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"I really think you're being too hard on yourself." Trey said as he looked with a frown at the defeated-looking Cater. "This is one of the bigger obstacles you're trying to climb."
"This is why I don't believe in self-improvement." Ruggie smirked at the conversation and sipped at his drink. "You try to make everything better and you get drama like this."
"Laugh it up, furball." Cater lightly kicked Ruggie under the cafeteria table, who let out his hyena chuckle at the reaction. "I'm being serious though. I've been trying to be a better friend to everyone, and now that I can actually talk to Idia I don't know what to talk about with him."
"And look at you now. Every other week, stuck in a room with Idia with nothing to talk about but a game." Ruggie nodded. "Forced to enjoy the company of your boyfriend and your friends while playing games, and getting free food and drink from the Mostro Lounge..." The hyena stared into space for a moment. "...Think you can get me an invite to game night?"
"I'll see what I can do." Cater said as he rolled his eyes. He did put it into a mental to-do list, since he wouldn't mind Ruggie's company and the boy could always use more quality food.
"But I'm being serious." Trey interrupted their banter. "I'm not saying you can't be friends with Idia, but... He's... Insular. Being friends with him probably involves not getting to know him." The Club turned to look right at Cater.
"For him, just having someone who cares about him but does nothing is all the affection he needs in a lifetime. So don't get too worked up about not 'knowing' him. He's shy, so he probably wears his heart on his sleeve and what you see is what you get." Trey finished with his two cents.
"You're probably right..." Cater sighed before nibbling on a sandwich. "Still feels... Bleh..."
"Or..." Ruggie leaned in conspiratorially.
"No." Trey cut him off.
"Just hear me out." Ruggie raised a hand at Trey. "Cater, you really want to get to know him, right?"
"Of course, if he'll let me." Cater looked over to Ruggie.
"He's a nerd. He's probably got accounts on fan art and fan fiction sites." Ruggie continued. "Go onto those, find a show he's written about or liked other peoples' arts about, and... Maybe it's something you've already watched. Maybe it's something you've already watched and you can talk about that. Maybe it's something you haven't watched before and could watch. Instant conversation piece."
"...That's actually a really good idea." Trey said with a nod.
"Why are you so surprised?" Ruggie grumbled at Trey. "I have plenty of good ideas."
"Ruggie, I could kiss you." Cater said, suddenly pepping up.
"I mean, I wouldn't say no." Ruggie turned his head and nonchalantly poked his cheek. Cater laughed and leaned in and gave a smooch to the hyena's cheek.
"Anyways, thank you! I know exactly what I'm going to do! Off to my computer to read fanfiction!" Cater hopped out of his seat and ran away.
"...I have a sudden bad feeling in the pit of my stomach..." Trey whispered as he watched Cater run off.
"Nah, it's not like Cater and I did anything to inappropriate." Ruggie went back to his food. "Nothing that'd piss his boyfriend off at least... Unless you're the jealous one." Ruggie smirked up at Trey.
"No, not that." Trey rolled his eyes. "I have a feeling like he's actually making a mistake."
"Oh, what, turns out Idia's favorite movie is one Cater absolutely hates?" Ruggie put on an mocking voice before laughing. "Come on, seriously, what's the worst that could happen?"
It was a cozy evening at the Mostro Lounge, and Leona had decided to treat Cater to a lovely dinner. For all the misgivings the lion had about Azul, he had to admit that this was the best place to eat... At least without going out of your way to leave campus.
Leona had made reservations a week ago, and... Well, Cater was late. Leona got his table, ordered a drink, and… Waited. And waited. And waited. Five minutes turned into ten, which turned into fifteen. Leona was annoyed, and was about to text Cater when the redhead finally arrived. Leona was about to be sarcastic, but… Cater looked like he hadn’t slept, and like he wasn’t feeling too good.
”…You look like shit.” Leona said, the concern in his voice hidden behind his usual sarcasm.
”Sorry, sorry, I…” Cater rubbed his face. Even his make up wasn’t perfect. “I didn’t sleep well last night.”
”Oh, you that addicted to a housewarden bed already?” Leona smirked at him, even as he worried internally about the redhead. While Cater was distracted and recovering, Leona turned and motioned to a waiter to get the redhead a drink.
”No, I… Uh…” Cater shook his head. “I’m worried about Idia.” Leona stared, sipping from his drink as he tried to process that answer.
”…Did something happen? Last I heard he’s been in his room all this time.” Leona said as he took another sip.
”No, uh…” Cater said. “You know how I’ve been trying this whole… ‘Actually putting effort into being friends instead of just taking selfies’ thing?”
”Yeah? Did Idia say something mean when you tried to talk to him?” Leona asked.
”No, I uh… I found Idia’s Fanfic Archive account, and decided to read what he wrote.” Cater explained.
”Fanfic Archive…?” Leona tilted his head to the side in confusion.
”It’s a website where people write fanfiction and post it online.” Cater said, and continued when Leona still looked confused. “People write stories based on books and movies and video games and stuff and post it online.”
“Cater, what the hell are you talking about?” Leona finally cut in. “You’re losing sleep because you’re worried about Idia because he writes nerd shit?”
”It’s the nerd shit he writes!” Cater hissed, trying to keep his voice down. “Some of the stuff he wrote is… Weird and unhealthy. #Problematic and stuff. I wonder if it’s a cry for help.” Now Leona was getting concerned.
“What kind of stuff? Like…” Leona looked around. “You think he’s in trouble and trying to get help?”
”I have no idea…” Cater shook his head. “It was just… So heavy…”
“What…” Leona actually looked around nervously. “What did you read?”
”I mean, I don’t know where to start…” Cater said. “I mean, there was some big stuff, basically novellas, but I read the short stuff. And like… The first once was a romance between a doctor and a patient.”
”Idia wrote romance?” Leona let out a hum of surprise. “Didn’t think he had it in ‘im.”
”Did you miss the doctor and patient part of it?” Cater whispered.
”No, but that sounds like most Doctor dramas.” Leona shrugged.
”Yeah, but it was a superhero show, the patient was eighteen and— I did the math, the doctor had to be at least thirty because he was a licensed radiologist before a time skip.” Cater hissed. Leona nodded at that.
”Okay, I can see where the issue is…” Leona said. “Doesn’t seem much to lose sleep over.”
”And then I found another one from another season of the same show.” Cater continued. “This time, between some random women with super strength and some sort of demon thing that was possessing her brother.”
”Gross.” Leona’s face scrunched up. “I’m assuming the demon was still in the brother’s body?”
”No, but it still looked like her brother.” Cater explained.
“Oh, okay.” Leona looked relieved. “That really brings the weird back down.”
”You’re calm about this. I’m pouring my heart out and you’re just enjoying a drink.” Cater said, before he noticed his own drink had been delivered and he started drinking.
”Cater, you’ve given me two fictional adults in a relationship I’ve seen dozens of times on shows I’ve fallen asleep to, and a girl who likes a guy who looks like her brother but is a demon.” Leona said, looking mildly exasperated. “I think it’s weird, but I don’t know about losing sleep…”
”That’s because I haven’t even told you the worst part.” Cater whispered. “After that, I found… Darker stuff.”
”What... Kind of darker stuff...?" Leona asked. He glanced around conspiratorially. So far he was underwhelmed based on Cater's disheveled state, but maybe there was something to actually be concerned about.
"There was a..." Cater searched for the words. "Adult fic-"
"Idia wrote porn?" Leona raised an eyebrow. "Didn't think the kid had a sex drive at all. Good on him."
"Leona!" Cater shouted, getting some attention from the fellow diners. He took a deep breath and calmed back down. "It was... Second person, main character was the reader who was implied to be a student at a school. They were scared and talked about how they felt they were being photographed... And suddenly it turns out their friend posts photos of them without their permission acting like they were dating. It was creepy and threatening... But the 'reader' character seemed to kind of be into it. The two even... You know..."
"Was it hot?" Leona asked.
"Not the point." Cater growled. "I just read that and I'm wondering if Idia is involved in something, or had something happen to him, and he's just looking for an outlet. Or even worse, he's actually a closet freak and he's one bad day from doing something terrible."
Leona stared at Cater as the redhead rubbed his eyes. Cater really was taking this so bad, and Leona wasn't entirely sure how to help him...
"Cater... Do you think Idia might just be a kinky motherfucker? And writing this shit is how he gets to experience it?" Leona asked.
"Really?" Cater looked incredulously at Leona. "You hear all that stuff and that's what you think is going on?"
"Yeah. It's like science. People wanna see weird shit but its needs to happen in a controlled environment." Leona said as he tried to explain it from his potionology experience. "It's like..." Leona looked like he was cringing as he thought about something from the past.
"Do you remember those books that came out? The human girl being torn between two lovers? The beastman and the fae?" Leona asked. Cater cringed.
"Do we really gotta bring those books up? I'm still ashamed I was into that." Cater asked.
"Yes. Because everyone was talking about how this is a textbook abusive stalker relationship that hit all the abusive red flags, and the response was 'Yes, but it's hot' instead of arguing against that." Leona continued. "It was a bunch of books and movies that had really bad relationships but they were loved by so many. Because, in real life, handsome stalker beastman is going to get a fireball to the face if they try anything."
"Personal experience?" Cater scoffed at Leona.
"No, because I don't stalk." Leona countered. "Not gonna say I didn't get a few extra dates when the last movie came out and I maybe leaned into the whole 'aggressive beastman lover holding back' thing because they thought it was hot, but that's called reading the fucking room. The people into that was obvious at the time."
Cater frowned at Leona, as he processed this. “So you’re saying this is normal and that I’m overreacting?”
”I’m saying this isn’t weird enough to lose sleep over.” Leona countered. “All you did was basically see Idia’s weird porn stash. The worst thing you should be doing is acting awkward next game night.”
”And if I’m right?” Cater asked. Leona sighed and looked away in thought.
”Then… Maybe we can think of a way to talk to him in private?” Leona suggested. “Like an intervention type thing where we act like I want him to come over to discuss game stuff but in reality we’re going to interrogate him about his fetishes.”
”Why you gotta make it sound weird like that?” Cater grumbled.
”Because that’s literally what you’re asking me to do.” Leona chuckled. He reached across the table and put a hand on Cater’s. “Honestly, you’re just in your own head… It’s like the charity dinner all over again. You get ‘n inklin’ you’re the bad guy and suddenly yer freakin’ out.”
”I’m…” Cater looked at Leona’s hand, his own grip loose on the lion’s hand. “What makes you think… Why would I be the bad guy here?”
”Ya think ya are. I don’t think you’re the bad guy, Cater.” Leona smiled. “You read a story about a guy who is stalked by a social media user, and you project on that and wonder if Idia is thinkin’ about you.”
Cater was silent as he thought about that. Was Leona right? Was he just projecting onto that story?
"...I'd still like to talk to him. Even if I look like an idiot when I do." Cater said, giving Leona's hand a squeeze.
"I'll think of a way to get him into a private meeting, and we can talk to him there..." Leona sighed, before he pulled Cater's hand closer and kissed it gently. "You're a bad influence on me. Making me be responsible and shit..."
"Looks like both of us are getting ruined by self improvement." Cater smiled at Leona, not letting go of the lion's hand.
"So... Do you want to spend the night over in my room?" Leona asked. "Once we're done with dinner, we head back to Savanaclaw and hopefully you can sleep there?" Cater shook his head.
"No, I'll try and sleep in my own room again..." Cater said. "If I can't sleep without a breathing body pillow, I've got bigger problems..."
"Alright, but my room is always open." Leona winked at Cater before the two finally started to eat.
It was about one in the morning when Cater realized he wasn't getting any sleep again. Leona may have pushed his fears to the side, at least temporarily, but now the idea of confronting Idia was starting to eat him. On top of that, his own questions about his own mindset were eating away at him. Was he so... Paranoid about being liked?
With those questions on his mind, Cater stepped out of his room, out through the mirror, and onto NRC grounds. Phone in hand, he started a Magistream of him walking through the courtyard and grounds at night, open for the few followers of his that were still up late.
"Hey, it's Cater here. Probably gonna delete this once it's done, but I've had trouble sleeping the last few nights. Thought I would just... Take a walk around campus. Clear my thoughts and let you guys be my companions."
Ortho: I'll be happy to be your duck, Cater!
Scalding Sultan: Ooooh, are we pretending to be animals?
Ortho: It's a term big bro uses. It's something you talk to, and when talking you'll solve the problems yourself by talking them out.
"Isn't it past your bedtime?" Cater joked as he walked along. "For both of you. Kalim." He stopped and stared pointedly at his cameraphone, before he laughed and continued his walking. The number of viewers was smaller, but he recognized some names. At least not everyone was from the school and probably knew who he was talking about.
"Really, I'm just... There's a lot going on with me recently. I've got a friend that I'm... Trying to grow closer with... Be a better friend... And I tried to find more about him and it just made me feel worried from him. And the few people I've told think I'm overreacting... Some even think I'm projecting..." Cater laughed and took a seat on a bench. "I just worried that maybe their issues are caused by me... Or uh... What the word?... Exacerbated?... God that's a big word."
Ortho: Exacerbate. Verb. To make a problem, bad situation, or negative feeling worse.
FangsFTM: That's a ten thaumark word.
"Thanks Ortho." Cater said, before he looked away from the screen to look at the night sky. "...It sure is beautiful out here tonight..." He flicked to the back camera to show the stars. He was silent for a moment, taking in the sights and a few more comments before speaking again.
"I know... Stuff like this... Magicam I mean. That's not for everyone. And it can be abused easily." Cater sighed. "I'd never use it for evil. To stroke my own ego, maybe, but... I'd never want to use it to hurt someone. I'm here to tell fun stories of my life and the beautiful stuff I see around here and... Well, how good I look doing it. I just wonder if somehow I've hurt someone. Like... I've never asked how Deuce felt during Beanfest after I tricked him and wrote #RIPDeucey on my post. I enjoy tricks and pranks and gettin' one over, but... I'd like to think I don't come off as a complete jackass, ya know?"
"... And then we've got Idia. I've told you about the games we've played. You've watched me and Leona do After Action Reports... But Idia can barely talk to other people. He's got social anxiety or something, and here I am putting information about our weekly games out on Magicam. Am I violating his privacy? I don't have him on camera, but it's his story. What if he doesn't want you guys knowing that? What if I'm humiliating him every other week and he just doesn't have the headspace to tell me?"
Ortho: I don't know everything, but big bro does say he has fun with the games.
"And I'm glad he does. But I've known people who... Stick with toxic friends because they think they're fun to be around. And that might be Idia here." Cater sighed and rubbed his face. "...This might be short. I feel like I've talked myself in circles, even if... You've all helped. It's been nice." He switched back to the front camera to look at his chat. "Especially you, Ortho. If Idia is awake, say hi to him for me. Give him my love."
Ortho: When I see him, I will!
"Alright, goodnight y'all. Hope you sleep better than I do."
With that Cater stopped the stream...
It was only then that Cater realized that Ortho implied Idia wasn't in his room. And that was concerning...
But it was too late, as Cater suddenly felt himself grabbed and pressed against the wall in one of the niches of the hallway.
"Please tell me Azul was lying." Idia said as he pinned Cater against the wall with his somewhat feeble strength. The sleep deprivation and surprise and fear were more than enough to put Cater at a disadvantage.
"W-What? I don't know what Azul was lying about!" Cater said as he raised his hands up in surrender.
"Azul said he overheard you saying that you read... Things I wrote online..." Idia let go, his own fight or flight response finally dying as the social anxiety kicked back in. Cater calmed down himself as Idia let him go, though he didn't speak yet.
"...Yeah, I did." Cater finally spoke. Idia looked like he was about to cry, but all he did was turn around and shuffle away. Cater was shocked that... That was that. Idia didn't... Press harder, or... Threaten or something after that initial attack.
"...Idia, are you okay?" He asked.
"...No. You've read my work. I feel humiliated." Idia muttered as he walked. Cater barely had to put any effort into keeping up with him.
"Not that. I mean... Why did you write it? Were you hurt? Stalked? Did... Does my whole Magicam thing scare you?" Cater asked straight up.
"I... What...?" Idia looked up, making the briefest of eye contact before he had to look away. "No... I mean yes, but no. What does that have to do with my stories?"
"I read the one with the guy blackmailing the reader with social media posts." Cater explained. "I thought maybe that was your way of trying to tell someone that sort of thing was happening. And as your friend that actively uses Magicam..."
"We're... Friends?" Idia asked.
"Yeah." Cater nodded. "Even if being your friend means not getting to know you. Even if being your friend means you just want to run a game every other week and we never talk outside of that."
Idia actually smiled.
"...My stories are just that. Stories. Characters in TV I thought were cute together... Characters I thought were hot and... Wanted..." His smile fades a bit. "That's it. Dark stories to put online where other fans of my shows can enjoy them. Some people will, some people won't... But it makes me happy..." He muttered.
"...So they aren't weird cries for help?" Cater asked.
"...No." Idia said. Cater could tell that there was something else under there, a 'but...' that wasn't being said. But that was okay for now. If Idia had more to say, Idia would say it when he wanted to. If he wanted to.
"...Well, if that's it..." Cater reached out and bumped Idia's hand with his as they walked. Idia flinched at first, but soon reached and took Cater's hand. "I just want you to know that I'm your friend... And I'm trying to get better at being that. Like I said, if that means just spending four hours in the Mostro Lounge with you... That's okay with me. But know that there could always be more."
Idia nodded, and Cater let go.
"...I'm going to go to bed..." Idia said as he started walking towards the Ignihyde dorm. "Goodnight, Cater."
"Goodnight, Idia." Cater said with a nod.
Maybe Cater didn't get all the answers he wanted. Maybe he did, but he had more questions...
Cater didn't worry anymore though. He rested well after that.