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It was was a quiet night night in PSU. Everyone was sleeping. Everything was nice. Oh, well, everyone but two foxes.
Neil and Andrew were used two sleep together now, but this last days, that wasn’t an option for neither of them.
Neil was having nightmares about Lola, Riko,... his father. The next worse than the previous. And Andrew was having nightmares about his childhood, especially about Drake, and just like Neil, the next worse than the previous
Neither of them felt comfortable to sleep together at that moment, and that was good, both understood that sometimes one of them would need some space to clean their minds, and they would be for each other. But this time it wasn’t like that. Neil couldn’t give his back to anyone or be in the same room with someone, because his mind will make something horrible of that situation and Neil would have a panic attack or he could attack the person. And Andrew couldn’t be with any man in the same room, his mind would make the worst scenarios and he would attack them with his knives. They weren’t okay, and they couldn’t be for each other to keep the other from diving.
This night, both were having a nightmare, they were terrible. Neil’s nightmare was about Andrew. Andrew being attacked by Lola, Riko and his father, and Neil was watching and he couldn’t make any movement to save Andrew, he couldn’t scream, and then, Andrew stopped moving. He was dead and Neil could do nothing to save him.
Andrew’s nightmare was terrible. In his nightmare was Neil. Neil being attacked by his abusers. And Andrew was being an spectator. He couldn’t do anything. He just could listen and watch all the atrocities that was happening to Neil. All the atrocities that once happened to him. And Andrew just wanted to scream and have Neil by his side, so he could protect him. He just wanted Neil with him.
Both woke up at the same time, agitated, with the sole objective of having the other by their side. Neil’s face was wet. He was crying silently and he couldn’t stop. He just wanted to make sure Andrew was okay. And Andrew wasn’t crying, but he could do it any time. Watching all that happened to him happening to Neil, was something that could break him at any moment. And he didn’t care, there wasn’t no one to see him besides Neil, because Kevin and Nicky were sleeping in Aaron and Matt’s room. And right now, the only thing that mattered to Andrew was making sure Neil was okay.
Neil sat on his bed. he couldn’t stop crying, but that was okay, he just wanted to see Andrew. He was about to get out of bed when Andrew came down from the top of the bunk. His shoulders were tense and it seemed that at any moment he would cry. Neil felt relieved when he saw him. And the tension in Andrew’s shoulders seemed to disappear.
“Yes or no?” Was the only thing Andrew said, he’s voice sounded broken, and the only thing Neil wanted to do was keep him close and never let him go.
“Yes”, was Neil’s automatic response, before moving to make room in the bed for Andrew. Both laid at the same time and turn to see at each other.
Neil was surprised to find some tears in the coroners of Andrew’s eyes, and extended his hand to wipe them away at the same time Andrew extended his to wipe Neil’s cheeks.
They looked at each other, they didn’t need words to express all that they were feeling in that moment. Neil didn’t stop crying and, at some point, they brought their faces together. They weren't kissing, they just touched while looking into each other’s eyes. And, without realizing, Andrew was crying to, he couldn’t stop. Neil caressed his cheeks so tenderly that Andrew couldn't stop his tears. He just put an arm and a leg around Neil to keep him closer, and Neil hugged him without being able to help it. They stayed like this all night, with their arms and legs tangled, not being able to leave the other.
Th next day was the same, they couldn’t leave each other’s side without thinking the worse. It was weekend, so they didn’t have to worry about leaving for their classes. The foxes were amazed because Neil and Andrew were holding hands. They tried to tease them about this, but they just received a blank stare in response.
The next weekend, Neil and Andrew went to the Columbia house and laid in Andrew’s bed, their bed, looking at each other. They talked about their nightmares, because sharing it with the other was a way of letting go. Knowing that they could trust each other was even better.
They talked and Neil couldn’t stop crying again. It was too much for him.
“Hey, Neil, sweetheart, I’m here with you, okay? I’m good. I’m with you. I’m not going anywhere” Neil was surprised because they never called each other with pet names. But at the same time felt warm for Andrew’s words. “Yes or no?” He asked, and Andrew said “yes” before kissing him. Neil tried to communicate Andrew all the love he felt for him before separating.
They kept their noses together for a long time before Neil started talking. “I was so scared, scared of that being real, scared of not seeing you again, scared of losing you. I love you, Andrew, my love, my Andrew. I will not let you go. And I’m not going anywhere”
Andrew was silent after Neil’s words, his hand stopped caressing Neil’s face. Neil was nervous. Maybe he said the wrong thing, maybe he shouldn’t say that he love him, maybe he...
His thoughts were interrupted by Andrew's warm lips on his own. It lasted for a moment before Andrew separated. “I love you, too, my pretty boy. My love, my Neil. I will not let you go, either. And I won’t let anyone harm you. You’re mine and I’m yours, no matter what, that won’t change.”
Neil couldn’t stop looking into Andrew’s eyes, smiling, feeling warm and loved. “I’m yours and you are mine”.
That night they slept better than ever, without any nightmare to haunt them.