Rebel Moon - Part Two: The Scargiver

I thought Part One of Rebel Moon was horrible, but Part Two literally said, "Hold my beer!" -- and then proceeded to do the impossible! Take millions of dollars in budget, hire the best special effects artists, great actors, and commence to shoot a "movie" with the most ill-conceived, disjointed, illogical, and atrociously paced "storyline" imaginable!

I'm the biggest Star Wars fan ever, and after reading Rebel Moon was originally meant to be a Star Wars project, I thought this would be at least somewhat watchable. I really wanted to like these two movies!

But this was the laziest, nonsensical "writing" I've ever seen in my life! It's rare for me to literally HATE a movie, but this one definitely falls into that category! Why? Because the movie is INSULTING! Insulting because there are great writers and filmmakers out there worth their weight in gold, but "Hollywood" instead keeps giving millions to this Zack Snyder hack to keep churning out crap fest after crap fest!

No wonder Hollywood is in trouble! It's run by MORONS!

What a load of tosh.

I didn't feel any connection with any of the cliched, 2-dimensional characters so didn't care when any of them died.

However, it gets a few stars for great visuals and CGI, the satisfying splashy-lava effect of the blasters, and the light-trail effects of the light sabres. The coolest moment was the James the mech with his cloak in his One Punch Man moment.

Half the movie was the farmers harvesting wheat and after one day of combat training got a better kill-death ratio than any of the veterans.

The other half of the movie was a guy turning the little wheel to aim the Dreadnaught cannon.

Remind me never to watch any more Synder movies on Netflix.

In a world where mankind travels in spaceships next to black holes, a bunch of people and animals dragging a spaceship around must be the lowest point of the movie.

Story is total trash. Didn't make sense from the first part. Ain't getting better in the second.

Characters are totally unrelatable. Their backstories and motivations complete nonsense, irrelevant and told in a very boring manner.

The dialogues are so cringe and bland it makes you turn off the volume.

And how easy it must be to make a 2 hours movie when 70% of it is slow motion.

How can you have a carriage that floats on thin area, but needs a horse like animal to drag it around?

The fort movie was an easy going pleasing experience. Not great, not terrible. Fun to watch. Yes, it had it's share of bad parts, but overall it was OK.

But the second one, oh my God, it was pretty awful.

Half the movie consists of slow motion shots. Uncalled for slow motion. There is nothing dramatic, nothing too fast, nothing that will actually require slow motion. Just a gimmick to double the time wasted on a scene.

Quite a lot of flashbacks, presenting the history of the heroes. Of course, the flashbacks are full of slow motion.

Then, the whole ideea, which is a continuation of Part One, nothing new, nothing interesting: one small village (+ 5-6 heroes) are up against a huge space ship, a Dreadnought, a warship.

And the argument of the entire conflict?! Some bags of grain and one single enemy.

Blast the entire village from orbit, plus 1000 square kilometers around it, call it a day.

The Snyder trademarks are all here in abundance - endless slo-mo, rousing vocal score, long close ups etc. The cliched and uninteresting characters also dominate the proceedings - it's very hard to care about anyone here.

The second half is basically one big battle, which is actually well done - the action is frenetic and realistic for the most part and looks more real than most of Snyder's back catalogue. It's a shame that the first half is so dull and silly, with a forced back story scene where the main characters basically retell their lives in cheesy flashbacks taking up a ridiculous amount of time.

It's worth watching for the visuals and action, but don't expect much more.