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When Bucky goes, Steve swears that he loses his life again. It’s sudden, confusing, and so undeserving and he wasn’t ready to lose him again- Steve wasn’t strong enough to bear that; despite what people thought, Captain America wasn’t invincible.
When Bucky goes, he wants to turn back time to before he became this- this Patriotic-Bald-Eagles-are-Sacred-and-Watch-Your-Language symbol of righteousness. He wants to go back to when there were no Aliens, no magical beings that could ruin your existence and shred you into tiny paper pieces and then burn you into ash.
When Bucky goes, Steve feels his heart clench and his breath catch (silently, always silently) at the sight of his best friend’s ashes. A part of him wants to gather it all up, put the gray powder inside a box so it doesn’t blow away in the wind... so there could be something of Bucky he could possibly rebuild.
When Bucky goes, he remembers short, slick hair and arms so much more bigger than his and protection against the bullies he always insisted he never needed protection from; he remembers double breasted army jackets, heavy lidded caps, decorative labels; he remembers simple and normal and safe (and that’s fucked up, Steve knows that too. He’s accepted it).
When Bucky goes, Steve kneels silent and open mouthed with his gaze on Thor and for once- just once- he wants someone else to be the responsible one. He wants to forget that they just lost a war to possibly the greatest villain to ever exist, and he wants to stop feeling this mind numbing pain that’s paralysing his body and he just wants to scream.
When Bucky goes, he knows the way ‘Steve’ fell past his lips like a quiet plea would haunt him for days- Steve also knows that whenever his name is said by anyone else he will now flinch or falter, because this right here was his friend, and to witness that happen to his friend was torture.
When Bucky goes, Steve recalls a promise.
(‘With you till the end of the line’)
When Bucky’s gone, he realises that it’s one he won’t let himself break.
Laevateinn Tue 15 May 2018 06:26AM UTC
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Cas_203 Fri 08 Jun 2018 03:40PM UTC
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Lulu_ZD_TheKimarea Fri 12 Oct 2018 08:28PM UTC
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Oillamps Sun 03 Mar 2019 04:32PM UTC
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