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Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961)
Value Judgment
My wife and I decided to check this out after all this time, and we both concluded it was weird, far-fetched, and pointless.
It wasn't without its good points, which were more or less everything but the story and Mickey Rooney's character. I struggled to figure out where they were going with this, and I guess it was that we were supposed to feel sorry for Golightly for having married too young and wanting to start over. You can definitely see Blake Edwards' touch in this one. The photography was top-notch. For 1961, the subject matter and some plot details were pretty surprising. Peppard was a hunk in his prime; I felt the same about Leslie Nielsen watching his early work. I have to assume that at that time, if you were good-looking enough, the average woman would just let a complete stranger into her apartment in NYC. Having known someone in real life who was as desperately in need of treatment as Golightly with the same problems, I considered her more irritating than entertaining.
I'll give Hepburn this much: she does a great job of making a complete space module of a character sexy and lovable, and it was clear that her look and style in this were a huge influence on 60s culture. Great movie to see for the cultural references to it.
Office Space (1999)
Lived It. More than once.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if The Bobs--the real-life process improvement consultants--actually ended up promoting low-level people who could improve operations? Funny how it never seems to work out that way, with derelict or incompetent directors remaining safe in their positions.
Every character in this movie is gold and everyone cast in it is ideal. I honestly couldn't pick a favorite. If you're one of the bosses this movie lampoons, you probably won't enjoy it and the message will be lost on you anyway. If you're the rest of us, this is a must view.
Kudos to Mike Judge for somehow making brutal reality amusing.
Caddyshack II (1988)
The Thrill Is Gone
Watching this movie is like watching some bald old man have his midlife crisis: buying a Corvette, wearing a bad toupee and a girdle, and hitting on teenage girls. It tries desperately to recapture what made the past great and fails at every turn. If I'd never seen the original, I'd be wondering where they were going with this. It's hard enough to make life around a golf course funny, but trying to do it without a single actor with any charisma is hopeless. Lack of charisma could theoretically be compensated for by ensemble chemistry, but that's missing too. There's not a single likeable or funny character; even Chevy Chase is a poorly-written husk of what he was in the original. The story is hard to sit through and not written by anyone with comedic aptitude. The music isn't there. No topless hotties; Dyan Cannon isn't exactly ugly, but she is aging and not attractive enough to keep you interested with only a smile. The gopher isn't even cute anymore. No budget for drugs this time? Whatever the problem is, this car has no wheels.
Superman III (1983)
Just...... Nope.
I finally got around to seeing this today, and my hopes weren't high based on the reviews. Glad I didn't shell out $50 for popcorn for this one!
The only people involved with this project who took it seriously were Reeve and O'Toole. It starts shlocky and never gets any better. Even for 1983, the special effects were really raw and in some places straight-up ridiculous. Pamela Stephenson is over-the-top annoying and Richard Pryor is a husk of what he normally was, which was to be expected for PG. The storyline is all over the place and the plot is just plain lame. I think what they were shooting for with the villain was Brainiac with a different name and backstory.
The only thing missing here is a spontaneous song and dance number and this train wreck is complete.
Caligola (1979)
Semi-Historical Drama or Sadistic Fantasy?
To be honest, I've seen worse... but not by a lot. If you've ever watched modern-day porn, none of the sex scenes in this will blow your mind.
Let's talk about the story as a whole: there's not much of one. Similar to "Salò", this film drags you through two hours of "Let's see how many creative ways we can come up with to torture, maim, degrade, and kill people for the sake of it." It does give you a feel for how dangerous it was to be a member of the Roman imperial government, if nothing else.
As far as the production and direction: Similar to "Apocalypse Now", this feels like "Let's shoot as much crazy footage as we can and see what kind of movie we can make with it at the end."
If you're really an admirer of Marquis de Sade, first seek professional help, then watch "Salò" instead of this. If you want porn, well, the web is full of the good stuff and this will leave you wanting. If you want history, you'll be better off hunting for fossils or arrowheads in the woods. If you want a storyline/plot, just about any other movie will do you a better turn.
See it once just to say you saw it and to be able to get any references to it, but that's about it.
Hardbodies (1984)
World of Difference Watching It As a 14-Year-Old In The 80s and Watching It Now
It is what it is and doesn't even pretend to be anything more: a soft-core girlie mag. The girls are definitely not ugly but they're not drop-dead gorgeous either. Their characters are mostly stereotypical airheads, but hey, if that's what does it for you. What I did like about it is that it does illustrate that being real usually gets you farther than trying to be something you're not.
What I most disliked about it was that the main character seeks to claim some moral high ground over the three older guys in the end when he's far from a saint. Only one guy ISN'T a con artist, but somehow the main kid is a "good guy" con artist. This story can't make up its mind if the three older guys are deserving of sympathy or vile leches... I'm sure most younger viewers will already have their minds made up from the beginning.
To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (1995)
I Guess I've Seen Worse
Having grown up in a community not much different from the one depicted in "To Wong Foo", I had to suspend a lot of disbelief to watch it to the end.
The first assumption you have to make is that these three are so believable as women that nearly every man they encounter would be fooled--even the dull types portrayed here. Like most drag queens, they come reasonably close but they're not totally there due to the insurmountable logistics of the build of a male body; it's a rare man that can achieve this, and none of these three are that man. I'm still undecided whether their characterizations are stereotypes because, admittedly, I don't know any such people.
The next assumption you have to make is that flamboyant out-of-towners of ANY orientation could so easily endear themselves to such a community. It would be dangerous for such people to take a cruise in the back country expecting such a reception, and I hope none of them are taken in by this.
Having suspended my disbelief, It was a passable feel-good story that didn't have poorly-written dialogue or any glaring plot holes.
Corvette Summer (1978)
Carrie Fisher Was Probably Envious Of All The Drugs Emanating From This Movie
Detailed budget breakdown for "Corvette Summer": Film - $10,000. One awesome car - $200,000. Paint jobs for the awesome car - $50,000. Marijuana for the writers - $30,000. Hospital bill for resuscitating the writers after they passed out - $25,000. Cocaine for the director - $100,000. Cocaine for Mark Hamill - $250,000. Cocaine for Annie Potts - $250,000. Salaries for all of the other actors - $200,000.
This is some of the weirdest writing I've ever seen and the story relies WAY too much on insane coincidences and chance happenings to work. Hamill and Potts both portray their characters as over-the-top crazed.
Nice car, though, even if you don't see it very much.
Back to School (1986)
Watchable 80s Pop Culture Mania But No Gut Buster
Before watching this movie, it helps if you (1) have never actually been to college and can therefore overlook many glaring misrepresentations about its culture and academics (2) know zilch about diving (3) find Rodney Dangerfield hilarious (4) find Sally Kellerman hott (5) are really into 80s nostalgia and (6) slam a few shots of Bacardi first. I, unfortunately, only met the last two on this list, so the movie wasn't the thrill for me that it could have been.
Sam Kinnison usually sets my teeth on edge, but he works in his role in this one. There's one very nice musical appearance that I won't spoil for you.
There's Something About Mary (1998)
It'll Either Make You Laugh Or It Won't
... which could be said about any comedy. I was drunk the first time I saw this and it almost killed me. I missed half the movie for rolling on the floor. The Farrelly Brothers have cranked out a few turkeys in their day ("Outside Providence" comes to mind), but this wasn't one of them. It would not have been the same movie with a different cast, so that department was on their game. It's straight-on comedy, so don't bother analyzing the plot or trying to find some deep meaning in it or you've missed the entire point.
If this doesn't make you giggle at least once, you're probably not somebody I'd want to do drinks with.
S1m0ne (2002)
We're Almost There
S1M0NE presents us with a director trying to pass off a virtual actress as real, and illustrates some of the hoops one has to jump through to achieve this. IMDb states that the filmmakers considered using a virtual actress for the part but relented in the face of Screen Actors Guild protest.
A lot of suspension of disbelief is required for this movie. They did the best they could with the tech available in 2002, but the graphics are less than convincing. I'm a fan of Al Pacino, but his acting in this one is nothing to write home about. Although the capabilities of computerized movie production in 2002 were well behind what's presented in the film, the concepts themselves are now being realized in a way that it deserves a remake using modern technology.
I still haven't seen a single movie where a living creature created digitally was convincing, but I'm confident it will happen, and when it does Hollywood will come crashing down. They can't stop it, either. As an aspiring screenwriter myself, I salivate at the idea that my creation could be filmed the way I want it without interference from actors/actresses, intimacy coaches, lawyers, studios, film commissions, etc.
Dangerous Minds (1995)
Suspension Of Disbelief Required
I hadn't seen this one since the year it came out, so I decided to give it another look.
We're presented with an urban school where they've tossed all of the troubled kids into one room and largely forsaken them; I'm sure a lot of real-life teachers would love to have that option, but most public schools require you to deal with whatever behavior problems are thrown at you.
Enter Michelle Pfeiffer, every guy's wet dream of a teacher. I could look at her all day, but she's miscast here. She's simply too timid and frail to be believable as someone who made it through a stint in the Marines, which also makes it less believable that she was an abused spouse. I don't know if that's the director's fault or Pfeiffer's interpretation of the character or the writers.
In a world of bad ideas, fraternizing with your students outside of school is one of the stupidest. Going on dinner dates one-on-one with them and letting them sleep over at your house screams of predation and would have at the very least gotten you a visit from CPS even in the 1990s. I do understand that in a lot of places a teacher is expected to double as a social worker, but this is really a reach.
What I will give this movie is that it touches on some of the issues inner-city teachers face with regard to classroom management, district incompetence, and hostile parents.
I guess it's a feel-good story, even if it doesn't jive with reality.
Fahrenheit 9/11 (2004)
Incomplete
I remember the day 9/11 happened, how everybody around me was screaming to bomb whatever country did it off the face of the Earth. When I replied that it was wise to pause and get our facts straight before we invaded another country, I was called a traitor and told I didn't even have a right to live here. Everything that was reported surrounding the event didn't add up to me, and the U. S. government has a storied history of lies and coverups.
I'm vindicated.
This movie had a few eye-popping clips of Bush, but all it adds up to in the end is that Bush wasn't a good guy. It illustrates that he probably knew 9/11 was going to happen, but failed to directly link him to facilitating it, which I find likely. It does touch on the Enron link, but doesn't explore it enough, and a lot of wealthy people were looking at prison time if the Enron records, which were in the basement of the Twin Towers, were not gotten rid of.
I'll agree with another poster who said that this was the better of Michael Moore's films (Sicko was also good).
Outside Providence (1999)
Not Sure What To Call This
"Sidesplittingly funny", says the New York Times. I'm honestly not seeing where they're coming from.
As a comedy or a romance, this movie is pretty lightweight. Even for a Farrelly brothers movie, there aren't a lot of quick gags. I suppose it's a snapshot of the aftermath of a boom-gone-bust town... maybe we could call it a drama? The characters and acting are believable enough, but I struggled to discern a plot. I'm really not a fan of Alec Baldwin, but he works in this role.
I spent an hour and a half watching kids get stoned to cope with a dismal environment, mostly. If I were trapped in their circumstance, I'd probably stay stoned too, but it wouldn't make for a riveting or hilarious story.
Was there ever a time when a 17-year-old could just walk into a bar and be served a drink without somebody going to jail?
Teachers (1984)
We've Learned Nothing In 40 Years
As one who bailed out on the teaching profession a long time ago, I could go on for pages and pages about why American public education is doomed to failure... but I won't.
"Teachers" presents us a snapshot of a worst-case scenario for 1984: an inner-city high school where order has largely broken down and the community as a whole seems to have lost sight of the objective. The writing, acting, and dialogue are realistic enough, and the casting was great. This is more like an exposé than a story; it's not so much entertaining as it is a bleak vignette. There are plenty of new problems that have surfaced in the decades since this was made that it doesn't even touch on.
The movie leaves me and probably a lot of viewers asking, "If this is what we've created, why have schools at all?"
The Redeemer: Son of Satan! (1978)
The Most Complete Mess I've Ever Watched
This very much had the look and feel of a student film, and not a very good one.
The premise itself wasn't altogether a bad one; being locked/barred up in a big abandoned school with a homicidal psychopath could have been genuinely scary if done by anyone with any kind of writing, acting, or directing talent at all. The supernatural element they added was completely unnecessary and pointless; trying to bookend "Halloween" with "The Omen" just didn't work.
This was one of the worst films I've witnessed in nearly every category; at least they picked a creepy enough building to set it in. There wasn't even any suspense; he just popped out and somebody died, and sometimes in ways that simply don't work in real life.
Supposedly this was made in a month, and it shows.
My Chauffeur (1986)
Just Roll With It
Picking this movie apart for all of its technical weaknesses and flaws would be stealing candy from a baby, so I won't go there. The biggest problem I had with it is the same issue I had with the 2005 version of "The Longest Yard" (specifically William Fichtner's character), which was the idea that someone who is a complete tool can radically change personalities in an instant. That would require nothing short of extreme electroshock therapy and a lobotomy or at the very least an overdose of LSD.
I'm not going to lie: Penn and Teller did nothing for me in this and their whole scene was irritating. At a couple of points, Deborah Foreman's character grated on my nerves as well.
That said, my bottom line is that this made me laugh... more than once! I drove a stretch limo for a few months for a hotel when I was 19 and I did see a fair amount of funny and weird behavior from passengers, so that aspect of the film wasn't too much of a reach.
I hope you get a chance to check this one out.
The Reincarnation of Peter Proud (1975)
Haunting... One Of My Favorites
I can definitely understand why so many people bag on this movie because it does have weaknesses. The scene of Marcia masturbating made no sense and added nothing to the film beyond extra sexual content. Some of the dialog was so wooden and dumb it made me grimace (particularly Nora's). Dr. Goodman's dialog and the way he delivered it made me think of the public service videos we used to watch in elementary school and before the TV station signed off (remember "Words From Unity"?)
All that aside, the cinematography and style of the movie give it a kind of spookiness I haven't seen in many others. The way the flashbacks are done, the music, lots of elements come together to create a gothic sort of aesthetic that filmmakers after the 1970s haven't been able to replicate.
One thing I've always been bothered by is this movie's idea that your personality could so radically change from incarnation to incarnation; I don't believe in reincarnation, but if I did, I'd be inclined to believe that who you fundamentally are would not change from life to life. But the notion that you used to be a d-bag and still haven't paid for it makes for a good premise. If this film ends up being re-made, there's lots of potential for it to be done better, but it won't have the same feel.
Wonder Woman (1974)
Hmmmmm...
It was 1974. I was 7. It was a time of Kolchak and Steve Austin. So when they advertised on TV that Wonder Woman was coming to live action, I just had to be there. After all, the only comic book superheroes I'd seen in live action up to that point were Batman and Robin (the George Reeves "Superman" reruns had never showed in my area). I guess in a way that a 7-year-old boy COULD be, I was ga-ga over Cathy Lee Crosby briefly, even if I got bored and didn't watch half of this movie (I came back at the end just in time to see her in-costume). Even at that age it was immediately evident that this had little to do with the comic character, but hey, maybe I could hope for them to put other superheroes on TV. In retrospect, I wish they hadn't, because the treatments they gave Captain America, Doctor Strange, Spider-Man, and the Hulk weren't much of an improvement on this.
I decided to give this another look today, and... yeah. This had some of the most terrible dialogue I've ever watched, even by old comic book standards. The story writing as a whole is full of gaffes that other reviewers have talked about, so I won't bother here. The fight sequences had to have straight-up embarrassed the Women's Libbers of the time; I mean, c'mon, this was the era of Bruce Lee and they couldn't do at least a little better than THIS? As near as I can tell, this was designed to keep the men out there focused on the actresses as long as possible in a desperate hope for ratings.
Not the worst film I've ever seen, but still a hard pass.
Jennifer (1978)
Hastily-Conceived Knockoff
In retrospect, Lisa Pelikan was actually good-looking back in the day. That's about the only thing I can give this movie. It lies somewhere below "Willard" in this genre.
The name Bert Convy on the poster should have kept me upwind of this one, but morbid curiosity lured me in. He belongs in a horror movie like Drew Carey belongs in a sword-and-sorcery epic. The dialogue is so badly-written as to be cartoonish, with the Sandra character not even believable as a bully; it didn't help that she didn't know how to act. A person with as little empathy as that would not just burst into tears (unconvincingly at that) after seeing all of her cohorts punked, but I guess that's more the director's fault. Real bullies don't care.
This can't truly be compared to "Carrie" because Carrie at least had actual psi powers; most of what Jennifer does is cause hallucinations, and that only requires the power to slip peyote into peoples' drinks. I guess she did physically create a couple of the snakes, but they used mostly constrictors which typically aren't even dangerous. The shots of her "psyching" in the nightgown are seriously hokey, on par with the Power Rangers morphing. Jennifer survives and lives happily ever after, which is different from all other movies of this kind. If I was 14 again, the nudity in this movie might have given me a thrill.
The music... yeah. Pretty bad. It starts with the ridiculous opening theme, continues in the cheese-ball disco scene, then reaches its low point with a trumpet doing scales while she does her snake revenge.
An hour and a half I wish I had back.
Futureworld (1976)
Terrible Ending
This movie premise had some potential, as it was a fresh take on the idea of the first movie. What ruined it for me was the ending; they could have done several twist endings, but opted for it to simply fizzle out. It was as if they ran out of money for film and just decided to run the credits as soon as possible. It would have been great if the projector had broken about 60 seconds from the end.
It seemed like humanoid androids with circuit boards for faces was a popular cliché in 70s sci-fi. Anyone with any understanding of modern circuitry or computers will find the special effects laughable, as this was made prior to the era of microprocessors and, as in "The Six Million Dollar Man", they expect you to accept that a human being can be effectively emulated using parts from a transistor radio or a toaster. Still, for its time, it worked. It introduced the concept of computer viruses well before they existed in reality, and Crichton was pretty imaginative as to what machinery was capable of. Clark the robot was seemingly written in to pad the running time, as he was irrelevant to the plot; I'd hoped he would have some later significance but I was disappointed.
The casting was negligible. I never considered Peter Fonda an actor--an action star chosen for his appearance at best, but his character in this didn't really require acting. Blythe Danner was pretty vanilla here as well.
It remains a good concept, and this movie actually deserves a remake with modern special effects and a better ending.
Skatetown USA (1979)
Wretched
"Let's film a skate contest at an impressive rink and find some way to work a movie around it." As a kid, I was big into disco but never got around to seeing this movie until today. After looking at the cast, my expectations weren't high, but... wow. The sole good point was that the soundtrack was better than "Roller Boogie", but why did they have to use "Boogie Wonderland" AGAIN in a roller disco movie? Dave Mason wasn't even a disco artist and somehow wound up in this movie.
The script is LAUGHABLY bad and the dialogue seems to be written by a 12-year-old, made somehow worse by all-around lousy acting and directing. The cast is comprised of TV comedy actors who couldn't get hired for anything else that year. Even Maureen McCormick's hotness was negated by the part they wrote for her. Most of the women spend their time giving flirty looks when they aren't behaving stupidly (like how an 8-year-old IMAGINES grown women act and speak in a club). As far as the "skater gang" idea: how tough can you really be in disco uniforms on roller skates? For a disco movie to work at all, you need at least one actor/actress with extreme sex appeal to take your mind off the fad saturation, and Swayze wasn't quite there yet.
It's not funny. It's not romantic. I'd have been better off watching somebody fart for an hour and a half. Kudos to Patrick Swayze's career for surviving this.
Ugh.
Stripes (1981)
An Utter Farce
And anyone who's ever been in any branch of the military during wartime OR peacetime will KNOW it's a farce. This is an okay bit of comedy writing but nothing I could find in it was a realistic representation of Army practices, culture, or personalities (the haircuts alone were the first tipoff). If their intent was to create a recruitment piece, they may have conned the most uninformed kids at the time, but this was as much the U. S. Army as Gomer Pyle was the U. S. Marines. "Stripes" asks us to swallow the possibility that ANY of the characters could last in the Army, let alone advance to captain. It also expects us to accept that recruits can just waltz off the base in the middle of basic in street clothes to hit a strip club. Also, that at the height of the Cold War you could just drive into Warsaw Pact territory in an RV and their border guards were harmless buffoons. Also, that female MPs are easily-wooed bunnies who are actually impressed by irreverent clowns. In these respects, some servicemen will actually be insulted by this movie's inaccuracies and depictions.
Still, it's a fair vehicle for Bill Murray and John Candy and their comedy styles. I suppose in the end, that's what our military is for: fighting for the right of Americans to poke fun at anything.
Weird Science (1985)
Saved by Bill Paxton
Take Joe Piscopo's ego and arrogance and put it into an ugly, scrawny adolescent body and you get Gary, one of the most annoying and unlikeable characters in the history of cinema. Anthony Michael Hall works in other movies but kept me from rating this one higher than a 7. I don't know if they let him improvise his own dialogue in this movie but it certainly seemed like it... the scene where he's drunk in the bar almost made me walk out.
Like many fantasy comedies, you have to roll with whatever this movie throws at you, which is a grab bag of goofy tidbits. The premise may be outlandish, but most teen boys dream of such a scenario (magically having adult privileges) at one time or another and that's what it plays on. Bill Paxton is at his funniest as Chet and makes the movie worth seeing. Kelly LeBrock was quite a looker back in the day and fit her role AND her leotards nicely.
It was funnier when I was in high school but it's lost a bit over time.
Thank God It's Friday (1978)
Nostalgic
I had to think about this one for a while to decide what to make of it. As a movie or a story, it's a complete zero. The soundtrack is pretty lackluster given the genre and could have benefited hugely from some bigger hits.
What I did like about it was the realism. If you were around for the disco scene in the late 70s, or even school dances or roller rinks, you most likely encountered the kinds of people depicted here. It seemed like everyone in the place was trying to get lucky and/or trade up while dancing to disco tunes under gaudy and gimmicky lighting. There WERE lots of married couples who broke up amidst the temptations of the culture (depicted similarly in "Urban Cowboy"). There WERE a lot of social misfits who saw themselves as chic and tried to get others to see them that way. There WERE a lot of people who showed up only to complain and act disgusted at the whole environment which made you wonder what they were doing there in the first place. Like most of the characters in this movie, it was like the whole world was trying to be something it wasn't. Still, there was always that one guy who was having so much fun and fit in so well with the club atmosphere that his energy was contagious and he kept the evening from being a total loss.. sometimes, he could even dance.