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Yelena Belova: ex-assassin, former spy, and arguably the best MCU character this is. In her attempt to get reintegrated into society, she needs a new wardrobe, one befitting of a millennial woman spending time in America. To do this, she goes where every millennial woman shops: Target. To help her pick out stuff that looks good, she is accompanied by Monica Rambeau and Carol Danvers.
“Yelena!” Monica calls, walking around the stands of shirts on hangers. She spots Carol across the section. “Carol, have you seen Yelena?”
“No,” Carol denies. “I thought she was with you.”
Monica sighs. “She probably just wandered off to the candy aisle again. I’ll go find her.”
As Carol picks up a shirt to look at it, Monica goes off to the candy aisle, muttering about Yelena’s inability to focus. On her walk-through, Monica spots Yelena looking at throw pillows.
“Yelena, what are you doing?” Monica asks. “We’re supposed to be picking out—”
“Do I want a throw pillow that says ‘Live, Laugh, Love’,” Yelena interrupts, “or one that says ‘But first, coffee’?”
Monica sighs, staring at Yelena to show her impatience. Yelena stares right back.
“Get the ‘Live, Laugh, Love’ one, but let’s go!” Monica finally says. “We don’t have all day.”
“Wait a second!” Yelena gasps, picking up a third pillow. “This one says ‘You might belong in Hufflepuff’.”
“Do you even know what that IS?” Monica asks.
“No,” Yelena answers. “But I like the sound of the word ‘hufflepuff.’ Hufflepuff. Hufffffflepuuuffffff.”
“Yelena—”
“Hufflepuff.”
“Let’s go,” Monica says, rolling her eyes but amused.
Monica takes Yelena back to the clothes section, Yelena whispering the word “Hufflepuff” repeatedly the whole way, carrying her new favorite pillow.
“There you two are,” Carol says, spotting the arrival of the other two millennials. “Here, Yelena, check out this cute shirt I found.”
“What is it?” Yelena asks.
Carol holds up a purple shirt with a coffee mug logo on it.
“That would look cute,” Yelena comments. “If I was eighteen.”
“Oh, come on!” Carol reacts, holding up the shirt to herself. “I actually might get this if you don’t.”
“I won’t,” Yelena says. “Is there anything black here? Like a vest?”
“Aunt Carolll, that looks great on you!” Monica compliments. “You should totally get it!”
“Well, the price tag’s a bit high,” Carol says. “But it IS pretty cute.”
As Monica and Carol debate the price/cuteness ratio of the shirt, Yelena gets bored and wanders off. On passing through the candy section, she grabs half a dozen bags of Almond Joy.
She ventures through the store to the toys and stumbles upon the Barbie/My Generation aisle. One particular Barbie catches her attention. She hasn’t had a toy since her family left Ohio in 1995. The doll
doesn’t look unlike her; white dress and tight blonde ponytail. She tucks it under her arm to take it to the checkout to buy once Monica and Carol are done obsessing over the one shirt.
In the next aisle over is all the Legos, Hot Wheels, and action figures, among them Avengers action figures. Yelena takes a peek and finds what she was secretly but obviously hoping to find: a Black Widow figure. She tears up when she sees it and, voice cracking, whistles her half of their whistle. She grabs it, ready to check out. However, when she spots a limited edition Black Widow figure, she grabs that, too, without a thought.
She finds a basket and puts her pillow, Almond Joy, Barbie, and action figures in it to check out when she hears raised voices. She sighs, knowing what’s going on and remembering that Monica and Carol are still there, likely debating the purple-coffee-mug shirt. She heads over and finds them deliberating.
“You know what?” Carol says at last. “I’ll get it.”
“Yeah, but the deal, the DEAL,” Monica debates. “It’s not the best deal!”
“Are you two okay?” Yelena asks.
“Never better,” Monica answers.
“We’re.. just.. debating the shirt,” Carol explains.
“I can hear that,” Yelena says. “Allll the way at the entrance.”
“That loud, huh?” Carol chuckles. “Yeah, I’ll just get the shirt.”
“The price,” Monica says under her breath.
“Okay, Yelena,” Carol says, “there’s gotta be some stuff here you want.”
“Anything black?” Yelena repeats from earlier. “Something simple. Maybe a little fun.”
“Okay, Yelena,” Monica says, holding up a black T-shirt backwards, “how do you feel about bands?”
“I like rock,” Yelena thinks out loud. “And metal. And classical piano. What band is it?”
“Coldplay,” Monica answers, turning the shirt around and showing Yelena the logo of many connected multicolored rings with the word Coldplay in the center of it.
Yelena mumble-sings, “I hear Jerusalem bells are ringin’, Roman calvary choirs are singin’.” She takes the shirt and holds it against her, testing out size and looks.
“Looks great!” Carol compliments.
“But does it FEEL great?” Monica asks.
“I like the material,” Yelena says. “It reminds me of some of the outfits I wore working undercover as an assassin.”
Carol and Monica share a concerning look with each other.
“But I mean, I like it, it’s comfy,” Yelena concludes. “I’ll get it.”
“What other stuff do you wanna get?” Monica asks. “Just black?”
“Now that I have a black shirt, maybe something a little more vibrant,” Yelena says. “Something that says ‘I’m not an assassin anymore and you could trust me’.”
An awkward silence ensues, neither Carol nor Monica knowing what to say. Yelena’s face is dead serious.
“I’m kidding,” Yelena finally breaks the quiet. “You Americans need to lighten up. So serious all the time.”
“This looks cute!” Monica holds up a blue shirt with a two Porgs on it. “You should TOTALLY get this!”
“What type of animal is that?” Yelena asks, pointing at the Porgs.
“They’re Porgs, from Star Wars,” Monica answers. “Hey Aunt Carol, find any Porgs in space?”
“Not yet,” Carol says, “but there’s actually compelling evidence they might exist. Maybe the Star Wars world exists in another universe.”
“That would be pretty cool,” Yelena says. “Like this shirt. This shirt is cool.”
“It’s only twenty-five dollars,” Monica adds.
“This shirt sucks, it’s ugly and not cool at all,” Yelena says quickly.
“Not a bad price,” Carol says lowly.
“What’s so bad about that price?” Monica asks.
“Well…” Yelena says, “I’m sort of going on a date tomorrow night and I want to wear something that he would like.”
“Aww!” Carol and Monica react.
“What’s he like?” Monica asks.
“He’s older,” Yelena says, winking.
“Oh,” Carol says.
“Okay,” Monica responds.
“Don’t worry,” Yelena alleviates, “he’s only like thirty at heart. Besides, you might know him.”
“This is getting weirder—” Monica begins.
“And weirder,” Carol finishes.
“Relax, okay?” Yelena says. “It’s… it’s James Barnes.”
“Shut. Up,” Monica reacts.
“Good for you, Yelena,” Carol says honestly. “But what does this have to do with price?”
“Well, I’m paying for my own food,” Yelena explains.
“You know what?” Monica says. “Just get the shirt.”
“I do have enough money,” Yelena says. “What the heck? I’ll get it. Hopefully Barnes likes it.”
“He will!” A voice calls from across the clothing area over in the men’s section.
“Don’t tell me that’s…” Yelena begins, not finishing the sentence.
“Yep. It’s him,” Carol confirms.
Over in the men’s section, Wong just laughs.