Chapter Text
Life had always been a- Struggle for Tyler Joseph
He had been kicked out of his house the day before his eighteenth birthday, he hardly had any friends (that’s if you don’t count Brendon, Tyler didn’t), Tyler worked a nine to five job almost always seven days a week, and he could hardly afford to make his rent nowadays. Some days he wondered why he even bothered anymore. With life, that is.
On days like those Tyler went to the bar. It was always the same bar, Sherri’s. It was something about the atmosphere there that would draw Tyler in. Don’t get him wrong, Tyler was not by any means an alcoholic. He was never a big drinker, still isn’t. Tyler Joseph has seen first hand what alcohol can do to a person, make them do. That was why, on days like those, Tyler would sit at the bar, sipping on a cherry coke. Just a cherry coke. Tyler would usually go to Sherri’s on Sunday’s. Sunday’s were Tyler’s suicide days.
There was always a recurring crowd on Sunday’s. There were the token drunk middle-aged men who sat in the booths at the front, a few college students wanting to unwind before class the next day, and then there were the sad straight edges who were too scared to drink but also needed to find a way to forget about life outside of the chipped wooden doors for a while. Take your guess as to which category Tyler Joseph belonged to. There was also a miscellaneous category for the people that Tyler couldn’t quite categorize as easily as the rest. So far the miscellaneous category consisted of one person. He was a regular (as far as Tyler could tell) who had a lot of downtime, apparently. He always sat in the same seat every time he came in, which just so happened to be the one directly to the left of Tyler, even though there was at least another dozen empty seats for the man to sit in.
The miscellaneous man had bright yellow hair and always wore worn out band t-shirts, he had a tattoo sleeve that depicted a tree that ran mid-wrist to his shoulder. Tyler had seen it one afternoon when the man sat down next to Tyler in his usual spot with a Nasa Muscle shirt. Tyler wished that the stranger would wear it again sometime, though that was probably unlikely considering that it was now the middle of December.
Tyler blinked away his thoughts as he sat in his usual spot, waving down the bartender before grabbing his notebook from his bag. Tyler’s therapist had recommended to him that he write down his thoughts whenever he was feeling the way he was now. Tyler had thought that the idea was useless at first, but after a few weeks of writing his deepest and darkest thoughts down, he could really see the appeal. He felt a small amount of the colossal weight he had been carrying with him since he was seventeen lift from his pale shoulders. It felt, nice.
“Buddy?” Tyler heard the bartender ask in an almost worried tone.
“Sorry, what?” Tyler blinked tiredly.
“I asked,” The bartender lightly sighed. “What could I get for ya?”
“Um, just a cherry coke, please.” Tyler asked in a quiet tone before the bartender walked off.
Tyler sighed lightly and looked back down to his notebook filled with chicken scratch. It was almost hard for Tyler to read his own writing. ‘Just another thing you can’t do right.’ the voice inside of the back of Tyler’s mind spoke up. He swallowed, shaking his head tightly before picking up the black ball point. His hand shook with the added weight.
l-/
It was another hour, several filled notebook pages, and two empty glasses in front of himself before Tyler heard the bell above the chipped wooden doors open ring again. Tyler glanced behind himself to see the familiar stranger standing in the doorway. He wore an ‘I want to believe’ shirt with a jean jacket over and now had decent sized black gages pierced through his earlobes. Tyler thought he was beautiful.
Tyler let out a quiet breath through his nose before turning his gaze back to the half-filled notebook page in front of him. He picked up the ball point and started lightly tapping it against the paper just as the familiar stranger sat beside him in his usual spot to the left.
Tyler dared not look at the stranger since he was pretty sure that he had seen Tyler stare at him for a brief second when he walked in. Tyler’s face took a light shade of red as he began tapping the pen a little faster.
“What are you writing?” Tyler heard the stranger beside him speak and felt him lean over, trying to read the deepest of Tyler’s thoughts.
“I- Um, nothing.” Tyler spoke awkwardly as he abruptly shut the notebook before the beautiful stranger could read his writing. The last thing he wanted was for the man next to him to know every dark thought he had about himself.
“It didn’t look like nothing.” The stranger spoke again, this time with a smile that sent a wave of warmth through Tyler’s freezing body.
“I-” Tyler began, only to be cut off by the bartender from earlier.
“What can I get you, Josh?” It was Josh then. It was nice to put a name to a face, Tyler guessed.
“I’ll have a Jack and Coke and a cherry Coke for my friend.”
The bartender nodded with a slight smile before leaving again.
“You didn’t have to-” Tyler began.
“I wanted to.” Josh smiled and another wave of heat ran through Tyler’s body. Damn him.
“You don’t even know my name.” Tyler countered as he stuffed his notebook into his bag.
“I know your drink.” This time Tyler smiled. The first real smile he smiled for nearly two years.
l-/
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Josh laughed lightly.
“No, no I’m not. My boss is a horrible guy.” Tyler chuckled and took a sip of probably his fifth drink and Josh was still on his second.
“Dude that’s so fucked up,” Josh laughed again. “Isn’t that like, somewhat illegal?”
“Apparently not.” Tyler shook his head. “Apparently giving your employee unpaid overtime over cutting a peach wrong is perfectly legal in the eyes of the law.”
“My boss is so cool compared to yours-” Josh started, taking a sip of his drink before continuing. “Sometimes, when I don’t come in late, he lets me stay after hours to play the drum set we use for lessons.”
“Really? Wow, I wish my boss were that cool. I show up three minutes late and he cuts my pay. Where do you work?”
“Guitar Center,” Josh stated before downing the rest of his drink and flagging down the bartender again. “It’s fine for now, but my dream is to be in a band someday. Be famous.” Josh put an emphasis on famous and for some reason it made Tyler’s heart flutter inside of his pale chest.
“I’m sure you’ll be able to follow your dream someday, I mean I’ve never heard you play-”
“Maybe you could. hear me play that is.”
Tyler smiled, his eyes diverting from Josh’s eyes to his lips for barely a second. “I’d like that, Josh.”
“I’d also like that,” Josh paused.
“Tyler.” Tyler spoke quietly, a faint smile on his lips as he watched the other man smile.
“Tyler.” Josh paused as if he was committing the name to memory. “ Maybe you could give me your number and I can text you when I can play for you.”
“That sure would make things easier.” Tyler laughed lightly and grabbed Josh’s phone as it was handed to him. He punched in the first half of his number before thinking his decision over in his head. He really liked Josh. a lot. Just the way the man smiled sent butterflies pounding against the inners of his stomach. From what Tyler could tell Josh was a good person, they had talked about families, friends, work, and just about everything else people could talk about. Not one thing set up a red flag. Could anyone be so perfect? Could anyone so perfect be into Tyler? The man was as skinny and pale as someone could be, he wrote his feelings down in a notebook like a goddamn diary and he constantly had voices- a voice in the back of his mind yelling out all of Tyler’s insecurities at him. He was a goddamn mess. ‘Glad you didn’t forget about me.’
Tyler swallowed and closed his eyes for a second before typing in the remaining digits of his phone number and handing the phone back to Josh.
“Hey, are you okay?” Josh asked, placing a warm hand on the side of Tyler’s arm.
‘Tell him how fucked you are in the head, scare him away just like the rest of them.’
“Yeah, yeah I just need to..” Tyler swallowed again. “I just need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” Tyler didn’t wait for Josh’s reply before he was pushing himself from the stool and quickly walking to the men’s restroom.
l-/
In the bathroom, Tyler made sure to check that all of the stalls were empty before walking up to the mirror and staring at his own reflection, his hands white-knuckling on the sink.
‘He’s just looking for someone quick, easy, and you fit the bill.’
‘Stop it. Please.’
‘Do you really think you’re worth something to him? You have talked to him once. He just wants a quick f-’
“I said, stop it.” Tyler gritted out, his eyes snapping shut.
‘The truth hurts, doesn’t it?’
l-/
“Hey, sorry I was gone for so long- I just wasn’t feeling-”
“It’s fine, don’t worry.” That damn smile again. “I’m actually getting pretty hungry, do you maybe want to get out of here? Go get Taco Bell or something?”
“I- um- I don’t-” Tyler stammered, his fingers worrying the fabric of his sweater.
“If you don’t like Taco Bell we could always go somewhere else.” If Tyler didn’t know any better, he would think that Josh sounded worried.
“No, no. Taco Bell is fine.” Tyler let out a breath and smiled weakly.
“Are you-?”
“I’m fine. I promise.” ‘Didn’t mommy ever tell you lying is bad?’
“Okay.” Josh smiled again. “Do you want to take my car?” Josh asked, standing and pulling out his wallet.
“Sure.” Tyler did the same. He stood and reached into his bag to-
“I got it, Ty.” Tyler’s heart fluttered at the new nickname.
“Are you sure?” Tyler asked, wallet still in hand.
“Yes, I’m sure.” Josh smiled a beautiful smile. It was something Tyler had never seen in his life. He wanted to see more of it.
l-/
“So, what kind of music do you listen to?” Josh asked, his thumbs tapping the fake leather of the steering wheel.
“Um, I used to listen to a lot of Blink-182 songs, but now I’ve been getting into more Death Cab for Cutie.” Tyler speaks way more nervously than he was at the bar, the bar was a controlled environment- alone is Josh’s car- anything could happen.
“Really? Dude, I love Blink-182!” The beat of Josh’s thumbs against the steering wheel became more rapid. Tyler smiled at that. Josh sounded like a kid on Christmas hearing the news that he just got a puppy. It was cute, actually.
“I could tell from the shirt you were wearing a week ago.” Tyler chuckled and sat back in the passenger seat. Josh’s car was nice. It was definitely a reflection of Josh himself. The interior was a light gray and the exterior was a deep red. Jose had a plethora of keychains hanging from the rear view mirror, some were band themed and others were just quotes. Tyler smiled lightly as he got a glance of the one matching Josh’s ‘I want to believe’ shirt.
“So you did notice me,” Josh smiled and glanced to Tyler. Tyler’s heart skipped a beat. “I was kind of hoping you would’ve talked to me after the first few weeks of me sitting next to you.”
“Why would you do that?” Tyler asked, only half-jokingly.
“Because I thought you looked interesting.” Tyler gave Josh a confused look. “Not in a bad way or anything! It’s just- how you only ordered cherry Coke every day I saw you and how you would keep to yourself and write for hours.” Josh took another glance at Tyler before swallowing and switching his focus back to the road. “Plus, I, uh- thought you were pretty cute.”
‘Told ya so.’
“Josh-” Tyler started, sitting up in his seat.
“I don’t know if you feel the same way- but if you don’t that’s fine, you’re a cool guy. I’d like to stay friends with you, at least.”
It was silent for a few awkward second before Tyler finally spoke up again.
“Josh, I think you’re cute, too.”
“You do..?” Josh asked, not daring to look at Tyler this time.
“Yes, I do, but I don’t think I’m ready for-” Tyler began, his words going at a hundred miles per hour.
“I understand.”
‘He’s lying. He just wants in your pants like all the rest.’
“You do?”
“Of course.”
“I wish there were more guys like you.” Tyler confessed and sat back.
‘But there aren’t’
There were no more words beyond that point. After a few minutes of comfortable silence between the two Josh had put in a Blink-182 CD and turned it up enough for people outside could hear, even with the windows rolled up. Tyler smiled.
l-/
“So, what do you want?” Josh asked as he opened the door to the all mighty Taco bell for Tyler. What an honor.
“Definitely the Cheesy Gordita Crunch.” Tyler spoke with a hum, his stomach growling as he stepped further into the restaurant.
“That’s like the staple of Taco Bell.” Josh commented with a smirk.
“Yeah, big staple.” Tyler added as he waited for Josh.
“Hi! Welcome to Taco Bell, what may I get for you?” The lady behind the register greeted the two men as they walked up. Tyler reminded himself to google what the people behind the registers at Taco Bell were called. Cashiers? no. Taco Engineers? Tyler hoped that was the answer.
“Uh, yes I will have the Chilly Cheese burrito and he will have the Cheesy Gordita Crunch.” Josh spoke up before Tyler did. Tyler was grateful for Josh’s ability to talk in public, Tyler tried to keep his speaking to strangers to a low whenever he could and it seemed like he had already talked to enough strangers for the night.
“Okay, any drinks?” The Taco Engineer asked the pair.
“Two large Mountain Dew Baja Blasts, please.” God, Josh was so polite. Why did he have to be so polite?
“Alrighty, that’ll be nine forty-six.” The Taco Engineer spoke with a smile. Tyler couldn’t help but smile back before reaching into his bag to grab his wallet.
“Ty, I got it.” Josh spoke, already taking out his own wallet.
“Hey, you paid for drinks, least I can do is pay for Taco Bell.” Tyler gave Josh a reassuring smile and handed the girl a ten and told her to just keep the change.
The girl behind the counter smiled and told the pair that she would be right back with their food. It was late and it seemed as though besides Josh, Tyler, and the Taco Engineer, the place was empty.
“It’s weird seeing a Taco Bell so empty.” Tyler confessed, stuffing his hands into his pockets as he glanced around.
“It’s nice though, you don’t really see many fast food chains this empty nowadays.” Josh spoke, watching Tyler as he scanned the rest of the room.
“Alrighty, here’s your food and I put a few sauce packets in there for you.” The Taco Engineer spoke as she handed the bag of food to Josh along with the tray with their drinks.
“Thank you.” The two spoke in unison.
Tyler and Josh looked at each other and with one glance, burst out into laughter. Tyler had no idea as to why it was so funny, it just was. They walked out together, their laughter subsiding when they reached the grand Taco Bell doors.
“Are we going to eat in your car?” Tyler asked with a small chuckle.
“No, of course not. I have a better idea.” Josh spoke, leading Tyler around to the side of the building.
“What’re we gonna do? Eat in the parking lot of Taco Bell?” Tyler laughed this time as he followed closely behind Josh, his hands stuffed deeply into his jacket’s pockets. It was December, after all.
“Hush.” Tyler could practically hear the smirk in Josh’s voice as they reached the middle of the side of the building. “Follow me.” Josh spoke softly, putting the top of the bag in his mouth to make his right hand available.
“Don’t tell me we’re-”
“Shh.”
“Fine.”
Tyler rolled his eyes playfully as Josh steadily began climbing the ladder up to the fucking roof of Taco Bell. Was he crazy? He had to be.
‘He’s trying to take you somewhere more ‘secluded’.’
‘Shut up. Josh wouldn’t-’
‘You don’t know Josh.’
‘He wouldn’t.’
“You know, I’m pretty sure things like climbing on the rooftop of Taco Bell are illegal.” Tyler pointed out, just before he began to follow Josh up the ladder.
“Then thstop climbing.” Josh looked down at Tyler for just half a second before continuing to climb, bag in mouth and drink tray in hand. Tyler could swear that even in the dark he could see Josh smirking.
“Make me.”