Chapter Text
Sorry Not Sorry
“…and that will be all for today, gentlemen.” Thorin tapped his sheaf of papers on the table to even them out. “I will consider your ideas to expand Erebor’s agriculture industry. Balin will inform you once a decision has been reached.”
There was the usual cacophony of chairs scraping along the floors as everyone got up to leave and murmur of voices as conversations were struck up after listening to Thorin patiently debate with their spokesman.
As they all trickled out the door of the hall, Thorin leaned back in his chair, letting out a long sigh. “Thank Mahal that meeting is over with…”
“I, for one, agree.” Balin replied, carefully placing his stack of papers into a satchel. “While I may be a diplomat, even I have my limits.”
Thorin nodded absently as he made his way over to the massive doors that marked the exit of the meeting hall.
“Heading home to the missus?” Balin’s voice called after him.
Thorin stopped and turned to look at the white-haired dwarf. “No, I have urgent business I need to tend to tonight,” he sighed.
“Thorin,” there was a dangerous edge to Balin’s voice, “I have asked you that question every night for the past week, and you’ve given me the same answer. Do you even see Estel anymore? Your children even?”
Thorin sighed wearily, closing his eyes. “Balin, everything is fine between me and Estel. She understands.”
With that, he walked away briskly. He didn’t want to admit it, but Balin brought up a good point.
“I don’t think she does Thorin…”
Thorin ignored him. Really, who knew his wife better than he did?
~~~
Not Thorin, obviously. Or at least not right now. His tired eyes missed details others saw.
Details like the lines on her face that hadn’t used to be there, or how she would oftentimes doze off once Dís forced her into a chair to rest. Everybody else saw how dealing with nine children while being heavily pregnant with a tenth all by herself was literally draining the life out of her.
Even the Valar themselves were noticing.
Aulë watched as Thorin arrived back in his chambers well after the twelfth hour and literally fell into bed fully dressed.
He was the only one, save Yavanna, who saw how the motion woke Estel up. How the child-swollen dwarrowdame got up and carefully tucked her husband in before returning to her side of the bed.
How Thorin slept like a rock and never touched his wife, whether it be unconsciously reaching out in his sleep to hold her or with more romantic intentions. How hard Estel worked to parent their children and how she shed tears that nobody else saw.
And it pissed him off.
~~~~
At that point, when Thorin woke up in a garden, he should have been very scared. An angry god is not one you want to meet.
He was only slightly confused though. Until he came face-to-face with the burly man carrying a large hammer and a willowy lady dressed in what appeared to be flowers.
“Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thrain,” the man boomed and Thorin began to feel a little anxious. He felt as though he’d met the pair before, but he couldn’t put a finger on who they were.
“At your service,” he responded. Nobody said anything, and Thorin got the feeling that the man was either quite angry or simply trying to find the right arrangement of words.
Then the woman spoke. “What my husband is trying to say is that we are very disappointed in you and your treatment of your wife.”
Suddenly it dawned on Thorin just who these people were.
Aulë and Yavanna themselves.
Shit.
“You have immersed yourself in your work and forsaken her and your children. You, who think that things are perfect between the both of you, are blind to what is really there.” Yavanna spoke softly, but the words felt like they were slapping Thorin across the face.
Aulë piped up, his voice like that of a thunderclap. “So, to teach you a lesson, we are ensuring that you will know Estel more intimately than you ever would have dreamed.”
Now, this actually wasn’t sounding all that bad to Thorin, and he was about to ask why this was a punishment when he abruptly woke up.
The first thing he noticed was the unusual pressure on both his lungs and his bladder. The second thing was that he was wearing a nightgown (dear Mahal, he hadn’t gotten drunk last night had he?) and the third was that his stomach looked like he’d swallowed Bombur whole.
Wanting answers, he turned to wake Estel, only to find himself asleep in the bed. Right before he started screaming, Aulë’s words echoed in his mind.
You will know Estel more intimately than you ever would have dreamed.
That really wasn’t what he’d envisioned when he’d heard that.
~~~~~
Time passed by after Thorin and Estel had swapped bodies. Rumours flitted around Erebor during the last few weeks of Estel’s pregnancy about how Thorin suddenly wore a smug expression and nobody could figure out why.
Thorin learned in excruciating detail just how the female body worked while pregnant and decided that he was glad he didn’t have to deal with breasts. Don’t get him wrong, he thought they were great, just not when he was the one with them.
Estel learned that while being a male had all sorts of fun advantages, there was one specific anatomical difference that made her life living hell. At least being a woman meant nobody but yourself knew when somebody was turning you on.
But finally, the day Estel had been eagerly anticipating (while simultaneously worrying about how Thorin would take it) and Thorin had been dreading, arrived.
~~~
“Mahal’s beard…” Thorin groaned, running a hand across his swollen abdomen. “You never talked about how painful false labour could be….oh….shiiiitt….”
Estel rolled over in the bed, blinking sleepily. “Is everything alright?” She asked, voice gruffer than normal from sleep. Well, gruffer in general because she was inhabiting Thorin’s body.
“Yes? No? Oh, I don’t fucking know….” Thorin’s voice trailed off into a moan and he squirmed uncomfortably. “My whole body is one fucking ache!”
“Easy on the language.” Estel said, giving him a look. “I know it probably doesn’t feel good--” Thorin let out a snort, “but that doesn’t mean you can use my mouth to say such words.”
“Oh, fu—bugger off…” Thorin grumbled. “You don’t know what I’m going through right now.”
Estel sat up, looking down at Thorin with an unimpressed eye. “Oh, I know exactly what you’re feeling right now. I’ve already had nine kids, remember? And I’ve carried this one for almost nine months too. I’d say I should know better than you.”
“Just shut up.” Thorin ran a hand over the swell of his stomach, eyes closed in a grimace. “Mahal’s balls, this one almost seems worse.”
“Worse?”
Thorin nodded mutely, letting out a soft groan.
“Maybe you’re going into labour…” Estel said thoughtfully.
“WHAT?!” Thorin screeched, looking at her with panic in his eyes. “I can’t push a fucking baby out of myself! I can’t do it!”
He promptly burst into tears, leaving Estel to try and soothe him.
“Thorin, love, you’ll do just fine. I’ll be with you the whole time, Dis’ll be there…”
Thorin’s hand clamped down on her arm with an iron grip. “No. I don’t want Dis there. Just you and Loka.”
“But both her and Lorelei have always been here for my labours. What’s the big deal?” Estel asked with raised eyebrows.
“That was you, not me. I’m not comfortable with everybody looking at my naked body. Especially not my sister.” Thorin shuddered.
“It isn’t even your body!” Estel laughed, and Thorin scowled.
“Doesn’t matter.” He sniffed primly. Something he could only manage when inhabiting a female body.
“Anyways,” Estel sighed, sliding out of the bed, “I’m going to get Loka so she can look you over. It might be nothing though, so don’t worry.” She flashed Thorin a smile.
“Too late.”
~~~
Estel strode quickly through the empty hallways of Erebor, marveling how quickly she could cover the distance with Thorin’s longer legs.
It also helped that she wasn’t carrying an almost full-term baby anymore.
Reaching the door to Fili and Loka’s chambers, she hesitated for a moment as she thought through how to respond if it was Fili answering the door. Hopefully Loka would answer and not Fili.
She knocked lightly, conscious of the fact that she didn’t know her own strength. And that the last time she’d knocked on a door, she’d busted her—Thorin’s—knuckles.
The seconds that passed by felt like minutes. Estel shifted on her feet, all too conscious of the fact that she’d left Thorin by himself in what she was fairly certain was the beginning of active labour.
Footsteps sounded behind the door and she heard the click of the lock before the door was swung open by a curious dwarrowdame.
“Oh thank the Valar,” Estel breathed before the brunette could speak. “Loka, I think Thorin’s gone into labour.”
Loka smothered a giggle, prompting Estel to raise an eyebrow. “I’m sorry, it just sounds funny. A dwarrow in labour, really.” She shook her head, unable to erase the mirthful smile on her face. “Excuse me, I’ll go fetch my things.”
“I agree with you on the absurdity of it all,” Estel chuckled, “but do hurry. I’m worried about leaving him in that state for long. He didn’t seem to be handling things well…”
~~~~
Truth be told, he wasn’t.
Thorin regretted sending Estel out for Loka the moment the door had closed behind her. In hindsight, he should have thought about having her call a guard or servant to fetch Loka. Then he wouldn’t have been left by himself to try and cope with the intermittent pains.
The pain wasn’t bad, per se, but he would have preferred it if they were regular.
Predictable.
Whatever this—false labour, active labour, he didn’t have a clue—was, it came sporadically.
Sometimes there were long gaps between the aches that blossomed in his back. Gaps that convinced him that this wasn’t the real deal, and he was just paranoid.
But then there were the contractions—if that’s what they were called—that hit one after the other. Pulses of pain that made him grit his teeth and feverishly rub his swollen abdomen in a futile attempt to relieve the aching pressure.
He was starting to believe that Estel was right when she had told him that one time that he’d know when it was time. And if the small voice in the back of his mind was any indication, then he was going to have to find his balls and act like a man….well, dwarrowdame. He didn’t want to be a man for this.
~~~
“So, do you know how long he’s been having pains, and how intense they are?” Loka asked breathlessly, trying to keep up with Estel’s long strides. “And, for Mahal’s sake, slow down!”
“Sorry,” Estel apologized sheepishly. “I’m not used to being in Thorin’s body. I forgot how fast I can walk with longer legs. And I really don’t have answers for you. He just woke me up with his fidgeting. I think he’s being a bit dramatic about the whole thing honestly, but he could have a fast labour. This is my ninth after all…”
Loka nodded. “True… I would expect your labours to go faster based on what I’ve learned from the women in Dale and your history…” She trailed off as a thought hit her. “Estel, how long was your labour with Eledhwen and the twins?”
Estel frowned, thinking. “With Eledhwen, it wasn’t more than four hours from start to finish. I remember the pains coming right in the middle of one of Thorin’s afternoon meetings, and she was born before supper. The twins were a bit longer, but not by much. Why do you ask?”
“I just think that this could be a fast labour, that’s all. And we don’t know what stage he was at when you left him.”
That’s when it dawned on Estel was Loka was getting to. The very real possibility that Thorin literally could have a baby at any moment.
Loka and Estel took off at a run.
~~~~
Meanwhile, Thorin was still trying to figure out how Estel had stayed so calm during the beginnings of all her labours. If this was what she had gone through each time….Mahal, his respect for the women of the world was increasing dramatically.
As the pain subsided, he decided that maybe it would help to get out of the bed and walk around. Let gravity do whatever it did with babies.
The process of extracting himself from the bed was even more difficult than it usually was with his bowling ball of a stomach. Presumably because he felt like a coiled spring of wire. He was on edge waiting for the next wave of pain.
Finally, he levered himself out of the bed and walked, (not waddled. He didn’t waddle, how dare you think that), to the sitting room, noting that it instinctively felt right to be walking around.
The female body was odd, that was for sure. All these instincts that both baffled him and made sense at the same time. It explained why mothers appeared to have eyes on the backs of their heads.
“Amad?”
The soft voice woke Thorin from his thoughts. Turning, his gaze fell upon the figure of his and Estel’s eldest child.
Thorin III was almost a mirror image of his father, much to Thorin’s pride and vague worry. He worried that the boy would turn out just like him, and he didn’t want that. He didn’t want the boy to know the same sufferings he had.
To be as stubborn and untrusting as he had been.
When he had voiced these worries, Estel had given him an understanding smile and a shake of her head. “He’ll only end up that way if he has those exact same experiences, Thorin. He will grow up to be his own dwarf, just you watch, my love.”
“Is everything alright? Is the baby bothering you?” The lad asked, moving to stand beside his…father? Mother? Thorin didn’t know. Damn bodyswap was bloody confusing.
Another pain brewed in the muscles of his back, but Thorin refused to let his son see it show on his face. “Everything’s fine, Thora.” He reassured the boy, forcing a smile. “Just a little backache, that’s all.”
His answer appeased Thora and Thorin hoped that meant the boy would go back to bed so he didn’t have to worry about hiding the pain.
But Thora only moved closer to place a hand on Thorin’s child-swollen abdomen. “It’s nighttime, shouldn’t they be asleep?” He asked curiously as his touch elicited a kick from the baby.
Of all the times for his son to be asking questions about babies….
“Babies never sleep when they’re supposed to, Thora. And it doesn’t know there is such a thing as daytime and nighttime.”
“Oh.”
“Now, shouldn’t you be in bed, hm?” Thorin tried to imitate Estel’s ‘I-am-your-mother-listen-to-me’ expression.
Thora looked as though he would challenge his…damn it…challenge Thorin.
Only for Thorin to be saved by the baby. There was an incredibly well-timed and even better aimed kick to his bladder that caused him to clench his thighs and high-tail it for the bathroom.
He really didn’t want to clean up his own piss.
Thankfully, that didn’t happen. He just got walked in on.