Archive of Our Own ^beta

The pebbles crunched under her feet as she made her way to the place she'd been avoiding for weeks.

She made her way uphill slowly, as if each footfall was heavier than the last. It felt like gravity was pulling her back, back to the confines of her room, the only sanctuary she'd had since the war.

The full moon shone overhead guiding her along the narrow path. The new fallen heroes' gravestones, the only marks they've left on earth other than the broken hearts and broken spirits, gleamed in it's bright light. So many had died. So many had sacrificed. All they had left was a slab of stone with their names and their date of birth and death over it. In time they will fade away. In time, no one will remember. And Tenten hates these dull reminders. She hates it with a cold and poisonous roar that has consumed her.

He'd given his life for them and left her.

In all honesty, she was glad it didn't go to waste. But she wished he hadn't had to die. Or that she could at least have saved him and that death took her instead.

She could feel cold sweat in her palms and her heartbeat was fast. She hated that. That she was alive and he wasn't. That her heart was beating and yet he was slowly rotting under the ground into nothing. Mere dirt with specks of DNA.

He was beautiful alive. Filled with passion underneath such a stoic facade. Filled to the brim with loyalty, duty, honor and courage. Filled with so much potential.

She was the one who should have died.

She took a much needed breath.

There was nothing she could do now, but serve her village and wait for her turn.

Maybe Kami will let her be with him. He'd never even given them the chance. He took it away before it started.

She tried not to be bitter about everything. He hadn't died in vain and she wouldn't let him die in vain. She would keep everybody safe until her last breath. For him.

She reached the top of the hill and went left.

He'd been laid to rest next to his kin. Next to the ones who died in the same war. The rest of their dead was in their clan's land. They were sent here because they'd been heroes.

She didn't like that either. He deserved so much more than the same treatment. He'd been extraordinary in life, a prodigy, almost unbeatable. And had been more in death. A hero and a savior to the man who would make Earth at peace. To the woman who would lead her family out of their oppressive shadows. To the couple who would rebuild the shinobi world together.

Then again, he didn't like gratitude flaunted. He'd feel satisfied with just being buried.

She saw his name without even reading and sat on the ground.

She looked at his carved name and she called to him quietly the way she'd done millions of times in what felt like twenty lifetimes ago. In days of sunshine and warmth. In days of hardships and trials. In days of danger and death. In days of happiness and irk. In that day he'd told her he loved her.

Her lips formed his name without sound. "Neji."

She'd cried her fair share and more. She tried not to again. It had already sunk in that he's gone. But the stone in front of her waas crushing her heart again. She told herself he'd berate her if she cried. He never liked seeing her cry. She knew then why. But when he'd confessed, she knew even more.

Tenten must never cry.

It always left her feeling cold, dark and empty. And alone. Always alone. She couldn't share her grief to anybody. Not even her remaining teammates. Her grief was a burden she wanted to carry herself.

She shivered when the breeze picked up and she let out a breath.

"Neji, look at this," she said quietly, no real emotion in her tone. Her voice had lost it's usual cheer and fire. She never had to pretend with Neji. And he did not need to be lied to in death.

The smiles and life are reserved for the people left alive in her life.

To Naruto, who felt he had to make it up to her everytime he saw her, constantly apologizing if he'd catch her withut a smile plastered to her face. To Hinata, who worried about her every day. To Lee, who fought to make sure his rival's memory was honored by making himself strong; to protect the ones he'd left. To Gai-sensei, who would not be fooled but needed to see her smile so he himself wouldn't lose hope. To everyone else who asked her the same questions all the damn time. Are you okay? Are you doing fine? How are you?

She wanted to howl to them. To the world. She was never going to be alright. He's gone.

How could they ask such stupid questions?

She had to change her whole appearance to keep up with everyone. Even if she hadn't wanted to. Neji and I bought our clothes together. He'd chosen the hakama for her when she couldn't decide.

Tenten procured a porcelain mask from her pack.

Taka.

"My first mission starts tomorrow," she told the empty, chilly air around her. "Not everybody likes the peace Naruto gave the world."

She leans back, supported by her palms on the ground.

She is thoughtful for a moment. And for a while there's nothing but the silence she'd gotten accustomed to with Neji. The ones she felt most comfortable with him. Because Hyuuga Neji does not do small talks. But he would try for her anyway. So she tried to mimic his silence. To let him know she didn't mind. That it was fine. So long as they were together, anyway. He appreciated that.

"Oh, Hinata's pregnant." She informed him. "Yeah, Naruto isn't wasting any time, huh? Oh, sorry. I guess that's too much information for an elder cousin. But Lee's dating this civilian. Yeah, she doesn't seem to mind his... quirks..."

She spent the next hour telling him what he's missing.

There was no reply. He usually spoke with his eyes and small gestures.

She found herself stopping when she was telling him about the new drawing Sai had come up with to terrorize Naruto the other day. She realized she had been waiting for a reply of any kind.

He was dead. There wasn't going to be any.

No grunts or hmms or stoic face but smiling eyes that you would only see if you knew him.

"I miss you," she then said and store the hawk-mask away. "I don't think I'll ever stop missing or loving you, Neji. But I'll follow you when the time comes. You wait for me, okay? If you don't you'll get the beating of the afterlife."

She allowed herself to smile, thinking of how he'd respond. He would cross his arms and look at her with mocking disbelief. She's only been able to beat him up twice and it took her six whole hours and had depleted her chakra reserves more than the usual 'dangerously low' levels. But she'd make do with her promise if he doesn't with his.

She got up.

"See you, Neji."

"You guys take care, alright?" She told them as they left for their respective teams.

"You need not worry, Tenten!" Lee proclaimed with his signature grin and thumbs up. "We'll show them our youthful strength and our youthful quest to bring peace will guide us to our victory!"

"Tenten, my youthful flower," Gai-sensei put a hand on her shoulder. "Show them your youthful prowess and make these unyouthful hordes suffer!"

Tenten's mouth twitched and the two left. Honestly, why does she even bother? She turned to Neji with a resigned smile.

Neji was standing closer than she'd expected.

She let out a breathless laugh. "One day when they're old and unyouthful, I swear..."

She stopped when he put a hand on her shoulder.

"What's wrong, Neji?"

He shakes his head and looks out to the forest. "Do you remember when you confessed to me?"

Tenten's face went red. Of course she did. She couldn't look at him for a week until he'd told her to snap out of it. That he wasn't bothered. And that he wanted to train with her again. He didn't need her unfocused and she'd get herself killed. She had only been thankful he hadn't shunned her. But still it had been embarassing and she'd of course been disappointed. She had just chalked it up to Neji not wanting girls. He wasn't like other guys. He'd probably wait to be arranged with someone 'suitable'. The thought had made her stomach churn but she'd decided having Neji as her friend was worth more than becoming his lover. She'd been trying her best to recover from that stumble for years now. But it had never failed to make her feel foolish, immature and annoyed at herself whenever she remembered.

Why would he bring that up now?

Neji looked at her with pale eyes and she sighed. He was waiting for an answer when it was evident on her face. Such a...

"Yes, Neji," she said. "Why?"

Neji then held her hand. It was warm and soft and yet calloused at the tips of his fingers. She felt like her hand was burning up when he squeezed hers.

"We were too young then, Tenten," he told her, his eyes boring into hers. "I hadn't been thinking much of the future yet. But I realized as years went by that you are the only woman, the only kunoichi, I will ever have the pleasure of being with. Of falling in love with. Of living my life with. I would ask you out on a date but it would prolong the inevitable, wouldn't it? And I am, as you know, not entirely as patient as I always seem. When this all ends, I will ask Hiashi-sama to have you as my bethrothed as soon as possible. There will be some obstacles with you not being Hyuuga and I know you have no preference towards my clan and the politics involved. But I will gladly pursue the matter. Do you have any qualms against it?"

Tenten was stunned into silence. Hyuuga Neji... wanted her to be his bride? Did she fall into some kind of genjutsu? Was this happening? Or was she still in bed asleep?

She'd given up on him years ago and now...?

She couldn't believe this was happening. To her. Hyuuga Neji, that cocky, self-righteous, moronic, absolute genius Hyuuga Neji wanted her as his wife.

"Of course, if you no longer feel the same, I cannot force you," he said, cutting her off her thoughts before she could fully decide this was reality. She looked up and the disappointment in his eyes snapped her to attention. "Forgive me, I--"

Tenten gave a shaky laugh. She wasn't really sure yet this wasn't some hoax. But hey, this was Neji. He didn't do jokes. "Yeah, I'll--I'll marry you. We'll talk more about this later."

She saw a hint of satisfaction in his eyes. Whoa. He... he really wasn't joking. She blushed a bit and his eyes just shone brighter.

Neji was not like other guys. Romanticism and affections were yet to be instilled in him. But he knew that he wanted her. That was all that mattered, Tenten told herself. They'd have a lifetime together for her to teach him how to actually show her that he did love her. She had all the time in the world. Later.

Neji nodded solemnly. "I'll look for you after."

He let go of her and started walking away with fast and sure steps.

It hadn't been romantic. It had been quick. There had been no beating around the bush. There was no discussions at all. Not even a true confession by her friends' standards. It had been perfect. It was purely Neji and Tenten. Purely them. All logic and familiarity and respect and no balderdash. As it should be. She did fall in love with him because of his no-nonsense attitude. Love, affection, warmth and passion will come later. Neji had it in him. He was always full of surprises and was always a fast learner. She almost smirked at the thought.

Hyuuga Neji was going to be hers. Hers.

"Neji," she called before he got too far. He turned to her with questioning eyes and she smiled at him. "Take care, alright?"

Hyuuga Neji smiled a soft, small and almost non-existent smile and nodded once. "You too, my youthful flower. I'll see you soon."

He walked away again and Tenten tried not to snort. The nerve to tease her at this kind of time. She watched his back for a long time and then walked away, too. The sooner this starts, the faster she and Neji will be able to talk again.

War was no time for sentiment and distractions. She told herself, we'll have time later. All the time we'd need and want.

She didn't mean to be wrong.