Valentine’s Day is consumerism at its finest. Who needs an excuse to buy chocolate and flowers? That’s just a Tuesday. However, if you’re going to succumb to the siren call of red roses and boxed chocolates, you should at least take your date (or yourself, because self-love is hot) to see Heart Eyes, a fabulously fun slasher flick you’ll fall in love with in no time.
Directed by Josh Ruben, Heart Eyes follows the story of the notorious “Heart Eyes Killer,” or HTK, as the newscasters call him. Every Valentine’s Day he picks a new city and strikes, leaving a blood-soaked trail in his wake. This year he turns up in Seattle, where his first victims are a couple in an upscale winery. No spoilers here, but it is one of the best kill scenes I’ve seen in a while.
The main story follows Ally (Olivia Holt) and Jay (Mason Gooding). They meet at a coffee shop, but Ally doesn’t get his number and assumes she will never see him again. Lo and behold, when she shows up to a work meeting about her recent ad campaign that drastically backfired, it turns out that Jay has been the consultant hired to help her come up with a fresh new concept.
The trope is there: Ally is a girl scorned by love who hates Valentine’s Day, while Jay embraces it. They clash at first, and when Ally uses Jay to try to make her ex-boyfriend jealous, they are mistaken for a couple by Heart Eyes and become his next target.
Blood-soaked humor done the right way
As a slasher lover, this film is exactly the one I would have made my personality in middle school. It has just the right amount of humor and grit, and it never tries to go over the top in its gore in ways that have plagued other horror films. It knows what it is, and it gives you the best of itself it has to offer. You come in for a bloody rom-com, and you get a bloody good bloody rom-com.
Christopher Landon worked on the script alongside Phillip Murphy and Michael Kennedy, and his humor is imbued within it perfectly. Heart Eyes has traces of what made Happy Death Day a classic, and it never steps over the threshold of “too much.” It makes you laugh and groan in equal measure, and, honestly, even though I love a tight 90, I absolutely could have watched 120 minutes of this.
The banter between Ally and Jay is bolstered by Holt and Gooding’s fantastic chemistry. It all feels so natural and real that it really sometimes seems like a script wasn’t involved at all. Ally’s friend, Monica (Gigi Zumbado), is more than just a side character; I wish she were my best friend. In horror movies, that character archetype can often be shunted aside, but Monica is given space to shine and come alive.
I also have to mention my scream king, Devon Sawa, who plays Detective Zeke Hobbs. His character is perfectly sleazy and perfectly hatable, and I’m just glad to see Sawa more on screen in recent years. He truly thrives in the horror sphere. Jordana Brewster also makes a fantastic turn as Detective Jeanine Shaw, showcasing that she should be in every existing genre.
Plain and simple: The film is fun. It doesn’t rely on loud jump scares, and it doesn’t rely on obscene gore. These are not bad things at all! In certain films, they’re great. But Heart Eyes is so character-driven that it doesn’t need them. The action picks up quickly and doesn’t put on the brakes so much as it eases up on the gas, giving you time to appreciate what it is at its core. It’s funny, and it’s scary, and it’s the perfect first date movie. Just remember: Don’t get killed!
Published: Feb 7, 2025 11:36 am