Chapter Text
“Dave, oh my god, I think some of the upper classmen just stole half the beers out of the tub!” Egbert’s all red faced, eyes hazy, looking half ready to fight and half ready to fall asleep.
“Don’t worry John, I got ‘em already.” Shit, your voice is getting a little slurred, too. But fuck, you were sober enough to stop those dicks from stealing your booze, so it’s all cool.
“Oh, good! Grab some then, we’re next on the pong table.” He gives you a big goofy grin, stumbles back to the opposite side of the dorm where y’all have pushed together your desks to form a makeshift beer pong table.
You grab the backpack full of cheap beer you swiped from the would-be thieves, bring most of them into the bathroom that connects yours and John’s double to the triple dorm next door. At a more traditional college, the kids sharing a toilet with you almost certainly wouldn’t be females, let alone female trolls, but Sarah Lawrence had a special way of saying “fuck the patriarchy” and “fuck xenophobia”.
“John, fill the cups. Who’re we up against?” You trip over your words a bit, point across the table threateningly.
“You’re up against team Scourge, buddy. I hope you’re good at this game, cuz the luck’s all on our side.” At the opposite end of the table stands Vriska, one of the troll girls who lives next door. Beside her is a friend from high school, Terezi. The shorter chick apparently doesn’t move into her college for another few weeks, has been hanging out here with Vriska and her yet-to-be-seen boyfriend.
“You wish, Vriska! Dave and I have a perfect track record! Eye to eye, let’s go, me and you.” John lines up to take the shot against Vriska. He, predictably, misses horrendously, and the troll lands the first cup.
“Guess we’re going first, boys.” Vriska sticks out her tongue, pulls at the spider necklace around her neck.
She and Terezi throw their balls at the same time, sink them both.
“Balls back, bitches.” Terezi winks. You and John exchange a glance that obviously reads, “we are about to get so wrecked”.
By the time you manage to get the ball in one of their cups, they’ve already got five of yours down.
“Strider you got bitch cup, take off your pants.” Terezi shouts from across the table, Vriska cackling beside her.
“Uh excuse me but what the fuck rule is that?” You ask, adjusting your glasses.
“If middle cup is your first cup, you have to take off your pants. House rules, human boy.” Terezi explains.
“Dude this is my house, my house rules.” You complain. Next to you, John is doubled over in laughter, mumbling something about “take off your pants Dave, take it off, take it off”.
“Hey, the party’s in both our rooms. Strip, Dave.” Vriska demands.
You slide off your goddamn pants, throwing them at the head of your still-laughing roommate.
“Alright now it’s a party! Record boxers, Dave? Music nerd!” Terezi and Vriska high five each other, the crowd around y’all hooting at the scene.
You don’t bother putting your pants on after the game is over, just clear a spot on your bed for the four of you to chat on while the pong table gets converted into a flip cup tournament.
“So Vriska, what are the rest of your roommates like?” John is sitting real close to the girl, inebriation and first-weekend-of-college-excitement clearly egging on his flirt.
“Vriskers doesn’t know them very well. The one with the cat spends all her time in her moirail’s room, and the other one is some rich fancy fish blood girl. Blub blub blub.” Terezi holds her hands up like gills. If you weren’t already dating John’s sister, you’d totally be getting your mack on with this troll right now. John’s got the right idea.
That’s right, shit, Jade. You whip out your phone, check your recent texts. There’s four, all from your lady.
GG: Hey Dave!
GG: I hope you’re having a good first weekend at college! I wish I could be there with you and John!
GG: I have some adorable pictures of some of the wolves we’re working with over here whenever you get online!
GG: <3
You’re too drunk to type out a proper response, so you send her a heart with a few extra 3’s along with a jumble of letters that you hope she can decipher as “talk to you tomorrow”.
“Who’s that Dave, you got yourself a girlfriend?” Terezi leans in over your phone, reading your texts.
“Hey girl, chill, I could have all kinds of smut in here, don’t want you feasting your eyes on that.” You make a show of scrolling up through your texts, none of which actually contain any porn.
“Nice one, jackass, I’m blind, like I could read that anyway.” She punches you in the shoulder, laughs.
“You’re dating some kid who goes here, aren’t you? Why isn’t he here?” You ask her.
“Eh, yeah, I guess. Long distance seems like it’s gonna be such a bitch, he’s already such an annoying prick.” She rolls her eyes, but you get the sense that she cares about him underneath the façade.
“Man, I’m worried about the distance too. Never getting to see them? Fuck.” It really has been a concern of yours. Not that you’ve mentioned it to Jade.
“I never get to see him. Two blind fuck ups in ten minutes? I’m cutting you off, Strider.” You swear the way she grabs the beer out of your hands and takes a sip of it herself is flirting.
Man, you’re a shitty boyfriend.
Just then, the door slams open.
“Terezi! Terezi fucking Pyrope? I know you’re in here!” The voice is high pitched, nasal-y, and coming from the short troll who just burst through the door.
“Speak of the fucking devil, here’s my douchebag boyfriend in the flesh. What’s wrong Karkat, can’t handle a drunk clown in your bed?” Terezi slings her arm around you, obviously trying to piss him off. It works.
“He’s vomiting everywhere Terezi, why the fuck would you let him drink? You don’t even go here, I should be out at the fucking parties not you! And who the fuck is this prick?” The troll points at you emphatically.
You’re completely mesmerized. You want to spend the next four years of your life making this dude’s life as annoying as possible.
“Dave Strider, host and lady killer.” You reach your hand out, going in for the sarcastic handshake.
“Cool it the fuck down Casanova, this is between my girlfriend, a clown, and I.” He completely disregards you, pulls a laughing Terezi away.
Seriously, what the fuck is up with this kid? You look to John, trying to get some support on the “holy shit this troll is a miraculous train wreck” front, but he’s too busy laughing at some elaborate story Vriska is enthralled by. You sigh, knowing you’ve lost him for the evening, stand up and walk through the bathroom into Vriska’s room to try to get acquainted with some of your other suitemates.
“Hey, Nepeta, right? I’m Dave from next door.” You smile at the girl seated on a larger troll’s lap, open the beer you grabbed on the walk by the bathtub.
“I know silly, we met on move in day! This is Equius, my moirail! He lives across the lawn in the New Dorms.” She looks up at him, eyes a bit glazed over.
“Feel free to take some of the booze John and I bought. My bro’s twenty one if y’all ever need a hook up, he goes here too.” You smile at her, try not to make eye contact with Equius. He kind of freaks you out.
“Mmm, I’m just smoking tonight, but I’ll keep that in mind!” The girl smiles real big.
“You know I don’t like when you consume human drugs, Nepeta. You’re above this.” Equius looks down at her, disapproving.
“Oh shh Equius, it’s fine! Hey, there’s Feferi! She’s my other roommate! Fef, Fef come here, meet Dave!” Nepeta hops off Equius’ lap, grabs a lavishly dressed troll with fins by the hand and sticks her in front of you.
“Hi, I’m Feferi! Which one are you, John or Dave? I read the names off the front of your door…” She hiccups a little at the end of her sentence, leans on Nepeta for support.
“Ha, like John could pull off the name Strider. I’m Dave, obviously. We are gonna have a bitchin’ time this year, ladies.” You put your hands on their shoulders, trying to be dramatic. Really, you were just having a little trouble standing up.
College rocks.
It’s 4am before the randos head home, leave you sitting on a circle on the girls’ floor with just the five of you suitemates, plus Equius. The troll chicks are passing a j back and forth, but you’re sticking to beer and making sure John does the same cuz shit, the kid gets needy when he’s cross faded.
“Alright, so tell me how the hell you human boys ended up here. I know why all us trolls came to SLC, it’s one of what, two colleges that accept trolls? Are you two just obsessed with aliens or something?” Vriska asks.
“Well Dave and I were obviously going to college together, we’ve been best friends forever.” John says it like it’s something normal best friends do, just follow each other across the country. It’s cute that he doesn’t realize fucked your codependent bullshit it.
“Dave’s brother goes here, I bet that’s why they came!” Nepeta tells everyone.
“Yeah, I mean, he talks some good shit about the school, mostly I’m here for the music program and for the not-being-racist-as-fuck thing.” You agree.
“There are people in both our governments working to change all these restrictions. Give it a few years, trolls will be welcome on Earth, and maybe even humans on Alternia!” Feferi smiles.
“So what’s everyone studying?” You ask. You’ve asked that about a hundred times tonight. Seems to be the go-to question for first years.
Almost no one has an answer. Benefit of a liberal arts program, right? You’re doing music, like you said, and Feferi is hoping to concentrate in international law. You know John has no god damn idea, but is excited about one film class he signed up for. Vriska is taking some history and anthropology, and Nepeta plans on spending her time in the science building doing biology. It’s pretty evident that Equius doesn’t honestly give a shit about school and is just here for Nepeta’s sake.
“We’re totally the cool party suite after this, guys. Had to make our name known early.” You tell them, going in for a fist bump with Vriska.
“We should explore the rest of campus tomorrow night though. I hear the attic of Lynd house used to be a heroin den. If you pick the lock right, you can still read the writing of students who died up there.” Vriska tells you all.
“Oh, creepy. We’re so doing that Saturday.” For such a tiny cute girl, Nepeta’s got a grin that could instill fear in the heart of any man.
“Hey, Vriska, you’re friends with Terezi, right? What do you know about her boyfriend? He came in yelling tonight. Real fucking talker.” You’ve been thinking about him all night, really want to know what his deal is.
“Oh, god, Karkat is such a douchebag. Can’t handle Terezi at all. She’s so far out of his league.” She tells you.
“Aw, he seems so nice and cute from what I’ve seen of him! He just hides how much he cares!” Nepeta’s blushing, Equius giving her a pretty serious side eye.
“Hides it by screaming? Nepeta we’ve known him for what, two days now, and he hasn’t shut up once.” Feferi sighs, sending Vriska onto her back in laughter.
You and John eventually stumble back through the bathroom into your own dorm, where you push your beds together like dorky little kids and throw a movie on. It’s not as bad as your first night. You were both freaked out and over-excited, missing home, missing Rose and Jade, awkwardly sleeping on opposite sides of the room when you’d spent your whole lives crashing on the floor right next to each other or sharing a sofa. Passing out with a movie in-between you feels much more like home.
John tries to wake you up for some stupid freshmen scavenger hunt the next morning, but you brush him off, sleep in till one. He left your laptop open from the night before, and a skype call from Jade is the only thing that manages to get you to pick your head up off the pillow. You answer it groggily, making sure your glasses are on right before clicking the video button.
“Hey babe, what’s good” You yawn, snuggling back down into your blankets.
“Oh my gosh Dave, you’re just waking up? How late were you out last night?” She’s laughing, thinks your irresponsibility is adorable.
“Yeah I guess your little bro and I got pretty drunk last night. He’s quite the ladies man you know, was getting his talk on with our troll neighbor, his hand on her thigh and shit”
“Ew Dave stop I do not want to hear about my brother’s sex life! Are… are your beds pushed together? Oh my god, you guys are dweebs.” She laughs again. You miss her.
“Tell me about you though, kid, how’s the wildlife internship going?” You don’t really care about her job, it honestly kind of bores the crap out of you, but you know you’re supposed to be asking.
“Oh, god, Dave, it’s the best, I have to tell you what happened yesterday…”
She proceeds to tell you what happened yesterday for the next twenty minutes, with brief witty interjections from none other that yourself, until the bathroom door swings open abruptly. Apparently John forgot to lock it after his shower.
“Dave! Feferi and I are going walking down the hill to Bates dining hall for lunch, come with us!” Nepeta’s clearly just gotten out of the shower, dressed in only a towel.
“Who’s that?” Asks a worried Jade. You don’t have time to flip the computer around before Nepeta pounces onto your bed.
“Oh my gosh does Dave have a girlfriend? Hi I’m Nepeta I live next door!”
“Oh, uh, hey! It’s nice to meet you! Listen, I have to go anyway, maybe just call me later Dave?”
You promise her you will, ignore the annoyed look she’s sending your way, and shoo the troll chick back into her own dorm so you can shower and get dressed, yourself. You triple check that all the doors are locked before you get naked.
Last night you drunkenly fell asleep in your binder, which was honestly pretty irresponsible. Your ribs kind of hurt like hell now, taking it off. You check to make sure the bathroom door is locked one final time before giving yourself your weekly T injection. You really aren’t in the mood to explain human gender to a bunch of troll chicks right now.
You shower quickly, doing your best not to look down. Looking down makes you feel like complete and utter shit. By the time you’re dressed and throwing your shades back on, the girls are pounding on your door.
“Daave we’re hungry let’s go!”
“Yeah yeah, I’m on my fucking way.”
You notice Jade’s texted you six times since you got off skype with her. You leave your phone at home on purpose.
------------------------------------
It’s not that you want your matesprit and your moirail to leave. You’re obviously going to miss the hell out of both of them once your classes start and Terezi is off learning how to be a lawyer, and Gamzee is back home probably just getting high as balls. It’s just, holy shit, you want to kill them right now.
“Terezi, can you get the FUCK out of my bathroom? There’s three people who actually live in this apartment who might want to fucking use it!” You’re fuming, she’s been in there for forty-five minutes and you know damn well she’s not doing her hair or makeup.
“It’s okay, uh Karkat, I uh showered last night and I think Meenah left hours ago.” Tavros, your roommate, chimes in. The two of you share a bedroom, and a troll in her third year has a single in the same apartment. You like the set-up of your dorm, even though it’s kind of a shitty converted apartment building that’s far as fuck from campus. At least you have a kitchen.
Gamzee’s out smoking on the balcony that you technically aren’t allowed on, overlooking the street six floors down. You really don’t feel like dealing with him right now. It was nice that he and Terezi drove you down here to move you in, but fuck, you just want to hang out with Tavros and meet new people. You left your hometown for a fucking reason, and it wasn’t to stay hanging out with the same good for nothing assholes.
Terezi comes out of the disgustingly steamy bathroom a few minutes later, hair still dripping wet, and ushers Gamzee inside.
“I think Karkat’s tired of sitting in this hot ass apartment. Let’s go get food. You’re paying, right babe?” Terezi asks you. She says “babe” like a curse word, and you roll your eyes.
“Mind if I tag along?” Tavros smiles.
“Yeah, whatever, let’s just fucking leave.” You don’t do so well in the heat.
You end up grabbing sandwiches from the eating-establishment the college calls the “Pub”. It’s closer to your dorm than the larger cafeteria, and has outdoor seating that Terezi demands to use, despite the glorious air conditioning that beckons from indoors. Your friends are seated in chairs around a table, while you dangle your feet off the stone wall that serves as a bench. Your matesprit must have texted Vriska- fucking Vriska- at some point, because the creep has joined you.
“Hey Vris! Last night was great, right? We annihilated those humans at their stupid soporiphic games.” Terezi gives Vriska a sharp-toothed smile, introduces her to Tavros, asks where her roommates are.
“I’m meeting them on the other side of the lawn after lunch, by the swings. The human boys will be there, too. I know how you liked Dave, Terezi.” Vriska winks.
“If you could not set my matesprit up with other people while I’m in the room, that’d be fucking great.” You’d be more jealous if she didn’t have her arm around you right now.
“Hey Karkat, you got a light for this?” Gamzee waves a joint in your face. You roll your eyes, continue to eat your sandwich doing your best to ignore the rest of these assholes.
You get dragged along when they do, in fact, go to meet all of Vriska’s roommates, as well as the human kids next door. You seat yourself on one of the swings the campus so graciously provides students, chat with Tavros, watch your girlfriend flirt with the blonde human boy, fume silently. The two of them are in a tree fifteen feet away from you, seeing who can climb higher. You guess it’s better than when she flirts with Vriska.
“So, uh, Karkat, your friends are leaving tonight? That’s, uh, too bad, they were fun to hang out with.” Tavros tells you, shuffling his feet on the dirt below the swing.
“You don’t have to pretend they aren’t getting the fuck on your nerves. If I have to watch Gamzee ingest one more goddamn drug, I’ll kill himself.” Seriously, his drug problem infuriates you, but attempts to sober him up in high school ended less than pleasantly for you.
“I don’t know, I think he’s nice.” He rubs one of his horns, embarrassed.
“That’s exactly what I find so fucking impossible about him” You’re being serious, but Tavros laughs anyway.
“He suggested that uh, maybe he and I should go out late tonight. Give you some alone time before you uh, don’t see Terezi for uh, months.” He’s blushing, embarrassed.
“Yeah, if that’s what you want to do.” You try to sound casual, but it comes out loud and aggressive. You’re a little terrified of being alone with Terezi. She’s been hinting that she wants to get intimate before she leaves. You aren’t so sure you want to get intimate yet.
Not that you haven’t done stuff. You’ve been dating her for six months, you’ve done plenty of stuff. Just not bulges wrapping around each other, getting all up in each other’s nooks stuff. Whatever, whatever Karkat, stop being a fucking pansy and go annoy your matesprit out of that goddamn tree.
“Karkat! Hey, Karkat, are you done with the swing? Mind if I take it?” It’s one of Vriska’s roommates, the weird one with the cat. Nepeta? Fuck it.
“Yeah sure knock yourself the fuck out.” You see the defeat in her eyes when you not so subtly avoid being friendly. Oh fucking well. It’s time to get in a tree.
“Terezi get the fuck down here aren’t you here to spend time with me you selfish fucking nook weed” You reach up to grab a branch, jump into this motherfucker but- oh. Oh, oh god fucking damn it. You are too short to get into this goddamn tree, shit, shit. It’s too late. Albino creep has already noticed, is practically falling off his perch laughing.
“You need a hand there little dude” He’s still laughing and, fucking show off that he clearly is, hangs himself backwards off the branch by his knees, long arms reaching down far enough that he totally could actually hoist you up there if you jumped to grab his hand.
Which you will never do.
“Like I really wanted to get up there, anyway.” Seriously Karkat, that’s the best you could come up with?
Terezi, somewhat out of character, jumps down, puts her fingers through your belt loops, presses you up against the bark, licks your cheek. Okay, not so out of character anymore. She’s pulling her weird “I’m being sexy” bit. Sure.
“Let’s get the fuck out of here, yeah candy blood?” She says, too loud, too close to your ear, and doesn’t really wait for a reply before calling up into the tree, “So I guess it was nice to meet you coolkid, I’ll see you next time I visit if Karkat doesn’t yell you to death first”
So, okay, fuck, now you’re alone in your room with your matesprit, not exactly for the first time, but definitely for the first without a lusus or a sibling hovering just outside, threatening to barge in. Terezi’s adult sister had a sick habit of busting in at just the wrong moment. Pyrope girls are terrifying.
And now there’s one on top of you, glasses off, eyes just red and open and really, really fucking close to your face. You kiss her back when her lips meet yours, because obviously. She really is incredibly attractive. You love the feel of her big hips in your hands, her monster teeth awkwardly clicking against yours when the kiss gets a little too deep.
The girl really, really likes you topless. She likes being topless herself even more. She’s already wearing just her bra and jeans, and is working your flannel off, too. Fuck, her grub scars. They’re teal, and rough, and you fucking love running your fingers through them. O-okay, she’s unzipping her pants. Her pants are on the floor. Shit’s heating up.
“Come on, Karkles, take off them skinny jeans. Rock my world, pretty boy.” She’s already working at your belt, has it off, has her lips on your neck before she realizes you’re freezing the fuck up.
“Kar? What’s going on?” She stops, takes her hands off you, and places her face directly in front of yours.
“No, it’s fine, let’s just, let’s fucking do it.” Least convincing line ever.
“It’s the Gamzee thing still, isn’t it?” For half a second, she looks disappointed, but then she kisses you on the lips again, soft and understanding.
“He just, I was so high Terezi, I didn’t know what I was doing, and neither did he, and it was fucking awful.” God, you hate thinking about this.
“I know, Karkat. That shouldn’t be how your first time went.” She puts her arm around you.
“I just want it to be better with you.” You’ve got to get out of your head.
“Yeah, well, I’m not saying I wouldn’t do you right now if you wanted to, but it’s cool. Maybe next time I visit. Just send me like, bulge pics to get me by or something, god Vantas.” She smiles, pulls her tank top back on.
“Oh, gross, you’re actually the most disgusting girl I know.” You button your pants back up, still feeling a bit uncomfortable.
“Well if we’re not doing this, put on your fancy pants, Vantas. You’re taking me out on the town. I want to go to the barcade before I have to head to the other side of the country. Let’s get on a train, grab some overpriced dinner, and live it up in Manhattan.” She’s rifling through her bag, looking for a dress. You aren’t one hundred percent certain she even owns a dress.
“TZ, we aren’t twenty one, how the fuck do you expect to get into the barcade?” You roll your eyes, but start looking for your nice pants. You know you aren’t going to win this argument.
“With knockers like these? Karkat, we’re golden, just stick with me, okay?”
You get home that night, early the next morning really, exhausted and drunk, having just caught the last train out of the city. You’re stumbling more than Terezi is- you always do, but she lets you lean on her in the elevator, banters about the fight the two of you got into at the dessert bar, boasts about kicking your ass at games all night. You both fall asleep with everything but your shoes on, not quite sober enough to make it entirely under the sheets.
Gamzee wakes her up early, apologizes, but says they have to get on the road if they’re going to make it to the west coast in time for her to start school. You hug them both, tell them you’ll miss them, collapse back into bed feeling pretty much like shit.
Fuck it Karkat. Sleep off the hangover now, deal with missing your matesprit and moirail later.
Tavros wakes you up at 2pm with waffles and coffee he snagged from Bates. You stretch in your twin sized bed alone for the first time, relish in the space, shove food into your mouth. Shit could be worse, probably.