Archive of Our Own ^beta

Sitting on a long sofa along one side of the tour bus, Harry stared down at the open journal in his lap. He zoned out of the noise of the other boys and some of their crew, who either chatted about their upcoming show or practiced through one of their songs, while he focused on the words he wrote. He gripped his pen between his thumb and finger and continuously moved it across the page, letting out the thoughts that filled his mind.

His journal was private and would usually be written in when Harry was alone to remain secret, apart from the times when he felt he had to write something wherever he may be so that he didn’t forget it. He kept his journal close towards him, held up by his legs that rested up on the sofa, to make sure nobody could see what he had written.

The words on the page stared back at Harry as he read through each of the lines. Most of them were his thoughts he’d had throughout the day, while others were emotions and feelings that couldn’t be spoken or shared. Some of them were based on sexual desires that Harry had no control over. All of them were about Louis.

"You’ve been writing in that for at least an hour now."

Harry stopped reading and looked up to see Liam who warmly smiled and sat beside him, causing him to quickly close his journal.

"Do I not get a sneaky preview of the song you’re writing?" Liam asked, pretending to sound hurt after noticing the way Harry had rushed to shut the book in his lap.

"It’s not finished yet." Harry answered, with his heart racing. "Wouldn’t want to jinx it." He added, making it more believable that he had actually been working on another song for them.

Liam rolled his eyes but gave a friendly laugh. “Fair enough, though I want to be the first to hear it when it’s done!”

"I’ll go straight to you." Harry promised, smiling at the look of amusement on Liam’s face. He relaxed after Liam had moved his attention away from him and instead started up a conversation with a member of their crew who stood near to the sofa.

Moving his focus back to his journal, Harry lightly traced his finger across the brown, leather cover. He had put a lot of trust into the book to share the things he had never told anyone else, especially the person who was always at the centre of the things he wrote. He used it as a way of expressing how he felt without the need of discussing it with others, enough to give him comfort and assurance over the thoughts he had.

Harry turned the journal on its side and smiled at the words he had written along the spine. One and only. His finger ran across the three words while he thought about the meaning behind it, remembering the time during an interview where Louis had introduced him as ‘The one and only’ to their interviewer. It had made his heart race and stuck in his mind for the rest of that day. He had written the three words on the side of his journal after writing inside about how Louis made him feel breathless.

Flicking open the book, Harry scanned through the pages he had written on, more than half of the journal already used. He read through the paragraphs of various thoughts and emotions, written feelings of wanting to kiss and cuddle Louis and hold him after every single concert they did to unwind and relax together.

He had written about how he had felt after Louis had slipped into his bunk on the bus on the first night of the tour, when everyone else had been sleeping and quietness filled the air around them. It had reminded Harry of the many times that Louis had got into bed with him during their time at the X factor house, with only the explanation of either being cold or feeling too nervous to be alone.

We stayed awake for hours, whispering about nothing. Harry had written. I had my arms around him and I never wanted to let him go.

Hearing the sound of sudden laughter, Harry looked up from his journal again, this time to see Niall stood with his hand holding his stomach as he laughed loud. He followed Niall’s gaze and watched how Louis and Zayn pretended to wrestle on the sofa opposite to Harry. He smiled at the scene, realising that Louis was trying to snatch the Xbox controller from Zayn’s grasp.

A familiar sense of excitement and butterflies filled Harry’s stomach while he stared across the bus towards Louis. He felt his stomach flip when a wide grin flashed across Louis’ face after he had claimed the controller and sat back in victory. His heart raced uncontrollably when Louis looked over at him with his grin still showing, waving the controller to show his achievement.

Harry smiled wide and nodded with approval, trying to ignore the way the butterflies in his stomach grew and increasingly spread. He looked back to his journal and turned the pages to find the newest one he had been writing on. His fingers gripped his pen like before and he wrote along a new line, his heart continuing to race while Louis’ grin remained at the front of his mind.

He does so much to me and he doesn’t even know it.

Harry clicked his pen to turn it off then went to close his journal, watching the filled pages lightly fall against each other. His eyes fell on the page it had stopped on, revealing the lyrics of the song he had written for their last album. He smiled as he read through the lyrics, feeling a deep sense of pride for how much of a good response Happily had received. He never thought that quick scribbles of his feelings would become something so loved and appreciated.

"Guys, we’re approaching the venue."

Harry glanced up again and looked towards another member of their crew who stood at the front of the bus. He smiled after hearing Niall’s excited cheer of eagerness to start another show, followed by a low groan from Louis who complained about not finishing his match on FIFA. He kept his smile in place as he looked away to fully close his journal and then wrap the loose piece of leather all the way around the book to tie into a knot on the front.

Standing up from the sofa, Harry walked down the bus towards the bunks. He opened the curtain of his own bunk and reached for his shoulder bag where he opened it up and placed his journal inside, knowing it would be safe there. He lifted the strap of the bag to hang on his shoulder then stepped away to move back into the sitting area, giving a warm smile as the bus turned into the car park of the venue.

Throughout the show, Harry couldn’t help the long glances he repeatedly gave to Louis. He attempted to focus on the songs or interact with the crowd to remain distracted, but each time he would end up looking to where Louis stood. No matter how much he did try, he would give up and instead looked over at Louis, almost as if he needed to see him. He knew he shouldn’t make it so obvious in front of a venue full of people who stared back at them, but he couldn’t help the longing stares that he had no control over.

Walking towards the centre of the stage after the band had finished playing the end of Kiss You, Harry stood still and lifted his microphone towards his mouth, already receiving a loud response of cheers and screams.

"You guys have been incredible so far." Harry commented, smiling wide towards the crowd. "And also really loud." He added, only making the screams get louder. He grinned at the response as he moved around the stage. "I just wanted to take this time to say a massive thank you for being here to watch us. You’re always so supportive and it means so much to all of us."

Walking towards the left side of the stage, Harry glanced out at the crowd and took in the loud cheers. He scanned through some of the banners he could see and stopped when one caught his eye, making his cheeks flush and his stomach flip. He could vaguely hear Niall carrying on his speech for him while he briefly zoned out on the banner in front of him, displaying the words we know you’re in love with a picture of himself and Louis underneath.

Even though he knew it meant nothing, for how many times they had been paired together by their fans since they had started the band, a nervousness filled Harry’s stomach. He blinked and looked away from the banner in an attempt to compose himself and not think about the racing of his heart or the knot in his stomach. His eyes travelled towards Niall who stood in the centre of the stage, speaking into his microphone about his much he loved the city they were in.

Harry slowly began to walk back to the centre and gratefully smiled at Niall once their eyes met. His distraction from the banner meant he had forgotten about the speech he was planned to give, catching him off guard enough to make Niall step in and take over. He smiled while Niall carried on talking to the crowd, still thankful for the help of continuing the speech.

While Niall spoke to the audience, Harry looked towards the back of the stage where he saw Liam and Louis laughing together. He glanced towards the right side of the stage to see Zayn waving to someone in the crowd. Moving his eyes back towards Louis, he watched how he reached out and playfully grabbed one of Liam’s nipples, the action unseen by most of the audience from standing away from the lights.

Harry smiled as he watched Liam trying to repeat the action, though Louis quickly stepped back with a cheeky grin on his face. His eyes stared while Liam moved closer, causing Louis to turn and run across the stage as Liam suddenly chucked the contents of a water bottle towards him, though he missed and the water splashed out over the set of stairs at the back of the stage.

Moving his eyes away, Harry looked out over the audience, still picturing Louis’ smiling face inside of his head. He mentally told himself to make a note in his journal of how Louis’ smile made his legs feel weak. He turned to smile over at Niall after hearing him introduce the next song, then he moved to stand towards the right side of the stage and lifted his microphone to sing the opening verse of Rock Me.

After a few more songs had been sung and Liam had spoken to the audience, Harry moved across the stage to make himself ready for Little Things. He could hear the crowd screaming behind him as he turned and walked closer to the small staircase at the back of the stage, leading to the long bridge he would be sitting on. He climbed the first step and then the second before turning his head to look over at Louis, who slowly walked across the stage with his head lowered.

Reaching the third step, Harry kept his eyes on Louis. He could feel his heart beating slightly faster and his head spinning just from looking over at Louis. He wished he could make his way back down the staircase to rush over to Louis and wrap his arms around him, whispering in his ear how he had fallen for him the moment they had met. He blinked away his thoughts and lifted up to the fourth step.

While Harry lifted his foot to the fifth step, Louis’ head lifted and their eyes met from across the stage. He gulped and tried to smile though he couldn’t respond, feeling too overwhelmed with his emotions to curve his lips. His heart continued to race even more from having Louis stare back at him, offering a smile of his own that sent a shiver throughout Harry’s body.

With his eyes still focused on Louis, Harry lifted up to the sixth step, where a puddle of the thrown water had remained. His foot covered the puddle without him realising and made him slip across the step, all at once sending him backwards as he fell down the staircase, hitting his head on the last step before he dropped to the floor.

The screams from the audience slowly began to subside, and the band completely stopped. Everything around the venue seemed to come to an abrupt stop for the passing seconds, before the boys rushed forward and were met by members of their crew who ran out onto the stage. The crowd watched on as paramedics were called out and Harry’s unconscious body became surrounded, all of the people stood around him clearly frantic with worry.

The lights around the stage began to dim out so that the audience were unable to see what was happening with enough light remaining for the paramedics to carefully lift Harry on to a stretcher. As the two men carried him off the stage, a crew member spoke to the boys to instruct them to head backstage and await news on whether Harry would need to visit the hospital.

While the man spoke to them, Niall lowered his eyes to the spot on the floor where Harry had fallen. His mouth parted in shock and he reached his hand out to tap Louis’ arm, unable to speak while he stared at the floor.

Louis followed his gaze and his eyes widened at the small pool of blood on the floor. “No.” He quietly spoke, more to himself than anyone else. He slowly shook his head, still muttering the same word, as he ran across the stage to follow on where Harry had been taken.

"Where is he? Is he okay?" Louis hurriedly asked, as soon as he had caught up with more members of their crew and one of the paramedics.

"He’s being taken to the hospital." The crew member informed, more calmly than Louis. "Head over to the bus and we’ll follow on when we can."

Louis frowned at the instruction, hearing footsteps rushing towards where he stood. “No, I’m going with him.” He glared after the man sighed and shook his head. “He’s not going on his own.” He added, interrupting the man before he could reply. “I’m going in the ambulance with him.”

The other boys stood behind him to see the crew member think before nodding his head. They watched while Louis was directed towards the ambulance, then they were ushered to wait inside the tour bus for their driver to take them to the hospital.

Stepping inside of the ambulance, Louis’ eyes instantly stared towards the stretcher that Harry had been lifted onto, now on top of a makeshift bed. He gulped and moved to sit in the seat across from Harry, not looking away while he fastened his seat belt and the doors of the vehicle were shut. His hands nervously sat in his lap while scary thoughts entered his mind, thoughts of Harry losing certain abilities, or not waking up.

Louis quickly blinked to shift his tears, knowing he needed to be strong and remain positive. He kept his eyes on Harry for the duration of the journey, hardly noticing the presence of the second paramedic who sat on the opposite side of the ambulance. He let out a small sigh of relief as soon as the vehicle had stopped and the doors had opened, feeling fresh air instantly sweeping in.

He walked behind the paramedics and watched them wheel Harry through the hospital doors, a sight that Louis thought he would never have to see. He took a deep breath and entered the hospital, his head full of hope that Harry would be okay.

Sitting on one of the chairs in the quiet waiting room, Louis stared at the wall opposite him. He had been told to wait there until the doctors had examined Harry and ran any relevant tests to produce a diagnostic, leaving him for over an hour with the scary thoughts creeping back into his head. The more he tried to assure himself that Harry would be fine, the more he thought about the possibility of him not being.

Hearing a gentle knock on the door, Louis looked away from the wall, grateful to see a nurse stood in the open doorway. He quickly stood up from his chair and cleared his throat. “Is he gonna be okay?”

The nurse sympathetically smiled in return. “He’s still unconscious at the minute but we have him closely monitored. The doctors have ran some tests and are waiting for the results back. I’m afraid that’s all I can tell you for now.”

"Can I see him?" Louis urgently asked, becoming impatient from the unhelpful information he was given.

The nurse smiled again and nodded her head. “As I said, he is still unconscious, but you may sit with him. Maybe talking to him will bring him round.”

Louis slowly nodded his head, finding the situation completely surreal. Just a few hours ago he was singing on a stage with Harry conscious and well, and now he was following a nurse who guided him to the hospital room in which Harry lay unresponsive. He gulped as soon as they stopped outside of the closed door, slowly being opened by the nurse.

"I’ll leave you with him. Any problems just call."

After the nurse had left, Louis took a few seconds to compose his thoughts then walked into the room. He closed the door and moved forwards, walking closer to the bed where Harry lay with his eyes closed. He sat down in the chair beside the bed and looked around the room, the quietness surrounding them both.

"Well, it’s not exactly The Hilton in here, is it?" Louis thought aloud, turning back to Harry, feeling disappointed to not have any kind of response. He stared then looked down to his lap, trying to push away the bad thoughts.

Taking a deep breath, Louis looked up again. He stared at Harry’s face for a long time, taking in the peace and contentment through the expression he was giving. His eyes filled with tears without him realising, and his heart felt heavy inside of his chest. It didn’t feel real to be sat in a chair next to Harry’s hospital bed. It was a bad dream and Louis definitely wanted to wake up.

"The other lads are on their way over here." Louis spoke again, remembering what the nurse had said. He kept his gaze on Harry and fought to replace his bad thoughts with positivity. "I got the short straw of going in the ambulance with you." He added, desperate for any kind of response.

"I think we’ll definitely be toning it down a bit when we’re on stage." Louis continued, his voice becoming more serious as he spoke. "It was my fault. I shouldn’t have been messing about in the first place. If I hadn’t then the water wouldn’t have been on that step and you-" He stopped and looked towards Harry again while he gulped and felt more tears fill his eyes. "You wouldn’t be in here."

Sitting forward in the chair, Louis placed his elbows up onto the side of the bed and rested his head into his hands. He heavily sighed and rubbed at his eyes, wiping away the tears that were close to falling. His hands lowered to sit under his chin while he turned to glance at Harry again.

"Anything to get out of work, eh!" Louis commented, knowing that if Harry was awake he would laugh at his attempt of a joke in a serious situation. He stared at his face again for longer this time, with his lips pressed together and thoughts spinning around in his head. He felt completely numb just being there, not being able to do anything to make things better.

-

Just a few hours after, Louis slowly opened his eyes and blinked in confusion of his surroundings. He felt someone gently nudge his arm and heard his name being called, bringing him out of his slumber completely to see Zayn stood beside him.

"I fell asleep?" Louis asked, still slightly confused. He instantly remembered what had happened on stage and quickly turned towards the bed. He relaxed as soon as he saw Harry, with his eyes still closed.

"Yeah, you were asleep when we got here." Zayn told, noticing how Louis reluctantly looked away from Harry to look around the room in confusion. "They’re sat in the waiting room." He explained. "We were told there could only be two in here at a time so Liam was here first and then we swapped." He smiled after Louis had nodded in response. "Is he alright?" He asked, glancing up at Harry now.

Louis turned back to Harry, feeling guilty for falling asleep. “I don’t know. I haven’t been told anything.” He truthfully answered, wishing they could know exactly what was wrong so that Harry could wake up and everything would be like how it was before.

"I’m gonna get a drink. Want one?"

Louis shook his head and turned back towards Zayn. He smiled as he watched him walk away to leave the room, realising how much Zayn hated being in hospitals, more so when it was to visit the people he cared about. His eyes returned to Harry and he sat up in his chair, still staring at his peaceful face.

With the bad thoughts returning in his head, Louis tried to think of something to say to help him stay positive. He sighed in annoyance, unable to think of something that would help to settle his mind as the thoughts became louder and more clearer. His eyes filed with tears again at the thought of Harry not waking up; the phone call to his mum that would have to be made, the press conference they would all sit through to share the news with the world, the hard struggle of carrying on without Harry in their lives.

Before Louis could stop them, his tears began to roll down each of his cheeks. He held his hands against his face and sobbed into his palms, shaking his head in disbelief of the whole situation. His body ached and inside he felt empty, as though nothing could complete him or make him feel whole. He slowly began to catch his breath while he wiped away his tears and lowered his hands, dropping one of them next to Harry’s on the bed.

His eyes filled with more tears as he watched his hand slowly move to cover Harry’s, lightly holding on to it with his thumb tucked under Harry’s fingers. He turned to look up at Harry again and deeply exhaled, becoming choked up with the strong emotion inside of him. “Don’t go.” He whispered, slowly shaking his head. “Please. Don’t leave me.”

Taking a deep breath, Louis looked away and tried to control his sobs. He wiped away his tears with his free hand and sniffed, letting out another deep breath. He closed his eyes, feeling slightly more relaxed after his outburst of emotion. He focused on more positive thoughts, while a sudden twitch against his hand made his eyes fly open and his heart excitedly skip a beat.

"Harry?" He called out, glancing from his face to their entwined hands, so sure he had felt Harry’s move. He gulped and waited patiently for the same action, hoping Harry would move his fingers and prove that he was awake. "Harry, can you hear me?" He asked, staring at their hands until he saw one of Harry’s fingers slowly lift up.

"Harry?" Louis called again, feeling his heart starting to race from the possibility of Harry waking up. He stared and remained silent for any sign of a response on Harry’s face.

As soon as Harry’s eyes slowly began to open, Louis jumped up from his chair and stood by the side of the bed. “Harry? Can you hear me? I’m here.” He rushed out, the sudden reaction making him feel dizzy. He watched with his heart beating fast as Harry fought to fully open his eyes before closing them again. His free hand lifted up to quickly press the buzzer above Harry’s bed to signal a nurse.

"It’s gonna be okay. I promise. You’re okay. I’m here." Louis continued to assure, looking back to Harry to see his eyes slowly opening a little further this time. He let out a breath he hadn’t realised he had been holding when Harry’s eyes fully opened and he blinked to settle his vision. "You’re awake." He whispered, unable to stop the wide smile that reached his mouth.

Louis kept his hand on top of Harry’s while he stared at the confused expression on his face. His smile began to fade when he saw how Harry carefully looked around the room, making Louis concerned and slightly worried. He gulped and cleared his throat, still trying to remain positive.

"I’ve called for the nurse." Louis informed, giving a friendly smile when Harry’s eyes slowly shifted back towards him. "They’ll be glad to know you’re awake. The boys will, too." He added, noticing the intense stare that Harry gave him.

"Where am I?" Harry asked, his voice quiet and groggy.

"You’re in hospital." Louis explained, assuming that Harry would need to be reminded of the events before he had arrived there. "You fell on some stairs, remember? The doctors have done some tests and we’re waiting for the results but everything will be okay." He smiled again, knowing he was convincing himself more than Harry.

Louis closely watched as Harry swallowed and continued to stare back at him. The dizziness he felt increased when he thought about watching Harry fall on the staircase, the way it had happened so quickly before anyone could stop it. He blinked out of his thoughts, giving another small smile.

"You gave us all a scare, you know." Louis told, wanting to keep talking so that Harry would stay alert. "I even saw Niall crying before I got into the ambulance with you. Though I doubt he’d admit to that." He smiled again, still worried about the lost and confused look on Harry’s face.

"I bet they’re all going crazy waiting to see you. Especially now that you’re awake!" Louis continued, not letting go of Harry’s hand. "As soon as you’ve been seen by the nurse we can get you home. It’d be much comfier than in here. "I bet you’re ready for-"

"I’m sorry." Harry quietly spoke, stopping Louis from continuing. He kept his blank stare up towards him and slowly shook his head. "I don’t-" He began, only to stop himself. "Who are you?"

Louis frowned in confusion and let out a small, nervous laugh. “It’s- it’s me.” He answered, simply. “It’s- Louis?” He quietly told, noticing how the sound of his name caused no reaction from Harry. His heart pounded with fear, now realising why Harry had been staring at him with a confused gaze. “Harry, I’m-” He stopped to gather his words, speaking much quieter now. “You don’t remember who I am, do you?”

Harry slowly shook his head. “I’m sorry.” He repeated, his confused expression not fading. “Is my mum here? I want to see my mum.”

Louis barely heard Harry’s question over the loud pounding of his heart, sounding like a drum through his ears. He looked away as tears filled his eyes, his entire body going numb from the revelation of Harry not knowing who he was. His legs suddenly became shaky, almost as though they wouldn’t keep him up for how weak they felt. He gripped to the bed as he stumbled, so sure the room was spinning all around him.

While Louis held the bed, a gentle grip pressed to his arm, causing him to turn to see Zayn now standing behind him. He slowly shook his head and opened his mouth to speak, wanting to scream out that Harry didn’t even know him, though no words escaped his lips.

"Let’s wait in the corridor." Zayn instructed, holding Louis while he guided him out of the room, passing two nurses who had rushed in after him to assist to Harry.

Louis let himself be moved towards the wall of the corridor while his head was spinning fast and his heart continued to heavily pound. He was still frowning, and the tears in his eyes finally ran down his cheeks. “He doesn’t know who I am.” He whispered, regaining his focus to stare back at Zayn. He shook his head again, holding a hand up to cover his mouth while a loud sob vibrated against his fingers. “He doesn’t know who I am.” He repeated a little louder, tightly gripping Zayn’s jacket while he was pulled into a firm hug with his head now resting on Zayn’s shoulder. “He can’t remember me.”

A shocked look appeared on Zayn’s face as he held on to Louis, holding him close to him. “It’s okay.” He quietly spoke, slowly rubbing Louis’ back to console him through his sobs. “It’s gonna be okay.”

-

Louis kept his head turned to the side to stare at Harry while their driver took them home. His eyes never left him, wanting to make sure he was okay and not in any kind of danger. He could see a look of wonder on Harry's face, who stared out of the car window to take in his surroundings. To Louis it was odd that Harry seemed to be so curious over streets and places he had seen so many times, but now couldn't recall ever seeing them before.

The doctor had shared the news of Harry's condition the same night that he had woken up and not recognised Louis. They were gathered in a small room and had sat across a desk while the doctor had explained to them the seriousness of the accident, how the hard knock to Harry's head had caused him to lose a large amount of his memory. He had been assessed by various specialists to monitor his mental capacity, recording that he was aware of his name and family and his life up to leaving school, anything after then had faded from his memory.

It was upsetting for them to think about what had been forgotten; the many things that they had done together as a band and all of the memories they had made, each one of them erased from Harry's memory. They had been advised to show him collections of photographs or recordings to help Harry regain his memory, something which could either happen fairly quickly or over a long period of time.

Harry had remained in hospital for a short while until he had been discharged with the doctor's approval, meaning he could return to the house he shared with Louis, though couldn't recall ever being there before.

"We're here, boys."

Louis blinked out of his thoughts and turned his head to the front of the car, offering a warm smile to their driver who looked to where they sat. "Thank you." He quietly replied, unfastening his seatbelt then looking across to see Harry reluctantly do the same.

Once they were out of the car, Louis walked around to stand beside Harry, taking his shoulder bag from the driver that had been collected from the hospital. He smiled then guided Harry towards the house, noticing the way he stared up at the size of it with a blank expression on his face.

The car drove away while Louis unlocked and opened the front door, stepping back to allow Harry to walk inside. He watched how he moved slowly, as though he was visiting a friend's house for the first time and didn't want to intrude. He closed the door behind them both and stayed beside Harry, still watching him glance all around the spacious house.

"This is where we live?" Harry asked, his eyes moving from the living room with two big leather sofas and widescreen TV on the wall, to the open kitchen with various built-in appliances and tiled flooring that had blue lights shining through.

"Yeah." Louis answered, looking closely at Harry to try and work out what he was thinking just from looking around the unfamiliar house. "This is our house." He added, feeling a lump forming in his throat.

"All of this just for us? Harry asked, his eyes moving all around the house. "It's so much bigger than at Mum's." His eyes eventually met with Louis' and he quickly gave an assuring smile. "I'm sure I'll get used to it."

Louis smiled in return, though it didn't remain on his face. His stomach had tied into a tight knot since the car had stopped outside of the house and a lost look had appeared on Harry's face. He hated knowing that Harry couldn't recall ever being in their house before, or even living with Louis to go through the memories they had shared. He looked away and walked towards the kitchen, needing a distraction from his thoughts.

"Are you hungry?" Louis asked, carefully dropping Harry's shoulder bag onto the nearest work top. "I can make you something to eat." He suggested, opening the tall fridge.

"Do you cook?" Harry curiously asked, stepping closer towards the kitchen with the look of wonder returning to his face.

Louis stared at a tray of eggs and fought back the tears forming in his eyes. He felt a pang in his heart, remembering the only meal he had cooked for Harry on the first night of moving in together, something that had become a special memory between them that Harry had now forgot.

"I attempt to." Louis finally answered, swallowing away the lump in his throat. He reached his hand out and grabbed a packet of sliced meat with a small lettuce before closing the fridge door to turn around and move to the sideboard. "I'll make you a sandwich."

While Louis quietly prepared the sandwich, he noticed how Harry slowly moved to sit on one of the stools at the breakfast bar opposite him. He focused on the food in front of him and tried not to think about how different everything felt around them, as though they hadn't spent the last four years together.

Once the sandwich had been made, Louis placed it on a plate and cut it in half before offering it to Harry. He smiled as he watched Harry gratefully take it and instantly begin eating, after thanking him to show his appreciation.

"Is it okay for me to have a shower after this?" Harry asked, once he had swallowed the mouthful of his sandwich.

Louis blinked at the question. "Harry, you don't need to ask. This is your home." He gently reminded, hating how it seemed as though Harry was a visitor who Louis had taken in for a few nights. The question was another reminder of how fragile the situation had become, showing just how different things would be now.

"I'll fetch you some clean clothes while you finish eating." Louis told, picking up Harry's shoulder bag to take to his bedroom. He glanced towards the doorway and then turned back to Harry. "There's a bathroom in your room." He informed, as though Harry had never used it before. "You can use the shower in there, if you'd like?"

Louis stayed beside Harry to see him smile and nod then he reluctantly walked away to allow him to finish eating. He lowered his head while he made his way towards the big staircase, holding his hand to the back of his neck as he let out a heavy sigh. He massaged his fingers into his skin and then dropped his hand, his entire body aching from the sleepless nights he'd had since Harry's accident.

Walking through to Harry's bedroom, Louis placed the shoulder bag onto his bed. He walked towards his wardrobe and opened the doors to pick out a pair of sweatpants and a white tshirt, along with underwear and socks for Harry to be comfortable in. He closed the wardrobe doors and then moved to the en-suite bathroom, where he could see Harry now standing through the gap in the doorway.

"I'll leave these here for you." Louis told, dropping the pile of clothes on top of the small table in the corner inside of the bathroom. He stepped back and stared at Harry, who stood gazing at his reflection in the tall mirror with his top already off.

"What do they all mean?" Harry curiously asked, dropping his eyes from the mirror to closely look at the tattoos on his chest and his arms.

Louis stared at Harry's back while he gathered the words inside of his head, not sure how to reply. He thought about the times before that Harry had shared ideas with him of tattoos he wanted to get, or other times he had retuned to their hotel room on days off from their tour to show Louis the new tattoo he'd had done, all with a proud grin on his face.

"Well." Louis began, sad to see that Harry had no recognition of the meanings behind any of his tattoos. "They're all personal to you." He tried, watching the way Harry lifted his left arm to run his finger over each of the inked prints.

"I don't remember why." Harry quietly spoke with an irritated tone, as though annoyed with himself. He sighed and lowered his arm, his frustration showing on his face.

Louis swallowed when he felt the lump forming in his throat again. "I'll leave you to it. Give me a shout if you need anything." He offered, not wanting to impose on Harry's privacy now that he had become more like a stranger to him than a close friend. He smiled when Harry nodded, then he turned and left the room to walk back down the staircase.

A few nights after Harry had been discharged from hospital and had been living back at home, Louis found himself stood in the kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil, unable to sleep. He stared at the teabag inside of his mug while thoughts filled his head, the house completely silent around him with Harry in his bedroom. He'd had very little sleep since the accident had happened, the constant reminders of Harry being in hospital and the worry of him not waking up keeping Louis awake.

As soon as the kettle had boiled, Louis could hear footsteps approaching the kitchen. He turned around to see Harry walking towards him to sit at the breakfast bar, giving a tired smile.

"Do you want one?" Louis quietly asked, holding up the mug.

"Yeah, thanks." Harry answered, rubbing the tiredness out of his eyes.

"Can you not sleep?" Louis asked, turning back around to grab another mug.

"I woke up from a dream and haven't been back since." Harry explained, watching Louis make two teas. "It was weird. It seemed so-" He stopped to think of the right word. "Real."

Louis raised an eyebrow as he walked to the breakfast bar, placing the two mugs down on the surface. "Real?" He curiously repeated, sitting down next to Harry. He wondered if Harry had actually had a flashback, something the doctor had mentioned he would eventually experience.

"I was on a stage, and so many people were staring at me." Harry explained, wrapping his hands around the mug in front of him. "I started singing with a microphone, like an actual performance. I was nervous, really nervous. It felt as though I'd already lived it." He finished, turning to look at Louis as if to wait for an explanation.

Even though the doctor had said Harry would have flashbacks, Louis hadn't thought it would happen so soon. He looked at the look of wonder and confusion on Harry's face then stood up to walk through to the living room. He quickly returned with a rectangle box in his hands which he set out on the work top.

"We were told at the hospital that this may help." Louis told, opening the box to show the various items, including photographs that had been stored inside since being put together at the X factor. "The doctor said it would be good for you to look at photos of the things you can't remember." He delicately explained

Harry stared at the box for a while before reaching up his hand, carefully moving the photographs aside to spread them out. He stopped and took hold of one to lift out; one of them all as a band at an awards show. He frowned at the picture then picked out another; one of himself and Niall stood at the side of a stage with microphones in their hands.

Louis could see how Harry stared at the photographs as if to try to remember them being taken, pushing himself to recall the memory. He looked to the box and saw a DVD near the bottom, one that had been given to them at the end of the X factor. He stared a while longer before picking the DVD up, deciding the time was right for Harry to see it.

"This will make your dream a little clearer." Louis told, tapping the case of the DVD when he had Harry's attention. He nodded towards the doorway and stood up from the stool, taking the box of photographs with him while Harry followed.

As they reached the living room, Louis placed the box on the coffee table and then set up the DVD in the machine, changing the screen on the TV to show the select menu. He sat down next to Harry on one of the sofas and started the DVD, suddenly feeling apprehensive of Harry's response.

The DVD began to play to show Liam walking out onto a stage with a microphone in his hand to sing to the judges. Louis turned to glance at Harry but couldn't see any kind of recognition on his face. The DVD played on to show Harry walking out onto the stage, making a frown appear on his face as he watched intently.

"I worked in a bakery?" Harry quietly asked, after he had told the judges on the DVD.

Louis stared at Harry while the question processed in his head. "Yeah." He nodded. "You worked in one down the road from your Mum's."

Harry slowly nodded without taking his eyes away from the screen. He squinted as he watched, still frowning with confusion and disbelief. "This is just like my dream." He commented, watching himself sing on the stage. "It felt so real, but I don't- I can't remember."

A disappointed feeling sat at the pit of Louis' stomach though he knew that Harry wouldn't remember things straight away. He turned back to the TV to see his own audition starting to play. "We don't need to see anymore of this." He rushed out, reaching forward for the remote on the table.

"No, I want to see." Harry replied, stopping Louis with a hand on his arm. "Please?"

Louis glanced back at him and slowly gave in. He sat back against the sofa and watched his audition with a blush on his cheeks. The room had fallen silent as they both watched him sing on the TV, until Louis looked away to see a small smile on Harry's lips.

"I really like your voice." Harry told, still watching the addition as Louis had finished singing. "It's so soft." He added, glancing to Louis to see the blush on his cheeks. He warmly smiled, not understanding why he was embarrassed. "Hey, you should be a singer!"

Louis' mouth parted as he thought of how to reply, taking the serious expression on Harry's face before he smiled wide and warmly laughed.

"I'm just kidding." Harry spoke again, still smiling wide. He now knew about their profession from Louis sharing it with him, telling Harry how they were in a famous band together, though not overloading him with every detail.

A silence fell upon them as they continued to watch the rest of Louis' audition. Harry smiled to himself again. "I love the hairstyle."

"I looked good at the time!" Louis defensively answered, trying to look serious despite smiling at the sound of Harry's laughter.

Harry suddenly stopped laughing and sat forward, his eyes widening at the TV screen. "Wait, I think-" He began, quickly reaching for the remote to pause the DVD on a close up of Louis. He stared at the screen and looked at Louis next to him on the sofa, who stared back in anticipation. "Did we- I remember- we met in the toilets?"

Louis' eyes widened and his heart soared to the top of his chest. "Yeah. Yeah, we did!" He answered, nodding his head with a wide smile on his face. "You remember that?"

Harry nodded and glanced back to the TV. "I remember- I was really nervous, and you told me I had nothing to worry about and that I'd impress everyone." He beamed at the memory, grinning back towards Louis on the sofa. "You also told me I had the best smile you'd ever seen."

Another blush appeared on Louis' cheeks as he chuckled and nodded his head, remembering how he had shamelessly flirted with Harry. "I meant it! I can't believe you remembered that." He replied, his smile now mirroring Harry's.

As the days went on, Harry began to remember even more. He had woken up one night from another dream that had felt as though he had already lived it, proven by Louis who confirmed that they had performed at the Olympic games as Harry had dreamt. He also remembered the first time he had met the other boys and the first meeting they had attended with producers to decide on the band name.

Now that Harry was starting to remember various things, Louis seemed to relax more and was now able to sleep at night. His worries of Harry not recalling any of the memories they had made slowly began to fade and helped him to be more at ease. He continued to show pictures and videos to Harry to help him to remember, as well as playing a few of their songs to see if the lyrics sounded familiar to him.

They were both sat on Harry's bed a few days after with photo albums around them. Louis took a sip from his mug while he watched Harry closely observe the photographs in the album on his lap, trying to remember them being taken.

"We've won a Brit?" Harry asked in astonishment, after looking at a photograph of them stood holding a Brit award.

"We've won three." Louis answered, matter of factly. He smiled with pride at the amazed expression on Harry's face. "Amongst other awards." He added, taking another drink from his mug.

"We must be a decent band, then." Harry replied, glancing back down to turn the page in the album, now looking at a photograph of himself and Louis with a small group of their fans outside of a recording studio.

"Yeah, we're not bad." Louis modestly answered, his smile still on his face. "We've been lucky to have talented writers, I guess." He added, turning to look at Harry again. "Including you." He complimented, earning Harry's attention with a confused frown. "You wrote quite a few of our songs. Some really good ones."

"Really? Like, ones that went on the albums?" Harry excitedly asked, grinning through his disbelief.

"Yeah, they became some of our well known songs. The fans love them, especially one called Happily." Louis answered, feeling his heart soar just from looking at the excited smile on Harry's face.

"Can I hear that one?" Harry asked. "I'd love to know what I wrote to make them love it so much."

"Yeah, of course. In fact- you wrote out the lyrics to it in your journal!" Louis suddenly thought, sitting up from leaning against the headboard.

"I have a journal?" Harry asked, another frown showing on his face. He watched as Louis placed his mug on the bedside table and then stood up from the bed.

"Yeah. It literally never leaves you. You're always writing in it." Louis explained, glancing around the room as if in search of the journal. He stopped and looked at Harry's shoulder bag before moving closer to pick it up and look inside. He smiled when he saw the journal, then he took it out and moved back onto the bed.

"I've never had a journal before." Harry told, after taking the brown leather book from Louis' outstretched hand. He closely looked all over the cover and frowned at the words written on the spine. His fingers carefully unfastened the knot and he opened the book to look inside.

Louis picked up a different photo album and began looking through the photographs while Harry read through his journal. He knew it was personal and had always been kept away from everyone. He smiled as he flicked through the photographs, looking at various memories they had made together as a band. His smile widened at one of him and Harry stood with both of their Mum's after one of the X factor live shows. He turned the page again then looked up to Harry to see a red blush appear on his cheeks.

"Have you found it?" He asked, wondering why Harry had become embarrassed over reading the songs he had written. He glanced down at the open book and saw a list made of small sentences, all in Harry's handwriting. "Anything interesting?" He asked, wondering if it would bring back another memory.

Harry quickly looked up and closed his journal, not sharing eye contact with Louis while the blush on his cheeks brightened. "No, nothing. Not at all." He rushed out, holding his journal closer to his chest.

"It must have been something good." Louis stated, not wanting to push Harry but curious all the same. "Anything that's given you a flashback?"

Harry slowly shook his head and looked up towards Louis. He bit his lip then glanced back to the journal, staring at it as if in deep thought. He eventually sighed and held the journal out towards Louis, still not looking at him while the blush continued to develop on his cheeks.

Louis took the journal and opened it up to the page Harry had been looking at, appreciating that he had been allowed access to whatever had been written. He read through the small paragraphs and then the list, raising an eyebrow at the detailed statements involving himself.

"In my defence, I have no recollection of ever writing that." Harry spoke, keeping his eyes lowered to the photo album still on his lap.

Louis held back his smirk as he continued to read through the list. "It's pretty detailed." He commented, now understanding why Harry had become embarrassed. "I had no idea, you dirty boy!" He muttered, only to tease and not to judge.

"I've never seen it before!" Harry defensively answered, now looking at Louis to see him turn over the page to continue reading. He gulped as he glanced over Louis' shoulder and read about him wanting to feel Louis' soft lips against his own.

"You should have told me instead of writing it down." Louis proclaimed, his voice more serious. He read through more of Harry's statements, taking in how he admitted he always fantasised over Louis, before looking to the side of him. "We used to tell each other everything."

"You'd want me to tell you how much I want to lick your cum off your stomach after you've pinned me down and fucked me?" Harry sarcastically asked after glancing to the journal, not missing the curve of a smirk appearing on Louis' mouth.

Louis shrugged his shoulders, not attempting to stop his smirk from forming. "That's the only way you'd get what you wanted."

Another blush appeared on Harry's cheeks despite the sudden excitement he felt tingling inside his stomach. He looked to the journal and bit his lip again. "It's too late now, though, right?" He quietly asked. "I don't remember writing any of that."

"You don't have to remember writing it, just as long as you feel it." Louis responded. He turned the page back in the journal to read through the list again, what Harry had titled 'things I want Louis to do to me.' He felt a stirring at his crotch and a burst of arousal inside of him as he looked back up to Harry. "Do you still feel that way?"

Harry kept his eyes on the journal as he felt another tingle inside of his stomach from the thought of getting what he had stated he had wanted. He looked up while nodding his head, knowing he felt some familiarity of what he had expressed in his journal.

A wide grin reached Louis' lips. "Good." He answered, his voice soft with his eyes staring back at Harry. He kept a warm smile in place as he slowly moved in closer, instantly seeing the nervous expression on Harry's face. He hesitated and stopped his lips from touching Harry's, giving him enough time to move away if he wanted to.

Harry could feel his heart racing from having Louis lean closer towards him, finally allowing their lips to meet. His reaction seemed slow from the shock of having Louis kiss him, until he slipped into the steady movement and deepened the kiss. His heart skipped a beat when he felt Louis' hand slowly slide down his front, moving dangerously close to his crotch.

"Louis, wait-" Harry suddenly warned, after breaking the kiss. His cheeks flushed as Louis' hand stopped on the lower part of his stomach. He glanced up at him and nervously bit his lip. "I don't-" He began, already feeling embarrassed. "Have I done this before?" He quietly asked.

Harry's question served as a reminder of the effects of his accident, making Louis realise that he wouldn't recall being so intimate with someone. "Yeah, you have." He answered, nodding his head through a smile. He could sense Harry's hesitance to continue so he moved closer again and softly brushed his lips against Harry's. "We can go slow. I'll be gentle." He assured, though he knew Harry could handle whatever they would do together.

Harry nodded his head in approval, allowing Louis to move closer again while their lips brushed together. He began to relax on the bed when Louis moved his hand further down, dropping it to his side to gently slide against his hip. His body was pushed back on the mattress while Louis moved to lay on top of him with their lips still together, the journal now fallen to the mattress.

Pressing his crotch down against Harry's, Louis slowly began to grind on him. His arms supported him up while he continued to kiss Harry with his hand moving up to stroke his cheek and then sit in his hair. He lowly moaned into the kiss when he felt Harry buck up against him to let him know just now turned on he had become.

Moving up from the kiss, Louis smiled wide at Harry as he lifted himself up to sit back on his legs. He glanced down at the journal and picked it up to hold it out towards Harry. "Why don't you read them to me?" He suggested, smiling at the surprised look on Harry's face. "Tell me what you want me to do."

Harry gulped and took the journal, trying not to let his embarrassment show on his cheeks. He glanced at the open page and read the first statement he had written, the words making him flush uncontrollably. He gulped a second time then opened his mouth, after looking up at Louis to receive a nod. "I want Louis to kiss along my stomach and bite against my neck."

A grin flashed up on Louis' face as he moved closer to Harry again to slowly pull up his tshirt. He lifted it away then set his lips to the lower part of Harry's stomach, pressing soft kisses on his skin while moving up in a line. He could hear small gasps while he reached Harry's chest, then he moved further up to kiss his collarbone and then his neck, before grazing his teeth against his skin to leave a red mark.

"Tell me the next one." Louis softly instructed, lifting his head to glance at the flushed look on Harry's face. He grinned again then continued to gently bite on his neck, hearing another gasp when he bit a little harder.

Harry fought to compose himself and glanced at the journal again, not focusing on the throbbing inside of his jeans. "I want Louis to wrap his hand around my cock."

Again, Louis grinned at the statements Harry read out, revealing to him the explicit thoughts that Harry had been having. He moved his hand down Harry's body to push his fingers under his jeans where he skilfully opened the button and tugged on the zip. His hand escaped under the material of Harry's boxers to close around his hard cock, causing Harry to moan and buck up again.

"Does that feel good?" Louis knowingly asked, lifting up to be able to stare down at the look of arousal clear on Harry's face. He smirked when he received a nod, while he carefully brought Harry's cock out of the top of his jeans to allow his hand more room to steadily stroke him.

Harry continued to moan and gasp through the movements of Louis' hand. He tipped his head back on the bed as the pleasure spread all over his body, making him tingle with excitement. His eyes moved back to Louis to watch his hand stroke his cock, the view only turning him on even more.

"What's next, gorgeous?" Louis flirtatiously asked, not stopping the movement of his hand. He watched Harry pick up the journal again to read the next thing he had written, appearing more flushed than before.

"I want Louis to take my cock into his mouth." Harry read aloud, before glancing back towards Louis. He blushed when he saw the smirk on his face. "I didn't know I could be so filthy."

Louis chuckled and lowered his eyes towards his hand, taking in how hard Harry was against his palm. "I didn't know you had such filthy thoughts over me." He replied, moving further down the bed to push Harry's jeans down his legs. "If I'd have known," He spoke again, lowering his head towards Harry's crotch before looking up. "I would've done this a lot sooner."

A low groan left Harry's lips as soon as his cock was pushed into Louis' mouth. He bit his lip to stop himself from moaning too loud, feeling his entire body tingle from Louis' lips sliding up and down on him. He gripped a handful of the bed sheet and tipped his head back again, the pleasurable sensations seeming like a whole new experience.

Louis lifted his mouth away to slide his tongue all along the length while his hand gripped at the base. His eyes caught with Harry's when he raised his head again, allowing him to see the look of bliss that was clear on his face. He smiled in recognition, appreciating that Harry had no memory of doing something so pleasurable before. His mouth moved back to take Harry between his lips to suck up and down at a faster pace before he lifted up completely.

"Tell me the next one." He instructed again, his voice becoming rougher with lust. His mouth moved back to Harry's cock to continue sliding his lips up and down, taking as much of him as he could manage.

Harry tried to control his breathing as he looked back to the journal. He opened his mouth to read the next statement but stopped as he read the words on the page. His cheeks flushed again and his entire body tingled with excitement. He looked up to Louis to see him staring back while he waited for his next instruction, no matter how explicit or embarrassing for Harry it was.

"Tell me what you want me to do to you, Harry." Louis urged, his own cock throbbing in his jeans.

Harry opened his mouth a second time, ignoring the fast pounding of his heart. "I want Louis to tease my hole. I want to feel his tongue and his fingers deep inside of me."

Louis bit his smirk away and lowly growled. "You dirty boy." He teasingly commented, moving lower on the bed to completely remove Harry's jeans. He lifted both of Harry's legs up and settled between them on his knees, instantly moving his head closer towards Harry's hole.

A louder moan escaped Harry's lips when he felt the pad of Louis' tongue repeatedly swipe back and forth across his hole. He gasped at the feeling, not expecting it to feel as good as it did. He gripped the bed sheet and gasped with his mouth open once the tip of Louis' tongue ran all around the circle of his hole and then pushed inside, moving it in and out as deep as it could go.

Louis moved his tongue out and sucked two of his fingers. He teased one of them against Harry's hole before slowly pushing it inside to make Harry gasp loud. He looked up as his finger moved further in at the same steady pace.

"I'd sometimes watch you write in that journal." Louis recalled, staring up at Harry who heavily panted on the bed. "I assumed you were working on new songs for the album." He continued, changing the angle of his finger while he pushed it in and out. "But all the time you were making notes of the naughty things you wanted me to do to you."

Louis couldn't help the smirk that reached his lips from hearing Harry breathlessly moaning his name. He added the second finger and moved them both in and out, starting slow and then going faster and much deeper, easily stretching the tight circle.

"Maybe we should make that into a song." Louis joked, nodding towards Harry's journal. His fingers continuously slid back and forth while Harry gasped and moaned below him. "Let everyone know how much of a filthy slut you are for me." He added with another smirk. He slowed down his fingers and carefully pulled them out. "Next one."

Harry swallowed and tried to catch his breath to steady the pounding of his heart. He looked away from the smirk on Louis' face to read the open page of his journal, the words of the next sentence on the list making him blush.

"I want Louis to fuck me." Harry read out, pausing slightly while his entire body flushed. "I want-" He stopped and looked back to Louis, showing his reluctance to read the bold and explicit statement.

"Carry on." Louis pushed, lifting himself up to kneel between Harry's upright legs, his hands sliding up them as he shifted. He reached up to lift his tshirt over his head to chuck to the floor, noticing how Harry's eyes lowered to his exposed stomach.

Harry stared at the tattoo across Louis' chest as if reading it for the first time. He blinked to look away and cleared his throat. "I want to feel his cock teasing my hole". He continued to read from the journal, only stopping to watch Louis' unbuckle his belt, causing his heart to race. His eyes slowly moved back to the book after Louis' jeans had been unfastened. "I want him to pound it into me hard and fast." He finished, now moving his eyes back towards Louis to see his smirk back on his face.

"I knew you'd like it rough." Louis told, slowly pushing his jeans and his boxers down his legs. He lifted each of his knees to pull them down further until they were both completely off and chucked over the side of the bed. He moved closer and knelt between Harry's spread legs, keeping his hands on his knees to slowly massage his skin. "I just never knew you could be such a dirty slut." He added, gazing down into Harry's eyes.

"Neither did I." Harry agreed, earning a low chuckle from Louis. He stared back up at him as Louis lowered himself above his body, pressing his hands to the bed to support him up. He gulped before Louis kissed his lips softly and slowly, sending tingles all around his body. He blinked and stared up at Louis after moving away again, averting his eyes to glance at the tattoos on Louis' left arm.

Lifting a hand up, Harry delicately pressed his fingers on the black ink, staring closely at the compass and the rope. He felt the warmth of Louis' skin from under his fingertips while he looked back up at him to see him warmly smiling before lowering again to kiss the side of Harry's neck.

Louis gently kissed and nibbled against Harry's neck. He breathed out on his skin before moving his lips towards his ear. "Do you want me to do that to you, Harry?" He quietly asked, teasingly pressing his cock against Harry's hole. He could hear Harry gasp as he began to grind forward to continue teasing him, rubbing the tip and the length of his cock on the tight circle. "Do you want me to fuck you?"

Harry gulped and nodded his head, gasping again when Louis bit harder on his neck. His free hand lifted up to the back of Louis' head as if to keep him in place. "Yeah." He breathed out. "Please. I want you."

Louis groaned at Harry's breathless response while he continued to bite his neck. He lowered a hand beneath his body to take hold of his cock, allowing him to guide the head towards Harry's hole where he slowly rubbed at it. He chuckled after hearing Harry moan, then he lifted up to look down at him. "Keep moaning for me. It's sexy."

Another blush appeared on Harry's cheeks. He watched as Louis reached down off the bed to pick his jeans up, taking out a condom and a sachet of lube from his wallet. He placed them back on the floor then skilfully rolled the condom onto his cock before he ripped the sachet open to steadily stroke the lube on himself, moving his fingers back to Harry's hole to spread the remainder all around the circle.

"Ready for it, baby?" Louis gently asked, lowering above Harry again to press his hands to the bed. He gripped the base of his cock as Harry nodded his head, causing him to smile and press a soft kiss to his lips. "Good." He whispered. "'Cause I've wanted to fuck you for so long and I don't think I can wait any longer."

A small grin found its way on Harry's face at Louis' confession. "Then fuck me." He cheekily replied, finding more confidence from knowing that Louis wanted it as much as he did.

Louis grinned at Harry's bold response. He gave him another quick kiss before he pressed the head of his cock to his hole, slowly pushing it inside. His eyes locked with Harry's as his cock eased into him, only stopping when most of it had been pushed in. "How does that feel?" He asked. "Is that okay?"

Harry nodded his head, trying to steady his heavy breathing. The pleasure already began to build up inside of him, making him more excited with the increasing anticipation. "You can move." He assured, suddenly feeling desperate for more. He could see the hesitation on Louis' face despite the confirmation he had given. "Louis, fuck me." He urged, his tone more certain.

A low growl left Louis' lips as he thrust forward and then backwards, instantly creating a steady rhythm, now having enough assurance that Harry wanted it to happen. "You're so desperate for it, aren't you?" He commented, clearly seeing the pleasure and lust on Harry's face. "I should have known you'd be so eager for my cock." He added, pushing in a little deeper just to hear Harry moan.

Harry only panted heavily in reply. He stared up at Louis with his pupils blown and his entire body tingling from the pleasure he could feel. He loved the sound of skin slapping on skin whenever Louis roughly thrust into him, causing the headboard to continuously bang against the wall. His hands reached up to grip both of Louis' forearms while he let the pleasure take over his body.

Dipping his head, Louis pressed small kisses to Harry's lips while keeping up the same fast paced rhythm of his hips thrusting back and forth. He could hear Harry moaning his name while he moved his lips to bite his neck, causing Harry's grip on his arms to tighten from the pleasure. He lifted his head to take in the deep arousal on Harry's face, the sight making him smirk and lower to kiss him again, this time biting Harry's lip as he pulled his mouth away.

"Hard and fast, yeah?" Louis reminded, his smirk still in place as he lifted himself up to his knees, carefully pulling out. He took hold of Harry's legs to push them up, holding them at the back of his thighs, while he eased his cock back into him. "That's how you want me to fuck you, right, Harry?"

Harry swallowed away another moan and quickly nodded his head. "Yeah. Need you, Louis. Please."

This time, Louis instantly thrust forward, slamming his cock deep inside of Harry to make him moan louder. He bit his lip through a smirk while he watched Harry's head tip back on the bed with his eyes slipping shut. "Fuck, you look so sexy like this." He told, staring down at Harry as he pounded his cock into him at a fast pace. "Taking my cock so well. Feels so good." He rambled, his breathing becoming heavy and uncontrolled.

"Louis." Harry moaned out, after opening his eyes and lifting his head. His hand gripped to the bed sheet and his entire body flushed and tingled with pleasure. "Harder." He breathlessly told. "Fuck me harder." His free hand lowered down his stomach to take hold of his hard cock, giving himself fast strokes in time to Louis' thrusts.

"Yeah, keep stroking your cock for me." Louis growled out, following his given instruction to thrust harder. He pounded his hips forward to give single thrusts, each one hard and deep and enough to make Harry moan loud and his hand move faster. "So sexy." He repeated, after Harry's hand reached up from the bed sheet to helplessly grab Louis' chest.

"Louis." Harry moaned out again, starting to feel the build up towards an orgasm. His head was spinning and his heart raced, making him slightly dizzy from the pleasure. He whimpered and moaned after each hard thrust, feeling his cock throbbing against his palm. "It feels so good, Louis." He quietly moaned, bucking his hips as his body began to shake. "Don't stop, keep fucking me."

Louis watched with his lip between his teeth as Harry bucked up and came against his chest, heavily panting and moaning loud through his intense orgasm. "So good, baby." He lowly praised, the view only bringing him closer to his own release. He continued to thrust a while longer, watching Harry drop his hand from his cock to relax and try to steady his breathing, before he slowed his hips and carefully pulled himself out.

"Read the last one, baby." Louis breathlessly instructed, moving to lay beside Harry on the bed with the condom now taken off. He had one of his hands gripping his balls and the other stroking his cock at a fast pace while he watched Harry carefully sit up to reach for the journal.

"I want to lick Louis' cum from his stomach after he's pinned me down and fucked me." Harry read out, more relaxed than embarrassed by the confessions he had previously written. He curiously glanced to his side to watch Louis buck his hips and stroke his cock towards an orgasm, moaning out Harry's name as his cum spurted out onto his stomach.

Their eyes met as a relaxed smile appeared on Louis' face. He reached his arm out for Harry to move closer to him, then he gently ran his fingers up and down Harry's back, closely watching him dart his tongue around his stomach to lap up his cum.

"You're like a sexy little kitten." Louis commented, fondly smiling at the way Harry gently licked at his stomach. He chuckled softly when he heard a small purr, then he gasped as Harry's lips kissed the head of his cock.

Moving up on the bed to lay beside Louis, Harry smiled back at him before bringing their lips together. He placed his hand on Louis' chest and felt his body being drawn closer by Louis' arms wrapping around him. He smiled again after the kiss had ended and their eyes met like before, his skin hot and sweaty but tingled from the touch of Louis' fingertips.

"Louis?" Harry quietly spoke, resting his head on Louis' shoulder. He received a short hum in response. "Have we ever been more than friends?"

Louis stared at the top of Harry's head while his fingers laced through his soft hair. "We've kissed before." He answered, being reminded again that Harry had very little memory of the times they had spent together. "Once at a New Years party we had, and on the night of your twentieth."

"Never anything more?" Harry asked, staring at Louis' chest where his finger traced the writing of his tattoo.

"I didn't think you'd feel the same." Louis admitted. "I thought you'd always just wanted us to be friends." He glanced down towards the journal on the bed and smiled as he reached out to pick it up. "Maybe I should have snook a look in here. Then I'd know exactly how you feel."

Harry looked up to see Louis reading through the pages of the journal. He stared at the three words written on the spine. One and only. His eyes squinted as if trying hard to remember what it meant.

"I wish I'd have known." Louis quietly muttered, more to himself than to Harry. He stared at the page he had left open and read the small paragraph, taking in how Harry had recited a conversation they had shared along with a description of how it had left him feeling exhilarated with butterflies in his stomach. I'm so in love with him and it hurts that he doesn't know.

Harry's eyes suddenly widened. He blinked at the three words on the spine then looked up towards Louis, remembering writing them on his journal after Louis had called it him. He continued to stare as his mind filled with multiple memories; of Louis jumping into his arms after they had been put into a band, the first Christmas they had shared together and had spent an entire day decorating the house, the many nights of the tours they had stayed up for hours to either talk or cry or just laugh about anything together.

He continued to stare as their eyes met again, making everything in his head seem so vivid and real. "You know now." He quietly spoke, his heart beating fast. His head began to spin from all he could remember, having his feelings towards Louis being highlighted and shown so clearly in his mind. He reached out to take the journal from Louis and he chucked it aside. "I love you, Louis."

A nervous but happy smile reached Louis' lips as he felt his heart soar inside of him. "I love you." He answered. "I've always loved you." He moved closer and softly kissed Harry's lips, reaching out to take hold of his hand.

"We used to tell each other everything, remember?." Harry cheekily reminded, after their lips had slowly pulled apart.

Louis chuckled and kissed Harry again. "From now on." He assured. "I'm gonna tell you how much I love you every single day that we're together." He added, his wide smile mirroring Harry's before they kissed again, with their hands entwined and their bodies close together.