Chapter Text
In their defense - they really thought it would be fun.
And it was.
Even though Techno had to sweat for hours in a suit, it didn't stop him from enjoying the expressions of the guests as Phil, dressed in white, with his black feathers bobbing slightly in the wind, walked down the main aisle towards the altar. He had seen the glances exchanged surreptitiously, heard the whispers and slow, hesitant applause - and he relished every second of the awkward atmosphere.
"I'm really happy for you!" Puffy was one of the few who really made an effort to at least sound honest. Maybe because she was already a bit drunk. Techno watched as she gulped down three glasses of champagne before the ceremony even began. But when she hugged Phil, rocking him like he was a little kid rather than a taller friend from the army, he could see that she was speaking honestly. She tried to speak honestly. She tries to believe she can say it honestly. But she clearly had serious problems with that, because when she looked at Techno, her face lost some color. „I really do. Techno is such a…" She paused for a moment. "Such a good choice, yes."
It was one of the nicest words in the room today, and Techno had to admit. Not the most creative, because he was already a 'good creature' and a 'handsome beast', but definitely the nicest.
“It's not about stopping racism. It's about not letting racism to stop you!”said Phil in his very solemn speech they had made together the week before, searching the library for the most lofty slogans possible. Techno could point the finger at people whose expressions said that at this point, personally, they would very much be willing to let racism do its job. But no one spoke on 'or be silent forever.' What a shame. A little chaos would be the cherry on the cake.
But it was fun without it too. Especially when Sam grabbed him with an arm, pressed a glass of wine into his hand, and pulled him a little aside.
"I have to tell you, just in time," he laughed, trying to lower his voice and shout over the music at the same time. "We were all starting to worry that Phil was a little..." He raised his eyebrows significantly. "You know..."
Techno knew. Mainly because Phil, indeed, was 'you know'. Which only made the whole thing five times better.
"I assure you, he never looked at any woman the way he looks at me," he replied, fighting the temptation to turn around and call out to his friend that he had lost a bet. "And vice versa."
It took less than two hours for most of the guests to make the only right decision for their situation and make a mass-raid the bar. And the more alcohol disappeared, the more awkward the atmosphere became.
"I'm just saying that I absolutely don't understand how it works. Between you. Nope." Skeppy was barely on his feet, swaying and propping himself against the table every now and then, but he clearly felt a great need to explain to them exactly why they were about to commit a serious mistake and a crime against nature. Phil looked as if every second of listening to this gave him another reason to live. "No offense." He added quickly, turning to Techno. For a second it seamed as if the remnants of his wits had pierced through the alcohol blackout and suggested that he didn't want to die just yet. "You must be very..." He made a vague movement in the air "whatever."
"Whatever," Techno repeated, grinning in a growing smile. This day couldn't get any better.
And then, just like that, the day had gotten better. Skeppy staggered, looked up and down the room, and his eyes widened suddenly.
"What the fuck is this?"
Phil instinctively stood on tiptoe, grabbing Techno's arm for balance (Somewhere on the side Puffy, heading towards them, abruptly changed course), which was almost comically unnecessary, as Skeppy was staring at the highest point of the room.
"Oh, that's Bad." Phil dropped his heels to the floor, but still didn't remove his hand. "He's very kind. I think you might like each other."
Skeppy scowled at him.
"Sounds weird when you say it," he muttered, but he was already squeezing a new glass with one hand and adjusting his tie with the other. "But fuck it... Hey! You! Big thing!"
Techno raised his eyebrows, glancing at Phil with a mixture of admiration and disbelief.
"He will murder you when he sober up," he whispered, to which Phil replied with a loud laugh. Sometimes Techno was really glad that he never found himself on the other side of any of his friend's jokes. He was definitely comfortable where he was now.
They went home at sun rise when Phil finally got bored of the drunken compliments, and Techno was getting sick of having nowhere to sit down, as some of the guests had converted the chairs into private mattresses.
"I think we're all tired and it's time to go to bed."
Techno was sure that the image of Sam's face would stay with him forever. Good. He will frame it and hang it in the place of honor of the greatest achievements.
It's been a long time since he had so much fun. It had been a long time since he laughed as loudly as every time when Phil deliberately placed his hand so that everyone had to ask about wedding ring. Being married to this man was one of the craziest decisions he had ever made. Being his friend - one of the best.
And the latter was quite serious.
* * *
Phil met Kristin at the funeral. His own, to make it funnier. Techno wasn't quite sure what he thought about all this relationship. He was definitely damned angry - at himself for wanting to leave, and at Phil, who obviously couldn't sit still for days without getting into trouble. But in the end his friend was safe and sound (which cannot be said for the priest he had struck by breaking the coffin lid from the inside) and it was impossible to get angry with him as he spoke passionately about everything he had seen.
Apparently the poets were right - Death was, indeed, a woman. And Phil has just joined a small group of her admirers.
"Did it hurt?" Techno handed him a towel so he could wipe his hair after wash off the remnants of the earth. "Dying?"
Phil frowned in thought, but finally just shrugged.
"I don't know. A little? I guess?"
He sat down in front of the armchair, spreading his wings and beginning to carefully examine one's feathers while Techno started cleaning the other.
"Was it dark?"
"Um..."
"Cold?"
"Maybe?"
He swallowed hard.
"Did you hear what we say to you when you were down there?"
Phil tilted his head back, eyeing him meaningfully.
"I definitely heard you scream at me to stop being ridiculous, or you'd kill me yourself. That could be heard everywhere." he sneered, but seeing that the joke did not really amuse anyone, he sighed heavily. "I don't know, Techno, I didn't think about it, I didn't focus on such crap..."
If Techno were just a little petty and cling to words, he would feel very offended. But he wasn't. Not at all.
"You didn't focus on such crap."
Phil sighed again, and this time it was more of a dreaminess.
"You'd need have to see her to understand. You'd have to look into her eyes... Oh, she had such beautiful eyes... And her hair, dark and..."
Techno rolled his eyes. It was going to be a very long day.
* * *
According to the oath, they were to be together 'until Death do us part.' Techno didn't think Kristin was ever in any way standing between them. In fact, he genuinely liked Her. Not that they had the opportunity to meet in person, Technoblade never died and didn't intend to change this state of affairs. But he saw how Phil's eyes shine when he mentioned Her, how dreamily he stared at times, as if his gaze could penetrate time and space and somehow reach to Her. He said he saw Her in his dreams, and even if Techno wondered if that really was a normal, healthy relationship, he never commented. If someone made Phil happy (and Kristin definitely did), Techno owed them a debt of gratitude.
Though he always thought about it more metaphorically. He hadn't expected Phil to actually burst into his bedroom one night with a screaming child in his arms.
"Oh gods, Techno, you must help me," he blurted out in one breath. Then he almost jumped back as his friend looked sleepily at the infant and, without a word, reached for the sword beside the bed. "Not like that!"
"Oh." Techno put the sword down slowly, not without a little disappointment. One slash would have been enough to silence that dreadful howl, and that was what he was mainly thinking about at the moment.
Phil seemed to have a similar priority list, as he began pacing the room, lightly tossing the baby in his arms and making a strange, rustling sound.
"He was here when I woke up," he reported as the crying finally turned to a whimper. "Kristin said he's mine, but I thought she was just kidding!"
Techno rubbed his eyes, glanced once more at the blanket-wrapped baby, at his friend's pale face, and finally at his clock.
"You made a baby with Death? At five in the morning?" He asked, frowning. "And you couldn't wait till noon?"
"Techno," there was a familiar note of irritation in Phil's voice. He was rarely really angry, even less angry with his friend, but when he did, it usually resulted in damage comparable to a minor natural disaster. Which Techno didn't want at the moment, so despite internal protests, he dragged himself out of bed and stopped next to him, resting his chin on Phil's shoulder so that he could get a better look at the baby. The baby looked at him.
Techno had seen human children, of course he had. They were all loud, snotty and mostly crying at the sight of him, but they were also much larger, and they moved maybe chaotically, but in a rather coordinated manner. The thing in Phil's arms had a hard time dislodging its hand from the blanket, and if it had been placed on the ground, it would probably only move if someone had kicked it properly.
Techno felt that they wouldn't like each other.
"It's kind of… small," he assessed, grimacing. He tried to stab the creature with his finger just to be sure, but Phil slapped it in the last moment and gave him a resentful look. "What? It's not my fault it turned out some lopsided. Are you sure it's yours?"
Phil sighed heavily.
"It's a boy, his name is Wilbur, and he's exactly the size he should be," he replied, and, seeing that that didn't end the subject, sighed a second time. "It's a baby, Techno. Babies are like that."
Techno took another look at the creature, taking advantage of the fact that it just yawned widely and immediately stuffed a small fist into its mouth. As expected - no teeth, no claws.
"So how is he supposed to defend himself if something tries to eat him?"
Phil pressed the baby a little tighter to his chest and looked at him as if for a second he really thought there was "I" behind "something." Techno even wanted to be offended by it, but he could see all too well the panic in his eyes and the desperation mingling with a complete lack of idea what to do. There'll be time to remind him later. Now he just backed up a bit with hands raised.
Phil's shoulders relaxed, and it was clear he felt really stupid.
"That's what he has me for," he said, as if that would explain it all. And in fact, it did in some way. "I'm supposed to defend him."
Techno shook his head.
"All the time? Gods... How did your species survive this long?"
The friend's face tightened.
"You married 'my species'," he reminded him coldly. "So now you will help 'my species' to feed the next generation. Here." Before Techno could protest, Phil grabbed his arm, shifted it into position, and carefully placed the living bundle in the new makeshift cradle. "Hold him."
Techno stared at him.
"Phil, no, I don't-"
"Watch his head," he instructed before turning to face the door. "I need to find something to eat."
Techno instinctively tried to stop him, but the baby clearly didn't like the movement. It whimpered again, fidgeting, stretching its arms and kicking its tiny legs as if asking to fly to the floor immediately.
Techno stared at it with mounting terror.
"Phil." He tried again, but there was no sign of his friend in the bedroom. He was left alone, with a small, useless thing that he was supposed to help survive for some unknown reason. "Phil, don't leave me with this-!"
He hesitated, looking for a good word, but at the same moment the creature in his arms opened its eyes and suddenly looked at him with a strange attention. Techno wasn't going to be worse. So he was staring as well.
When Phil returned a few minutes later, with the bottle and the milk borrowed from the neighbors, this is how he found his son and friend. Staring at each other as if their lives depended on winning this silent competition.
And then, on cue, Wilbur began to cry and Phil had to run to the rescue.
"When..." Techno, never taking his eyes off baby, cleared his throat. "Will he always be so... useless?"
Phil was eager to lecture him to not use such terms, but his son was temporarily unable to accept any non-liquid food, and he spited up half of it, so yes, he was kinda useless.
"He will grow," he assured him, hoping it would be as soon as possible. He didn't know much about children. Even less on babies. And the only person he had to help was Techno. It will be a miracle if the three of them don't kill each other.
"When?"
"Soon. You won't even realise."
Techno just looked at the child in disbelief. And then carefully, slowly, and gently, he ran a finger through his dark hair.
"Wilbur, right?" he made sure. "That... doesn't sound that bad."