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Understanding transference
WITHOUT BEING AWARE OF IT we may transfer to another
person emotions & responses we once had towards someone
else – this process is appropriately called “Transference”…
The our unconscious mind serves a useful purpose (freeing
the conscious mind for other tasks) but it also creates problems
in our relationship through …
Understanding transference
Understanding transference
Understanding transference
Eventually we
figure out the
best ways to
deal with those
big people who
had all the
power…

FIGHT

FREEZE

FLIGHT
When we face
power as
adults, we tend
to use those
ways of
relating that
worked before

The awareness of
TRANSFERENCE
provides a key to
understanding both
ourselves and
others in almost
every relationship
When our parents refused to „give into us‟
(when they‟ve reached their limit) then …
“Surprisingly, people who have had parents who were

“easy” on them may sometimes be attracted to those who
are demanding -- Because such persons seem to provide
structure that was missing in childhood.”
“The

person with an over-demanding parent may be
attracted to a person who seems “spontaneous” and less
rigid.”

Most commonly without realizing it, we
repeat the familiar patterns of childhood
L. Crabb (2003). Soul Talk, p. 124.
Power struggles come
about especially when
each person has transference
to the other, and uses
seemingly “logical”
(but childish) manoeuvres
in a power situation…
SO HOW DO WE AVOID THE “POWER
STRUGGLES” THAT TRANSFERENCE
SEEMS TO PROVOKE?
Is it possible to act differently in a more
proactive way (creatively) to side-step the
„conflictual‟ stance…
Instead of power
struggles…. in which
each person tries to
“be somebody” at a
cost to the other — we
form a
We choose to move
away from the power
struggle…. and
towards a creative
relationship, where we:
PERSONAL EXAMPLE from last time….
NEXT TIME:

More Related Content

Understanding transference

  • 2. WITHOUT BEING AWARE OF IT we may transfer to another person emotions & responses we once had towards someone else – this process is appropriately called “Transference”…
  • 3. The our unconscious mind serves a useful purpose (freeing the conscious mind for other tasks) but it also creates problems in our relationship through …
  • 7. Eventually we figure out the best ways to deal with those big people who had all the power… FIGHT FREEZE FLIGHT
  • 8. When we face power as adults, we tend to use those ways of relating that worked before The awareness of TRANSFERENCE provides a key to understanding both ourselves and others in almost every relationship
  • 9. When our parents refused to „give into us‟ (when they‟ve reached their limit) then …
  • 10. “Surprisingly, people who have had parents who were “easy” on them may sometimes be attracted to those who are demanding -- Because such persons seem to provide structure that was missing in childhood.” “The person with an over-demanding parent may be attracted to a person who seems “spontaneous” and less rigid.” Most commonly without realizing it, we repeat the familiar patterns of childhood L. Crabb (2003). Soul Talk, p. 124.
  • 11. Power struggles come about especially when each person has transference to the other, and uses seemingly “logical” (but childish) manoeuvres in a power situation…
  • 12. SO HOW DO WE AVOID THE “POWER STRUGGLES” THAT TRANSFERENCE SEEMS TO PROVOKE? Is it possible to act differently in a more proactive way (creatively) to side-step the „conflictual‟ stance…
  • 13. Instead of power struggles…. in which each person tries to “be somebody” at a cost to the other — we form a
  • 14. We choose to move away from the power struggle…. and towards a creative relationship, where we:
  • 15. PERSONAL EXAMPLE from last time….