Secret Agent Super Dragon

This is the kind of movie, like Diabolik, that the French would find funny, but everyone else in the world would think is incredibly DUMB. Man, there sure were a lot of James Bond clones in the late 1960's, and finding them is really a crap shoot. On this one, chances are you'll not like it. A joint project among four countries (and a nice rule of thumb is the more countries involved, the worse the film.) by Monaco, France, West Germany and Italy, the film features none of those countries, but was filmed in the Netherlands. (I can't say I blame these countries for not wanting their country in the film.) Secret Agent Super Dragon himself reminds me of one of those perfect jocks who always got his way in school and nobody would even think of being against. I ended up hating him, and the film. Perhaps if he was more imperfect and human, we could root for him.

Super Dragon? What kinda spy name is that?

This is one of the better spy movie send-ups, especially because it takes itself completely seriously. The Dragon is remarkably smooth and smug, and his lumpy, cheerful sidekick Babyface is along to help solve the mysteries of dead colleagues, toxic gum and villains who can't stop decorating. Our Hero is worldly ("Fremont, Michigan? That's a little college town, isn't it?") but accident-prone -- he'll stay away from Ludenkelder after this assignment. This movie is colorless as spy movies go, except for the wild colorings in the ladies' hair. ("Betcha that color comes out of a bottle," one character grumps.) Worth getting the MST3K-ized version of this film, especially for musical interlude provided by Joel and the 'bots.

Unlike such efforts as Code Name: Diamond Head, this movie actually has some decent locations, including a panorama of foggy windmills that looks like a "starving artists" painting.

Be sure to check out Mario Cuomo (well, it sure looks like him) as the art collector with a collection of pen-phones and unlisted numbers. Take my word for it!

Although it is executed with a certain degree of professionalism, and has some interesting touches here and there (like a bulletproof vest that reflects the bullet and sends it back to the sender!), "New York Calling Superdragon" is defeated by its sheer dullness. Not much happens throughout the film: there are no major set-pieces and little excitement. Nearly all of the action is limited to fistfights, unless you count the explosion of an obvious miniature building at the end. Ray Danton is an agreeable cut-rate Bond (and although others here have found him unlikable, I thought he was more respectful to the ladies than the real Bond); Margaret Lee and Marisa Mell are both sexy, but largely used for decorative purposes only; the villains are as forgettable as the rest of the film. (*1/2)

Firstly, after seeing Secret Agent Super Dragon, I now pronounce Danger Death Ray! king of all B spy movies. This one hurts so much that I can remember one character in this film named the Joker and I don't even know who that was!! Although our secret agent spy is suave with the ladies, that's most of the action you will see. I can only recall that there are less than 10 gunshots fired – TOTAL! Man, that's what I call a really lame spy thriller. Instead, our spy and his Q wannabe trade witty banter and drop lots of corny one liners. Oh, and the super drug that cannot be traced or detected? The DEA's worse nightmare. And the drug's results in people laughing hysterically, acting crazy and chaotic and violence? Yes, we as a society have all heard of alcohol. Add a secret villain society and a weird ‘W' membership ritual and "super" is the LAST word you'd use to describe this. As exciting as counting needles in a field of haystacks.

I'll keep the plot synopsis short and sweet. Most of Secret Agent Super Dragon was so unnecessarily confusing that little of the plot seemed to matter anyway. In this James Bond wannabe, CIA agent Super Dragon (Ray Danton) goes up against a Venezuelan drug lord who uses candy to distribute his merchandise. Anything else beyond that wouldn't be much more than speculation as I found myself completely in the dark during much of the movie. I'm not one who needs to be spoon-fed plot points, but how about making what's going on just a little clearer? Too much of the movie seemed like a series of unrelated set pieces that didn't fit together.

But the biggest problem with Secret Agent Super Dragon is the same thing that plagues a lot of these James Bond inspired films - money. The James Bond movies had the financial backing to pull it off. These Italian movies like Secret Agent Super Dragon can't match that kind of money. As a result, they suffer from weak scripts and acting, a lack of interesting multiple locations, poor special effects, a very anti-climatic ending, and anything else you can spend money on to make a movie better.

That's not to say the movie was a total waste. In fact, I enjoyed quite a bit of it. Danton is above average in the title role. He's slick and clever - just what you would expect from a secret agent. Marisa Mell and Margaret Lee would give any Bond girl a run fir her money. Finally, there is a sense of fun about the movie that I liked a lot. Those behind the movie were smart enough to never take it too seriously. As a result, the movie's light, almost bubbly, feeling is an asset.