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“Hello everyone. This is Namjoon. I made it to Vienna yesterday. It’s 1 in the afternoon on Saturday, which means I have to end my tour tomorrow. As you have seen the clips from my Instagram, I didn’t go out anywhere last night because I was having a little bit of motion sickness from the plane— I am okay now. Don’t worry. I went out in the morning, rented a bike and rode freely in the city. My friend and I—you remember Hoseok,” Namjoon panned the focus onto his friend who sits on the opposite side of the café table, “we just came from the Anchor Clock site. It was really lovely and much to my surprise, the place was almost empty, considering today is a holiday. We were very lucky, I guess.”
Namjoon is recording the surroundings of the artsy cafe outdoors, talking to his camera when a charming voice interrupts him.
“Your dessert, sir.” A middle-aged woman in neat clothes sets down two bowls of ice-creams in front of him.
"Thank you." Namjoon smiles at the lady and zooms in on his bowl of chocolate chip scoops.
This is Namjoon’s second day in Vienna and his last day of touring in Europe. He rose early and strolled around his hotel's block and hit some book shops which open as early as 7 am. He found a few books that he would take back to Korea and put on his souvenir shelf, which keeps growing with his travels to different countries.
He went back to his hotel to wake his friend, Hoseok, up to visit the Anchor Clock, someplace Yoongi talked about when they had listed out their travel plans. Yoongi is not here with him, and it sucks to think about because he wishes he could just pick up his phone and talk to his soulmate.
Hoseok was thrilled when Namjoon offered to come and be a part of his tour. Hoseok is a close friend and though a few months older than him, Namjoon doesn't notice it when he's spending time with Hoseok. He made a fuss at first when Namjoon pulled the covers, he was out late last night, came to the hotel room slightly tipsy. It's been almost a decade since Namjoon knew him. That's almost as long as he's known Yoongi.
It wasn't difficult to tug him along with Namjoon with the promise of buying him the famous dessert treats he can get in the city. After they visit the Clock, and they start to feel the hunger kicking in, Namjoon suggests that they can check out a new cafe opened for tourists. Namjoon hoped that he could record some of the afternoon bustles in the street.
Visiting places has always been a hobby of Namjoon— so was it Yoongi’s.
So that’s what he does now. Namjoon travels during every holiday he gets to honour Yoongi’s wishes. Documenting his visits to places and experiencing various cultures, cuisine and people around the world, sharing it to millions of his subscribers and travel fans who dream to do what Namjoon does.
“I know I have been saying that every city that I visit is the best city. It’s true. And that is why I am going to declare that Vienna is the best city right now.” Namjoon says to his camera.
They sit under a large umbrella outside a cafe’ to find some shade from the glaring afternoon sun. Luckily, finding amazing places to visit in the city hasn’t been that hard. Hoseok smiles, digging a little spoon into his bowl of mint chocolate ice-cream served to him.
”Hoseok here is laughing at me because I can’t decide. And he eats mint chocolate ice cream. That’s like eating a bottle of toothpaste. I think we all agree to that.” Hoseok makes a face when Namjoon puts him in the frame.
“Okay, so that’s it for now. We are hoping to go out in the evening for more sightseeing and visit a sushi bar tonight. I hear there is a fabulous place situated nearby our hotel. So until then, bye.” He does a little wave with his hand.
Taking a bite from the cold dessert he grasps his phone from the pocket. Namjoon unlocks it and a picture of Yoongi on their wedding day pops up on his wallpaper. He smiles and says that he is coming home soon.
That was seven years ago and to this day, Namjoon remembers that exact moment, the upward curl of his lips when he focused the camera of his phone at his husband, thinking how beautiful he looked at that moment.
Yoongi was walking towards him, holding a single white rose, his gummy smile on full display. Yoongi was walking toward Namjoon, in his beige suit and mouthing ‘thank you’ and nodding at anyone who was congratulating him. Namjoon heard his little giggles as he shuffled closer and their photographer stopped him to say something. And Yoongi paused in his tracks there, playing with the rose in his hand.
A sneaky ray from the evening sun made its way to fall half on Yoongi’s face and his beauty made Namjoon gasp, wanting to run into his arms, and kiss him. But Namjoon took pictures, hundreds of them for memories, relishing in the golden glow on his husband’s face, making him look like a prince from a fairytale.
There have been many instances like this when the world seems to stop at times when Yoongi was around. Namjoon is so in love, so in awe of Yoongi’s mien and how he carried himself. The man wrote books for a living, exploring the splendour of fantasy worlds his mind put to create in every book he wrote.
A nation adored who Yoongi was, waited for his book launches even if sometimes it took months. Yoongi’s works are adapted into films and animations all around the world. And in every single one of them. Namjoon worked as a music composer and Yoongi always made sure his work was included in the works he agreed for adaptation. Yoongi made sure that he displayed his love for Namjoon in a two-page acknowledgement in his every book.
God, Namjoon only fell in love with the man more and more.
Hoseok is one of the few people who personally knew the couple. He was Yoongi’s best man at their wedding. Hoseok was the reason how they first met. An afterparty on a film premiere night led Namjoon to meet the ‘Dancing Robot Man’ who choreographed the moves for the characters. It was a film Namjoon worked on every single music element in the film. Meeting Hoseok in person made Namjoon appreciate Hoseok’s work as he brought Namjoon’s music to life with his choreography.
And as they were exchanging words, Namjoon’s world stopped moving for the first time, seeing a gorgeous man reaching to their table. He forgot to breathe at that moment, entranced in the way how the stranger looked in his expensive, dapper outfit that made him blend easy in the crowd of such extravagance and status. Namjoon had previously wondered that only happened in fiction and not in real life. His throat went dry, unable to pry his eyes from the slender figure walking toward the duo.
That was the beginning of a friendship, led by discussions about forms of art and mediums in intimate coffee shops, over dinners that lasted hours, wine tastings and Yoongi’s book signings. Holding hands became frequent, furtive touches and almost-kisses happened more than they could deny what was ‘an accident’. Namjoon wished his heart stopped being a fool for the amazing Min Yoongi, an example of beauty and sophistication in mortal form— until one night it all changed. When Yoongi visited him at the studio, he always called or text. But not that day. Yoongi drenched from the downpour, walked in and grabbed a shocked Namjoon by his neck. Yoongi's lips tasted of coffee and honey. Spellbound, Namjoon kissed Yoongi’s lips back, hugging his smaller frame tight, not a hairsbreadth in between them.
His world became brighter with Yoongi’s presence by his side, waking up in the mornings holding the man in his arms, sweeping away the tendrils that threatened to fall over his eyes, kissing his cheeks and nose. Namjoon would spend a lot of time in the mornings, before Yoongi woke up, taking in Yoongi’s beauty and how perfect he looks. Namjoon let Yoongi sleep if he didn’t have a schedule planned, letting him rest. Namjoon would kiss the little red spots that adorn Yoongi’s skin, proof that they had a great night.
Three years with Yoongi was spent in the best way possible; working, building their careers and saving for bigger travel plans while also exploring unique destinations for lovers. Their travel journal is a physical memoir of places they have been to and loved to fill the pages and messy handwriting was not a problem for either of them.
Yoongi was taken away from him too soon and the loss Namjoon felt was colossal, his heart unable to heal for months and mind drawing blanks whenever he tried to function in a world without Yoongi by his side. Yoongi’s death took a toll on him. Yoongi’s death made Namjoon’s mind go into deep, dark places and think horrible things.
Losing a loved one is never easy on anyone. It was the first time Namjoon experienced a loss like that. His family, his close friends encouraged him to live. And he is glad that he had people who still cared about him, even on his most depressive days and when Namjoon tried to convince them that he hated everyone— he never really did, but it saved a lot of conversations that he was trying to avoid about getting help.
The leatherbound journal that Namjoon tucked away in a cardboard box was how Namjoon finally gave up on being stubborn. Yoongi had big dreams for both of them. Namjoon was going to visit each of those places and talk about it.
That day, he read all of Yoongi’s notes in that journal, some words scribbled lazily but some written with careful detail; all about places he’s been with Namjoon and how Namjoon gave more life to him that he bargained with the universe. That was a wake-up call, like a voice in his head that said Yoongi wanted Namjoon to live his life to the fullest and grab every opportunity life had to offer to him. Namjoon believed in epiphanies and it was the second that he experienced in his life— he experienced it the first time when he realised he was irrevocably in love with Yoongi. He went to therapy for a year till he finally was able to live without his mind slipping into dark thoughts followed by memories of his late husband. He picked up the journal and started planning from there. Yoongi still wanted to visit places. Namjoon would fulfil Yoongi’s travel list and check off all the places Yoongi wanted to visit when he was still alive. It became Namjoon’s new goal and what motivates him to get through the day. Because every time he crosses off a location, every time he visits a new place, his mind becomes more clear and Namjoon is not going to stop till he has every single place.
Namjoon began his YouTube travel channel a few months after with his solo trip to Malta. His audience started to grow in immense amounts a) the way he documents his experiences making the viewers feel it as if they are in those places, with the way Namjoon described the places, smells, and sounds, everyone strat to get enraptured in the beauty of hidden gems in locations around the world. Namjoon could still work on his music profession while travelling, and people started to get to know him better. And Namjoon makes everyone feel like a friend.
On the Internet, he gained the title of 'Moonchild' when he started using a song he composed for a film adaptation for one of Yoongi’s books as the background music. That song brought nostalgia, comfort and warmth both to Namjoon and his audience. The memories attached to that song are bittersweet, and only Namjoon knew why he uses variations of the song in his videos.
His friends ask him: Why?
He only has one answer, every time: Love. He is my love. His dreams are my dream.
And Namjoon visiting Europe this time has made him think of Yoongi a bit more than usual. His private Instagram sending him memories he and Yoongi made, dates that they've been to, collaborations they've brought life into in their fields.
After a scrumptious dinner, Hoseok and Namjoon get back to the hotel and pack for their return. Namjoon had to buy an extra suitcase as he bought gifts for his closest friends and family.
"The time is now 8:34, Sunday. " Namjoon is sitting in one of the window seats in the plane. Hoseok sits on the next seat, shuffling through film titles the airline offered for their viewing pleasure. "This is goodbye until the next time. It has been great, the time I spent in Europe. Which reminds me of something that I have not shared before with you guys." Namjoon looks into the distance from the window, a smile playing on his lips. "This tour reminded me of my soulmate, especially when I was in France. My first time to France was with him, and we did every cliche thing that couples do; I proposed to him under the Eiffel tower and we were already married. He played along, said yes and we kissed in front of a thousand people." Namjoon chuckles, "I don't think I'll ever forget that moment. If you have someone that you love, no matter where it is, tell them, show them that you love them. It could be your parent, your lover or your friends. Spread joy and love, always. See you in Korea."
Only the last bit of video is to be added to his vlog now. He can upload the whole thing en route and get some sleep before the plane lands in Incheon Airport.
Namjoon lies to rest after submitting the video to his channel, hugging the journal to his body under the covers. When he reaches Korea, he will write about all his emotions and things that he has seen. It always feels like writing letters to his beloved. As he fills the pages, it fills his heart with unbearable love for Yoongi and it spills when he writes about his time in places. Yoongi may not physically be there with him. But Namjoon doesn't notice it anymore, as he is sure that he is never going to fall out of love with his husband even if he has to spend a forever without Yoongi by his side.
After all, there will not be a love like Yoongi, not in this life or any other.