Chapter Text
The Coon was dead as far as anyone could see. Word had spread throughout the various communication networks among the superheros, mostly thanks to the tech skills of Call Girl. Nobody liked The Coon, he was more of a villain himself, an annoying antagonist to the group. The heroes of South Park had all grown up to the age of eighteen and still affectionately dubbed their group the Freedom Pals, even if they went by Coon and Friends to the public. First to piss off The Coon, which was funny. Secondly, because as the group of fledgling superheroes grew into early adulthood, freedom seemed to be something out of fairy tales.
The Corona virus has mutated into such a form that it killed most of the world's population. Only those spared were kids eleven and under. It had other mutations as well. Most would be prepared for a zombie apocalypse but not climate change apocalypse and the effects that went on. It had caused Colorado to be scorched hot most of the year, but a tiny mountain town was high and secluded enough there was light snow from late November until February. This resource was very precious as a rare source of freshwater and a break from the new normal climate of too hot to live.
So the group of Freedom Pals remained. It had been hard to rebuild society. What need did they have for school now? But other strange effects started to happen. The group of boys and one girl, who had been friends since childhood, had always ran around town playing superhero. They played so much as children that the powers they made up seemed real, then years later, around puberty things became real.
Having all of society crumble around you at a young age was hard, losing everyone older than you within a year. But then the powers they made up somehow were brought to life.
Kenny always knew he had powers, maybe he was the start of it. He could not die and added martial arts and acrobatics to the mix.
It was only around the age of thirteen when they realized it, Kyle awoke to find himself floating above his sleeping bag. He cried out in surprise and dropped to the ground, lasers shooting from his eyes and blowing a hole in the window right above where Kenny was sleeping.
Later Stan realized he could reach out, and the drill he kept from his now deceased father's kit would fly into his hand. He could make laser drills emerge from the ground. With a flick of his wrist he could send out a sharp barrage of screwdrivers to stab and knock back an enemy, then return to his hands like magic. This feat seemed to only apply to tools that had once belonged to Randy Marsh.
Cartman of course waited and waited for his powers to come in. He was angry when Jimmy could run at superspeed and turn invisible, when Tweek could control and manipulate the weather, Scott's diabetes actually did give him super strength and so on. It really burned him when they finally got long missed WiFi up thanks to Wendy being able to manipulate and bend technology and information to her will. That bitch.
Finally at the age of fifteen, Cartman could see when he curled his fingers, razor sharp titanium claws came out like a cat's. He could be even more sneaky, manipulative, and charming. Cartman could hide in the silent shadows and jump out for an attack, quick as a whip despite his pudgy size.
Yes, Eric Cartman was the last of the Freedom Pals to go through puberty and gain his super powers. He hadn't let the rest of his peers forget that and kept punishing them in petty ways. Maybe that's why his untimely death at eighteen, while a shock, was met with more smirks than tears.
Being children now in charge, the virus quickly died out for the most part. But buildings crumbled, food and supplies had been short, worse WiFi and electricity had been cut. Until the emergence of superpowers which had been useful other than being really cool.
Kyle Broflovski, the Human Kite was able to help generate wind power and with the help of Tweek Tweek, Wonder Tweek restored electricity to the town. The buildings had fallen into squalor and disrepair until Stan Marsh, Toolshed got his powers to help rebuild the city, taking a large apartment for himself on the top of the lofts of SoDaSopa. The real crown jewel, Wendy Testaburger, Call Girl was able to restore WiFi, cellphones, computers, video games and other technology to the city, giving the children a source of entertainment and normalcy that had been sorely missed.
Stan and Wendy were well regarded around the town for helping rebuild it. The town's unofficial married couple, living together in the lofts overlooking the town since they were fourteen.
The other unofficial married couple, Tweek Tweek and Craig Tucker had chosen a simple apartment in the same building as Stan and Wendy. Tweek Bro's coffee was just a short walk from the apartment and Tweek couldn't live without his hourly cup of coffee. Since he and Kyle together were able to restore electricity to the town between wind and electrical power, the couple of Craig and Tweek had also become revered. Craig didn't often face the public, preferring to help behind the scenes, but Tweek Bro's became a popular place to go for food or drink.
The ruins of Tegrity Farms had turned over the fertile soil into growing fresh fruits and veggies. Coffee and marijuana included. Other nearby farms were able to still have chickens and cows for meat, even if veal was strictly still outlawed. After a few years of living off canned food and scrabbling over fears of starvation, having fresh food along with fresh water made the community of South Park thrive in its own little way.
Nearby Middle Park which was a bigger suburb had also fallen into disrepair. Violent gangs of children had risen up. South Park had tried to extend peace and help to them but never could reach an agreement. The Middle Park kids looked down on the South Park kids as rednecks and jealousy came out that turned into war. The rival Middle Park gangs set up barricades into their city and became a militarized nightmare, quickly turning fascist. Often attacking South Park for their resources.
Kenny McCormick, Mysterion finally came up with the idea to use their newly granted superpowers for good, forming Coon and Friends/Freedom Pals to patrol the city and keep things in South Park protected and safe. The group would take shifts patrolling the outskirts of the town. The groups had an unofficial agreement to not shed blood on South Park or Middle Park soil, so battle was done outside the controlled zones.
As the young children grew up into young adults, it was less work on the Freedom Pals to help keep the food, shelter, and necessities distributed among the kids. The little ones, Ike, Karen and the like grew and their older siblings passed down skills and knowledge for survival in this new world. Only the superpowers were not passed down. These days the Freedom Pals only had to worry about keeping South Park safe and the resources protected. The ones blessed with superpowers were the protectors of the town while the younger ones helped keep the town running.
Mysterion sat perched up the wall outside of town on lookout. He sighed and twirled a little of his magic around his fingers, a new development. He could make some kind of force to pull and knock back enemies with some kind of underworld energy. He had been with powers the longest, ever since he could remember. But like everything else in his life, Kenny had to work doublely hard. He was a scrawny child but with all his working out and learning to jump and fight, grew long and lean with wiry muscles on his body. Everything tense right now, Mysterion had to remember to breathe and roll his shoulders to loosen up some of that tension.
He looked down at a small cross marking where The Coon had fallen. Kenny had been the one to discover him. Cartman's body under a pile of rubble, his mouth gagged. Someone had beat him to death. It was obvious Cartman had mouthed off to the wrong Middle Park gang member and had been jumped. They did a lame attempt at hiding the body under the rubble, and even more annoying they had a part of the wall surrounding South Park to repair now. Mysterion jumped down and stood in front of the spot where he made the little makeshift cross. No one liked Cartman but they had their moments as children. Cartman said Kenny was his best friend, even if it was for manipulative purposes. It was hard to lose one of the town's superheros, even if it was the least popular one.
"Switch." A voice called out and Kenny looked up to see Super Craig and Captain Diabetes poke their heads over the wall. Captain Diabetes smiled but Super Craig threw his middle finger up as normal. "What the hell you doing?" Super Craig asked.
"Nothing, just checking the perimeter. Seeing the damn hole in the wall. Good thing it's at the top so not easy to get in for an average person but a pain in the ass to fix." Mysterion stepped away from the Coon's grave.
Captain Diabetes grabbed the side of the wall and jumped down, landing easily in front of Mysterion. "Crazy it's been a week since you found him. Been a lot quieter."
Super Craig jumped down as well, a small scrabble of debris coming down with him. "Well good riddance. Toolshed gonna be out here soon to fix the wall? So we don't have to keep guarding it?"
Mysterion smirks. "He's having some tech support time. He said he'll be out later today. I was fine guarding by myself. He said it should be fixed by tomorrow."
"Idiot." Super Craig rolls his eyes. "I'm in a relationship but not avoiding shit that needs to be done to go run off with Tweek."
"Maybe you should, might make you lighten up." Captain Diabetes says. "Mysterion could guard the hole himself, I could too."
Mysterion gets up from kneeling at The Coon's grave. "I'll even stick around and help Captain Diabetes. Take some time for yourself, Super Craig."
Super Craig shakes his head, "No good. Wonder Tweek took off with the Human Kite and Tupperware to go check on the wind farm and solar panels. Will be gone until sundown. I don't want to hang out in an empty house myself."
"Aww he does care under that gruff exterior." Captain Diabetes remarked.
Super Craig gave him a blank look, but a hint of ice under those eyes. He took off to stroll around the wall. "I'll check the other side. You guys cry or whatever it is you do."
Kenny patted the grave, feeling weird about it. He sat with Captain Diabetes in the hole in the wall, overlooking the uncontrolled zone. Quiet for a moment, thank god they had phones to look at instead of having to make conversation.
Human Kite flew above his comrades, looking over the horizon for the reflective light of the solar panels that he and Wonder Tweek were in charge of. Wonder Tweek was below, using his wind power to carry him along on their journey, he'd sip from a thermos of coffee on occasion. Tupperware was next to him, using his rocket boosters to fly along with them.
It was a ways to get to the old Tegrity Farm. It was another precious resource that needed protection. They had built out solar panels and wind farms for electricity for South Park. They had farms to grow food for their town. This place was pretty hidden out in the mountains, but if the middle park gangs got word of it they would try to take it. There were many arguments among the Freedom Pals on what was best to protect it. The best way would be someone living out there full time as farmer and protector.
"Fuck no." Toolshed said in their meeting. "I actually lived out there, it sucked. No one else should be forced to live in that isolation when things are bad enough as it is!"
For now it was a daily trip to check the power source and gather some produce for the town. But it remained vulnerable.
"Approaching in ten meters." Tupperware said, looking up from playing a game on his phone.
"Well yeah, I can see it." Kite called down. He flew a little ahead and swooped down to land at the entrance to the gate, going to unlock it.
The vast fields of the old Tegrity Farms stretched before the three superheroes. The gate slammed behind them, it was much too heavy for an average person to open, but not a problem for someone with superpowers. They just hoped it was enough of a security system.
Human Kite and Wonder Tweek made their way to the solar panels and wind farms, walking along the rows to make sure the panels tilted in the right direction for maximum sun absorption, the blustery winds of Colorado keeping the windmills up. It had been a joint effort between Human Kite and his wind power, Wonder Tweek with his weather control to keep the electricity flowing and the sun constantly shining in this part of South Park. Toolshed had come up with the design to build everything and Call Girl with the tech support to monitor everything and make sure the electrical grid powered and heated all the homes and businesses back in South Park.
Tupperware went into the old Marsh barn and grabbed some bins and sacks to go over the farm for any fresh produce to bring back. He ignored the farming equipment since with his powers he could grab veggies quicker than any tractor. He started to zip up one row, grabbing carrots and potatoes into a bag when he saw something weird. There was a lone windmill at the northernmost part of the farm, usually blocked from view by the barn. It seemed to have been knocked down. Human Kite and Wonder Tweek hadn't gotten to it yet.
Tupperware sighed and rocketed over there to see if he could pick it up. "Hey guys? You see this one that fell down?" He looked over the mess, the metal base of the wind tower looked like it had been fully smashed into over and over until the windmill hand fallen on its fan blades, smashed to pieces. Tupperware sighed and pulled it up easily with his super strength, but knew it would need more repairs before it was in working order.
He saw something small and shiny under the fan blades. He made sure that the fan blade wouldn't spin and reached between the blades to see a little bit of metal and something attached.
Tupperware unfolds the little note, typed up neatly. 'On the night of the first frost, I'm taking South Park.' Tupperware carefully tucks the note in one of his compartments for airtight safekeeping. He looked down at the little bit of shiny metal, seeing it was clicking, before he could react, he saw stars before his eyes.
Wonder Tweek jumped and spilled his thermos of coffee on the ground at the sound of an explosion behind them. "Jesus Christ. Where under attack!" He yelled out.
Human Kite flew up into the sky to see clearing smoke and a little bit of fire breaking out. "Tweek, can you throw some rain on the fire? Tupperware?" He looked down with his laser focused vision to see Tupperware on his back just outside of the explosion and not moving. He flew down in an instant and went to check over Tupperware as Wonder Tweek battled the flames surrounding them.
Human Kite was at Tupperware's side. He could see his helmet was covered in blood. His stomach dropped and he narrowed his eyes to blast some lasers to cut away at the glass on Tupperwear's helmet. He quickly turned him on his side, hoping his face wasn't too injured.
Tupperware blinked and coughed, almost throwing up as blood from his nose and mouth poured out. Human Kite checked his eyes quickly, thankful there didn't seem to be any damage there. He shook his fellow super hero. "Hey Tupperware? Are you awake? What happened?"
Wonder Tweek finally managed to get the flames under control, a few inches of thick snow and sleet around them. "Oh Jesus. Someone tried to kill him." He grinded his teeth and flew down to Tupperware's side.
Tupperware coughed again, and wiped his face. He looked down at the blood across his hands and face. "Yeah I'll be okay. Thanks man." Human Kite and Wonder Tweek help him to his feet and he puts on his rocket boosters again so they did not have to walk.
"What was that?" Tweek screeched out.
Tupperware shook his head, he wiped his bloody hand and opened the little compartment in his suit, handing over the note. His eyes fluttered and he passed out as Human Kite and Wonder Tweek gawked over the note.
"It has to be Middle Park." Mosquito buzzed out. The Coon and Friends had gathered in their meeting place, the basement of Raisins.
"No way. If Middle Park found our farm, all the produce and supplies would have been taken. It's someone who wants to hit us where it hurts." Call Girl said, looking up from her phones. "I knew I should've installed security cameras sooner."
"It's okay. It was a slip up on my part. I should've been out there." Toolshed sighed.
"I mean, it's a good thing you weren't out there. Or even me or Wonder Tweek. Tupperware is a little banged up, but if someone else found that bomb, depending on their powers they would be in worse condition or even dead." Human Kite pointed out.
"Oh jeeze." Wonder Tweek shuddered where he sat, his trembling fingers holding a cup of coffee.
Super Craig gently moved the cup down on the table. "Tweek. If you keep wasting it we're gonna run out sooner, since we lost supplies since Tupperware got injured. You don't want to break into the shop's supply do you?"
"Gah." Tweek threw up his hands. "I'll never go back to that farm. No way man. I don't care, someone else take care of the wind and solar."
Super Craig sighed, looking around quickly for anyone judging him before pulling his boyfriend close. He knew what Tweek had experienced would be traumatizing to anyone but Tweek was goddamn lucky he wasn't the one to repair that windmill himself. He'd be a speck of blonde smudge on the side of that barn.
Tupperware got up from his seat, grimacing in pain. Human Kite told him he didn't have to come but he insisted. He was using up a lot of supplies of painkillers, disinfectants, and bandages to try and heal himself. He had a barrage of bandages across his face and neck. He didn't wear his helmet, it was sent off for repair by Toolshed. "I think what we should focus on is this note. Whoever did this obviously isn't done with us and wants the snow." Tupperware pushes forward the note, the edges of it stained with his blood.
Fastpass picks it up and zooms it around the room until all the heroes have had a good look at it. "The first frost? What the fuck?" Mysterion says.
"They want the snow. Someone is obviously thirsty." Captain Diabetes says, "You know being thirsty is a sign of diabetes."
Human Kite rolls his eyes. His Type one was worse compared to Scott always talking about his Type two. But it was mostly a secret Kite kept to himself, among other things. "You guys sure this is Middle Park? If they found the farm all the food and supplies would've been ransacked. I'm worried it might have been someone else, someone closer."
"Like who? Someone from here?" Super Craig asked.
"What if…" Human Kite's eyes scanned the crowd. "The Coon wasn't dead and he's doing this to fuck with us."
The other superheros stare at Human Kite in shock, a few snickers slip out.
"He's pretty dead. Not sure what he can do." Mysterion says.
"Think about it. He dies and then suddenly we're being attacked? Maybe he thought I would get to that windmill first and get killed by the bomb." Human Kite turns to Tupperware. "Sorry you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, dude."
"I mean." Mysterion jumps up to get closer to Kite. "The Coon was dead, I checked his pulse. I don't think he could make a fake dead body that convincing to what…fuck with you? He was an asshole but why go through that much?"
"Cus it's Cartman. He thrives on this. I wouldn't be surprised if he's watching us right now and laughing his ass off. I'm on to you fatass!" Human Kite yells out.
"Okay…Kyle, dude calm down." Toolshed says. "If it'll make you feel better…we can check if he's really dead if it'll make you sleep better at night. Then you can stop being paranoid."
Human Kite's face turned red. "I'm not paranoid. It makes perfect sense."
"Just be careful, Kite. Nothing has made sense in years." Toolshed said solemnly. "Okay let's see, who wants to help dig up the dead Coon?"
The rest of the group rolled their eyes, mumbles of other, better things to do.
Mysterion comes forward. "Yeah I'll help out. I found him. I mean…if it is all a fake out then The Coon has some crazy new power."
"You know I have your back dude." Toolshed comes to Kite's side, hands on his tool belt.
"I do too." Call Girl said. "If it is a trick, I want to put The Coon back in his place." She moved up the stairs quickly to look out the window as the meeting group dissipated. "Might have to be quick, looks like a storm is on its way."
The moon was obscured by clouds, adding to the dark mood as the group of four trudged towards the outskirts of town.
The broken wall still faced out towards the uncontrolled zone, the lone cross of the fallen Coon shown just outside.
"Aw fuck. Still gotta fix this up." Toolshed says. "You guys mind doing your digging while I repair this really quick?"
"I was enjoying having an excuse to hang out here by myself, but sure. Whatever, show off." Mysterion gave a smirk and stuck his tongue out at Toolshed.
Toolshed grabbed his drill and pressed the button to give it a whirr. He grabbed a few bricks and boards nearby to get to work.
Human Kite walked forward, a shovel slung over his shoulder approaching the Coon's makeshift grave.
Mysterion bit his lip, this felt disrespectful to disturb a grave. Then he laughed as he often disturbed his own grave. But this was someone who didn't have his powers and was pretty hated. He hung back as both Human Kite and Call Girl grabbed their shovels to dig at the earth.
No one spoke, the soft scraping of shovels digging and the sound of power tools and clinks of stone on metal as Toolshed repaired the wall. Mysterion finally went to help, not sure what they would find. He saw that foot sticking out of a pile of rubble last week, pulling it back to see the badly beaten body of The Coon. His mouth tied in duct tape, eyes lifeless, body cold and stiff. That had to be real, right? Kenny of all people could tell the difference between alive and dead.
Finally the three shovels scraped to the bottom of a simple wooden box, The Coon's coffin. Human Kite worked quickly to get the dirt off and have enough room to open it.
"Well, here we go." Call Girl held her shovel in front of her, as if to protect herself, like The Coon could still hurt her in death. She looked up at her boyfriend, Toolshed still working away at repairing the wall.
Human Kite lifted the lid and pushed back. Empty. "Knew it. Fucker is messing with us."
Mysterion stepped forward. Touching the coffin, just cold wooden nothingness in there. "No, that can't be. I found him. It seemed real. I would know if he came back…right?"
Call Girl's eyes widened. "Maybe he got a new power similar to Mysterion's and is using it for evil?"
"Wherever he is, when we capture him we're going to make him pay for what he did to Tupperware. For scaring all of us." Kite looked around. "We're going to get you fatass! You can't do this!" He screamed out into the empty night.
Toolshed looked up from his work, almost done. He could see the empty coffin now, shining a light on it. He caught sight of something else in the beam of his flashlight. Snowflakes. He carefully checked that his concrete would dry properly and hopped down to his friends. "Guys, that note said someone would attack on the first frost. It's snowing right now."
Call Girl and Mysterion both looked up. Call Girl blinking as the snow hit her in the face and clung to her eyelashes and long dark hair. Toolshed would normally tell her she looked very pretty, but now wasn't the time.
Human Kite flew up, scanning their surroundings. "If you're out here you're going to pay, fatass!" He yelled again.
Toolshed rolled his eyes while Mysterion was still confused as fuck where The Coon's body had gone.
"Come on, Kite. Let me finish fixing the wall and then we can go home." Toolshed called up to him. He was rewarded with a gust of wind pulling him closer to Call Girl and Mysterion and a kite shaped protective shield appeared in front of the three of them. Toolshed let out a breath. He looked at his girlfriend. "Help me finish the wall and we can all go home?"
"Sure, of course. Kite's going to be paranoid now isn't he?" Call Girl said, helping grab some bricks to load onto the wall.
Toolshed looked up at Kite, flying around, his eyes narrowed as snow fell. Mysterion looked wide eyed, like he couldn't believe it. What the hell was The Coon up to? Toolshed shook his head, and went to help Call Girl fix the wall.
Wonder Tweek sat on the couch, curled up next to Super Craig. Dinner sat on the coffee table before them, Craig's food mostly eaten but Tweek's remained untouched. His hands shook slightly as he sipped from his cup of coffee. With anyone else he would be embarrassed at his little tics, but Craig never cared about stuff like that. Without prompting Craig grabbed a blanket on the back of the couch and wrapped it around the both of them.
Craig searched off the bootleg streaming service that Call Girl set up, usually looking for something weird or nostalgic. His eyebrows raised at some documentary on the heist and disappearance of D.B. Cooper, flipping the channel to that. Tweek didn't like this, the story and serious tone of the narrator both made him nervous and bored, the details hard to follow.
Tweek took one last sip and drained his coffee cup. "I'll be back." He gave Craig a kiss before going to their little kitchen to fix another cup. The pot was empty. Tweek gritted his teeth, he didn't want this. He opened the jar from the store to find that it was also empty. "Gaaah." He yelled, starting to open cabinets to find more coffee to put in the canister. Sugar, cream, spices, no coffee. "What kind of house is this? Oh Jesus."
"Tweek? You okay in there?" Craig called, bringing the dishes over to throw in the sink.
"No, how can we be out of coffee? This is terrible. Gah." Tweek moved to be sure the cabinet had no coffee and knocked over his empty cup to the ground.
Craig sighed, he loved Tweek but hated when he got worked up like this. Tweek was the only person Craig would ever take care of. He picked up the coffee cup and carefully took Tweek by the shoulders, sitting him down at the kitchen table. He reached into a nearby drawer and grabbed a pop it, rainbow in color and put it in his hands. The last fidget toy that had become popular before the apocalypse happened. "Here, play with this. I'll double check for coffee."
Tweek felt foolish, he looked down at the little toy, popping the little plastic bubbles back and forth. "It's my fault. We were supposed to get coffee and other food but then that bomb went off." He shivers and shuts his eyes.
Craig is pulling back all the way to the back of the cabinet. He pokes his head out. "I'm sorry that happened but Tupperware is gonna be fine. You and Kite are fine. We're just going to have to deal without coffee tonight until we can go back to the farm tomorrow."
"No, no." Tweek drops his pop it now. "Sorry, this is my fault….I ruin everything."
Craig sighs and goes to hug him. "No, just. Maybe get a good night's sleep and we'll go out tomorrow. Get extra from the store as well."
"The store!" Tweek says, excitedly. "It's a walk from here but I can grab some coffee and just replace it later. We can get back by midnight if we leave now."
Craig made a face. He kisses his boyfriend once more. "I love you but I'm not going out tonight, I'm tired. You can if you want. I'll watch tv and sleep on the couch until you get back. Used to you doing stuff around the apartment while I'm trying to sleep, could use the peace and quiet."
"Hey." Tweek finally smiles back. He leans over to kiss Craig once more, he grabs the little pop it and the keys to the apartment. Knowing if he can't quite get the keys in the door, Craig will answer the door for him. He slips out the front door and goes to press the door to the elevator button a few times. The slowness got on his nerves and he took the stairs instead, down at the lobby of the apartment building before the elevator could reach his floor.
He passed Human Kite, Mysterion, Toolshed and Call Girl in the lobby. He gave a quick nod. "Hey, dude." Human Kite called after him. "Be careful, it's starting to snow tonight."
Wonder Tweek paused, feeling his nerves flinch and heart pound. He was already getting a headache. "It'll be okay, emergency. Personal stuff. I'll be okay."
Kite looked like he wanted to say more, but Toolshed put a hand on his shoulder. "It'll be okay. Tweek can take care of himself."
The elevator dinged and Tweek took off quickly out the front door. The four other heros got onto the elevator for a quiet and somber ride up. "Should we warn everyone?" Mysterion asks.
"Don't want to scare everyone. Just keep an eye out. Maybe we should've warned Tweek back there." Human Kite sighs.
"I'll send everyone a text and warning to be careful." Call Girl offers. "But what do we look for? The Coon to jump out like the boogeyman?"
"I think we're safe just in our apartments for the night. Maybe just have a meeting tomorrow morning to tell everyone and see if we can track The Coon down, and what he wants." Toolshed says. "I'm tired. It's been a lot of bullshit today."
Mysterion nodded. The elevator stopped on floor five. "This is me. Gonna read and go to sleep."
"Dude Kenny, don't tell us that." Kite grumbles.
Mysterion gave a little smile, he waved and walked off to his apartment.
Kite was still irritated but the elevator dinged and he stepped off on the tenth floor. He smiled back at Stan and Wendy. "We'll get that fucker." He said.
"I'll send out a warning as soon as we get home." Wendy said. She put her arms around Stan as the elevator shut behind him. Kyle was unsure if they would get on that right away but whatever. What a fucked up day.
He unlocked his front door and stepped into his apartment. Fitting, he picked one right under Stan and Wendy's. It wasn't as large or fancy as theirs but it was good enough for him. He had a decent living room with a couch and tv. Tucked in the corner was a computer and bookshelves. Kite still liked to read and study, despite school being useless in these times. He picked up some useful stuff, farming, first aid, navigation, survival skills. He and his friends rebuilt a power grid for godsakes. Something to be proud of, but quickly stripped away if Cartman was determined to take it from them because he was an asshole.
Human Kite shook his head. He stepped into the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. He did look like crap, a bundle of nerves and stress. Damn lucky no one was hurt worse in that explosion. He grabbed his toothbrush and washcloth to clean up before he crashed out.
Kyle yawned as he entered his bedroom, he flicked on the lights and stopped in his tracks. A large form was laying in his bed, brown hair poking out, back turned. "Fatass!" He screamed, anger boiling over. He was right all along. His eyes glowed into green lasers as he swooped to the bed, throwing back the blankets to confront The Coon. He grabbed him by the collar, "What the fuck are you doing?" He stops, the Coon's face is gray and falls to the side limply. His mouth is still taped. His eyes are lifeless and staring into nothing. Human Kite screams as he pulls back from The Coon's body, feeling sick to his stomach and violated, someone threw the body in his bed. He took out his phone to call Toolshed for backup.
Call Girl went to her office right away to start sending out warning messages and set up surveillance on The Coon. Stan stood at the refrigerator, his stomach grumbled. They didn't have that much but he saw chicken, bacon, and cheese and knew they had some surplus dried spaghetti in the cabinet. He could spice the chicken and add the cheese and bacon on top to slip in the oven. Toss that on top of pasta for a lazy meal for them. He got the water boiling and the chicken out to prep when he phone went off. Kyle again, lucky Stan wasn't getting laid right now. He looked at Wendy's office door before he answered to the sound of Kyle's screaming.
"The Coon…he's fucking dead." Kite shouted over the phone.
"You finally came to your senses?" Toolshed said, throwing salt, pepper and garlic on the meat.
"He's fucking…Stan get your ass down here. Someone put his body in my bed." Kyle yelled again.
Stan dropped his salt shaker. "Okay I'll be right there." He shut off the stove and looked at Wendy's office door. He should tell her but if she was in the zone of tracking down and warning everyone, she wouldn't want to be disturbed. He could hear Kyle yelling in the apartment below and took off to check on him.
Toolshed was escorted into Human Kite's apartment and rushed over to the bedroom. "Aw shit dude." He leaned over to throw up. "He stinks."
"Didn't really notice. But yeah his dead body germs are all over my room. If it's not him who is fucking with me?" Human Kite screams.
"Okay, I believe you. You're not just paranoid." Toolshed held his stomach as he approached the body to look at it. "You call me and not Mysterion? Or I can have Call Girl see if she has surveillance of someone breaking in." He looks over and grabs a metal hanger from Kite's closet and pokes The Coon in the face and belly. "Yeah, pretty dead. Wait…you hear that?"
Human Kite is disgusted but gets closer to the body. "Some kind of ticking. What the hell?"
"It's coming from his mouth." Toolshed grabs Kite's bedsheet to cover his hand, he ignores Kite's protests and pulls back the duct tape from Coon's mouth. Something small, metal and shiny is stuck in there.
"Oh fuck. Not another." Human Kite grabs Toolshed by the waist and flies out, crashing through his bedroom window, just as the bomb in The Coon's body goes off.
The two stare in shock as the bomb starts a chain reaction, detonating off each floor as the apartment building that all the town's superheros live in starts to topple over and collapse in on itself.