Mind Games

Mind Games.

 Our minds plays games with us. These games are evident through our self-talk.

•  "I am not good"
• "My ideas do not matter" (the underlying is "I do not matter")
• "I will never be good in sales"
• "I cannot improve my technical skills"
• "I have hit a plateau"

I remember when I moved to Charlotte in 2012. I had taken a Director position with responsibilities around technical pre-sales. I was out of my league. I was an introverted engineer with no experience in sales. Walking through the Charlotte downtown and seeing confident looking men and women in suits made me anxious and overwhelmed.

 I tried to block this out. Nothing helped. My self-talk was toxic and there was a part of me that kept saying, "I was not good enough", "I could never be good in sales".

 The straw that broke the camel's back was when my boss told me that my social skills were not up to par. He had noticed that I hardly ever did small talk or built relationships with Clients. He said this lack of social skills will prevent us from growing the Charlotte office. This candid feedback was given in a positive and friendly tone. It remains one of the best feedback I ever received. I am forever grateful.

 I realized I had to change. Where to begin? I realized I had to do two things.

• I had to build up my confidence.
• I had to focus on small talk.

 To build up my confidence, I started jotting down all accomplishments in Evernote in one single page. Small, tiny, or big. It didn't matter. If I felt this was an accomplishment, it went in there.

 It may have been a small sales meeting with a Client that went well. Wrote it down. A $10,000 sale. Went in the notebook. A good team meeting I led. Yup, that counted. Everything went there. This helped me visualize that my contributions and ultimately I mattered.

 To get better at small talk, I realized I had to make a game out of it. I had to get playful with it. I found safe places where I could employ small talk. For example, I started practicing small talk while getting into elevators, while visiting hair salons, and while attending occasional parties during weekends. I also made a rule. I could not talk about weather.

 I would get into the elevator and ask folks about how their day went. I would go into a hair salon and ask the stylist questions about how they got into styling, their families, and whether they enjoyed the work. My initial attempts were very awkward and sometimes I could not even muster courage to speak. The best part - I felt completely safe practicing, trying, and failing.

 These two habits made a measurable impact for me. I am still an introvert. There is still a voice that says, I am not good at sales. However, I know how to dance with it. I still refer back to my notes and say, "Gosh, I did make that $10,000 dollar sale". I feel more comfortable making small talk. I have gotten better at remembering names and asking questions to "break the ice".

There is probably an area in your own life where fear is dictating the choices you make. Lean into this fear. Play games with your mind (instead of the other way around). Figure out a way to take that small step and move forward. You will be surprised by what you can accomplish.