L.A. Slasher

The promotional blurb for "LA Slasher" calls it a "biting, social satire of reality TV and the glorification of those who are famous for being famous."

Unfortunately this film is so poorly made, acted, cut, and designed as to render it a complete waste of time. It's such a train wreck, you can't possibly even decipher what's happening on screen for its 90 minute runtime, which seems like five hours, at least.

There is no real story. Basically an anonymous white-suited masked psycho (voiced by Andy Dick, no less, which doesn't exactly raise the credibility factor) targets and then systematically slaughters airhead Twitter-made celebrities. Not in itself a worthless concept. If "LA Slasher" were made with even borderline competence it could be a poisonously fun black comedy.

The real problem here lies in the script, which is incoherent. A good first third of the film is spent introducing a slew of forgettable, woodenly-acted victims, but no story arc really exists. When they're killed, there's no pay off since you don't care about them. And Dick's slasher is either sniggeringly annoying (and unfunny) or downright vile ("Die you f**kin bitch" and variations thereof are his and the screenwriters idea of witty repartee).

Let's talk about the technical aspects for a moment. Even the opening credits are so badly created that they are almost out of frame in the HD cut I watched. Some of the set designs range from dirty warehouse to scummy hotel room to someone's living room. Even the Heiress and the Socialite live in places that are so badly dressed they look as if they were shot in the back of an abandoned flea market storage warehouse. Mischa Barton is one of many actors who stand around looking vaguely comatose, not knowing their lines or not caring to know them.

All of this amounts to a very depressing, pointless pile of garbage that's ultimately as empty and spiritless as the "problems" the movie's title antagonist sets out to "solve." At one point there was a "detective" (see the credits here on IMDb) so it seems a dramatic arc of some sort was written and even filmed, but apparently this film's aim is to appear as dumb as the targets it poorly lampoons. The best thing for "LA Slasher" to do is off itself. So many people will thank it.

Good horror, comedy: reminds me of some of my favorite firsts like Toxic Avenger and They Live... If you are 30+ years old you may appreciate this more, it's about a killer who go after reality TV stars (Remember when that crap was the buzz?). Haha, go in drunk, not expecting much and this movie is fun. Lots of fun with good, big name actors. Watch it now!

When the original slasher movies came along the victims were usually students because with their sex, drugs and rock & roll they were easy to vilify, but there was always at least one you actually liked. This movie's 'victims' are influencers and social media 'stars' and none of them are likeable, this wouldn't be an issue if the main characters was better but between the mask and his voice, he's also generally unlikeable too. So, there's nobody in the movie to root for, or care about. About the only thing that could have saved it is if the scares were any good, but sadly not, at every turn the movie pulls it's punches and ends up very tame making the ending more 'laughable' than 'shocking'.

Basically the only good thing in the whole movie is the titles and credits.

The Slasher is hunting D-list Hollywood celebrities for his own reality show. I'm mostly watching this for Mischa Barton. This is ten years ago and I hope she is clean now. This movie is another step in her downward spiraling career. It is fascinating that she is playing a tired rich actress which is probably not far from her own life at the time. All she needs for realism is all the drugs. She still has her looks, but the spark is fading. Most girls do lose their career over time, but Mischa did not help herself any. The shocking face in this movie is Bautista. I cannot believe it when he shows up on screen. This is after Guardians of the Galaxy although it is possible that this was filmed before then. Also, Bautista seems like a guy who would honor his promise to do a krappy movie even after having a big successful breakout. As for the movie itself, it is Hollywood navel gazing and narcissism in criticizing itself. The movie is also a mess. P. S. The strobe lights are annoying and giving me a headache. They make me hate this even more.

This was an intense movie throughout that had me at the edge of my seat. It has everything a thrill-seeking viewer would love, a killer on the loose, high profile actors, and climatic ending. Give this one a watch, you won't be disappointed.