Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Inside the car, Ai glanced at the hospital, it's a place she'll stay for a few months. 

“So this is it, huh?” Saito says as he removes his seat belt from the driver seat.

She caressed her large stomach before she also removed her seat belt. When she was about to open the passenger door, Saito grabbed her wrist. 

“Ai…” Saito hesitates, but Ai knew very well that there were so many words he wanted to say at that moment.

For the time they've known each other, they've never had a heart to heart conversation, too prideful to cross the boundaries of their business relationship. 

It won't start now. 

“President, are you intimidated going to a doctor?” Ai giggles. “Don't worry you won't receive injections.”

Saito blinks before he scowls. “You damn idol…!”

Ai laughed as she got out of the car. 

She ignored how Saito's shoulder slumped in defeat. 

‘I'm sorry,’ Ai wanted to say, but saying those words will lead to regret, and regret was never in her dictionary when she made this important decision. 

Ai wore her cap, and palmed her stomach again. 

***

Inside the check-up room, she lets go of her disguise as the doctor talks with Saitou. 

When her eyes met the doctor’s, she barely suppressed a flinch. 

Ai knew that the doctor recognized her. 

Looking over at her president, Saito didn't notice the suppressed shock from the doctor's face. Ai glanced down at the doctor's name tag. 

Amamiya Gorou. 

Ai gave the doctor a big smile, a smile that the fans think it's cute. 

“Excuse me.” The doctor stands up. “I'll need to set up first for us to move on with the examination.”

Just like that, the doctor was out of the room, tail between his legs. 

When the doctor left, silence descended between Ai and Saitou. It's not the first time there's been tension between them after telling Saitou she's pregnant. 

“Seriously…” The manager sighs. “How did this happen?” 

Ai clenches her palm but there's a toothy grin on her face as she looks around her surroundings. The distraction helps Ai relax her hands.

“Hey, Ai?” He rubs his face. “Can you tell me who's the father?”

She blinked at her manager, before she gave him a cute, victorious smile. “It's a secret!”

They both knew it's a moot point to question Ai. As Saitou was about to groan, the doctor thankfully came back.

The examination started. Ai was honestly surprised that the doctor kept a respectable distance as if he didn't know her, and only doing his job as a doctor.

Is he not a fan? Not likely. Ai noticed the door opened slightly after the doctor closed it a moment ago, eavesdropping on the conversation she had with the manager.

Still, his actions are…

It was nice.

Working in the industry for years, Ai rarely has these peaceful moments.

“As for your results,” Gorou cleared his throat once they were done with the examination. “You're 20 weeks in, expecting twins.”

Ai stared at the ultrasound in awe.

“Twins…” She murmured in disbelief and with wonder. 

She—She made that!

Twins!

Can Ai love—?

“Are you sure about this Ai?” 

Ai snapped out of her thoughts. She made eye contact with Saitou who's mouth twisted in displeasure, yet he’s giving her a choice. 

“If Japan finds out about you getting pregnant at 16,” Saitou continues with a frown, “It would be the end for you, me and our company.”

As if she doesn’t know that…

Ai knew that ever since she found out she was pregnant. 

Hell, she knew all her efforts over the years will go down the drain if she doesn't let go of this wishful thinking that she can love someone— 

But Ai did become an idol to form an emotion called ‘love’.

She already made the decision before coming here.

Still…

“What do you think, doctor?” Let's ask the person who is a fan of Ai from B-Komachi. 

After all, this is the perfect candidate to ask about this question, he might as well be the representative for the fans.

Gorou didn't seem to look shocked when he was being addressed, Ai suspected he encountered this many times, and Ai is just one of the fish in the sea. 

Too bad, Ai wants to know his opinion about this.

“In the end, it's your decision to make.” He solemnly says. “Think carefully before you decide.”

***

The doctor says that, and the president also gave her the decision. It’s Ai's turn to provide an answer.

As Ai walks upstairs, her thoughts go to the president. 

Honestly, the president doesn't deserve to be in this situation. He is the one who scouted Ai and gave her the light that she needed. 

From the start, Saitou was there. He welcomed her in the industry, gave her the services, helped her form connections and…

To Ai, Saitou is her father. Blood doesn't matter about that fact. 

But Ai can't help not regretting this. She’s sorry that she doesn't regret this decision. It's a part Ai is the most sorry for.

She opened the door of the rooftop. Ai was surprised to be greeted by Gorou's back. 

Hmm…

“Doctor Amamiya?” 

The doctor turns around in surprise. “Ms. Hoshino!” He watches her with wide eyes. “The night breeze is not good for your health.”

So he's really considerate, huh? “I'm wearing a couple of layers so I'm okay!”

She can feel her fan fidgeting awkwardly. How cute for someone so old to be this shy! Knowing this, Ai keeps talking. 

“I decided to come here ‘cause President recommended this place and it's so nice.” And it is really nice as she stared at the country’s lights and also… “Even in the afternoon, I can still see the stars so clearly, Tokyo isn't like this at all.”

Really, the stars here are so bright. If Ai could, she would've lived in this place.

Maybe Ai can't be capable of loving someone but she loves stars as much as she can love something real yet artificial to a stranger's eyes.

Like how she loves her fans. 

“Did you come all the way out here from Tokyo, because you're afraid of the public taking notice?”

Gorou suddenly asked her. Hmm, how bold.

“Hm?” She tilts her head. “Have I talked about my job at all?”

For a moment, she sees his face twitch but he recovers as he answers her, “I had a patient a while back who was your fan.”

There's tension in his shoulders, and she knew the tone of someone trying to calm themselves.

Luckily, Ai breaks the ice. “Aw shoot, I thought I'd be okay here since even doctors are our grandpas.” She puts a hand on her chin like how she usually does to let out her charisma. “I guess you can't hide auras! Looks like I've been caught!”

Gorou’s lips twitched, Ai internally chuckled. The doctor cleared his throat. “Are you going to quit being an idol?”

Oh? So that's what he's wondering about. Ai tilts in confusion. “Huh? I won't quit.”

The doctor blinked. “But that's…”

“I don't have a family, so I've always wanted one,” She gently cut him off. Ai wonders what he’s going to think about what she's going to say. “The ones in my tummy… they're twins, right?”

Will he ridicule her? Internally scoff at her? Pity his idol? She greedily wants to know. 

“When I have them, I'm sure they'll be noisy, and we’ll become a very lively family!” She grins at the thought of two toddlers running around. “I'll give birth to my kids… and continue being an idol.”

As she looks over at her doctor, she sees how Gorou blinks in astonishment. 

“You mean…”

“Yep!” She smirks at him. “It won't be public!”

 Or will you think of me as selfish?

Ai continues. “Idols are ideals, creatures that shine with magical lies.” She tilts her head. “A lie is an exceptional form of love.”

The doctor stares at her like how a fan watches their idol on the stage. Ai keeps going. “A true top-notch idol can hide a child or two. Telling lie after lie. No matter how tough life may get on the stage, we sing like the happiest of people, that's what it means to be an idol!”

And Ai learned that in a hard way. 

But it also excites her. 

Because finally…! Maybe she can learn how to love someone in a way she knows.

And yet…

Ai looks up at the sky, to the stars. “But still, I want my happiness to be something that is true. No one really realises it, but we have emotions and a life. Being happy as a mother, or being happy as an idol. Normally you only get to pick one.” She turned around to face her doctor with a bright grin on her face. “But I want both. Hoshino Ai is very greedy.”

She observes the way Gorou Amamiya’s gear turns like a cog, Ai waits for him to process what she told him. 

Now it's his turn. 

Will this fan throw her to the wolves or help Ai wear a sheep's fur among the pack?

Honestly, it's not difficult for a fan to be upset about the situation and start spreading rumours.

“I made up my mind,” he declares.

“Eh?”

And yet…

“Hoshino Ai, I'll make sure you safely deliver two healthy kids.” 

For the first time, she saw Amamiya Gorou other than a blank look on his face. He's suppressing a grin on his face.

Ai honestly expects him to curse her, encourage her, or pity her. 

She grins.

When they revisit the topic the next day, Gorou warns Ai and Saitou how difficult it is to deliver twins, so he gives them an option. 

Ai chose natural birth. 

She trusts Doctor Gorou Amamiya to deliver her children safely.

***

It is one of the days Ai needs to relax and meditate. 

She was passing by the cafeteria when she heard her doctor's name. 

“Doc, you're not visiting my room anymore?”

“Are you not slacking off anymore?”

“Oh? Gorou Amamiya is becoming a decent doctor for once.”

Ai sees her doctor sheepishly rubbing his nape but he notices the way his eyes soften at the patients who roar in laughter. 

She observes the way Gorou teases them back with a deadpan look on his face, then indignantly yells at them when a patient reiterates them. It's basically Gorou's land that Ai stepped in. 

When Gorou gets out of the cafeteria, his eyes widen in surprise to see Ai there. 

“Ms. Hoshino?”

Ai starts walking and Gorou follows suit. 

She hums. “Am I the reason why you don't go to their rooms anymore?”

“Ah,” The doctor grimaces. “You heard that.”

Connected the dots actually, but Ai is not going to say that. 

“More or less,” she says instead. 

“You don't have to worry, Ms. Hoshino.” Gorou smirks mischievously. “The staff are actually relieved that I have a new patient.”

Ah, so he is an actual slack off. Ai did not expect that with how dedicated Gorou is to take care of her. Maybe because he has a patient so he's being serious about this… or is it because his patient is his idol? Or maybe both.

Ai wrapped her hands behind her back. “So you visit every patient in this hospital?”

“Yeah,” Gorou says as they keep walking. 

“That's a lot of work…”

“It's fine, those people need comfort from time to time.”

“Do you do it because of that?” she asks curiously.

Gorou stops in his tracks, and Ai also stops too. The hallway is silent as Ai stands in front of the doctor.

Her doctor grimaces. “More or less.” 

Liar.

“Hm?” She tilts her head. “Do you love them?”

“I—uhh—love?” Gorou bit his lip. “I don't know about love but I care for them.”

“What about the patient who is my fan?”

Gorou's expression turns to blank. “She already passed away.”

Bingo. 

So that patient is one of the reasons why Gorou does such troublesome things. 

“How about you, Ms. Hoshino?” Something dark familiarly lurks in Gorou's gaze. “What I’m doing with those patients is not different from what you're doing with your fans.”

For a moment, Ai is gobsmacked. 

As if he realised what he has said, Gorou’s jaw hangs. 

“I’m sorry—”

Ai laughs. 

The doctor stilled.

After a few seconds, she calms down. “You got me there, doctor Amamiya.”

Gorou winced before he boldly gave her a blank stare. “You were sly first, Ms. Hoshino.”

Ah.

This doctor is figuring out Ai Hoshino. 

Too dangerous.

Ai winks at him, an adorable act she puts on for her fans. “Sorry about that.”

Gorou shakes his head as if he now knows how Ai acts, but there's a fond smile on his face.

That's fine because Ai is also starting to figure out this doctor. 

She knew Gorou Amamiya is as lonely as Ai Hoshino so both of them always like to face their own audience. For Ai, it's her fans. For Gorou, it's this hospital's patients.

***

Months passed by, Ai is about to deliver.

“Doc, thank you for all you've done.” She gave him a genuine smile that almost made Gorou step back. “If I call for you, please come running.”

Her doctor softly snorted. “Yeah, I will. My house is close by so it'll be alright.” He pauses for a moment. “Even if I can't make it, there'll be another doctor to check on you.”

“No,” Ai firmly says. “I want you, doctor.”

“Then,” Gorou smiles at her, “I'll be back.”

Who knows, maybe this is the last time she’ll be able to see him, because knowing the president, he’ll immediately take Ai back to Tokyo.

Ai has to admit, Gorou Amamiya became somewhat of a friend of hers in the past months. This is the first time in a long time feeling refreshed after everything that went down in her life. 

As much as doctor Amamiya is her doctor, she's also his fan and a friend. The time he spent with him was short but it was long-lived.

Come to think of it, maybe Ai can convince the president that she needs a doctor, and that doctor would be Amamiya Gorou.

But…

Ai waited and waited but he didn't arrive. 

Another doctor helps her deliver, Ai despises that doctor. 

Still… when her babies were delivered, Ai can't help but smile at them. 

Ai tries to postpone leaving this place, just to wait for Gorou Amamiya, but the president is relentless. 

In the end, she finds out Gorou Amamiya was missing. 

Ai should've known something as good as her bond with the doctor will eventually disappear, as if it was never there. 

After all, this always happens to her. 

Before Ai left, she glared at the crow who’s observing her from the tree branch.