Archive of Our Own ^beta

              “Dean,” Sam grabbed his brother’s arm, but Dean quickly pulled away. “You can’t do this. This is a suicide mission. You don’t even know if Cas is alive.”

              “But he might be,” Dean fought back the tears he had been holding in for so long. “If there is a chance that he is alive, I have to find him. I can’t leave him alone there. I know what that place can do to a person.”

              “But what if he isn’t alive,” Sam stepped back from his brother, giving him space. “What if he isn’t alive and you get stuck there. I’ll lose you forever.”

              “Sam,” Dean hated that he was putting his brother through this. His entire life, he did everything for Sam, it was always for Sam. “I have to try.”

              “We need to find a way to get you in and out,” Sam reached for his computer, ready to research every possibility. “I can’t let you go in blind.”

              “I already found a way, Sam.” Dean pulled a piece of paper from his pocket. “One-way trip into purgatory.”

              “There has to be another way,” Sam clenched his fists in anger. “We will find another way.”

              “I have looked,” Dean dropped his hands to his sides. “I don’t have time to look anymore. It is now or never Sammy.”

              “What about me?”

              “You will do just fine without me,” Dean promised, though his words were empty. He knew that he was leaving behind his brother to fend for himself, but he had to. If he didn’t do this, he was going to lose himself completely, and Sam would be no better off. “Live that normal life you have always wanted.”

              “I want you to be here,” Sam sounded defeated and it was almost enough to change Dean’s mind, but he needed to this; it was the only way.

              “I know,” Dean sat down in the chair beside Sam. “I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t need to. I must find him, Sam. He’s …”

              “I know,” Sam nodded, refusing to look Dean in the eye. “I know.”

_____

              “Unde Întunericul moare pentru eternitate,” Dean stood in the middle of the symbol he was instructed to paint on the floor, in his own blood. He paused momentarily, calming his nerves and then continued.

Și monștrii conduc terenul

Transportați sufletul meu veșnic

În cazul în care lumina este pentru totdeauna banda

Cu sângele meu mă dau

Să se usuce, să plângă și să moară

O lume a demonilor care nu este a mea

La domiciliu, spun la revedere.

              A sharp pain ripped through Dean’s stomach. He gripped it with his hand but it was not enough pressure to stop his knees from buckling and his body from falling to the ground. He felt sick and wrong. Everything was wrong. He knew better than to trust a witch, but he was desperate.

              “Cas,” Dean cried out as the pain moved from his stomach and consumed his entire body. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

              Then it was black. The entire world felt like it was slipping away and pulling Dean into nothing. He felt like he was falling but it was silent and still. He had died many times before and never once had it felt like this. Did this mean it was the last time? Had he cheated death too many times to be given another chance? Did he want another chance? Maybe in death, he would be able to find him.

              “Cas,” Dean cried out again and suddenly it stopped.

              The pain that Dean had been feeling was gone and the world around him was coming back into his sights. Only, it wasn’t his world.

              “Cas,” Dean whispered to himself, both frightened and grateful that he had made it.

              Dean began to search himself, hopeful that the weapons he strapped to his body made the journey with him. All was there, the knives, as well as his gun. Though, his gun would not last long; once he was out of bullets, he would forever be out of bullets. The gun needed to be saved for only the most desperate of times.

              The search was lost in the daylight and darkness quickly followed. Dean knew what the darkness brought out in this place and he needed to find a place to hide from it. Too many creatures had been placed here because of him and if any were to find him or if the word were to get out, he would spend all his time fighting and his time searching for Castiel would be lost.

              “Cas,” Dean whispered, bringing himself down to his knees once he had found a suitable hiding spot. “I am not sure if you can hear me, or if you are even still alive, but if you are, I need a sign. Please Cas, I need to find you. Don’t make this all for nothing.”

              Dean wiped away the tears that began to fall down the sides of his face and leaned himself back against a tree. He was not tired mentally, but physically, his body was exhausted. It was a daily struggle to not feel like his body was going to give out on him and he would no longer be able to run away from his problems.

              “Dean,” his name was being screamed from a distance. It was Castiel, he knew it but he could figure out where it was going from. “Dean.”

              Dean brought himself to his feet and took off in the first direction his feet would take him. The sound of Castiel’s cries sounded like echoes all around him. He had to trust the direction that he was going was the right one. The sound never seemed to fade away and he had to take that as a good sign, even though he was running towards screams. Castiel could be fighting for his life.

              “Dean,” This time the call was right in front of him, along with all kinds of leviathan creeps. “Duck.”

              “What?” Dean was thrown off by the words for a moment before they finally kicked in, causing him to duck down.

              Then it was a stream of monster after monster. Dean fought as if Castiel’s life depended on it, and it did. Dean needed to fight to keep Castiel safe. Castiel needed to be safe. Blood, more blood, there was so much blood, a mixture of blacks and reds. Dean was uncertain how much of it belonged to monsters and how much of it belonged to him. He was in pain, he could feel it but he was pushing it back, he needed to keep fighting. He needed to save Cas.

              As Dean dropped the last monster in his path, he fell to his knees, dropping his weapons to his sides. He was in so much pain he didn’t know where to start looking for wounds. His entire body throbbed and ached and was screaming at him.

              “Dean,” Castiel’s voice echoed through his mind again, only this time it was out of worry and not the fear Dean had heard before. “Dean, are you alright?”

              “Cas?” Dean pushed aside the pain long enough to look up at meet eyes with Castiel. “I was looking for you.”

              Then it was black again.

_____

              “Cas,” Dean shot up with a scream, only to have a hand go over his mouth.

              “Shh,” Dean looked up to see Cas sitting over him, his hand over his mouth. “I think we have attracted enough monster for the evening.”

              “Cas,” Dean spoke again, only quieter when Cas removed his hand. “You’re alive.”

              “Yes,” Cas nodded and looked down at himself. “It appears I am.”

              “Good,” Dean worked to set himself up, though the pain was still shooting through most of his body. “That is good.”

              “What are you doing here, Dean?” Cas sat back against a tree.

              It was at this time that Dean got to really look at him. He looked just as Dean had remembered him looking when he had left purgatory, only with more facial hair. If the circumstances were not as they were, Dean would secretly admit how attractive it made him look.

              “I came for you,” Dean pulled himself up to his knees to sit in front of Cas. “Why else would I be here?”

              “You should have left me here,” Cas shook his head, trying to not make eye contact with Dean. “You got out. You should have stayed out.”

              “I tried,” Dean hung his head down, saddened by the disappointment in Cas’ tone. “I tried to fight demons, save the world, be with Sammy … drink away the feelings and pain.”

              “Dean,” Cas tried to interrupt him, but Dean held up his hand to stop him.

              “Let me finish,” Dean finally looked up and met eyes with Cas. “Please?”

              Cas nodded his agreement, putting it all back on Dean. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say or how to say it. He wished he knew how Castiel felt but there was no going back now. Dean had given up everything. He had given up the life he always knew, not to mention his baby brother. It had to be worth it.

              “I tried to live and move on,” Dean finally continued, forcing himself not to look away from Cas’ curious eyes. “But everywhere I turned, I could see your face. It was eating me alive that I left you here. Even that I tried to push away but I couldn’t. I tried to forget about it. I even tried to forget about you but it wouldn’t let me.”

              “It?” Cas cocked his head to the side and for a moment, Dean’s heart fluttered.

              “My heart,” Dean admitted.

              “The heart takes time to heal from the loss of someone you care about,” Cas gave Dean a warm smile and for a moment, Dean worried Cas was not going to feel the same. “You would have eventually healed.”

              “I wouldn’t have,” Dean shook his head, moving in closer to Cas. “I was going to die without you, at least … my heart was.”

              “Dean?” Cas looked at Dean as if he were trying to see inside of his brain. It was both creepy and endearing. “I … I.”

              “What?” Dean slid between Cas’ legs and took his hand into his own, letting Cas know that no matter what he was going to say, Dean was not going to leave.

              “I love you too,” Cas’ voice cracked.

              Dean closed the distance between them. He kissed Cas hard, like both their lives depended on it. There was no care for the pain that he was feeling, and possibly that Cas was feeling as well. But when Cas kissed him back, just as hard, Dean let the worry wash away.

              The facial hair Cas had grown was a new experience for Dean and it almost made him laugh at how strange the situation was. He had sent himself to purgatory or tell his angel that he loves him. He had fought more monsters in the last twenty-four hours than he had in the months he had been back home with Sam, only to end it with his lips pressed against Cas’ own.

              “Dean,” Cas pulled back, shocking Dean back to reality.

              “Yeah,” Dean refused to move away. He couldn’t be away from Cas any longer.

              “We need to readjust,” Cas laughed, his eyes showing happiness for the first time since Dean had found him. “My body is beginning to hurt.”

              Dean moved back and held out his hand for Cas to take, which he did without hesitation. Dean pushed himself up and pulled Cas along with him until they were standing inches from each other.

              “That is better,” Cas smiled, reaching forward and pulling Dean into him, their lips finding each other once again, only this time softer and more passion filled.

_____

              “What if someone hears us?” Cas asked, looking at Dean work his clothing off.

              “Then we will kill them,” Dean smiled, pushing his clothes to the side and pushing an already naked Castiel up against a tree. “I will kill all of them.”

              “Okay,” Cas nodded, pulling Dean’s mouth to him again.

              Dean devoured Cas’ mouth, his hands running over his body. Dean had imagined Cas’ body many times, but it was always hidden by all of the clothes the angel insisted on wearing. He wasn’t sure what he expected, but he didn’t expect all the muscles his fingers were rolling over. Maybe it was purgatory that had brought them about, or maybe he had been missing out all this time on one of the most beautiful bodies he had ever gotten the chance to see.

              “Dean,” Cas moaned, as Dean’s lips made his way down to Cas’ neck, sucking and nibbling at the skin.

              With their bodies pressed so tightly together pressed together, Dean could feel Cas’ cock growing and pushing into the front of his thigh. His own cock was just as hard, but he was more worried about Castiel and what he felt.

              “Have you ever?” Dean spoke around kissing Cas’ shoulder. “Done anything?”

              “Yes,” Cas nodded his head. “I have kissed you.”

              “So, this is the first time?”

              “Dean,” Castiel whined. “Please, don’t let that stop you.”

              “Stop me?” Dean laughed against Castiel’s skin. “Nothing could stop me now. I will admit though, I am kind of excited to be the first one who gets to push you over the edge.”

              “Dean,” Cas moaned as Dean began to kiss his way down Cas’ body, finding a nipple and sucking it into his mouth. He lightly bit down, grazing his teeth over them. “Fuck, Dean.”

              “That’s it, baby,” Dean moved to the other nipple and repeated the motion.

              Dean moved away from Cas’ nipple, making his way down Cas’ stomach, stopping when he got to his hips. Dean could worship Cas’ hips. They were a thing of the Gods. Never had anything more perfect been created. They were sharp enough to cut through glass and Dean loved nothing more than the feel of them beneath his tongue.

“Dean,” Cas cried out again, bucking his hips forward.

              “Impatient much?” Dean laughed, nuzzling his nose just above Cas’ hard cock, precum starting to leak from the tip. Dean was sure that if he tried, he could get Cas to cum without ever touching his cock. But Dean did not have that kind of control. He needed it just as much as Cas appeared to.

              “I swear Dean,” Cas growled, reaching down and pushing Dean’s head toward his cock.

              “Fuck,” Dean moaned out, letting his tongue fall forward and lick between the slit of Cas’ cock, the taste of pre-cum filling his mouth.

              “Most definitely, fuck,” Cas let out a breath as his head fell back against the tree behind him.

Dean slowly worked Cas’ cock into his mouth, rolling his tongue around and moaning for the vibrations he knew would drive Cas wild. He wanted to devour him, but he knew that going slow would push Cas towards insanity and those were the sounds that Dean craved the most.

              “Dean,” Cas’ words were begging, even if all he said was Dean’s name.

              Dean continued at the slow pace until Cas grabbed the back of his head and forced Dean further down onto his cock. For an angel who had never had any kind of sexual relations before, he was not afraid to take control and get what he wanted, needed, from Dean. Dean didn’t want to let him down, so it took it all, all that Cas was giving him.

              Dean nodded and looked up at Cas, giving him the permission he could feel that Cas was waiting for. He wanted Cas to take full advantage of him, make him all that he needed him to be.

              Cas’ hips bucked frantically, and Dean knew that he was right at the edge of his orgasm. Dean growled around his cock, which was all Cas needed to be thrown completely over. He let out a cry that was so needy it pushed Dean right over the edge, cumming on the ground at Cas’ feet.

              Dean fought not to pull away. He had never let another man cum in his mouth, but he was not going to take this pleasure away from his angel. He worked through it, licking and sucking to make sure that he got it all, anything for Cas.

              “Dean,” Cas gasped, slumping back against the tree.

              “Yes?” Dean pulled off of Cas’ cock and began to kiss at his thighs, working up to his hips and on up until his lips were once again pressed against Cas’ mouth.

              “That was,” Cas began but couldn’t seem to form any more words.

              “It really was,” Dean laughed, pulling Cas into his arms and holding him.

              They stood together for a while before they decided to put their clothes back on and move forward. They had made too much noise to stay in this spot any longer. They needed to find another safe place, so Dean could do more to his angel and they could search for another place after that.

              “Dean,” Cas’ voice was shaky, stopping Dean as he buttoned up his shirt.

              Dean turned slowly to find Cas, facing off into the distance. Dean’s eyes followed his gaze and stopped when he spotted two leviathans standing a few yards away, gazing at both of them like they were dinner.

              “Fuck,” Dean whispered, turning and grabbing a weapon for himself and handing one to Cas.

              “They will always come,” Cas turned for a moment to give Dean a warm smile.

              “And we will always fight,” Dean smiled back, placing his hand into Cas’.

              “You are staying?” Cas sounded unsure of his words. Had he expected Dean to only come here for sex? Who comes to purgatory for sex?

              “Until we don’t need each other anymore,” Dean leaned forward and kissed Cas lightly. “Now, what do you say we kill some sons of bitches.”

              “I would like that, Dean.” Cas smiled and tightened his grip on his weapon. “I would really like that.”