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The delicate sunlight was caressing his face. The sun was setting, painting the sky various shades of red. The fresh, spring wind in his hair made him feel free. He felt as if he was capable of doing anything he would ever imagine. And that feeling was not about to fade away.
He took a deep breath in and looked at the boy above of him, on whose thighs he was laying. His skin was beaming in the sunrays, so were his honey coloured eyes. Some loose strands of his hair were framing his face shape and the navy shade brought out the colour of his orbs.
Xingqiu was perfect to him. Not only was he the embodiment of beauty, he was also lettered. Sometimes, he felt like a burden to him. Just his presence would make him feel better, but what did he do for him? He was not as well read as his friend, he could not talk with him about his favorite books, nor was he as lively and joyful as he was. It felt like he was the opposite of Xingqiu, always calm and collected, never satisfied with himself. Why did he choose a guy like Chongyun then?
Chongyun lifted his head up slightly to be able to see his friend better. He once again eyed his face, blinking a couple of times, because of the sharp sunlight. The latter one realised he’s being watched and returned the gaze, smiling at him fondly.
It was the same smile he would give him. The exorcist cringed at the memory and tried to stop himself from going down the flashbacks lane, but it was too late. He indulged in the painful pleasure of envisioning the time he saw Xingqiu with the red headed fatui, smiling as beautiful as ever, hugging the other man tightly.
It was late at night near the harbour. Chongyun was coming back from a last minute booked exorcism he got, which he performed successfully. He did not even have the chance to see the spirit, as he chased it away with his excessive yang energy. He was feeling a bit down, after all he wanted to perform the exorcism, but it was fine. It was not the end of the world.
The end of the world was about to happen, as he saw the two men around the corner, in a tight embrace. He was watching them for a minute, but he could not believe his eyes. At first he wanted to deny that it was Xingqiu, but how could he mistake the uneven haircut and the navy blue locks. There was no mistaking it - it was Xingqiu. He would have recognised him in the dead of night, in a foreign city, in a different world. Of course he would, he was the love of his life.
But why was he hugging that damned fatui? Chongyun looked away, he felt his heart start beating faster and his palms sweating. He touched his chest, as if afraid his heart was going to burst out of it. He felt dizzy. His head started spinning. It could not be happening.
Suddenly, Xingqiu pulled away from the man, cupped his face with his palm and smiled once again, ever so sweetly. He quickly got on his way, waving. He was gone, leaving Chongyun all alone in the middle of an alleyway, not knowing what to do. He was considering two options - ending it all once and for all or acting as if nothing ever happened.
The exorcist sighted at the painful memory. He brushed through his hair with his fingers and closed his eyes. He was taking in the last few sunrays. He really loved spending his days out in the sunlight doing nothing. It felt hot without overheating him, just ideal for him.
After what happened at the harbour, his first instinct was to drown himself in Liyue ocean blue water, but he knew that was not the answer to his problem. He had to talk to his lover about what happened. But how? Should he say he saw them together? He did not want Xingqiu to think he was spying on them. After giving it some thought, he decided to just tell him the truth.
He met up with him after a few days, as he wanted to take some time to himself, just to be sure he could face the other man without being hurt too much. What if this was just platonic?
They met up at Xingqiu’s place, which always felt like a comfortable safe space, like an everlasting shelter. He mentally tied it with Xingqiu and the nice moments they spent here together, but now it felt different. One could say empty, almost foreign-like.
Chongyun lifted his head from his lover’s lap and rubbed his eyes. He could feel himself dozing off to sleep.
“Ah-” Xingqiu noticed the other man woke up. “I thought you fell asleep, my dear Chongyun.”
For a moment, the cute nickname hurt the exorcist, but the feeling quickly wore off. It was all good now. The bad moments were a past.
“No, I wasn’t, but I could feel myself getting sleepier, so I got up to prevent that.” He admitted and sat next to his lover.
After they got to the Guhua boy’s room, Chongyun visibly felt uncomfortable. Xingqiu realised that and did not waste any time - he started questioning his lover. The exorcist wanted to confront him right away, but for some reason, he stalled. He was afraid of his reaction. What if he was overreacting?
It was painful to bring up the memory, let alone talk about it, but Chongyun made the effort to talk about it properly. The reaction he got from Xingqiu was unexpected. Firsty, shock filled his eyes. Then, denial, as if he could not believe the other man saw him that day. Next, a wave of sadness. Lastly, pain. The last stage took a while. The feeling of regret filled him whole.
“Chongyun, I…” He stared, but paused to think. He could not think of any words to express his feelings and he was usually the one to know his way with words. “I… I don’t even know what to say. I am so sorry.” He cried.
The apology hurt the exorcist more than it should have. He was saying sorry, so it should be fine, no? But it was not, because an apology meant Xingqiu admitted to doing something wrong.
“I… I’ve been seeing Tartaglia… behind your back…” He whispered, a single tear running down his cheek.
“Excuse me?” Chongyun asked in disbelief.
He could see that coming, but he wanted his lover to deny all of it, say it was not him, that he mistook it for someone else. His head started spinning. He wanted to leave the room, but his love for the other man did not let him.
“I truly regret it, I promise! And… I won’t do it ever again, you have my word!” He cried and grabbed the other man by his shoulders. “Please, believe me! It was a mistake!”
Chongyun smiled sadly at the memory of those unfortunate events. Xingqiu looked over and noticed the sad expression on his lover’s face.
“My dear Chongyun, is everything alright? You look pale.” He said in a worried tone.
The exorcist leaned over to him and kissed him subtly on his cheek, then caressed him on the other cheek and looked him in the eyes. They were shining brightly and Chongyun thought that he was lucky to be with the most beautiful person.
“Yes, Xingqiu” He stated. “You look stunning.”
The navy blue haired boy blushed lightly at the remark.
He then returned the compliment. “I’m the one that has the most handsome boyfriend.”
They both felt peaceful at heart. It was refreshing, after days of feeling empty and lonely, Chongyun finally felt like he could breathe.
Xingqiu admitted to cheating. At first, the whole world collapsed for the exorcist.
“What now?” He would ask himself a lot.
But there was not an answer to that, he had to figure it out himself. He wanted it to work out between Xingqiu and him. What did he do wrong for Xingqiu to look for love elsewhere? He questioned the Guhua boy about it. At first, Xingqiu refused to answer, saying that it was too personal to talk about it, but after some time, he gave in.
Tartaglia’s nails that dug deep into his shoulders, his possessive behaviour, his rough and strict mannerism, the fact he always wanted everything to be his way... - everything about him was so different. He was the opposite of Chongyun in every way.
The exorcist was delicate, he would always take care of Xingqiu before, during and after sex, he was slow with his movements and even in moments he would feel like losing control, he would still put Xingqiu’s well being over his deepest desires, he would take care of his body, he would pay attention to little details and he would remember small things about his lover, he would…
He was drastically different from Chongyun. Xingqiu wanted to experience it with someone different.
“I think we should head home. It will be nighttime soon.” Xingqiu stated and stood up. He
The exorcist eyed him, then looked at the ground.
“What’s wrong? Don’t you want to head back home?” The Guhua boy asked, looking at his lover worryingly.
Suddenly, Chongyun grabbed him by his wrist. He looked him deep into his eyes with a straight face.
“Xingqiu, I… am absolutely infatuated with you. I…” He paused to take a deep breath. “I want to live my life with you next to me. I can’t imagine it any other way. I never want to see you with somebody else, ever again.”
Xingqiu smiled sadly at the reminder of the unfortunate events and came closer to the boy. He hugged him tightly, he could feel his lover started to sob quietly.
“It’s alright now. It’s alright. Please, don’t cry. I know what I did was unacceptable, yet you still forgave me. That is why I think I’m the luckiest person to ever walk in the streets of Liyue.” He said and kissed his lover fondly. “I… love you and I promise that this won’t happen ever again.”
Chongyun lifted his head to look at the other man. He could see in his eyes that he was serious. He trusted him blindly. After all, he was free - he could do whatever he wanted to. But the exorcist trusted him with all of his heart.
“I love you too.” He replied softly and tightly grabbed him by his shoulders. “I love you so much, Xingqiu.”
They hugged and kissed many more times that day and every day that came after that. The bad thoughts still came around from time to time, but Chongyun wrapped his head around them. Xingqiu’s soft lips were costly, but the young exorcist was ready to pay the full price.