To avoid ignorance and bullying, I've had to hide the fact that I'm a troll. You have no idea how much time and money I've spent on electrolysis and hair dye and reconstructive surgery so I can look like this.

I just show up and try to find the joy in every situation.

I would always have been the geek who's your friend. I will never be the dark guy with a sensitive side, as much as I yearn to be.

Actors always have things that they're not thrilled about on a show and have a hobby of bellyaching about those things.

Apparently I'm not a pro cyclist.

Critics can say horrible things. It only hurts when I agree with them.

I can't imagine Jon Cryer performing with the New York Philharmonic isn't one of the signs of apocalypse.

I feel like I could dominate the origami field. I think I have enormous potential in that area.

I grew up loving TV so much. It was such an integral part of my youth, and I was completely an Emmy geek.

I try to save being angry for the really important moments - for special occasions.

I've always done whatever I felt like, even if it was really inadvisable.

If you can find it in you to love how stupid the entertainment industry is, you can have a great career.

Litigation solves everything.

Mostly, I have to say as an actor, to find a character that's been rich enough for 10 seasons of shows... that's very rare.

Nobody in show business can possibly get away with making fun of their boss.

Nothing makes logical sense in this industry.

On the stage you develop a character that's different from yourself. In a film they're always saying, 'Walk over here. Say this line. Be you.'

Sarcasm is lost in print.

Every time one person gets a piece of information, the likelihood of that information being exposed grows exponentially. It's no longer two people. It's two people squared.

You can't do television shows caring whether or not the network picks you up. You can only do them enjoying the work, because if you're always on pins and needles about whether you'll be picked up, you'll lose your mind. I learned that the hard way.