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Language:
English
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Published:
2021-04-22
Words:
441
Chapters:
1/1
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12
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33
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Cartoonish deaths for a bitch and hypocrites

Summary:

Wade Wilson takes down Iris, Diggle, Curtis and Dinah in cartoonish ways. Pure crack fic.

Notes:

Disclaimer: I do not own Deadpool, Arrowverse or anything else you may recognize.

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.

So, we got another case of fanatic infestation on this site, pfffft! So surprised….not! As if these negative extensions of us authors have anything better to do with their lives.

Got a hate review on my 'Confessions of Iris West' telling me how writing hate fic after hate fic over a fictional character I dislike and treating them horribly says a lot more about me than the character. Then, it ended with telling me to delete my 'bullshit' and get off this site.

And there was another about half an hour ago on 'Confession of hypocrites' where the moron said the same thing.

Here are some things you don't know about me- I almost stabbed a teacher once when I was 15 (not making this up, and not proud of it, I was going through a lot of bad shit back then, and it was a heat of the moment thing) and said FU to another teacher (who was revealed to be a sexual predator months later) on the face (really proud of that one for obvious reasons).

When I was 12, I pushed a guy's head into a vase for cussing my parents, and I also once beat up a guy over a seat real bad when I was 15. He needed to go to a dispensary, and I got a suspension.

You fanatics think you actually have a smidgen of chance against me? *Laughs maniacally* Cute.

All you are is edgy keyboard warriors whose bravery evaporates once there is no keyboard under your fingers. You're not dealing with your average weak-willed author anymore.

You're dealing with a psycho nutcase.

Oh! And how can I forget? I throw knives on a wall when I'm pissed to calm myself down.

So get this- you can post a 100 hate reviews on every single story of mine, telling me get the fuck out of this site, but, I'm gonna be around on this site for as long as I want, which is gonna be a few years at least, since only after my 'Heroes' series is finished will I consider maybe stopping. And that's a really big 'if'.

Also, it's hilarious you're coming after those stories after one year. I don't even write for Arrowverse anymore unless it's a crossover fic. Last time I wrote anything anti-Iris was about 6 months ago. My work focuses on Buffyverse and MCU now.

So the fact that I've moved on, but you can't, shows how pathetic you really are.

And this fic now exists because you were all too stupid to take a hint.

Also, thanks a lot to Brainstorm Sorcerer for the suggestions of deaths for the characters.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Iris West was driving in a car on the road, whistling happily to herself, thinking about how Barry can be hers again, even though he was in a 3-way relationship with Patty and Caitlin now. They were just distractions, she was the real deal.

Even though they actually loved and understood him, unlike her.

She saw a tunnel in front of her and drove into it, only to crash her car, since someone had painted a tunnel over the wall, and the car went up with a bang as Iris screamed in horror. "NOOOOOOOO!"

Diggle was returning home after his meltdown over Oliver not giving him the Green Arrow suit again, still feeling satisfied over his low blow of saying how Oliver got all around him killed, but feeling hurt that Oliver had brought up his brother.

He opened the door. Lyla wasn't home yet, and JJ was sleeping in his room. As Dig walked further in, a piano dropped over his head. "AAARGGHH!"

Curtis was eating a pie in his home, thinking about the time he'd used Dig's disability against him, and then still played the victim later,

As he ate another piece, he suddenly felt a metallic taste in his mouth, and started taking it out, it was big, and as it was half-out of his mouth, his eyes widened in horror as he realized it was a bomb inside his pie, but it exploded before he could fully take it out.

Dinah woke up, having been knocked out by a tranquilizer dart, and found herself tied up on railroad tracks, a collar around her neck to prevent her from screaming.

The train arrived as Dinah screamed in horror, trying to get free, but failed.

Deadpool sat in his place, watching all the incidents on cameras and laughed hysterically.

"And finally, 6 months later, I assassinate these little shits. The bitch who thinks her feelings are more important than the fate of a city. The bastard who has an ego bigger than Lian Yu. The scum who feels justified in using a man's disability against him. And the harpy who is vengeance crazed over someone who dismissed innocent civilians he killed as collateral damage."

He then looked at the screen and said. "Oh! And to you fanatics- every time you drop a review, another one of these goes up. Aragorn can do this all day, he has dealt with assholes who make you look tame in comparison. Even he himself makes you look tame in comparison. If you think I'm crazy, you haven't actually seen him up close yet. You wanna take that crazy little shit on? Good luck."

Notes:

Also, here's something about these fanatics- their only purpose in life seems to be to antagonize me, Stand with Ward and Queen, Phillipe363, Bl4ckHunter, and a few others, and they do it on every pairing of ours which they do not approve of (not that anyone cares).

But that proves, that their only purpose in life actually comes from US! So basically, if we didn't exist, they would rot away without doing a thing with their meaningless existence. Because of us, they do something with their meaningless existence, it's a horrible thing to do, but that's the only thing they actually do.

So, in reality, these fanatics are actually nothing more than negative extensions of us authors who don't pander to them, they're not their own people, just our negative extensions, and that's it.

And it would be hilarious if it wasn't so pathetic.

Anyway, hope all enjoyed and see you all next time with some other update. Stay safe from the coronavirus ya all!