Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It begins in the library.

Itadori had agreed to join Junpei and Fushigoro’s weekly study sessions, not knowing that they’d actually be studying. He had thought that it was some sort of code word for sparring or quidditch; Which, in retrospect, was not exactly a Sherlockian deduction. (He was a Hufflepuff, not a Ravenclaw - logic wasn’t his strong suit).

Now, he’s stuck with an arithmancy book in his hands and he can already feel his single brain cell giving up. Really, why would anyone want to do more homework outside of class?

He knows, in theory, that he needs to study. His last report card was riddled with barely-passing “Acceptable”’s, the exception being the “Outstanding” he had received in Defense Against the Dark Arts. The only reason he was excelling in that class was because of Sakuna, who thought it’d be a fun idea to attack Itadori at random times to “test his reflexes”. It had been a very efficient training method. He was faster than the majority of his classmates and knew more charms and curses than any normal student should. Still, other professors had left a comments saying that his assignments “needed work”, which would be concerning if Sakuna actually bothered checking his report card. Also, being a curse-breaker didn’t require good grades in arithmancy of all things.

His gaze drifts to Fushigoro, sitting across from him, quiet save for the sounds of his quill scribbling on parchment. Across the top, Itadori reads the title of the essay - “Why Muggles Need Electricity” - written in the sloping cursive. The sun lazily sprawls across him, making his black hair seem almost golden, creating a soft glow around his outline. His eyelashes brush against his cheeks when he blinks.

If Itadori was a poet, he would say that Fushigoro was beautiful. He would say lifetimes spent studying his face would be lifetimes worth living. He would say that Fushigoro was beautiful, full of sharp angles and straight lines, the bend of his shoulders and the edge of his jaw and somehow soft at the same time, the slope of his nose and the gentle curve of his blue eyes.

Unfortunately, Itadori is not a poet, so he ends up with a single thought.

He’s pretty, Itadori realizes.

Nobara slams a book in front of his face and Itadori jumps in his seat, having missed her approach. Fushigoro raises an eyebrow. Junpei accidentally drops his wand in surprise.

Nobara pays them no mind as she quickly glances left, then right, checking her surroundings. She leans in, pulling them close, and hisses under her breath, “Gojo-sensei is married!”

At this, Itadori gapes. He has seen the hoards of girls that follow the young professor around, screaming when he so much as breathes. Surely, if the professor was married, the Gojo fan club would know before they did.

Fushigoro frowns, shaking his head. “I’ve known him for years. There’s no way he’s married.”

“I saw it!” Nobara insists, slamming her hand on the table. From across the room, a librarian glares and shushes them. Nobara meets her stare with all the wild savagery of a girl who knows a secret that must be shared. When the librarian eventually turns away, Nobara gives them a rather rude gesture before continuing. “I saw him leaving his office this morning. He was wearing a ring on his left hand.”

“Please,” Fushigoro says. “There are a million other reasons to be wearing a ring. Besides, who would want to marry him?”

A rude, but valid point. Gojo-sensei was worse than the ghosts that haunt Hogwarts, often playing obnoxious pranks on his fellow staff members and proclaiming that it was an act of karma to avoid responsibility. Nanamin, the transfiguration professor, had once turned Gojo into a frog for several days after discovering that Gojo had turned his blond hair into a bright shade of neon pink.

Itadori doesn’t want to think badly of his teacher but … he admits that it’s hard to imagine anyone who would want to keep the man company for extended periods of time.

“Junpei,” Nobara turns her attention to the other student. “He’s head of Slytherin. What do you think?”

Junpei fiddles with his green robes. “I don’t know,” he says hesitantly. “He doesn’t seem married?”

She slumps, disappointment clear on her face.

“Sorry...”

The more Itadori thinks about it, the more he realizes that he doesn’t know anything about their Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. Gojo-sensei never answers questions about his personal life but no one really ever asks either. They’re too busy trying not to die in class. Itadori shudders as he remembers the time the professor threw a boggart at them without telling them the correct spell to ward it away. Quite a few students had been traumatized.

“Why don’t we try to find out then?” Itadori asks. He closes the book he had open, using this opportunity to avoid his problems. None of the numbers made sense anyways. “I got an invisibility cloak from my brother last year. We could follow him after school.”

“Brilliant idea Itadori!” Nobara swings an arm around his shoulders. “You’re the only one who gets me.”

Fushigoro shakes his head at them, still attempting to study. “We have OWLs coming up,” he says, as if they need reminding. “I’m not tutoring you if you fall behind in class.”

Fushigoro’s threat might have worked if he hadn’t used it a million times before. They all know he’ll fold if they ask him enough times.

“Ah, come on Fushigoro,” Nobara whines. “It’ll be fun! You can be a nerd and catch up on all this stuff later. Besides, we all agreed to go already.”

“We did?” Junpei asks. Nobara slowly turns to stare at him, a threat in her eyes, and he quickly amends his answer. “We did!”

Fushigoro sighs and closes his own book, recognizing that he will no longer be able to get any work done. “We can’t all fit under one invisibility cloak,” he points out.

“That’s okay,” Junpei says. “I actually have one too.”

Nobara’s grin widens. “Perfect,” she says, clapping her hands together. “Junpei and I will share one, and you and Itadori can share one!”

There’s a moment of silence in which Nobara and Fushigoro stare at each other, clearly having a silent conversation. Then, Fushigoro turns his head away, a light brush of pink on his cheeks. Nobara beams at the victory.

Itadori frowns, turning to Junpei and raising an eyebrow. What was that about?

Junpei shrugs. I don’t know. Ask them if you want?

He sighs. Never mind. Nobara wouldn’t tell me.

A nod of agreement. Probably not.

“So now that we’re all going,” she says, “We should probably decide where to meet. Preferably somewhere we won’t immediately get caught.”

He knows she’s talking about their first year, when they had all been immediately caught by Utahime-sensei for attempting to sneak out to Hogsmeade. Itadori had accidentally cast Periculum and sent a flurry of red sparks in the air, simultaneously burning them and alerting everyone of their location. In his defense, he was still learning how magic worked. Besides, their robes had only been singed. “It was one time,” he says defensively. “And I bought you a new tie to make up for it!”

“I wasn’t talking about that,” she says, amused. “I was talking about the time Junpei literally told a professor that we were going to sneak out.”

“I got nervous,” Junpei admits sheepishly. “Shoko-sensei is scary when she wants to be. I thought she was gonna curse me!”

“She wouldn’t curse you, Junpei.” She waves a hand. “Every professor loves you. You’re too cute. Like a kicked puppy, you know?”

Before Junpei can stammer out a response, Fushigoro looks behind them, glancing at the clock tower in the distance. “Don’t Slytherin and Hufflepuff have Care of Magical Creatures at three today? You two should get going.”

“Oh shit!” Itadori jumps up and shoves his things into his bag in one large sweeping motion. The supplies congregate in his bag, making loud clicking noises as the ink pots bump against each other. A few papers flutter to the floor, resulting in a larger mess.

Junpei packs at a much more stable pace and eyes Itadori with concern, “What’s the rush?”

“I can’t be late again.”

Itadori has already lost hundreds of points from Hufflepuff’s hourglass for being late - Was it really his fault that Gojo-sensei kept teleporting him to places without warning? - and the only reason the other Hufflepuffs hadn’t shunned him was because he had won them multiple Quidditch tournaments. He’d been trying to garner a better reputation this year, but apparently it isn’t working if he’s still rushing to get to class.

“Send me an owl when you decide our meet up spot! Bye!"

Junpei follows slowly after as Itadori takes off in a full sprint, sighing. "Honestly...he knows we still have an hour right?"

After they leave, Nobara turns to Fushigoro with a smirk.

“Don’t.”

“I didn’t say anything,” she sings in response. “But you’re really obvious.”

He grips the quill in his hand tightly, knowing that she’s trying to rile him up. He probably shouldn’t respond but - “I’m not.”

“You are,” she drawls, resting her head in her hands. “I know you only agreed to sneak out because of him.”

“You would’ve bothered me until I agreed anyways.”

“Maybe,” she concedes. “But you should be thanking me. I’m sure you’ve been dreaming about this.”

“What, exactly, have I been dreaming about? The detention we’re going to get? The house points we’re going to lose?”

“Denial doesn’t look good on you Fushigoro.” She leans back and twirls her wand in circles. “Don’t pretend like you haven’t dreamt of sneaking around with Itadori under an invisibility cloak.” She wiggles her eyebrows.

“For the love of Merlin, please shut up,” Fushigoro hisses, absolutely mortified at her lack of shame. He had told her his feelings about Itadori in confidence. He looks around, relieved to find that no one else was listening. “What if someone heard you?” He whispers, feeling as if his entire face was burning.

Nobara rolls her eyes. “It’s obvious to everyone but Itadori. You might as well confess already. It’s been - what, three years now?”

“He probably doesn’t feel the same way,” he mutters, mourning the loss of his dignity. Was he really that obvious? How many people knew? Wait a second - was that why he was paired with Itadori for every class assignment?

Nobara lets out a torturous sigh. “I take it back. Itadori isn’t the only dense one.”

“Like you’re one to talk,” he says, slightly vindictive. “Confessed to Maki yet?”

It has the effect he desired. Nobara flushes red, the color of a sunburn. With her orange tinted hair, it looked like she was on fire.

She matches her house colors, Fushigoro thinks. The thought makes him want to laugh, but it’s best not to provoke Nobara past her limits. They’d all been victims of her charm spells before.

“I’m working on it.”

“You’ve been working on it for months. I thought Gryffindors were suppose to be brave.”

“It’s harder than you think,” Nobara snaps. “Itadori likes you, you dork. Maki’s older than us and she’s just so,“ - she gestures - “cool. It’s intimidating.”

Fushigoro rolls his eyes, ignoring her other statement. “You’ll be fine.”

“Having a crush sucks,” she pouts. A pause. “Do you really think Gojo-sensei is married?”

Fushigoro thinks for a moment. Whenever his father worked abroad, he stayed with Gojo-san. He had never seen him wearing a ring or going on dates with anyone, although he would often beg Getou-San to come along while they went shopping for sweets or various other things. (Getou often declined and Gojo would sulk, whining to Fushigoro for the rest of the day.)

“I can’t imagine him dating anyone,” he says.

“His wife must have the patience of a saint,” she muses. “Or be exactly like him.”

Both of them stop - the image of two Gojo’s appearing in their heads.

“Please don’t joke about that,” Fushigoro says, after a long minute of silence.

Nobara nods her head solemnly, “Noted.”

Chapter Text

After studying for hours inside the library, Junpei welcomes the bright afternoon sun, the light warm on his skin. The grass is green and springy underneath his feet as he makes his way towards the class. He follows behind Itadori at a much slower pace, not bothering to try to keep up with the Hufflepuff’s inhuman speed.

As he approaches, he spots a familiar lodge.

Professor Getou’s office is located on the edge of the Forbidden Forest, a small and comfortable place that was always open to students. It’s large and wooden; doubling as a classroom for Care of Magical Creatures, though they usually spend time outside.

Walking in feels more like entering someone’s home rather than entering a classroom. Junpei is reminded of a studio Ghibli film when he enters, full of bright colors and cozy chairs. In the corner, a magical fireplace crackles. It casts a light orange glow on the professor’s otherwise empty desk.

To the side, a wooden table holds teas and packages of Charlie’s Cocoa, which Junpei had discovered was a wizarding version of hot chocolate that brought happy memories to mind when you drank it. A basket of snacks were placed there also, filled to the brim with chocolates and other sweets. A sign hangs over the table that reads “For students only.”

Then, another sign just below. “Satoru, I’m watching you.”

All students had all been given explicit permission to attack Professor Gojo on sight if he was caught stealing.

Junpei helps himself to a chocolate frog and steps over the soft carpets to sit in their usual place, Itadori having already set up on the floor.

Itadori frowns as Junpei take a seat beside him. “We’re early.”

“We’re very early,” Junpei agrees. “Maybe 10 minutes. You ran off before I could tell you.”

Itadori groans, burying his head in his hands. “Why did Fushigoro tell us to leave so early?”

“Probably so you don’t lose any more points,” Junpei replies, pulling out his copy of The Monster Book of Monsters. The book snaps at his fingers and he quickly changes position so that it can’t bite him. “Better early than late.”

“Maybe he wanted to get rid of me,” Itadori says, fully laying down. “Maybe he wants me to stop crashing your study sessions.”

(He loves his friends. He really does.

When they had found out he was being bullied, they had taken things into their own hands. Itadori had tossed his wand aside in favor of punching the bullies, Nobara had charmed them to throw up slugs, and Fushigoro’s paralyzing spell sent the rest to the infirmary.

“They deserved it,” Itadori had said when they were all given detention for a month. Nobara and Fushigoro agreed.

Junpei loves his friends. He can’t say it enough.

However, he’s had to suffer with Nobara through years of Itadori and Fushigoro pining and still hasn’t had a resolution. He’s just a little bit tired.)

“I promise he doesn’t want to get rid of you.” Junpei hopes he sounds comforting.

“But it would help if you studied,” he continues, peeling open the package. The chocolate frog jumps, soaring through the air, desperately reaching for freedom. Junpei catches it midair, taking a bite before it could try again.

Itadori watches with morbid curiousity. “Don’t you have a pet frog?”

“What Mahito doesn’t know won’t hurt him,” Junpei says, shrugging his shoulders. Mahito, his pet frog, stayed in his dorm during classes. “But you’re right. I don’t eat chocolate frogs in front of him. It freaks him out.”

He goes to throw away the packaging, pulling out the collectible as he does so. He tosses the card to Itadori. “Look who I got.”

Itadori catches it and grimaces at the sight of his older brother, passing it back immediately. “Even here I can’t escape him.”

The moving picture of Sakuna grins, holding a skull in his hands. Junpei turns the card over for the summary. “Ryomen Sakuna is considered by many to be the greatest wizard of modern times, rivaled only by Gojo Satoru,” he reads, “He is famous for his work on alchemy and dark magic, particularly the discovery of reverse curse magic as a form of healing. Nicknamed the ‘King of Curses’, Sakuna specializes in necromancy and is currently unrivaled in black magic. During his free time, Sakuna enjoys engaging in traditional Japanese tea ceremonies and can often be found wearing kimonos.”

“Not as great as they say he is,” Itadori says. “He once abandoned me in a forest full of monsters because he thought I could handle it.”

“Could you handle it?”

“I was seven.”

Junpei tries not to laugh. Itadori’s relationship with his brother is still a mystery to them, but not for lack of trying. Nobara often attwmpted to ask Itadori about it at random times to catch him off guard, but had just ended up more confused with every answer. Eventually, they had all given up and just hoped that Itadori would explain eventually.

“You’re still alive,” he points out.

“For now,” Itadori says, staring at the ceiling. “Might be killed by Utahime-sensei for failing potions.”

“I can tutor you.”

Itadori sits up, eyes brightening. “Really?”

“Sure. But why not ask Fushigoro? He’s always gotten ‘Outstandings’ in potions.”

“Ah,” Itadori scratches the back of his head. “Don’t want to bother him. He’s busy with all that Prefect stuff.”

“Itadori?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m also a prefect.”

“Oh!” Itadori pauses. “Sorry. I forgot.”

The door swings open. Professor Getou walks in, a small golden dragon sitting on his shoulders. It’s long, spiked tail is gently curled around his neck, matching the professor’s bright yellow robes.

He stops when he spots them.

“You two are here early,” Professor Getou comments, heading to his desk and sitting down. “Is there something you need help with?”

“Nope!” Itadori leans forward curiously. “Is that a new dragon Getou sensei?”

“It is.” The dragon lifts its head up and purrs, a deep rumble that fills the room. Getou runs his hands over the scales absentmindedly. “His name is Playful Cloud. I’m fostering him until he’s ready to be sent to the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures.”

Itadori’s eyes sparkle. “So cool!”

Professor Getou was cool. Before coming to Hogwarts, the professor had been part of the Ministry of Magic and had advocated for the protection of all magical creatures, even those that had previously been labeled as dangerous. He had single-handedly reversed hundreds of “Kill on Sight” orders by creating alternative methods of handling and restraint.

Not that Junpei would ever say so in front of the other teachers (Professor Gojo could be very petty...), but Care of Magical Creatures was his favorite class.

Speaking of Professor Gojo…wasn’t Professor Getou friends with him? Junpei frowns in thought. If he was married, Professor Getou would probably know, right?

“Thank you Itadori.” Professor Getou smiles. “Feel free to stay until class begins.”

“We will! Thanks!” Itadori responds, grinning back.

As Professor Getou begins to shuffle the papers on his desk, Junpei pokes Itadori in the side with the tip of his book to get his attention. “Ow! What?”

Junpei puts a finger on his lips in the shushing motion. “You know how Nobara said that Professor Gojo was married?” He whispers, leaning in so that they wouldn’t be overheard.

Itadori lowers his voice, following Junpei’s lead. “Do you really believe that?”

He tries to picture it. Professor Gojo cooking with his wife (Hadn’t he set the Great Hall on fire once? For trying to make smores with fireworks?) and saying romantic vows (He didn’t take anything seriously though…).

It was hard to believe. Still - “It’s a possibility. We should check before we get in trouble for sneaking out.”

Itadori shrugs. “Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Okay. Are you going to ask?”

“Uh,” Junpei turns pink. It’s an embarrassing question. “Can you ask?”

“Sure!”

Sometimes he wishes he had Itadori’s confidence. Or maybe his lack of shame. Maybe both.

Itadori raises his hand. “Professor Getou? I have a question, but it’s not related to class or anything.”

Getou looks up from his notes. Playful Cloud climbs off his shoulders, curling up next to the fireplace and stretching like a cat. “If this is about Quidditch, then yes, Itadori. You do need to get your grades up before the next match.”

Itadori laughs nervously. “It’s not. But I will - I’m working on it.”

“Hufflepuff is known for kindness,” Getou says, a small smile on his face. “But I would still like to believe that my students are intelligent.”

Itadori nods. “I won’t let you down.”

“Good. Satoru will be insufferable if his team wins the Quidditch Cup again.” Getou gives an apologetic look to Junpei. “Though I mean no offense to Slytherin of course.”

Junpei shakes his head. “None taken.”

“We were actually going to ask if Professor Gojo was married,” Itadori says.

Getou’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

There’s a long moment of silence.

Junpei is just beginning to regret this entire conversation when the professor begins to laugh.

“What brought this on?” Getou asks, his eyes alight in merriment.

“We were just wondering,” Itadori says. “We heard a rumor and wanted to know if it was true.”

Getou snorts. “It’s true. Unfortunately.”

Junpei’s eyes widen. Nobara was right.

“Woah,” Itadori exclaims, equally as surprised. “Have you met his wife, professor?”

“I suppose you could say that I’ve met his wife.”

There’s something Junpei can’t place in his tone. Amusement?

He continues, “I’m surprised you students haven’t figured it out before.”

“I’ve just always assumed that he’s single,” Junpei says honestly. “He doesn’t act like he’s married.”

“He doesn’t,” Getou says, a wry smile on his face. “But he’s been married for several years now.”

Several years? Professor Gojo has been married for several years? Maybe Junpei had underestimated him.

“Although I wouldn’t recommend asking him for romantic advice, if that’s why you’re interested.” Getou crosses his fingers, his voice flat. “He once thought it was a good idea to train snakes to deliver presents for their anniversary.”

”Can Parselmouths do that?” Junpei asks. Professor Gojo spoke Parseltongue, a fact that he took full advantage of. One time, he had conducted an entire lesson in Parseltongue, a mix of weird hissing noises and strange slithering movements. Junpei's notes were very strange that day.

“No,” Getou says, shaking his head. “They can talk to snakes, but not train them.” He makes a pained expression at the memory. “He let loose hundreds of snakes in the hallways. Needless to say, it didn’t go well.”

Junpei shudders at the thought.

“But he’s married,” Itadori says, confused. “He must know something right?”

“Debatable,” Getou says, “I suggest asking Professor Gojo himself if you’re curious.”

He stands, gesturing to the door. “Now, class is about to begin. If you would follow me outside?”

Professor Getou excuses himself for a moment, disappearing into the Forbidden Forest.

Itadori takes a seat outside next to Miwa, his fellow Quidditch teammate and Hufflepuff, Junpei following after him.

“Hey,” Miwa greets them excitedly. “Did you hear we’re having a special class today?”

“A special class?” Itadori repeats apprehensively. Special classes with Professor Getou drew a thin line between interesting creatures and terrifying monsters. Last time, Itadori had broken three bones when falling off a hippogriff.

“I heard it’s for Valentine’s Day coming up,” comes Kokichi's voice from behind them. A Slytherin. He sits next to them. “Hope it’s not a monster that has a heart shaped bite or something.”

“I hope it’s something that bites off Itadori’s head” - comes the cold, drawling voice of Noritoshi Kamo.

Itadori scowls. He still doesn’t entirely understand Kamo’s problem with him, but he knows it has something to do with Sakuna. Honestly, he wishes people would stop associating him with his brother. It sucked that they look so alike.

“I hope it’s something that bites off yours,” Junpei says, frowning.

“Oh of course, defend Itadori why don’t you? Honestly, you don’t even belong in Slytherin as a Muggleborn-“

Kamo can insult him all he wanted, but insulting his friends was crossing a line. Itadori draws his wand. “You want a fight? I’ll give you a fight-“

“Is that so?” Kamo draws his own in response, his eyes glinting with malice. “Let’s-“

“I prefer that neither of you fight in my class,” Professor Getou says sharply, reappearing in front of the class. He carries a large wooden box. “Unless you would like to spend your afternoon in detention?”

They both freeze. Itadori slowly puts his wand away.

“Good.” Getou gestures for the class to circle around, a signal that class is beginning. The students gather and sit around the box. Junpei taps Itadori’s arm, a silent thanks.

“With February and Valentines Day coming up, today’s class will be focused on Amoria. Who can tell me what Amoria are?”

Maybe I should start studying. Itadori thinks, when his mind comes up blank.

Junpei raises his hand.

“Junpei?”

“Amoria are fairies that measure love.”

“10 points to Slytherin,” Getou smiles. “I’m glad to see someone has been reading ahead in the textbook.”

Junpei grins sheepishly and Itadori gives him a thumbs up.

Getou opens the wooden box and pulls out a large glass jar. Inside the jar, are hundreds of glowing heart shaped lights, each about the size of a marble. The lights press around the sides of the glass, letting out a steady hum, much like a swarm of bees. They’re beautiful to look at. The class murmurs in appreciation.

Getou flicks his wand and the jar slowly begins to float near the students. “As Junpei said, Amoria are fairies that measure love. You may also have heard them be referred to as their less scientific name - ‘lovebugs’.”

As the jar passes by them, Itadori squints. Looking closer, he can see small fluttering wings.

“Amoria are attracted to love, their primary energy source, so they tend to cluster around people. One common misconception is that they can only feed off of romantic love. In reality, they can feed off of any type of love; platonic love, familial love, and at times, even self love.”

“Generally, it’s said that the more two people love each other, the more Amoria will gather.” A fond look enters Getou’s eyes. “They’re often used in proposals.”

Itadori sees some of his classmates sigh, dreamy looks on their faces.

“So romantic...” Someone whispers.

The jar moves back to Professor Getou, bobbing through the air much like a bottle on the ocean surface. He carefully removes the lid.

A few girls squeal as the Amoria begin to move, escaping from the jar rather slowly, as if they were flying through molasses rather than air. They move towards the students, small flying hearts of every color; rosey pinks, sage greens, pastel blues, lavender purples.

Several of them begin circling Miwa and Kokichi, who look at each other in shock before blushing and avoiding eye contact.

Itadori holds out his hand. An Amoria delicately lands on his palm. It feels warm and comforting, casting a pink glow on his skin. He imagines what they would look like surrounding Fushigoro, colorful lights on his black hair and his blue eyes wide in wonder; Itadori flushes slightly.

Maybe he should ask Professor Getou to borrow some.

Junpei gives him a look that implies he knows exactly what Itadori is thinking. “Are you going to ask him out this year?”

Itadori looks at him, confused. “Yeah? We all go out every year?”

It’s tradition for the four of them to go to Hog’s Head on Valentine’s Day, something that Nobara likes to call ‘Galentines, but not really cause you’re all guys...whatever, it still counts.’

Junpei looks so very tired. “That’s not what I meant. Are you going to ask Fushigoro on a date?”

He laughs nervously, “Why would you think that?”

Did Fushigoro know that he liked him? Was that why he sent Itadori away?

Junpei’s expression stays flat, very clearly unimpressed. “You’re not a good liar.”

“I’m just…” Itadori takes a deep breath. He fidgets with the Amoria, which lets out a pleasant humming every time it’s moved. “I’m just scared he’ll say no, okay?”

“Itadori, there’s no universe in which Fushigoro would say-“

Junpei is cut off when a bolt of green magic - seemingly from nowhere - surges past them. It misses them by mere inches; Itadori feels the whoosh of air as it flies past and lets out a yelp of surprise.

The magic dodges the students, many dropping their books in the rush to scramble out of the way, and heads straight for Professor Getou, who draws his wand. He flicks it in a figure eight motion and Itadori recognizes the shield spell from their last DDA lesson. “Protego.”

The spell lands, hitting the invisible barrier, and fizzles into nothing.

“That was a close one!” A familiar voice comes from behind them. Itadori whirls around to see Professor Gojo emerging from the woods. He twirls his wand as he makes his way to Getou, his green blindfold matching his green robes. Leaves decorate his hair, a clear sign that he’s been hiding in the nearby trees. “You should be more careful Suguru!”

The rest of the class cranes their head to look before turning their attention back to the Amoria, uninterested. Professor Gojo crashing into other classes to bother other professors was nothing new.

Getou smiles serenely, his voice saccharine sweet. “Satoru, aren’t you suppose to be in a faculty meeting?”

It sounds like a threat.

“I am!” Gojo grins, leaning forward, twirling his wand. “But I decided visiting you was a more important.”

Itadori spots it - the glint of a golden ring on Gojo’s finger that Nobara had seen before. He nudges Junpei and Junpei gives him a look of disbelief, acknowledging that he’s also seen it.

Getou shakes his head. “Nanami is going to kill you.”

Gojo gasps dramatically, placing a hand over his heart in mock hurt. “You wouldn’t let Nanami kill me, would you?”

“You’re right.” Getou’s face is perfectly blank as he nods in agreement. “I would kill you first.”

“Rude.” Gojo wags his finger. “You should be a better example to your students. No violence and all that.”

“Oh? No violence?” Getou lifts his wand threatening, at odds with the calm smile that grows on his face. “Maybe I should take over Defense against the Dark Arts then? I have a few spells I’d like to test on you…”

They bicker like a married couple, Itadori realizes. For a second, he entertains the idea that the two professors were married, but dismisses just as quickly. Professor Getou would probably prefer someone more elegant or dignified.

The Amoria in his hand rises, slowly drifting towards the professors. He lets it go, immediately missing the comforting warmth.

“All the Amoria are gathering around them,” Junpei says, his voice low as he observes the abundance of small fairies wandering towards the professors. The tiny creatures encircle them; some even cling to Gojo, his white hair turning pink and green and purple underneath the lights.

The class notices as well, speaking in hushed undertones.

“Hey,” Miwa says, joining into their conversation, also whispering. “Does that mean Professor Gojo and Professor Getou are in love?”

“In love?” Itadori repeats skeptically. “I don’t know…”

“Well, they’re best friends right?” Junpei asks. “They’ve probably been friends for a while. Professor Getou said that it could be platonic love.”

“That makes a lot more sense,” Miwa says, sighing. “Just wish at least one of the professors here could give love advice.”

“Well, Professor Gojo’s married,” Itadori offers, trying to cheer her up.

“Professor Gojo’s what?” Her mouth drops open. “Really? Are you sure?”

“We’re sure,” Junpei says, pointing at the ring with his wand. “Weird, right?”

“It is weird,” she agrees, watching the professors more closely.

Gojo is hugging all the Amoria, exclaiming loudly, “I remember these Suguru! I must say, they are very romantic - are you sure you should be showing these to the kids?”

Getou frowns, “What do you mean? What’s wrong with showing them to the students?”

“Well I do hope you remember what happened after I used them with you-“

Professor Getou’s responding silencing charm is cast so quickly, it’s almost impossible to see. Gojo opens his mouth, clearly trying to speak, but no sound comes out.

Getou turns to the class, his expression perfectly composed, although the look in his eyes is anything but. “My apologies, but class will end early today. I have a murder to commit.”

“Be careful not to get caught Getou-sensei!” A student calls out. A chorus of similar well wishes pop up from the class.

“Remember to dispose Gojo-sensei’s body properly!”

“We won’t tell anyone!”

Gojo gapes at the class, bewildered and clearly offended.

(He shouldn’t be surprised, Itadori thinks. Professor Getou is definitely more well liked than Professor Gojo.)

Getou’s expression softens and he smiles. “Thank you. I will be careful. Enjoy the rest of your day.”

As the class begins to pack their belongings, Miwa makes a face. “Even if he’s married, I still don’t think it’s a good idea to ask Professor Gojo for love advice.”

Itadori can’t argue with that.

Chapter Text

Itadori waves goodbye to Junpei in the hallway. Next on his schedule is Itadori’s least favorite class — Potions. The only comfort he has is that today is double potions with Gryffindor, so Nobara will be suffering alongside him.

He dodges Choso — a particularly strange ghost who liked to ask students to call him ‘Big Brother’ — and makes his way quickly to the dungeons beneath the castle.

When he opens the door, he is immediately hit with the scent of something wonderful. Itadori finds the source quickly — the golden cauldron in the middle of the room, bubbling with a silver sheen. He takes a seat at the table nearest to it and inhales slowly. It reminds him of freshly-baked cookies, the Quidditch fields after rain, with a fresh slice of ginger. The fragrance is thick, filling the air. Itadori finds that it’s almost like taking a drink of warm tea.

Nobara appears in the doorway and sits next to him, her expression ferocious. “If I never have to partner with Todo again,” she grumbles, setting her bag down with a thud and pulling out a cauldron, “It will be too soon.”

She takes a deep breath and the anger immediately dissipates, “What is that? It smells amazing.”

“Right?” A grin spreads across his face, almost unwillingly. “I don’t know either, but it’s that potion right there.”

“It’d make a great perfume. I’ve been looking for a new one ever since Mai transfigured mine into a rat. Still haven’t paid her back for that…”

Itadori pulls out his books. “You were right, by the way.”

“About Todo? I know he’s the worst—“

“No,” Itadori says. “About Professor Gojo. Junpei and I asked Professor Getou, and he said that he’s been married for a long time.”

He feels the need to defend Todo, so he adds, “Todo isn’t that bad.”

“Ugh.” Nobara rolls her eyes. “You only say that cause you two are ‘best friends’.”

Actually, Itadori had recently been promoted to ‘brother’. Todo was decent company when he wasn’t crying about Takeda, the famous Beaubaxton idol student that broke his heart three years ago.

“Also,” Nobara continues, “I can’t believe Professor Gojo got a wife before I did.”

“Maybe he’s secretly really romantic?”

There’s a snort from beside them. Professor Utahime stops by their table on her way to the front of the class. “The fact that Professor Gojo is married is not because he is particularly skilled or romantic. It’s because his partner is just as bad as him. They’re the only two who can stand each other.”

Nobara perks up, “Could you tell us who he’s married to?”

“I’m afraid not. It’s not my business to tell,” Utahime shakes her head, tapping her wand on their books. “I’d recommend that you focus on Potions instead of worrying about Gojo’s love life. Your OWL’s are this year and so far, you two have not managed to consistently brew any potion I have assigned.”

Itadori grimaces at the reminder. Beside him, Nobara makes the same expression. Neither of them were particularly good at following instructions - there was a reason that only Junpei and Fushigoro had been chosen to be prefects.

The last of the students file into their seats and Utahime waves her wand to close the door.

“If you would all turn your attention to the front of the class,” Utahime says, side conversations dying out at the sound of her voice. “With Valentine’s Day coming up tomorrow, I have prepared a special potion.”

She gestures to the golden cauldron in front of her. “Can anyone tell me what this is?”

When no one answers, she continues, “This is Amortentia, the most powerful love potion in the world.”

Utahime points at Itadori. “What do you smell?”

Itadori takes a breath, “Chocolate chip cookies, spring rain, ginger…”

Utahime nods before turning to Nobara.

“I smell freshly cut lemons, a bouquet of roses, and coconuts,” Nobara answers, shooting a confused look at Itadori.

“Don’t worry,” Utahime says, “Amortentia smells differently to each person according to what attracts us. It is, of course, impossible to create love. Amortentia simply imitates love through a very strong obsession. I would not” — her voice becomes sharp — “recommend using this on anyone, even as a prank.”

A brave student raises their hand, “Have you seen it used as a prank before professor?”

“I have actually,” she says. Her face twists in disdain, “I’ve seen Professor Gojo use it. Unfortunately, it did not go as planned and the person was infatuated with someone else for the rest of the day. I’d like to remind you all that they are banned from Hogwarts, but I’m sure none of you would consider doing the same.”

She raises a questioning eyebrow; the class nods quickly. There was an unspoken rule at Hogwarts: If Professor Gojo had done it, it was probably a bad idea.

“Good. Now if you turn to page ten in your copy of Advanced Potion Making, you will see the instructions for making this potion.”

Another flick of the wand and the storage cabinet opens to reveal jars of potion ingredients.

“You may begin.”

Itadori flips open his book and goes to grab the necessary ingredients as Nobara prepares the cauldron. He returns with rose petals, pearl dust, peppermint, Moonstone, and Ash Winder eggs.

“So,” Nobara says casually, lighting a fire underneath the cauldron. “You smell ginger?”

Itadori retrieves a mortar and pestle, squinting at the instructions on the book. He cracks the Ash Winder eggs in two, separating the yolk from the shells. “Yeah,” he says. “But not always. It’s like I smell something different every time.”

The smell has transformed to vanilla, green tea, and freshly baked bread. He can still smell ginger if he searches for it, but it’s faint.

Nobara smiles. It’s the same smile she had last year when she convinced them to explore the Forbidden Forest, leading to a great escape against centaurs who wanted to kill them. It was lucky that they had been saved by Professor Haibara, who just laughed and let them off with a warning. Nothing good ever happened when Nobara had that expression.

Itadori is immediately put on guard.

“Ginger,” Nobara says slowly. “Does that remind you of anybody?”

“Uh…” He searches through his memories quickly. “Fushigoro likes to eat ginger?”

Her smile grows wider. “And Professor Utahime just said that Amortentia smells like whoever we’re attracted to.”

“….so?”

Nobara facepalms. “Do I have to spell everything out for you? You like Fushigoro!”

Itadori frowns. “Well, yeah. But I already knew that.”

How could anyone not like Fushigoro? Honestly, it was kind of insane that he was single. There were plenty of people who confessed to him, but they had all been turned down for the same reason.

Her mouth drops open. “Then why haven’t you done anything about it?”

“It’s not that I don’t want to.” He says defensively. “It’s just that he’s always said he’s not looking for a relationship, you know?”

“It’s because he’s waiting for you to ask him out,” Nobara says, exasperated. She puts the rose petals in water, tapping the bottle with an aging spell. “Aetate.”

The petals crumple into dust, turning the water brown.

“I think the rose water is suppose to be pink,” Itadori says, pointing out the instructions written on the board. “Maybe you went overboard with the aging spell. And I don’t know how to ask him out.”

He had tried to ask Sakuna for advice once, but Sakuna had just laughed in his face.

“Ugh.” Nobara throws out tosses the bottle and creates a new one. “Just confess to him on Valentine’s Day with one of those singing Valentine’s grams. They do it every year.”

“Try Aetas Paulum,” Itadori offers.

She does; this time, the petals only shrink and the water turns bright pink. She pours it into the cauldron. “It’ll be romantic. Then you could have your anniversary on Valentine’s Day and leave me and Junpei in peace.”

“Don’t you have to write a poem for those Valentine grams?” Itadori asks doubtfully. Poetry was not his strong suit.

Itadori mixes the pearl dust with the crushed eggshells. The powder turns a stark white, tiny glimmers of silver occasionally reflecting the light as he stirs.

“They can probably write one for you,” Nobara says, sprinkling peppermint into the potion. It doesn’t smell anything like the potion in the front of the room. “Do we know who they hired this year? The dwarves last time were terrible.”

Itadori grins. “You only say that cause they lost your poem to Maki-san.”

Nobara hits him in the shoulder.

“Ow!” He winces, rubbing his arm to try to stop it from throbbing.

“I thought we agreed never to talk about that again,” she says sweetly, her tone promising danger. He had found the poem by accident and been sworn to secrecy ever since. “That’s a secret that you will take to your grave or I will put you there myself.”

“Are you going to try again?” He asks, bracing himself just in case.

“I don’t know,” Nobara sighs. She adds the powder; the potion becomes a murky black. “Maybe it was a sign. Is the potion suppose to be black?”

“It’s suppose to be a pearl color…” Itadori sniffs it and gags, immediately pulling back at the horrendous stench — a mixture of rotting eggs and spoilt milk. He scans the instructions again. “Maybe we should’ve put the moonstone in first.”

Nobara throws her hands up in frustration, “Why do we even try?”

“So we don’t get expelled,” Itadori says, discreetly covering the potion so that it wouldn’t stink up the room. “Junpei said he’d tutor us.”

“I hate potions.”

“That’s a good thing. I think if you gave a love potion to anyone they’d die.”

This time, Itadori is prepared to dodge when Nobara goes to punch him again.

Unfortunately, Professor Utahime catches them fighting. “Five points from Gryffindor and Hufflepuff. Have you two completed the Amortentia already?”

“Sorry Professor,” Nobara says, putting her wand away. Itadori hadn’t even noticed that she had drawn it. Was she planning on hexing him?

“We completed something,” he says. “It’s definitely not Amortentia though.”

Utahime removes the lid of their cauldron and grimaces at the smell, “I do hope you two are getting tutoring soon. I believe what you’ve made is a mildly poisonous concoction that would send someone to the infirmary.”

Itadori and Nobara exchange a look before shrugging. Mildly poisonous was better than deadly poisonous, and they had definitely created deadly poisonous potions by accident before. Their third-year shrinking potion had killed the cockroach that it had been tested on.

“Today, however, it seems you are not alone,” Utahime says dryly. “The rest of the class has not been doing well either.”

A quick survey of the room tells Itadori very quickly that no one had managed to brew the distinct mother-of-pearl sheen coming from the example Amortentia. The other cauldrons are filled with various other concoctions, some green, some blue. One of the potions is even emitting a purple glow.

A ringing sound fills the air, signaling the end of Potions. The class visibly sighs in relief.

“I suggest you all come to office hours to practice,” Professor Utahime says, giving them a disapproving look. She takes out a piece of pink paper. “Before you all go, I am to announce that singing Valentine grams can be purchased in the hallways. Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, so you will have no class and a trip to Hogsmeade. Class dismissed.”

As the class begins to exit the dungeons, Nobara says, “Fushigoro and I decided that it would be a good idea to follow Professor Gojo on Valentines. He’ll probably be with his wife at some point.”

Itadori nods before frowning. “Probably?”

“I’m sure he’s forgotten that it’s Valentine’s Day multiple times,” Nobara says with a wry smile. “He seems like the type of person to make plans at the last minute.”

That made sense, considering that Professor Gojo barely ever made lesson plans for Defense Against the Dark Arts. Most of the time, the class was just fighting whatever monster he had managed to capture in the Forbidden Forest that day.

Speaking of…

Professor Gojo was in the hallway, making small heart-shaped fireworks explode near the ceiling. The red sparks disappeared before touching heads, fading away harmlessly. There’s a basket of galleons and letters, each folded to be sent off tomorrow. Small paper airplanes were circling the area, poking at students to try to get their attention.

He points at them as they approach, gesturing to the table and waving enthusiastically. “Here to buy a Valentine’s gram? For Megumi or a cousin of his perhaps?” At this, he gives them both a knowing grin.

Nobara turns red. “How the hell did you know?” She hisses, looking around to see if anyone else heard.

“I know everything about my favorite students of course!” He smiles, then sniffs the air. “Oh? Has Utahime been showing you two how to brew Amortentia?”

“We learned today,” Itadori says, adding curiously, “What does it smell like to you Gojo-sensei?”

Gojo sighs dramatically, placing a hand on his heart and looking off dreamily into the distance. “To me, it smells like fire and smoke and—”

Nobara frowns, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Fire and smoke?” She whispers as Gojo continues on.

Itadori shrugs. “Maybe his wife is a chef,” he whispers back.

“Coffee, caramel, mint—“

“He doesn’t even like coffee,” Nobara points out. Professor Gojo didn’t like anything that wasn’t sweet.

“And hot chocolate!” Gojo finishes his list with a flourish.

Professor Getou always had hot chocolate in his basket of snacks. Itadori reasoned that was probably the reason why Gojo visited so often.

Itadori digs into his pockets and puts a galleon into the basket. He takes a letter and hands one Nobara. “We should both send one.”

Nobara sighs, accepting the letter and the feathery pink quill that Professor Gojo hands her. “Fine. But if Maki rejects me and I die of heartbreak I’m haunting you for the rest of your life.”

Chapter Text

Valentine’s Day at Hogwarts had always been excessive and this year was no different.

Fushigoro makes his way to the Great Hall and stops right outside. He takes a deep breath, bracing himself before opening the door.

As soon as he enters, a flurry of pink and red heart-shaped confetti falls on top of his head with the speed of a heavy downpour. As he blinks the colorful paper away, he begins noticing the rest of the decor.

The walls were covered with large bright pink flowers and every table had been transformed into a heart shape. Each table had a balloon floating above it with various cheesy Valentine’s messages: “Dear Love”, “Dream Big”, “Sweet Thoughts”.

Fushigoro walks over to their usual table in the center, taking a seat next to Junpei. Nobara was already there, piling mountains of holiday-themed food on her plate.

“Who do you think is going to win this year?” Junpei asks, nodding his head at the teacher’s table.

Professor Getou and Professor Gojo were sitting on opposite sides, both of them wearing matching fluffy robes that sparked as they moved. Professor Getou was wearing pink; Professor Gojo was wearing red.

As they watched, students went up to the teachers and handed them flowers. Professor Gojo and Professor Getou held a Valentine’s Day competition every year to see who was more loved by the students. The loser would be forced to do whatever the winner asked of them.

Last year, Professor Gojo had been transformed into a cat for the entire week. It was a nightmare for everyone, especially when he was trying to teach. Inumaki was the only person who could understand his various meows and chuffing sounds.

Currently, Getou had amassed a bouquet of roses that was just slightly larger than Gojo’s pile.

“Professor Getou will probably win,” Fushigoro says, wrinkling his nose in disgust. “The only reason Professor Gojo gets any roses at all is because he’s part Veela.”

“That’s true.” Junpei reaches for a heart-shaped pie, dusting glitter off the top.

“He’s been trying to bribe all his classes,” Nobara says, rolling her eyes. “Offered to partner me with Maki if I gave him a flower.”

Fushigoro raises an eyebrow. “Aren’t you partnered with Maki san though?”

“What I do is my business.”

Fushigoro rolls his eyes. “Where’s Itadori by the way?”

“Here!”

Itadori nearly crashes into their table, his heels skidding as he stops himself at the last moment. He grins sheepishly as he sits, scratching the back of his head.

His pink hair, Fushigoro notices absentmindedly, matches with the confetti raining from the ceiling.

“Had to go find a flower for Professor Gojo,” Itadori explains, straightening his ruffled robes.

“What did he bribe you with?” Nobara asks.

Itadori looks at her, confused. “He bribed you?”

“Ah...never mind.”

“Anyways,” Fushigoro says. “Did you bring your invisibility cloak?”

“Yup!” Itadori pulls it out of his bag, the shimmering fabric gleaming silver underneath the candlelight. “I can’t wait to meet Professor Gojo’s wife.”

“I think I actually know who Professor Gojo is married to,” Junpei says quietly. “I thought about it after Care of Magical Creatures class…”

“He’s not married to anyone,” Fushigoro says exasperatedly. “I still haven’t seen the ring you guys were talking about.”

There was no sign of the telltale ring. There wasn’t even a tan line. Fushigoro had known Gojo since he was seven. He couldn’t keep a secret to save his life — if he was married, he would’ve let it slip by now.

Nobara shushes him. “Junpei, who do you think it is?”

“It’s just a weird theory,” Junpei says, drumming his fingers on the table nervously. “Actually, never mind. I’m probably wrong. We’ll find out soon anyways. I don’t want to assume anything.”

If Junpei had discovered something after Care of Magical Creatures, it was probably from Professor Getou.

Fushigoro frowns.

(It couldn’t possibly be what he was thinking, right?)

“Well then.” Nobara claps her hands together. “We have lots of work to do. Here’s the plan…”

The ‘plan’ was less of a plan and more of a very loose list of recommendations on how to stalk someone.

After breakfast, they waited outside the hallway for Professor Gojo.

“Junpei stop moving —“

“Something touched my foot —“

Nobara and Junpei were under one invisibility cloak, while Fushigoro and Itadori were under another.

“They’re coming,” Fushigoro hisses.

They quiet instantly.

Professor Getou and Gojo exit the dining hall, Gojo draped over Getou’s shoulders like a particularly clingy cat.

“Suguru,” Gojo is whining, “Why do you always get more flowers than me?”

“Maybe students would like you more if you planned for class,” Getou responds, making no move to push him away. They were awfully close.

Fushigoro is careful not to step on Itadori’s toes as they follow after the two professors.

Gojo pouts childishly. “But I even tried bribing them this year…”

“You bribe your students?” Getou’s voice is flat. “I hope you’re not changing their grades.”

“I would never!” Gojo says, the very picture of innocence as he fluttered his eyelashes. Getou grimaces at the sight. They walk up moving staircase towards the second floor.

“What do you give them?”

“Candy, signed autographs, my everlasting love and adoration.”

“Well no one wants that,” Getou says dryly. “No wonder you don’t get flowers.”

“Rude,” Gojo frowns. “You’re suppose to be the nice one.”

“Me?” Getou shakes his head. “Haibara’s the nice one…”

“Where do you think they’re going?” Itadori whispers.

“Probably Professor Gojo’s classroom,” Fushigoro whispers back.

“We should hurry and get there before them!” Nobara bumps into them. “They might close the door on us.”

Fushigoro nods, leading the way. He’s thankful for the silencing charm he had the insight to cast beforehand. They race ahead of the professors, turning the corner and heading towards the familiar wooden door.

Itadori pushes against the door. It doesn’t budge.

“Hurry!” Nobara whispers. “They’re really close.”

“I’m trying,” Itadori whispers back, shaking the handle. “It’s not opening.”

“Here, let me.” Junpei nudges him out of the way. “Alohomora.”

With a click, the door unlocks. They push through and enter quickly.

A few seconds later, Gojo stops just outside. “Hmm…I could’ve sworn I locked the door.”

“Maybe someone broke in,” Getou says as he walks in. “You did plenty of that as a student.”

“I’m a changed man, Suguru,” Gojo closes the door behind them. “I had to take points from someone yesterday. It was terrible.”

“Traumatizing, I’m sure.”

“It was!” Gojo crosses his arms. “Kiss me to make it better?”

Holy shit. The realization crashes over Fushigoro like a bucket of freezing water. Professor Gojo is married to Professor Getou.

Fushigoro hears Nobara gasp. The silencing charm muffles the sound.

It made a lot of sense, actually. It definitely explained the mystery of why Getou tolerated Gojo at the very least. Fushigoro adjusts his mental list and categorizes Getou as an adult he does not respect.

“I shouldn’t,” Getou says, smiling wryly. “The students told me you have a wife.”

“Oh?” Gojo leans in, grinning. “What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

“How cruel,” Getou says, putting a hand on the back of Gojo’s neck and pulling him closer. “And on Valentine’s Day too? Shameful.”

Gojo smiles before kissing him on the lips. Getou responds in earnest.

“Professor how could you?!”

Fushigoro whips his head around.

Nobara points her finger accusingly at the two, looking scandalized. Junpei stands behind her, shrinking in her shadow.

“How could you cheat on your wife on Valentine’s Day?!” Nobara cries.

Apparently, they did not all come to the same conclusion.

Panic flashes through Fushigoro. “Itadori don’t—“

He’s too late. Itadori pulls off their cloak in a large sweep. “I thought you were better than this Professor!”

Fushigoro feels his soul leave his body. Junpei meets his eyes with a look of pure pain and understanding.

Gojo pulls back instantly and Getou freezes, eyes widening as they stare at their students.

For a moment, there’s silence.

Then, the two professors burst out laughing.

Itadori frowns, “This isn’t funny.”

Nobara nods resolutely. “Cheating is a serious thing—“

“Neither of them are cheating,” Junpei sighs, cutting them off. “They’re married to each other.”

Their jaws drop open in perfect unison.

Gojo grins, his eyes twinkling in amusement. “I would never cheat on my darling husband!”

“He wouldn’t,” Getou says. “Because no one else is stupid enough to date him.”

“That’s a lie. There’s plenty of people willing to date me.”

“Name one.”

“…”

“…”

“Wait a second,” Nobara snaps. “Why didn’t we know you were married before?”

Getou gestures to Gojo. “Would you want to admit that you’re married to him?”

Gojo squawks indignantly.

“And besides,” Getou continues, patting Gojo’s arm as apology. “Most of the staff do know we’re married. Neither of us wear rings unless we have nothing scheduled because it’s a work hazard. Dragons like to steal shiny things.”

“Smoke and fire,” Itadori murmurs under his breath, as if he just had an epiphany. Fushigoro has no idea what he’s talking about.

“And it’s hard to hold a wand while wearing rings,” Gojo adds. “But dear students, even though I am your favorite professor—“

“You’re not anyone’s favorite professor,” Fushigoro interjects.

“— there’s no reason to stalk me. You could’ve just asked!” Gojo wags his finger. “And five points from Ravenclaw.”

“10 points to Ravenclaw for telling the truth,” Getou counters. “Someone needs to do it.”

“Suguru,” Gojo whines, attempting to hug the other professor. “Don’t undermine my authority.”

“Not until the kids leave, Satoru.” Getou pushes him away, his smile impossibly fond. It’s so sickeningly sweet that Fushigoro wants to throw up.

“Right,” Nobara says awkwardly. “Well…we’ll just be leaving now.”

Gojo waves a hand dismissively, seemingly very distracted by Getou’s hair. “Speaking of my authority…”

They’re sprinting out the door before Gojo can finish his sentence. It’s only when they’re in the opposite wing that they stop to catch their breaths. Nobara is grinning widely.

“Why are you smiling?” Fushigoro asks, appalled at how happy she seems. He’s pretty sure he’ll never recover from the psychic damage he took as a result from seeing Getou and Gojo kissing.

“If Gojo could marry someone so out of his league,” Nobara says happily. “Then I have a chance with Maki!”

Bonus

“Gryffindor is red,
Ravenclaw is blue,
You like Quidditich,
Do you like me to?”

It’s possibly the worst poem Fushigoro’s ever heard in his life, but he does accept Itadori’s proposal to go on a date anyways.