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He lets Adam see it all, all his memories.
Adam cries.
Adam leaves.
He leaves Michael even though his heart screams at him to stay, stay, stay, stay . He can not bring himself to stop his feet he drags by sheer force of will. He doesn’t look back. He doesn’t want to see Michael’s pitiful state after the last battle the archangel had to fight. If he does, he fears he won’t be able to do what his mind tells him to. Michael doesn’t try to make him turn back anyway. Adam felt the huge boulder of grief and regret crushing Michael’s entire being as he showed Adam everything he had kept hidden until today. Same as for Adam, it is too much for Michael too. If Adam was his past self from before being raptured, before coming back, before seeing that , he would have believed Michael and him could beat this together. It doesn’t matter anymore.
Nothing matters now.
Everything is over, God is no more. Michael and Lucifer beat their father together. They saved their aunt from where God had absorbed her energy into his own being. She is the one that gets to stay on her feet in the end. She is their new God. Adam couldn’t care less.
The first thing Michael did after their victory was to demand for Amara to bring Adam back. Adam plus everyone else Chuck raptured. She did.
The first thing Lucifer did was to ask Amara to cleanse all the corruption in his grace along with the mark he once again had to bear to have a chance against his creator. Then the younger archangel asked about the personal heaven of one human that had been hidden from him all this time. Even when Lucifer got a hold of Heaven, when almost all the angels had been killed and Heaven was powerless, Lucifer couldn’t find him. Amara did a quick check and assured her nephew that no, his human wasn’t destroyed. Then she told him where to find that one soul.
Adam saw how Michael’s face lit up even if for less than a second and in a way no one who didn’t know Michael as well as he did could recognize. Then came the dark feelings. The pain, the fear, the regret, the disappointment and the raw loss . Adam didn’t understand. Michael showed him then. He said he wanted to be completely honest with Adam.
Adam understands now. He understands everything very well. Maybe even better than Michael did at that time.
Michael loves him .
It hurts.
Adam thinks back to the Cage. He thinks of all the time they have spent together and everything they have shared. He can still remember every single day of those centuries down in the pit. He remembers the feeling of time passing, making age pile on his mind and soul while his body stayed the same down to the last hair. He remembers how it felt not being a part of the world that kept running uncaring of Adam’s absence.
The only thing keeping Adam somewhat together was Michael. It didn’t take long at all for Adam to fall in love. Love. In the deepest pit of Hell at that. Adam fell in love with an archangel. He stayed by Michael’s side. He went through the most horrific tortures that the Cage could come up with but never left Michael alone. They started to talk to each other for some kind of solace. They learned of each other’s pasts. They learned everything there was to know about one another. Or Adam thought so.
There was a whole new part to Michael that the archangel has carefully kept out of Adam’s reach. Those well protected memories became a filter that painted Michael in entirely new colors the moment Adam learned of them. Michael didn’t even tell Adam about what he would be shown before entering his mind with the same ease they have built as far back as their Hell days. The second-hand memories simply flowed in Adam’s consciousness.
The human takes a step closer to him before placing a warm, soft hand on Michael’s arm. Immediately, Michael understands that this will be harder than he had initially thought. Those eyes, a striking blue he has never seen on any other creature-
There’s something about the way the human pronounces his name. Michael thinks at this moment that God meant for his eldest son to be called just like that when naming him.
Those sweet words are poison. That velvety voice of the human has whispered them into Lucifer’s ears too. Lucifer listened, he believed and look where it got him.
Michael takes a hold of the young man’s chin with a careful touch of his forefinger and thumb.
“-Lucifer should have stayed away, Abel.”
He pouts, pushing his pink bottom lip out a little. “Well, you’re not doing a very good job of that yourself, are you?”
“It is over, Abel. No matter how you defend your treason, you will not be pardoned. This is the day you die. Have no fear, I will make sure you feel no pain.-”
There is a strange kind of tightness in the center of his grace.
Suddenly, it crashes on Michael.
He is sad as well.
He is afraid as well.
He doesn’t… want to-
Abel reaches for Michael’s hand, surprising him. Carefully, the human guides Michael’s fingers to rest over his flat stomach and closes his eyes to call out silently.
The nephilim touches Michael’s grace tentatively then falls asleep within seconds after withdrawing. It is an infant. It is not even ready to create its own vessel and detach from its human parent yet. It’s grace is so similar to Lucifer’s. So bright, so
beautiful.
“-Goodbye, Abel.” He wipes away the last few tears before they can dry on the human’s face.
He cradles the human, holding him over his lap for some time. It takes too much effort to raise the blade again.
A quick cut on the human’s throat paints his creamy skin and white robe a cruel red. His shiny, golden hair becomes dark and matted at the ends where blood reaches.
Fresh tears blur his vision. He can’t hold himself back from physically reacting to this bitter feeling that latches on his heart with its ugly claws. He coıuldn’t hold himself when Michael finished showing everything to him. He remembers what he managed to gasp out at Michael between sobs.
You loved him, didn’t you? You wanted so bad to be Lucifer. He was brave enough to act while you had to listen to your father and keep your distance. You weren’t allowed to touch. You were afraid of him. He would make you fall. What you did to him and to the- All the other nephilim were abominations you didn’t know and had to get rid of but- You loved him, Michael. You loved your brother too. Did I ever even know you? Is that how you love?
Essentially, what bothered him the most should have been as he said then. He should have been afraid of Michael. He should have been horrified that Michael was capable of killing the person he openly loved along with an unborn child. It had bothered him too but it wasn’t the most painful part of Adam’s newly gained knowledge about his angel.
No, it was the fact that Michael loved someone else that much.
Adam felt it all.
Michael found Abel unique at first.
There were only a few humans in the entire universe back then. Adam and Eve, their two sons and Lilith who was a rogue outcast somewhere. Adam and Eve were simple beings. They were beautiful but they were too raw. They had God’s inspiration and his love of creating shining in their souls. Yet they lacked details. They lacked personalities. It was very apparent that the history of mankind would start with the two brothers when one looked at the parents who were very obviously only there to bring Cain and Abel to life. Lilith was a failed project, a trashed draft. She didn’t matter. Cain was a reflection of both his parents with a new kind of love that had just been created placed into his heart. He was the first human to taste the love for and of a sibling. It made him kinda different.
But Abel on the other hand, was completely unmatched by anyone or anything. His soul shone almost brighter than an angel’s grace. He was the youngest human out there, well-beloved by all the others. He had a way with nature, with animals and plants, that made anything he touched flourish. He had this compassion and pure love for everything. He was filled with the joy of being alive. He was curious and brave. He wasn’t lost in endless worship and prayer to be accepted back into Heaven like his parents and sometimes Cain. He loved the Earth. He wasn’t in the worry of hunting, building and providing for the family, again like Cain. His brother looked after all of them well. Therefore the time of the day was all Abel’s. He ran around, explored, discovered, fell down, stood up again, smiled, laughed, loved, touched, tasted, dreamt, sang, petted, fed, planted, observed, hummed to himself, talked… God, Abel talked to Michael. He always smiled at Michael. He wasn’t afraid of Michael.
Often, Michael would be tasked to go and check up on his father’s precious humans. He had been named their caregiver after all. His first vessel was Adam, a good enough fit. Then the title passed onto Cain, a perfect match, his ‘true vessel’ as God put it.
He had taught Adam and Eve how to light a fire, to catch a fish, to find shelter and to survive on their own. He had helped with various little things from wild animals that would try to attack them to a poisonous plant that would make one of them sick. It was all on God’s order of course. What hadn’t been so was the way his grace fluttered and burned brighter whenever Abel would come running as Michael talked to his parents. The young human would ask dozens of questions about anything that crossed his path since Michael’s last visit then excitedly recount tales of his latest adventure climbing a cliff or of newborn lambs and chicks he got to befriend. An archangel was another fascinating creature to befriend to the human. He would be radiating happiness, almost glowing with his youthful excitement that never seemed to run out even as he neared his twentieth year. He would tuck a piece of his shiny golden hair that Cain could never bring himself to cut too short behind his ear and give all his concentration to what Michael would say to him in turn. His blue eyes would grow wide, displaying all the colors of a summer day sky. He would chew his bottom lip with a pearly tooth sometimes when Michael revealed something about the creation to make him need to think for a little while. He once took Michael’s hand to lead him to a clearing where he had planted flowers. He indeed didn’t have that mix of respect-fear his parents, his brother and the angels had for Michael.
Michael found he liked that. On Abel’s nineteenth birthday, Michael found himself on Earth without having planned to even go there in the first place. He wandered around aimlessly. He found a baby deer all alone with her mother already torn apart by predators somewhere in the depths of the forest. Abel hugged him when he saw her. Michael stood frozen, not because he didn’t know how to participate in the embrace but because he was afraid of breaking the spell and ending the moment.
He buried that fact deep within that very same day and swore to never let it come to light. He ordered himself to stay away. He reminded himself of the day the first human came to be and God sternly told Michael that any and all relationships between an angel and the descendants of this new creature were absolutely prohibited. He took longer and longer between each visit to Earth. He let time go by. He watched from afar. He convinced himself that it was enough.
Abel was twenty one when he said yes to Lucifer.
Michael was the only angel allowed on Earth at the time. He had been permitted to make use of his true vessel. Adam and Eve eagerly told their son to welcome the archangel of course. As it was all planned to be. As it should have stayed.
Lucifer should have stayed away.
It was a given that Abel would want to be friends with Lucifer after seeing Michael possess his older brother and learning that he too was the true vessel of an archangel. Michael wasn’t even surprised when the young human approached the white snake that Lucifer disguised himself as. When Lucifer returned to Heaven, Michael went to give him an earful. It had been days. Michael was about to go to Earth to drag Lucifer back, even risking it being found out that he didn’t immediately report his younger brother’s absence. Lucifer half listened to him and half shrugged him off, already planning to go back at the first opportunity. He was already-
But then again, it was understandable at the very least.
There was a rumour in Heaven that it had been Lucifer who tricked Gadreel and made the humans have access to the tree of knowledge and its guardian. It didn’t help that it had been a fledgling Lucifer who had a spark of their father’s talent in creating that came up with the idea to create a terrestrial animal that could move without arms and legs. It didn’t help that God had liked the idea so much that he shaped the guardian of the most important tree in Eden like a snake. It didn’t help that Lucifer’s favorite disguise was always a regal white snake with shiny scales.
Lucifer was feared.
The angels were slowly forgetting about the Lightbringer, the most beautiful angel ever, the archangel who personally raised a quarter of them and taught them. Instead, they were starting to see him as a plotting rebel who could go rogue any moment. They were starting to think of him as a dangerous, spiteful, jealous being who had made his mind to corrupt mankind, God’s most cherished creations. They no longer visited Lucifer for tales of early Creation and lessons on every little thing he could teach them. Heaven was a choir, Lucifer was the angel of music yet they didn’t sing with him anymore.
God had started going away for longer and longer periods. He no longer called Lucifer to his side for a peaceful session of creating together.
Raphael and Gabriel had long grown past their fledgling years and become young, independent archangels with duties of their own. Gabriel didn’t run around after Lucifer, begging him to play anymore.
Michael was too busy. He had to make sure the universe ran smoothly. He had to battle the leviathans that he had locked into Purgatory on God’s order to keep them there. He had to make sure Heaven’s army was always at its best. He had to oversee all the work in Heaven. He had to care for the humans. He had little time left to spend idle time with his brothers as he used to do when they were little.
Lucifer was alone. He was feared.
Abel didn’t fear him.
Michael didn’t know why Lucifer even decided to go to Earth in the first place. He had always been disinterested when it came to humans. Some took it as proof that he hated them and found them inferior to the point of becoming an evil being who aspired to drive them astray. It could very well have been why Lucifer went to see the humans disguised as a snake. Michael felt his brother could be capable of anything by that point, having borne a corrupting Mark for so long. Maybe he was planning something. Or maybe he wanted to try out his own true vessel after seeing Michael using his so much. Maybe he merely was curious. He would often roll his eyes and ask Michael what was so great about those mud creatures. The question was rhetorical of course but-
In the end, it didn’t matter why he went. Michael didn’t seek an answer. He simply told Lucifer to behave himself. They were not supposed to spend time around humans. God had forbidden it. They were not supposed to form attachments or relationships because humans were much more complex than they were. A human could easily make an angel make mistakes. They had to stay away.
What no one knew was that the warning stood for Michael himself as well.
Michael obeyed it. Lucifer didn’t. Michael found out months later that Lucifer was sneaking away to Earth, to Abel, almost every day. Cain’s prayers had been what outed the two. He had heard of the tale of the talking snake in the Garden of Eden from his parents countless times. So when he caught his beloved brother talking to a snake, the first thing he did was to pray to Michael.
Michael panicked. For the smallest fragment of a second, he feared Lucifer was targeting the most innocent and captivating human soul to corrupt thus to prove all of them were worthless. Michael feared that harm would be done to the humans he had been tasked to protect by God himself. He feared that he would fail his duty and- He feared that Abel would be hurt.
He flew faster than he would ever think he could that day. Still, he was late. Cain didn’t know how to pray to a single angel. He didn’t know that angels had an open communication system where all angels could hear something that wasn’t privately sent out. All the angels heard. God learned that Lucifer was doing something that he wasn’t supposed to do and that Michael had failed to report it to him let alone putting a stop to it. Lucifer too heard. He asked the most important question then and there.
Abel said yes.
He was only twenty one.
Michael found them as one.
Abel’s beautiful eyes were teary as they glared at their withdrawing true forms with Lucifer’s trapped in Michael’s iron hold. Had he been able to, Michael too would cry from the stress and anticipation for God’s verdict alone. God decided
that Lucifer should simply pass down the Mark to Cain, a human.
What?
Michael didn’t understand it at all. Was that the punishment seen fit for disobeying an order of God continuously? Lucifer hated possessing such a weapon anyway. To Michael, the Mark was a gift of God entrusted to his son but-
He didn’t question the order any further. He never voiced anything that was in his mind. He wouldn’t dare to imply that God’s will wasn’t just or capable of solving everything. He was a loyal son first of every other name and duty he had.
He played his part of possessing Cain during the ritual. God told him a human with free will would be stronger against the corruption of the Mark and that Michael would be allowed to help Cain from time to time. With that thing gone, Lucifer would become himself again.
He didn’t.
What he had with his true vessel became even deeper. Michael tried to warn his brother, to keep him in Heaven, to stop the rumours of the angels who had learned about the yes from Abel real time. He tried to help his brother. There was fear in his grace. Fear for the first fledgling he raised. There was fear and something dark and- Fear alone. He was afraid for Lucifer. He tried to talk about the matter openly more than once.
He wasn’t at all ready to listen to his brother when Lucifer decided to give him what he wanted and boldly came forward with the entire truth without any sugar coating.
“Brother, he is my human now. Abel and I are clearly made for each other. We have known that since the first day. I asked for his hand last night and he chose me as his mate. I will talk to Father. Please support me. Protect your little brother one last time, Michael.”
Michael couldn’t talk, couldn’t react, couldn’t tear his gaze from Lucifer’s bright smile, couldn’t feel anything other than his brother’s joyous and content aura, couldn’t understand what was happening, couldn’t bring himself to comprehend the meaning of ‘mate’, couldn’t imagine what God would do if he heard, couldn’t picture Abel with Lucifer, couldn’t do something to break the moment, couldn’t think.
He couldn’t think.
Lucifer put on his best nice angel look that got him anything he asked of big brother when he had been no more than a little ball of fresh grace and tiny wings. He hugged Michael and whispered, giddy as a lion cub that discovered its voice.
“ I love him. Michael, I can’t see why Father would forbid this. It is the most wonderful thing I have ever felt. He loves me too. He loved me as a snake. He loved me with that cursed thing on my grace. He would love any child we have even if everyone else calls them an abomination. He made the corruption in my grace disappear whenever he touched me. He said he wanted me to be free as I wanted. He said he didn’t believe that I had his parents thrown out of Heaven. He isn’t afraid of me. He is ready to face any punishment with me. He wants us to be free to love each other. He said he is ready to go anywhere with me so we could be together. I said I was ready to relinquish my position as an archangel if it came to that. Brother, I love him so much.”
Love. The most wonderful feeling ever. Love. A child. An abomination. Freedom. Free to love each other. Together. To relinquish-
Love.
Michael stayed frozen for a long time. Lucifer kept talking, telling him about his happiness and hope. Michael tuned it all out. He didn’t even know why. He wanted to cover his ears and run away. He couldn’t.
His baby brother was happy.
His little Morningstar was smiling.
Lucifer found love.
Michael hugged back tightly, wrapping his wings around Lucifer much like he would when the little one would come to him, scared to spend a period of sleep like rest that his young grace needed to grow on his own. He held his brother close. He could do it. He could shield his brother if he held on tightly enough. Nothing would happen. Lucifer was confused. God would understand. It was because of the Mark that messed with Lucifer’s grace during all the time after the Darkness was locked away. That was all. Their father loved them too much to punish them. He didn’t actually punish Lucifer last time. He would surely give his most favorite child another chance. Michael would beg his father to forgive Lucifer just once more. Everything would be alright.
Nothing was alright.
Lucifer was accused of being a rebel. Michael was ordered to take him down. God had him build a Cage in Hell first. A Cage in Hell. A handful of young angels supported Lucifer’s idea of free will. A war broke out. It lasted long.
Two entire years passed on Earth.
Lucifer was strong. More and more young ones were choosing his side each day, either having been raised by him or becoming charmed by his speeches in the open channel. He was fighting tooth and nail for a dream. Michael was fighting to stop the uprising. Lucifer was willing to do anything to protect Abel who God declared he wanted dead. Adam and Eve would be blessed with a third son. Abel was going to be left out of the big plan like Lilith had been banished when she rejected the first man. Michael could do anything for God yet what was lacking on his part was willingness .
He didn’t want to hurt his brother. He didn’t want to imprison him in the most terrible part of the universe. He didn’t want to end up killing his brother. Then there was Abel. Michael remembered the human being seventeen and bravely not crying as Michael slowly fixed the broken bone of his arm. He remembered the way Abel would seek his wisdom and friendship with questions and tales. He remembered Abel’s tears for a little bird that had fallen out of the nest and died. Was there really any evil-
God’s will was always just. Michael had no choice but to follow the orders.
They came all too suddenly. God called him over and told him how he would clean the mess in Heaven. He told him about the pregnant hellhound Lucifer managed to smuggle out of Heaven for his mate to look after. The two had helped bring an entire litter of those dangerous monsters to life. They hadn’t stopped there. They had saved Lilith from the seraphim tasked to kill her. Lucifer had taught that human magic. He in turn had dared to use his own blood that God had gifted him for a spell and turned Lilith into a demon . They wouldn’t stop their rebellion and their offenses there for sure. They both had to be dealt with immediately. Michael had dragged things on for too long. The way to weaken and beat Lucifer was
to kill his mate and sever the bond that strengthened them.
Michael fell, kneeling in front of his father and creator. He decided what to do before even knowing he had been trying to find a way out. There was no saving Lucifer. His brother would have to be locked up. Maybe with time, their father would miss his son and soften up when Lucifer confessed all his sins and apologized as he for sure was bound to do. Michael could help convince God then. He couldn’t do anything about the Cage. But about Abel…
He gritted the words out with more hardship than the entire war caused him. He told his father all about how the Mark had corrupted Lucifer. He highlighted the perfection of humankind. He recounted all the times Lucifer secretly left Heaven to go after a young, innocent human who was terribly lonely and who didn’t know any better. He didn’t just imply, he said it openly. Lucifer was the one to be blamed. He had to be punished severely for his crimes. The celestial bond could be broken. The human’s soul could be saved. Cain was praying, begging, for that nonstop. God loved humans. He had ordered them to love and respect humans. Michael was named their protector. It was his duty to be the salvation of that bright soul. He could do it if his father allowed him.
With every word that left him, Michael hated himself a little more.
God smiled at him with an alien glint in his eye.
A blade made out of bone and a very simple order was all he got. Abel’s soul wouldn’t be destroyed. Michael was found to be in the right by God. The youngest human would even have a personal Heaven. Cain’s memories of the day of his brother’s death would be altered. Michael would have to-
Michael went to Earth. He had his duty before him.
“Everyone will be told it was Lucifer who answered your brother’s prayer and gave him the blade.”
God was just. God was always right. Michael was loyal to him alone.
What would haunt Michael for the rest of his existence was the pleading look in Abel’s eyes as he held Michael’s hand over his abdomen and showed him the little nephilim. The way the tiny thing came closer, confusing Michael with Lucifer hurt him in a way so deep and indescribable that Michael would never be the same being ever again. He would have cradled that baby and- He didn’t want to do it. Still, it was an abomination and it had to go for Abel to keep existing.
“I have promised you no pain. I intend to keep it. You will sleep now and wake up in your very own paradise filled with everyone and everything you love. You will be happy and peaceful forever. I have ensured God would give you that at least. You will never feel pain, remorse or fear again. Lucifer and your child will be there as well. You will never see me again. Goodbye, Abel. ” He wiped away the last few tears before they could dry on the human’s face.
It didn’t take much energy but it took time. It was the hardest thing Michael had had to do. God had not even spared him from having to rewrite Cain’s memory later. Michael was already drained. So he allowed himself to sit there as the human bled out and use his grace to make sure Abel really wouldn’t feel anything.
Then came the part that finally broke Michael. Facing his brother.
Lucifer didn’t even see Michael, first trying to heal his human with all he had then choosing to hold and soothe him instead of leaving him to lie there to battle Michael. It took Death himself to convince Lucifer to let go.
Michael opened the gate to the Cage.
“That was my child, Michael. I had already become a father. He was my mate. He loved me more than anyone else ever did and he stood by me through everything. We were going to go far. We would make our own family. We would be happy.” Lucifer’s tears shone blue like the grace of all angels. What remained in his eyes after all the blue light dripped down and faded was a cruel red.
The younger archangel stepped into the gate on his own. He knew he had been beaten.
“Someday brother, he will take someone you love too. Then you will understand. You will regret ever being his soldier. He will do this to you too. That stupid Apocalypse shall better come soon. I will not fight you that day. I will fight him. I will win. I will get Abel back.”
Michael’s entire being resonated with the wish that Lucifer would. He of course chased the feeling away immediately. God was just. God was always right. Michael was loyal to him al -
Adam doesn’t even try to stand up from where he has been sitting on the floor of the kitchen for hours already. Instead, he leans against the fridge as he opens a new can of random, cheap alcohol that he threw in the cart without checking. He has been spending his days like this since he walked away from Michael after hearing that he went back to God and seeing the memories.
It doesn’t matter that Michael didn’t actually kill Lucifer. It doesn’t matter that the two of them won and made their aunt the new God together. Adam doesn’t care.
All he can think of today is the shallow grave Michael dug up using only his hands under Abel’s favorite tree that he and Lucifer grew together. All he can focus on is the gentle way Michael washed off the blood, closed the cut on the young man’s throat and carried him back from the river in his arms. Behind his closed eyes, he can see the way Michael laid Abel down and covered him. He can see the colorful flowers the archangel grew on the grave with his grace.
The most hideous bit of his heart wants to rip out all of those flowers right from the roots.
It’s because of him that this happened to Adam. As if that poisonous thought is not enough to drive him half crazy, Adam’s head is now filled with all those memories and second-hand thoughts praising him. Even looking into a mirror-
All Adam sees is the face of a nineteen years old human with blonde hair and blue eyes. He was nineteen too when Michael fell in love. Michael gave him a deer. Michael loved his golden, semi long hair that formed graceful curls around his head more than the sunshine itself. Michael found his blue eyes prettier than the sky his father created. Was Michael ever that poetic about Adam?
Michael told Adam that he had never felt anything like that for anyone before. He said Adam was his first, the first one he wanted to share that intimacy with when they- Were all of those lies? Or did he love Abel so much that the physical things weren’t even important enough to cross his mind? Did he love Abel enough to be afraid of even the thoughts of touching him? Then where does that put Adam?
The questions drive him crazy every minute of the day. He can’t bear to look at his own reflection anymore. Was he no more than a distraction in the Cage? Was he only a replacement? He loved loves Michael with all his heart.
It hurts.
He learns to live with the constant pain. Months pass with every single day just the same. Then one night, Michael disappears.
Adam wakes up in the middle of the night with a crushing ache in his heart that leaves him gasping for breaths. The thin string of grace tied to his soul snaps. He can’t feel Michael anymore. The only thing that is left in the place of their bond is a tight, dark void. Michael is
dead.
Adam rushes to the car without even packing anything. He drives to the bunker, not even thinking of calling. He barges in, finds his half brothers, Castiel and Lucifer’s son. They don’t know what happened. No one knows. Adam is half hysterical trying to understand why his angel is gone. He is messing up their library, taking out tomes, skimming the pages then throwing them away when he doesn’t see anything of interest. He is praying in hopes that Michael hears. Don’t do this. Don’t do this. Don’t die. Please don’t die. Please don’t leave me alone. We only had each other. Please don’t die. Please come back. Please come back to me. Let there be a way to get you back. I miss you. I can’t live without you. I hate that I can’t feel you anymore. Come back. Please come back. I need you. I-
Jack suggests they find Lucifer. Michael told him that he would be going to talk to his brother. Adam’s heart sinks with fear. He still vividly remembers the two archangels’ fights in the Cage. He remembers the way they tore up each other at every chance. He remembers patching up Michael’s wounded wings as best as he could countless times. What if they fought again? What if it is why Michael is-
Sam’s futile efforts to calm him only ends up making them waste time. Castiel and surprisingly Jack fly away to get Lucifer. Dean stays on the phone with the angel all the while as Adam slowly comes down from his panic attack. He ends up dumped on the nearest chair in the library with his head in his hands and his entire body shaking. His hands and his lips get pins-and-needles then become completely numb, leaving him unable to stop sniffling and do something useful.
Even when he hears Lucifer arriving and his half brothers starting to question the now cleansed archangel on the matter, he can’t get himself to move. He tries hard. He tries to listen to the conversation but he can’t make anything out over the buzzing in his ears. All the sounds are far and muffled anyway. He looks around but the shadows dancing in the corners of his vision make everything spin too much to really see. He is about to pass out. He tries to take deep and steady breaths. He leans against the backrest of the chair and tries to squeeze and release his fists in a specific rhythm. His head falls forward again. He slowly slides down in the chair to fall-
He doesn’t fall.
Someone catches him, lays him on the ground, puts something under his legs to raise them, tilts his head to the side and loosens his collar and belt. He hears them calling out what must be his name before they fan some air against his face and neck. He smells something like peppermint essence right before his head starts clearing up. The person he sees right above him is-
The young man lets out a relieved sigh and draws the damp tissue away from his nose. Adam’s eyes follow him even as Dean helps him to slowly sit up and Sam pushes a glass of water against his lips. He doesn’t know what kind of expression he has on his face but the other seems unfazed, even slipping an arm around one of Adam’s to sit him down on his chair again. He leans a bit close. “Are you feeling better? You can hear us clearly, right?” Adam isn’t sure if he nods or not.
Too much.
This is too much.
He must have given a positive reaction because they step away to let him breathe and rest. He pulls out a chair next to him and smiles at him as he holds out another glass of water.
Too much.
Now that Adam sees him with his own eyes, he knows Michael didn’t exaggerate anything. Thanks to the millenia he spent with an archangel sharing his body, Adam can see souls themselves. This one is- He doesn’t even need to see the soul behind that face. Who wouldn’t fall for that smile?
Part of him understands that the other man is truly a good person who takes care of a stranger like this and that he doesn’t have anything to do with what Michael silently felt. Part of him knows that he is only being bitter and jealous and that is his own fault. So what if Michael loved someone else before? Adam wasn’t even alive back then. He never even heard or saw anything about Abel in all that time he spent having a relationship with his angel. He had crushes before Michael too. Did the archangel really do anything to make him right to think he was being used to fill someone’s void? His love and support may have been needed for Michael to break out of God’s manipulation but was there ever anything about- Did Michael ever see this man before him when he looked at Adam? Did he hold him and make love to him as if he was doing everything the way he imagined to do with another? Wouldn’t Adam have known? Did he walk away from his Halo when Michael needed him the most? Did he make them both suffer for months for nothing? Did Michael die because he thought Adam left for good?
“He said he wanted to find Raphael and Gabriel. I wanted to go with him but-” Lucifer’s eyes flicker to Abel who immediately turns his head to meet the other’s gaze as if having felt it. But then again, he probably did. Adam sees the tender look they share. He understands. Lucifer was afraid of not being able to return from that place. Just when they were finally back together. He couldn’t leave. “-Michael told me to stay. He said- I think what happened with God broke him. I want our brothers back too. I owe them both apologies. Michael and I owe them happy lives in a happy home where our family is together and they feel safe. We should repent and heal everything we broke when we let God play with us. Michael is powerful, more so than any of us. He was sure he could do it. For months, he worked on spells and the weapons God had stashed somewhere in Heaven. If it comes to that, Amara will help him too.”
Adam tenses up again. Michael dived into another kind of horrible Hell all alone. He might not make it. He killed himself to get his brothers back. He was left all alone. He is trying to redeem himself. He hurt people, did many wrongs as he served God. He is trying to make up for it all. He had to face the harshest truth out there all alone because Adam left. He left. Michael knew that Adam noticed how his grace shuddered with joy when Amara found Abel. He wanted to be honest. He showed Adam his memories. Adam never knew exactly why or how Lucifer fell. He never asked. Michael never told the story on his own. He showed Adam one of his biggest regrets. He trusted Adam. Adam left. He left Michael alone and now Michael might not even-
A warm hand covers his on the table and gives a light squeeze.
“He will return.”
Adam squeezes back.
Michael does return. He doesn’t come to Adam. Adam can’t gather enough courage to go to Michael and talk. He knows he loves Michael. He knows he wants to be with Michael. He is angry at himself, not at Michael. Still, he isn’t ready. As if he is waiting for something. Maybe they both are waiting. Maybe they both need the time. Adam feels that there are things Michael must face and resolve on his own too.
He founds himself a simple life of college classes and a part time job at a department store. He texts with Sam sometimes. He hears that Amara creates a new generation of angels. He hears that Michael helps restabilize Heaven. He hears that all the archangels meet up once. He hears that Raphael and Gabriel settle into Heaven once again. He hears that Jack spends time with his uncles and Lucifer too sometimes. He hears that Michael is teaching Jack and constantly visiting Lucifer and Abel. He hears that a new nephilim is born .
When his doorbell rings for the first time in weeks, Adam runs to the door.
His guest looks even better than last time they saw each other. The baby is the most adorable little girl Adam has ever seen. He recognizes her grace from Michael’s memories. He cries quietly as he holds her for Abel as the other man borrows his kettle. She coos at him and touches the colorful prints of his t-shirt with her tiny hands. He gets to hold her bottle for her with a weird feeling in his heart. Abel sips his own tea on the opposite seat, too relaxed and too trusting with Adam.
“I forgave Michael the moment I felt her again. I know he didn’t want to do what he did. I know how messed up his head was back then. That was his father and God. He thought he was doing the best he could when he stopped my soul from getting destroyed at such an expense. It was- There wasn’t physical pain that day. But I suffered a lot later on. I thought I should have just been raptured along with my child for so long. Then I got this second chance. It wouldn’t really have been possible had I been erased by God right back at the start. I… have moved on. I finally have what I wanted the most. The other day I got to meet Kelly too. Lucifer talked to her as well. She is a good person. Jack is a darling, really. I think I love him just as I love my baby. It’s- Everything is changing. We are all in a better place now that we are not pawns in a big plot anymore. I came here to clear up one thing: Michael loves you. I heard so much about you. I saw how you made him into this amazing being that is free and strong enough to openly feel. I witnessed how much he values, misses, needs you. That day at the bunker- I think you love Michael as well. I think you both deserve to be happy. Please don’t torment yourselves anymore. Today I talked to Michael too as the kids were playing. He said he hurt me. He said he hurt you. He said he is afraid of doing more damage. He- Please just go see him. ”
Adam’s mouth runs dry. He didn’t expect that. He lowers his head and gently rocks the now dozing baby on his lap. He doesn’t know what to say. Abel doesn’t stay any longer.
It is barely an hour later after Adam reluctantly hands the little nephilim back to her father and closes the door after them when he runs outside, praying to Castiel for access to Heaven.
He is breathless when he throws his arms around Michael and those wings he loves surround him back.
They talk.
“Just tell me one thing and be truthful, Michael.-” Michael nods in all his earnestness. He has shown Adam everything there is to know and see about himself. His rights and wrongs, his good deeds and his mistakes are at the mercy of his human. “-Was I ever a replacement? Did you ever think about him after I became your mate?”
The answer is a simple no. What Adam saw were memories after all. Those feelings were what Michael felt then. Michael still cares for Abel, he always will. He will always look out for the human and his own brother along with his nephew and niece. Adam wouldn’t have it any other way. Not after meeting Abel himself, not after getting to hold the baby.
He kisses Michael.
“Let’s never lose each other again. Let’s get ourselves free of the past and build our future.”
They do. It’s Michael’s idea to name their daughter Kate. It’s Adam’s idea to take a picture of Jack grinning at the camera with all the innocence of a true child his age with his sister and his cousin both held over his lap. Copies of the photo make it to their house, Abel’s house, the bunker, Raphael’s office in Heaven and even Amara’s purse.
They are happy.