sokka nodded gravely, picking up on his friend's discomfort, and led Katara by the hand back up the small hill.
The small village was bustling with activity, warriors grabbing weapons and donning armour and war paint while the women and elders herded the children to safety.
"Sokka, Katara!" Hakoda exclaimed as soon as he spotted them, relief washing over his features. "Go to your mother!"
"Dad! What's going on?" Sokka demanded, already pulling Katara with him.
"Fire Nation raid," Bato answered gravely, eyes set with determination.
Zuko had known this was coming but he still found himself rooted to the spot, his entire body seizing as the feeling that had been steadily mounting finally made sense.
His own nation was attacking the place he had come to love like a second home. Attacking people that he thought of as family, even though they didn't know him. He had been watching them live, learning about their ways, always a ghost. Never real to anyone but Sokka.
And now they were in danger.
Zuko felt sick. The world around him was spinning and he was barely conscious of his surroundings anymore as his breathing hitched and grew more and more erratic.
(Back in his room, the candle flame flared and guttered in turn; too high then too low in an unnatural pattern)
When he came back to himself the ship had stopped and Fire Navy soldiers were pouring out of it. The Water Tribe warriors stood at the ready. Sokka was among them, boomerang in hand, ready to fight.
"Sokka, what are you doing ?!" He hissed furiously, afraid to disturb the still silent standoff. The other boy didn't even look at him, eyes fixed on the ship's captain.
"Hand over the waterbender and no harm will come to you or yours." Zuko gasped. Katara . They were here for Katara.
Zuko couldn't breathe. All he could see were flames flickering erratically. He didn't know what was burning. There was a whistling in his ears and he didn't know who was screaming. It sounded like a kettle releasing steam. It sounded like the grating of steel on steel.
Zuko blinked and the fight was over, the soldiers in red and black armour retreating back to their ship. The Water Tribe warriors were cheering. There were no bodies on the ground. Impossibly, the battle was over and no blood had been spilled.
Sokka took off running, Hakoda and Bato right behind him. Zuko didn't know what was happening, so he sprinted after them too.
There was a lot of blood. It was everywhere: on the furs, the walls of the tent, Kya's dead body. Zuko had never seen a corpse before, but it was hard to deny that Sokka's mother was no longer alive with her throat slit open, blood still dripping from the wound.
Katara was wailing, clutching at her mother's clothes. Sokka was crying too, demanding to know what had happened in barely coherent yells. Hakoda was gathering his children in his arms, features betraying no emotion yet. Bato was staring at them all, standing frozen at the entrance of the tent.
Zuko was drifting. He felt like he was floating away. While earlier his mind had waged a war inside him, emotions churning and drowning him, the sight of this grieving family made him numb. He couldn't really feel his body anymore. His mind was quiet, information registering but making no ripples in his consciousness.
Kya was dead, and Zuko couldn't feel anything. She was killed by Fire Nation soldiers and he was untethered.
- ^∆^•
Zuko was alone in the courtyard, going through the same sequence again and again until he could do it flawlessly without a second thought. Azula had perfected it after only five tries, but it always took Zuko longer to get the handle of a new kata. He was willing to put in the work, and practice until exhaustion if it was what it took to catch up to her.
Besides, it was a good way to get out of his own head. He'd be so exhausted at night from firebending practice, training with his dao swords and classes with his tutors he'd fall right into a dreamless sleep.
It was better that way. If he couldn't dream, he couldn't have nightmares either. He wouldn't have to be back in that blood spattered tent, seeing Kya die only for her to be alive again so he could be the one to kill her. Except then it wouldn't be her but Katara he saw dead at his feet.
Zuko knew that Kya's death had nothing to do with him, that there was nothing he could have done about it, but─
Someone had just appeared, putting themselves right in the path of his fire. The flames withered out seconds before reaching the boy as Zuko pulled them forcibly back.
"Wow that was a close one, good thing I'm not flammable."
"S- Sokka? What are you doing here?"
"Where have you been?" The Water Tribe boy asked, tone accusatory.
"I didn't think you would want to see me," Zuko admitted quietly, unable to meet his friend's gaze. Guilt had been eating at him, and he couldn’t bring himself to face Sokka. He felt dirty , like there was blood on his hands and soot on his face. No amount of scrubbing would get the feeling to go away.
"I just lost my mother, I don't want to lose my best friend too," Sokka said, voice wavering.
When Zuko looked up, there were tears in his eyes and it broke the Prince's heart to see Sokka in so much pain; pain he was partially responsible for.
"Hey, no, please don't cry, you'll never lose me!"
"Promise?" Sokka asked around another sob, tears running freely down his cheeks.
"I swear on my honour. I'll always be here for you, no matter what." Zuko had never meant anything more.
"I'll always be there for you too, sunshine." The boy promised with a wobbly but happy smile.
- ^∆^•
In the following years, Sokka and Zuko spent more time together than not. As they grew up, they had less and less occasions to spend long periods of time visiting, both of them having duties to attend to, so they would slip away for minutes or seconds at a time.
With some practice, they got it down to an art. They learnt that visiting could allow them to be in two places at once ─ with each other, first and foremost, but also in their own bodies. With enough focus they could achieve basic tasks from thousands of miles away. They couldn't hold a conversation or do anything that required concentration, but walking or eating were fine.
This was useful for talking without passing for crazy persons too. They could now alternate between the South Pole and the Fire Nation, only speaking when no one but the other could hear.
Sokka could hardly remember what life before Zuko had been like. The Fire Nation prince had become his whole world, the missing half of his soul.
His family noticed the changes in him ─ he was more quiet, seeming always lost in thought ─ but attributed it to grief. And it was, in a way. Zuko had filled the void left behind by Kya. He hadn't replaced his mother. No one could, however much Katara tried. Zuko had become his home, in the way the prince was safe and warm and Sokka felt he was the only person that truly knew and understood him. Zuko was who Sokka could bare his soul to and receive only understanding and acceptance. He’d never been good with words, but he always seemed to understand without Sokka saying anything.
Zuko was the sun and Sokka couldn't look away.
He felt guilty sometimes, about shutting everyone else out. But then Zuko would laugh at something he said or did, and it would all melt away in his brilliance.
It didn't mean they never disagreed or fought; about silly things like children are wont to do, about the important things sometimes too.
"Why do you let him treat you like this?!"
"He's my father! He's only doing it because he loves me, that's why he wants me to be better!"
"That's not how love works, Zuko!"
Their fights never lasted. They were too lost without each other to stay apart for long. They were each other's everything. Sokka was adrift, lost at sea and lurking in the shadows of his family’s grief. Zuko was the only bright thing in a world tainted by his mother’s death. The South Pole was full of painful memories, and seeing Fire Nation nobles gloat about military successes made him want to retch. Zuko made things almost alright, and Sokka was desperate for the comfort.
^∆^•
By the time Zuko was thirteen, he thought he'd pretty much gotten the hang of being Crown Prince of the Fire Nation. Azula was still their father's golden child, but it had been ages since Father had gotten angry at him. Nowadays he just vaguely acknowledged him when they were in the same room, and outright ignored him the rest of the time.
Zuko found himself satisfied with this arrangement, as it gave him time to practice as much as he liked, as well as study Fire Nation politics with Uncle Iroh.
Which was why he found himself in front of the War Room before one of his father's strategy meetings. He knew his opinion on such matters would not be valued, but he thought listening in would be beneficial in the future. The guards, however, were not inclined to let him through the door.
"Prince Zuko, what's wrong?" His uncle asked, turning him around by the shoulders gently.
"I want to go into the War Chamber, but the guards won't let me pass!" He exclaimed as his uncle led him a few paces away.
"You're not missing anything, trust me. These meetings are dreadfully boring," Iroh said kindly.
"If I'm going to rule this nation one day, don't you think I need to start learning as much as I can?"
Uncle considered for a moment before answering, "Very well, but you must promise not to speak. These old folks are a bit sensitive, you know?"
Zuko thanked him with a bow and followed his uncle into the War Room eagerly. This time, no one stopped him.
His father was hardly more than a shadow on his throne, hidden behind a wall of fire. Zuko took his seat around the table of generals, taking in the map sprawled out before him with its various markers. He didn't know what all of them meant, but most of it was pretty intuitive. His stomach constricted uneasily at the sight of the red marker nearest the South Pole. Those were the Southern raiders' ships. The fact they were heading away from the pole at least made him feel a little better.
He snapped back to attention when the Fire Lord declared the beginning of the meeting and one of the generals stood.
"The Earth Kingdom forces are concentrated here," General Qin pointed to an area near Ba Sing Se. "A battalion of their strongest earthbenders and fiercest warriors. So I am recomming the 41st division."
Zuko had never heard of the 41st, which was strange considering he'd spent the last week studying the strengths and weaknesses of the Fire Army's best battalions in preparation for this meeting.
"But the 41st is entirely new recruits," another general spoke up ─ that explained why Zuko had never heard of them; he was once again put at a disadvantage due to a lack of sufficient knowledge. He made a mental note to study all divisions of the army for the next meeting he attended. "How do you expect them to defeat a powerful Earth Kingdom battalion?"
Zuko frowned, it didn't make sense to send their newest recruits for this mission. They'd just get slaughtered.
"I don't." General Qin replied. Then why─ "They'll be used as a distraction while we mount an attack from the rear. What better to use as bait than fresh meat?"
Zuko saw red. How did this man, this general , dare say something like that? He had sworn an oath when joining the army to serve and defend the Fire Nation. How could he betray that with such confidence? It shouldn't be this easy ─ for anyone ─ to sacrifice lives so nonchalantly while staying in the safety of Caldera, never stepping foot on the front lines. Did this man have no honour?
"You can't sacrifice an entire division like that!" Zuko exclaimed, standing to give his words more weight. "These soldiers love and defend our nation. How can you betray them?"
His outburst was met by silence. Zuko looked around for support, but it soon appeared evident none of the generals and ministers would back him, not even Uncle. All were looking at the Fire Lord, waiting for his reaction.
"Do you presume to know better than my best general, Prince Zuko?" His eyes widened, heartbeat going frantic with fear as blood rushed to his head. "Perhaps you need to be reminded of your place. For your disrespect, you will fight an Agni Kai."
His mounting horror receded, washed away by a wave of relief. He might be the worst bender in the royal family, but he could take some cowardly old general. Zuko would gladly fight for the lives of his people.
"I am not afraid," he declared proudly. "I will fight."
The Fire Lord's ominous smirk was hidden behind a wall of flickering flames that rose and fell with his moods.
^∆^•
Sokka's nerves were choking him. He stood at the front of the gathered crowd with an enviable view of the arena the fire duel was taking place. All these nobles and palace officials, cheering for a fight between a thirteen year old and a seasoned general made him sick.
He'd learnt through Zuko that everything he'd been taught about the Fire Nation wasn't true, but in that moment they were just as cruel and bloodthirsty as he'd always been told. They didn't expect Zuko to win. They were here to see their teenage prince be made a spectacle of.
Sokka knew that wouldn't happen. Zuko had said he could win, and Sokka believed him. The young prince was a great firebender already, despite what his father and tutors said.
But the rest of them didn't know that. Sokka would gladly cheer at the cowardly old man's defeat. What kind of man fights a child in a duel to the death? Not that this particular duel would end with either fighter dead ─ both were too important for that. It was tradition, Zuko had told him, but the rules of Agni required only a burn to declare a winner. It wasn't all that reassuring. There were already too many burn scars on the prince’s body. They came in all shapes and forms, but too many of them looked like handprints for comfort. Zuko had always refused to tell him about them, pretending they were training accidents. Sokka knew better.
Zuko was the first to step onto the arena, shirtless but for the ceremonial shawl on his shoulders. He knelt, back to his opponent's side of the stone dais. His face was set with concentration and determination. He looked both older and younger than he was like this. The toned muscles of a warrior and the gravitas of a future leader hung around him, but he looked small, kneeling alone in front of the hungry eyes of the crowd. Sokka wanted to shield him from the scrutinising gazes of those who would deelect in his humiliation should he fail. They disgusted him.
The whispers of the crowd grew louder as the other fighter stepped into the arena, before quieting entirely. The crowd was holding its breath.
Sokka turned to look at what had silenced so many people, and his blood ran cold at the sight. Icy fingers gripped his entrails and squeezed, nausea roiling through his body. Zuko wouldn't be fighting General Qin. He was expected to duel the Fire Lord, his own father or forsake all honour.
If Sokka had been disgusted before, now he saw red, a blood coloured haze clouding his vision. His hatred and loathing for Ozai had never stopped rising, but this was something else entirely. He'd always known the Fire Lord didn't love his son, and yet this was beyond cruel.
Because Sokka knew, without a doubt, that Zuko couldn't fight his father.
The gong signalling the start of the Agni Kai sounded. Zuko gracefully spun around, falling into an offensive position as his silken shawl fluttered to the ground.
Time seemed to stop for an agonizing second as Zuko realised just who was standing before him, as if the spirits themselves were expressing their horror.
And then the inevitable happened. Zuko fell to his knees, bowing to his father, begging for mercy, "Please, father, I only had the Fire Nation's best interests at heart. I'm sorry I spoke out of turn!"
"You will fight for your honour."
Sokka would have fought in his stead if he could, but he was bound to the sidelines, a helpless spectator.
Zuko only bowd lower, forehead on the stony ground, "I meant you no disrespect. I am your loyal son."
But that was the issue, wasn't it? Zuko was too loyal for his own good, and Ozai only ever used his honour against him. There were no words for what Sokka felt towards the man towering over a cowering child at that moment. Anger or hate didn't even begin to describe it. Words did not feel like enough to describe the rage filling him at the sight.
"Rise and fight, Prince Zuko!" There would be no mercy for the Fire Prince. Zuko didn't seem to realise it, but Sokka knew.
"I won't fight you." It didn't matter anymore whether he did. Even if Zuko impossibly won the Agni Kai, he would still be the loser in the end. There was no way out. Sokka didn't know what was going to happen. No one else did either. The entire room was standing still, waiting to see what the Fire Lord and Crown Prince would do.
Sokka didn't want to see whatever happened next. He couldn't look away.
"You will learn respect, and suffering will be your teacher."
There were tears running down Zuko's cheeks as he looked up to his father.
Ozai reached towards his son’s face, cradling his cheek almost tenderly. Sokka, for a split second, dared to hope for the impossible.
And then there was only screaming. Sokka didn't know which of them was making those sounds like a dying animal. It was probably both of them.
It felt like his soul was being torn apart. All he could feel was pain. His thoughts turned to static as all he could hear were Zuko's screams. All he could see was his spasming body, held up only by the hand writhed in flames that was sizzling against his skin. The smell of burning flesh filled Sokka's nostrils with smoke and the nauseating scent of grilling meat.
And then everything turned to black.
When he opened his eyes he was blinded by the light reflecting on the white ice all around him. He was shaking all over. There were worried faces above him. Their lips were moving, but he couldn't hear what they were saying.
All he knew was the chanting in his mind of Zuko Zuko Zuko ZUKO!
He reached for the link that bound them, needing to know where he was, if he was okay ─ he wouldn't be, but Sokka needed to know , needed to see him. He tried to visit, but inexplicably he was still surrounded by ice and snow. He couldn't feel the comforting warmth that was like sunlight on his skin in the recesses of his soul. He couldn't feel Zuko.
This was his worst fear realised. Zuko was gone, like he had never existed.
Sokka was reaching for the sun, and it wasn't there anymore.