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My Dear Brother

Summary:

Fili and Kili have always been close, and no one ever thought much of it when they were younger. But now that Kili is soon to come of age, the two find themselves reluctantly spending less time together, and on their own find their, well... not so brotherly feelings for each other as tensions rise and jealousy strikes.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter Text

“Fili!” Kili yelled, trembling in the corner of the large guest room. The two were playing hide and seek, and it was Fili's turn to search for him. Kili, however, found himself lost in the many rooms that spread across just one of the sections of Erebor's sleeping areas.

Kili looked around, tears flooding his vision as he cried for his older brother. “Fee!”

“Kili?! Where are you?” Fili's voice got louder the closer he got, and Kili heard his fast pacing down the corridors until he finally stopped at the room he was in, peering in the door way.

“Why didn't you wait for me, Nadad?” Fili rushed in, stopping at his brother's side. Kili was still so young, and things others might find annoying, he didn't mind his brother's excessive crying and need of constant reassurance. He loved his brother more than anyone else, more than life itself and anything his brother needed or wanted, if he could give it to him, he would.

They were always getting into trouble.

Kili looked up with teary eyes and arms wrapped tightly around him. “I-I got lost, Fee!” He sucked in a breath after every other word in a heap of streaming tears and a red nose.

Fili smiled as he held Kili, hushing him and using his thumb to wipe his tears away. “It's okay.” He assured. “I get lost sometimes, too.” He pulled his brother up with him as he got up from kneeling. “Let's go back to the main corridors, brother—mother probably has something cooking for us!”

Kili sniffed, tears no more after Fili's reassuring words and soon a bright smile filled his features. “Okay!”

 

-

 

Decades later

 

“Kili.” Fili whispered, head turning slowly. Kili, with his bow and arrow in hand, turned to the swordsman with a questioning look.

“It's over there.” Fili gestured with a nod of his head in the hare's general direction. They were out there everyday, training together like their Uncle asked of them, and today they were focusing on Kili's archery training. He was an amazing archer, much better than Fili ever was—he didn't have the patience for it. He shook a lot. He loved the brute force of a heavy sword in his hands, but the bow did nothing but prove danger whenever he held one. He was a swordsman, but Kili—he was an archer, and a skilled one for his age.

“I have it.” Kili said, arms still as he pointed the arrow, hands gripped firmly on the front of the bow as he aimed, and let out a breath. The arrow flew when he relaxed his fingers on the arrow, and Kili popped up when it hit, something.

The thickness of the air was suffocating as they waited, and when they heard nothing, no movement or leafs crackling or branches breaking, Kili jumped up. “I did it!” He ran, and Fili, with a smile spreading along his face, followed behind.

There it was. Kili bent down to grab the hare by it's back feet with the arrow still lodged in it's neck.

“Do you think they'll be proud?” Kili beamed with the question at his brother, and Fili only nodded. “Of course they will!” He slapped a hand on the back of his brother's back, jerking the dark haired dwarf forward.

“Uncle especially will be proud, Kili.” Fili added.

“I hope so!”

The two ran off to the main corridors to find their Uncle Thorin, and thankfully they found him with their mother as well.

“Uncle Thorin, look, look!” Kili ran infront of his brother, and stopped just before their Uncle and Mother. He held the dead rabbit up with the biggest smile Fili had ever seen, and couldn't help but smile himself at his brother's achievement—his first kill. And to provide food was a great honor as well.

“Oh, Kili-” Dis, their Mother started, filled with joy. “It's big for a first kill, my little dwarf! But please,” She waved a hand for a guard. “Get something to put it in, it's bleeding everywhere.”

Kili handed the hare over to the guard, and stood before them, ecstatic.

“It's impressive, I'll say that much.” Thorin spoke. “But you still have a lot to learn, Kili. There hasn't been one sparring session with Dwalin to which you haven't been late to, or completely disregarded.”

Kili shrunk at their Uncle's scolding, and Fili stood behind him with at least a few feet between them, feeling terrible for his brother. But he knew Thorin held reason, and Kili would have to learn.

“I know, Uncle.” Kili looked defeated, like he always did as a child, but now.... now he was nearing adult hood, and that in itself meant a lot of things for a dwarf—especially Kili, who wasn't near ready for any responsibilities that came with being a grown dwarf. Kili wasn't a child anymore, and Fili knew their mother and uncle would make sure he didn't act like one anymore.

“You don't know, Kili.” Thorin stood, and Dis looked on with melancholy eyes. “You are nearing your coming of age, and that means you need to start taking on your responsibilities as a dwarf of the Durin line.”

“But-”

“No! No buts, Kili, not anymore.”

“Uncle.” Fili stepped forward to stand beside his brother. “Kili has been trying, by Mahal, I'm with him everyday, I would know!”

Thorin sighed, fingers pressing to his temple. “That is the problem. You two are together all the time—by the Gods, from morning until night and night until morning—you both have only just stopped sleeping in the same room together!”

Fili would mentally pin the blame all on Kili, but he kept it going just as much. They were inseperable, even now, and it was a hard change to learn how to sleep without the warmth of his brother next to him before he took his last conscious breath. But they got through that, despite every now and then when Kili snuck into his room and left in the morning.

Fili and Kili stood together, as they always did, in silence and the older dwarf looked over and saw the trembling of the archer's lips and how his hands clenched into fists and eyes batted away tears.

“Now.” Thorin shut his eyes for a moment and took a calming breath before looking back at the brothers. “Fili, you are well old enough to find another dwarf to court and to bear children with. And with that said, you and your brother need to spend less time with each other and more time tending to your own responsibilities.”

Fili didn't like the sound of anything their Uncle said, and by the looks of it, neither did Kili. He didn't know why, but he didn't care to find company with any other dwarf than his brother. He didn't care for any of the female dwarves that threw themselves at him, and frankly, didn't know what to tell his mother, who was eager for him to find his One, his forever love, and to build a family and live happily ever after.

“That isn't fair.” Kili protested in such a defeated tone, Fili wanted to pull him away from it all and tell him they could stay children forever, but...

Dis stood suddenly, beside Thorin. “My son.” Her voice was soft and she moved to stand infront of her sons. “You are no young dwarf anymore, and you have duties as fourth in line of being the King. You are of the Durin line.” She drew a hand to caress Kili's face, who looked on to her with hurt in his eyes.

“I..” Kili looked off, to Fili at first, and then to Thorin and finally to their mother. “Okay.” There was a certain defeat in the dark haired dwarf's voice, and Fili heard it, and his heart sunk.

“From now on—Fili, you are to spend more of your time finding your One, and less fooling around with your brother.” Fili nodded to his Uncle, despite disagreeing fully. “And Kili—you will have sparring sessions three times a week with Dwalin, and two times a week with Balin for forging practice.”

“But I-” Kili started, but Dis cleared her throat, eyes firm on her youngest son, who immediately quieted and stood back with a straight face and low eyes.

“It's settled.” Dis stepped back. “Now, on with your day, enjoy it while you can, my boys—for tomorrow, you'll be well on your way into adulthood, Kili, and Fili—you'll be much happier once you've found her.”

But what if he'd never find her? What if she didn't exist, what if he already..

The fair haired dwarf looked to his brother, only wanting to embrace him and never let go. He didn't want anything else. Not even to find his One

But he smiled solemnly at their mother before the two were shooed off and left to the woods just outside, and they picked up where they had left off. Kili didn't shoot another hare, not after that. His aim was off for that day, and every day after that when his training with Dwalin picked up.

Things would be hard without Fili always by his side.