The Final Sacrifice

Like Crow said, I didn't think this movie was as bad as the usual fare. Still, that isn't saying much for MST3K movies. The best movie shown on MST3K is still pretty lousy. Anyway, Troy and Rowsdower make an odd pairing to say the least. I get the feeling that in real life, a guy like Rowsdower would beat the crap out of Troy and steal his money for booze. The cult was not very threatening, especially after they couldn't catch Troy in a car! I don't know how that guy who was the cult leader could talk like that. As for Mike Pipper, the man who can only be described as 'grizzled'- I was so surprised that Mike and the bots would decide that he sounded like Yosemite Sam, when he clearly sounded more like a Jim Henson character, Rowlf to be exact. This film actually had a story and some action (weak though it was), but instead of ending, it just kind of stopped. Anybody who has only this film to judge Canada by would feel exactly as Servo did in his song.

If it weren't for MST3K, I wouldn't have seen or known of The Final Sacrifice in the first place. While it is not the worst of their movies featured(Manos, Monster A-Go Go, Wild World of Batwoman, Space Mutiny and Hobgoblins), it is one of MST3K best and most entertaining reviews/riffs. Make no mistake, The Final Sacrifice is a dire movie but because it made me amused at times, partly because the review and partly because of the absurdity of the characters' names, I can't say that it had no redeeming qualities. Despite those patches of amusement, The Final Sacrifice is one of those movies that has more cons than it has pros. The camera work and editing are not quite as amateurish as Space Mutiny, but it is very slip-shod and continuity-ridden, never shrugging off the viewer's notions that it looks and feels like a first draft of a student film. The dialogue is awkward and laughably bad, I wouldn't be all that surprised if it was improvised often, while the story is ridiculous personified(like the cult knocking on Troy's door after he finds the map seven years after his dad was killed by the same cult) and due to the abruptness of the ending it feels unfinished also. The acting is terrible, with the fake voices it was very difficult to take them seriously, playing the characters for a laugh- as it seemed- didn't work as everything was far too amateur-hour-ish. The worst asset is the soundtrack, being badly recorded, annoyingly orchestrated, overpowering and hugely repetitive(it's literally only 3 pieces of music, all three of which sound as though they belong elsewhere). Overall, dire but I've seen worse, on MST3K and generally. 2/10 Bethany Cox

This infamous movie will forever hold a place in my heart. It follows the tragic story of a young boy, apparently spawned from the loins of a young Dan Dierdorf and a Ferengi, trying to find his way to treasure in a world of masked sadists, beer-stinking mullets and too-tight red sweaters. Pursued by the all-too-easy-to-kill Satoris, our adolescent protagonist, Troy, must fight through all sorts of challenges placed in his way. From broken down trucks to acid wash jeans, Troy overcomes. His hero sidekick (are you ready for this?), Zap Rowsdower...hang on, I need a moment...OK...is the hops and barely fueled muscle in Troy's fight against evil. Zap Rowsdower is the cinematic equivalent of George W. Bush. He reminds us that truly ANYONE can be a hero. Even beer swilling morons. Finally, the 'bad guy', Satoris, is apparently evil because he has a big face, wears a black trench coat, has a deep voice and waves a cane around in the woods. Sure, whatever you say, Canada.

The plot to this movie isn't really important. You'll probably find it in the same place the Ziox buried their lost city. The real fun behind this Great Northern catastrophe is the characters. From Yosemetie Sam to Zap himself, this movie is completely engrossing. I felt pulled into their lives. And it smelled a lot like back bacon.

Now I know that most everyone has seen this movie only because of the comedy genius of MST3K, or Mistie to the loyal masses. However, I sincerely believe that this film can be enjoyed without the commentary by anyone with a sense of humor. You cannot last this entire film, in its unbridled, unmistied glory without busting a gut.

As an MST, this film is in my top 5 (I am a huge MST fan), but it is one of the few that is easy to watch even without our be-silhouetted trio. From mullets and beer cans to Troy's horribly frightening visage, this film will take you on a journey through the north. You will fight men who wear tank tops in the snow, the ancient traps of the Ziox, a large man with a stick and your own gag reflex. This movie comes highly recommended without MST. With MST, it is simply a must see for anyone who loves to laugh so hard you need to wear adult diapers.

2/10 for the movie, but a hefty 9/10 for the masochists who love MST! ~Aaron

"Quest for the Lost City" (or "The Final Sacrifice" as it is more commonly known) features a paper thin plot apparently thought up by a third grader, stunningly icky and sometimes downright ugly characters, and not much else.

This is the story of geeky little Troy, whose dad was an amateur archaeologist who disappeared a few years back whilst seeking The Lost City! Troy finds a map to The Lost City that his dad left behind and soon, ski-mask wearing moose hunters in black tank tops and sweat pants are chasing after him with machetes. We're never really quite sure exactly why these bodybuilders don't want anyone to find out about them, but their boss Satoris - a greasy, creepy looking guy with an impossibly deep voice and a penchant for black trenchcoats and kinky riding crops - gives the orders and no one questions him. Troy hooks up with a lumpy loser name of - get this - Zap Rowsdower. What the hell kind of a name is Zap Rowsdower? I mean, if you were Mrs. Rowsdower, why would you want to curse your son further by naming him Zap, for crying out loud? But, I digress...

Zap used to be a member of the bodybuilders cult, but was tossed out by Satoris, apparently for having a stupider name than him. Zap might also know more about the death of Troy's father than he's willing to admit, but there's no time for that as Troy and Zap meet Mike Pipper, Troy's dad's old partner. Mike is a strange combination of Yosemite Sam and Jethro Tull, and although I suspect he was supposed to be the wise man of the film, filling in plot holes and offering Yoda-like advice, I couldn't stop laughing at him long enough to take him or anything he said seriously. Apparently, while I was laughing, I missed something important, because Troy is kidnapped by Satoris and prepared for The Final Sacrifice! It is now up to Zap to save him and clear his own name in the process.

Yeah, whatever.

This film might have worked better if Troy had instead been an attractive young girl and Zap had been a handsome young man with a less stupid name... and less facial hair and a better wardrobe and less body odor and...well, it would have been predictable as hell, but it would have been more interesting. I mean, wouldn't the gods that Satoris worships be a little cheesed off at being offered such a goofy sacrifice? This is clearly a family project, with the directors close friends and distant cousins trying to pass themselves off as actors, and the director himself trying to pass himself off as a director. Good gods, a full cast and crew actually wasted an entire sunny weekend making this pile of moose dung. And yet, I found myself rather amused by it all. It's one of my favorite MST3K episodes and I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's the silly names, maybe it's the simplicity of the plot (which reminded me of stories I wrote when I was a dumb kid) maybe I'm secretly attracted to guys with cavernous noses and really stupid names, I don't know. But I liked it. It was just bad enough to be somewhat amusing and was kind of like watching a wrestling match filmed outdoors. I give it a 3 on a scale of 10, and I'm feeling generous today.

Watch the MST3K version if you must watch it at all.

as bad if not worse than "overdrawn at the memory bank." There's no hero like Zap rowsdower. In fact there's no hero. No plot either. The ending where Zap looks at his tattoo and it is gone for no apparent reason is great !!!!