Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Lance looks at his phone with uncertainty. Should he join the group chat, or walk away and forget about it. He hardly knows Allura, so it's not like he owes her anything, but this could be the exact opportunity he was looking for. With a sigh, he accepts it, and prays it won't be too bad.

Lancey_Lance has joined “Make Friends Minions”

Lancey_Lance- Um, what’s up I guess?

Rich_Goddess- Lance, I’m pretty sure Rosa raised you better than that.

Lancey_Lance- How would you know how I was raised, we’re barely related. On that note, how’d you get my number?

Rich_Goddess- None of your concern Lance, just focus on the fact that you now have a free pass on some new friends.

Lancey_Lance- What? No one else is talking. It’s just us.

Master_Hacker- I just wanted to see Allura beat your ass

Cinnamon_Roll- You guys looked like you needed some time to...talk

Shirgone- Why don’t all of you guys introduce yourselves?

Lone_Wolf- How about we don’t?

Bold_Not_ Old- Keith, play nice or I’ll melt your knife

Lone_Wolf- Hi, my name is Keith Kogane, almost nice to meet you

Rich_Goddess- Good enough, you’re turn Lance

Lancey-Lance- Name’s Lance McClain, but you can call me anytime (・ωｰ)～☆

Master_Hacker- Pedophile

Lancey-Lance- What,we’re all older than 15, right?

Cinnamon_Roll- I am

Rock-Queen- I am 17, so yes

Lone_Wolf- Last I checked, yeah

Master_Hacker- I am surrounded by old people

Bold_Not_Old- That’s what you get for being such a genius at the ripe age of 15 ½

Lancey_Lance- I...I’m sorry…?

Master_Hacker- You should be, now back to introductions. My name is Pidge, the “adult” who claims he’s not old is my older brother Matt, The goddess is Allura, his girlfriend, and Shirogone is Takashi Shirogane, Keith’s older brother. I don’t know the other two

Cinnamon_Roll- Name’s Hunk, I was invited by Shay, who was invited by Allura

Rock_Queen- Hunk is my boyfriend, and I will fight anyone who challenges me

Lone_Wolf- Is it too late to leave?

Master_Hacker- It was too late the day our brother’s introduced us

Yeah, Lance thinks this will be interesting.

Chapter Text

Lancey_Lance opens “Make Friends Minions”

Lancey_Lance- Wait, I just realised something

Master_Hacker- Do we get to know what this “something” is?

Lancey_Lance- Well, we know each other’s first name, and relations in this chat, but that’s about it. We don’t know anything else about each other

Master_Hacker- True, so should we go more into depth about ourselves? Maybe preferred pronouns and sexual identification, maybe their relation to the LGBT community if they have any? Just so we don’t step on any toes or something?

Lancey_Lance- I’m down

Lone_Wolf- I guess it couldn’t hurt

Cinnamon_Roll- I’ll start. I use he/him pronouns, and I am an straight ally

Rock_Queen- I’ll go next, I use she/her, and identify as pansexual

Lancey_Lance- I am a prime male specimen and a flaming bisexual

Lone_Wolf- That was over the top

Shirogone- Keith.

Lone_Wolf- Fine. He/him pronouns, and I’m as straight as a circle

Master_Hacker- Who’s being excessive now? Also I’m genderfluid, so I’ll just have to tell you what pronouns to use. Today is they/them, and I am aromantic. Love is gross. Feelings are gross. No thanks.

Rich_Goddess- She/her pronouns, and I haven’t truly given thought to my sexuality, it doesn’t really matter to me.

Bold_Not_Old- He/him, and I am a flaming bisexual as well

Shirogone- I use he/him pronouns, and am pansexual, along with polyamorous. I’m dating both Allura and Matt, and I think Keith needs to re-evaluate what he said earlier.

Lone_Wolf- Shiro, jump off a roof

Shirogone- I thought you didn’t want me doing that?

Lone_Wolf- I’ve changed my mind. You don’t have to, I will

Shirogone- Keith, I don’t think it will kill you to be honest

Lone_Wolf- I think it will

Master_Hacker- Please Keith? I’ll go cryptic hunting with you on Friday

Lone_Wolf- Damnit Pidge, that’s not playing fair

Master_Hacker- I know, now. Just. Do. It.

Lone_Wolf- Fine, you damn meme. I am gay, as well as a transgender male

Shirogone- Why do you only listen to Pidge?

Lone_Wolf- Queerplatonic partners for life Shiro

Master_Hacker- Suck it Takashi!

Lancey_Lance- You guys certainly are a unique bunch

Rich_Goddess- You are now apart of this group, Lance

Lancey_Lance- Well shit.

Chapter Text

Lancey_Lance opens “Make Friends Minions”

Lancey_Lance- Hello people I still barely know

Lone_Wolf- Do you want to get to know us? I mean, it seemed like you were kinda forced into this as much as the rest of us.

Lancey_Lance- Well yeah, but is it really that bad? I could use a couple of decent friends

Lone_Wolf- I mean…..I guess? I’ve never really had many friends, much less trustworthy ones.

Lone_Wolf- Except for Pidge

Master_Hacker- Aww, you do have a heart somewhere under that mop of wild hair

Lancey_Lance- Wait….what hairstyle does Keith have?

Lone_Wolf- Does it matter?

Lancey_Lance- How could it not? The hairstyle you have adds to how your face looks. You could have the face of Adonis, but with the wrong hair, you’ll look like a troll

Rich_Goddess- I am quite curious to see what Keith looks like as well. While I may be dating his brother, I have never seen him, picture or real deal

Shirogone- I’ve invited him multiple times, but he just locks himself in his room, or his closet.

Mater_Hacker- If Matt and I hadn’t grown up in the house next to Shiro and Keith’s, I doubt I would have ever gotten to meet him.

Bold_Not_Old- Maybe the neighborhood wouldn’t have been lit on fire twelve times

Shirogone- Maybe the police wouldn’t have your names and criminal records memorized

Master_Hacker- We’ll never know now

Lone_Wolf- What’s done is done

Master_Hacker- Besides, Mrs. Posey’s hair grew back

Bold_Not_Old- Yeah, after 10 years

Lone_Wolf- It’s the thought that counts

Shirogone- And what were you thinking when you put gunpowder in her blow dryer, and a lighting mechanism?

Master_Hacker- How were we supposed to know that Matt borrowed her hair dryer? We thought it was yours.

Bold_Not_Old- And how is that any better?

Lone_Wolf- Pidge and I wouldn’t have ended up in the juvenile detention center for 6 months while we both were constantly misnamed, and called “sweet young girls on the wrong path”

Master_Hacker- Yeah, Keith almost slapped several guards, and actually smacked many of our fellow delinquents.

Lancey_Lance- Allura, this is why you’re not allowed at the Family Thanksgiving anymore. You’ve always attracted psychotic but attractive people.

Rich_Goddess- A compliment and an insult, very mature Lance

Chapter Text

Lancey_Lance opens “Make Friends Minions”

Lancey_Lance- Wait, we still never saw a picture of keith

Lone_Wolf- I’d prefer to keep it that way

Master_Hacker- That’s no fun

Lone_Wolf- Pidge, I know where you live

Master_Hacker- I would hope so, we live in the same apartment

Lone_Wolf- I know where your peanut butter stash is, and I mean every stash you’ve ever made, or are planning to make

Master_Hacker- Kogane, how did you acquire such knowledge?

Lone_Wolf- I’d tell you, but then I’d have to kill you

To save myself from your wrath

Master_Hacker- Keith, peanut butter is no match to the dirt I have on you

Lone_Wolf- Nothing you could possibly have on me would seem worth all of your peanut butter

Master_Hacker- James Griffin

Lone_Wolf- I take back everything bad I have ever said about you, and will use my knowledge of your peanut butter stashes to keep them fully stocked if you promise to never say or type that jerk’s name ever again

Master_Hacker- Deal

Lancey_Lance- Wait, who’s James Griffin?

Lone_Wolf- The only words I would use to describe him would make Coran have a heart attack

Lancey_Lance- Could Shiro describe him then? He seems pretty chill

Shirogone- That little heathen can burn for eternity, and then some

Bold_Not_Old- Griffin is kinda a taboo name in this family, something Pidge should have remembered

Master_Hacker-¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Rich_Goddess- Why have I never heard of this Griffin fellow before?

Lone_Wolf- Here’s why

You don’t speak of Satan in a church unless you talk about how to avoid him

You don’t talk about your outside lives in juvie unless you want to cry

Griffin is sorta like that except worse

Kinda like Adam

Shirogone- We don’t talk about Adam

Bold_Not_Old- We don’t talk about Adam

Master_Hacker- The timing for that was terrifying

Rock_Queen- It sounds like your family is a bit of an odd one

Lone_Wolf- You have no idea

Cinnamon_Roll- I’m not sure if we want to tbh

Coran_Coran_The_Most_Georgeous_Man- Probably not, unless you’d want to end up like the prey of a pack of yalmores

Rock_Queen- What’s a yalmore?

Lancey_Lance- More importantly, why did your autocorrect take it?

Master_Hacker- We may never know

Chapter Text

Lancey_Lance opens “Make Friends Minions”

Master_Hacker- Sarah, the grapes!

Cinnamon_Roll- What grapes? And who is Sarah?

Lone_Wolf- Pidge, no

Lancey_Lance- Wait, did Pidge just quote a vine?

Bold_Not_Old- Yes, my little sibling did <3

Master_Hacker- How could I not? Also, female pronouns today

Lancey_Lance- It’s Wednesday my dudes
Rock_Queen- Actualyl, it’s Thursday

Lancey_Lance- Actulyl

Cinnamon_Roll- Actulyl

Lone_Wolf- Actulyl

Master_Hacker- Actulyl

Bold_Not_Old- Actulyl

Rich_Goddess- Actulyl

Shirogone- Actually*

Coran_Coran_The_Most_Georgeous_Man- What strange ritual is this?

Lancey_Lance- Spell-shaming

Coran_Coran_The_Most_Georgeous_Man- Hmm, I’m not sure I like it

Rich_Goddess- Oh come on Coran, it’s only a bit of joking

Shirogone- Allura is right, it’s all in good fun, no bad intentions

Master_Hacker- Exactly, if we wanted to hurt someone there are much worse ways then pointing out a spellign error

Lone_Wolf- Spellign

Lancey_Lance- Spellign

Rock_Queen- Spellign

Cinnamon_Roll- Spellign

Shirogone- Yeah, I’m not letting this happen again

Bold_Not_Old- Aww, you’re no fun babe

Lone_Wolf- If he’s no fun, then why are y’all always so goddamn loud whenever you come over? Some people need sleep ya know

Bold_Not_Old- As if you ever sleep anyways

Lone_Wolf- I said some people, not me specifically

Lancey_Lance- I am confusion

Master_Hacker- Why is this on Kansas, and this one not Ar-kansas?

Bold_Not_Old- America explain, what do you mean Arkan-saw?

Rich_Goddess- I regret so many things

Lancey_Lance- No regurts

Lone_Wolf- Was that meant to say regurts, or was it another typo?

Lancey_Lance- The world may never know

Rock_Queen- I worry for everyone’s sanity

Master_Hacker- I lost my sanity in the womb

It was also the last time I’ve slept for a full 8 hours

Bold_Not_Old- You didn’t even sleep 8 hours then, mom complained about you always kicking

Cinnamon_Roll- Demon Pidge confirmed

Lancey_Lance- I fear for my safety

Master_Hacker- Good, you should

Coran_Coran_The_Most_Georgeous_Man- You certainly are an interesting bunch of kids, I’ll admit.

Chapter Text

Lancey_Lance opens “Make Friends Minions”

Lancey_Lance- Do you ever just look at a pool of water and think, “That’s a great place to die.”

Rich_Goddess- Lance, do I have to tell Rosa that you need therapy?

Lancey_Lance- Nah, I’m good

Shirogone- That didn’t sound good

Lone_Wolf- Shiro, this morning at four am you were standing in the kitchen staring at the oven saying, “I wish I was a twink like Matt so I could fit in there. Not only would I be dead, but maybe I’d get tan.”

Bold_Not_Old- 1) I am not a twink, f u
2) Shiro that’s not how tanning works

Shirogone- But don’t tanning beds use heat?

Bold_Not_Old- The UV lights tan you, not the heat

Master_Hacker- I have now lost all respect for you Shiro

Lancey_Lance-I thought I finally had a good role model, but you just had to go and do this

Rich_Goddess- Matt, this whole time I thought we were dating a man of science and logic. I feel lied to

Bold_Not_Old- Same babe, same

Shirogone- It’s not my fault I never thought to look into how tanning beds work

Lone_Wolf- Kinda surprising you didn’t. You’re so pale people think you’re white you reflect the sun

Shirogone- That is the meanest thing you’ve ever said to me

Lone_Wolf- Love you too bro

Cinnamon_Roll- Isn’t family great

Rock_Queen- A true joy

Coran_Coran_The_Most_Georgeous_Man- Family is the most important thing in one’s life

Master_Hacker- Shiro, Allura, I’m about to kill your boyfriend

Rich_Goddess- Damnit Pidge, way to ruin a moment

Shirogone- Please don’t do that, I kinda like that one, and it’s too much work to find a new one

Bold_Not_Old- I’m really feeling the love guys, 10/10

Master_Hacker- Matt, I’m going to use your blood in my spaghetti using great grammy’s recipe

Bold_Not_Old- Understandable, have a nice day

Lancey_Lance-Why are you going to kill Matt?

Master_Hacker- He said that Bae-Bae was his dog

Lone_Wolf- The audacity! Bae-Bae is more my dog than his

Master_Hacker- Exactly, Bae-Bae doesn't even like Matt

Rich_Goddess- The first time I met Bae-Bae she chased Matt into a tree and almost climbed up to get him

Shirogone- To be fair, he took her favorite toy

Bold_Not_Old- I was trying to play fetch!

Cinnamon_Roll- Never take a dog’s toy

Rock_Queen- Especially not the favorite

Lancey_Lance-Fastest way to die

Coran_Coran_The_Most_Georgeous_Man- It’s almost as bad as getting into the way of a yalmore’s hunt

Lancey_Lance-We still don’t know what a yalmore is

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I'm discontinuing this work, not because I don't still love this show, but because this was my first ever work here, and I've just fallen out of love with the story itself. My writing style has also changed a lot, so it doesn't seem to fit me anymore. I apologize for anyone who wanted an update, but I wish you all the best.