- Moustache: Shows you the kind of world we live in. Love is illegal - but not hate. That you can do anywhere, anytime, to anybody. But if you want a little warmth, a little tenderness, a shoulder to cry on, a smile to cuddle up with, you have to hide in dark corners, like a criminal. Pfui.
- Moustache: To be overly honest in a dishonest world is like plucking a chicken against the wind... you'll only wind up with a mouth full of feathers.
- Irma La Douce: A painter once lived here. Poor guy, he was starving. Tried everything, even cut his ear off.
- Nestor Patou: Van Gogh?
- Irma La Douce: No, I think his name was Schwartz.
- Irma La Douce: You know, I'm sort of glad about that girl in Dijon, with the cough.
- Nestor Patou: You are?
- Irma La Douce: Because frankly, in the police van I thought that you'd never in your life, uh...
- Nestor Patou: Oh, she wasn't the only girl. I've had more than one girl.
- Irma La Douce: How many?
- Nestor Patou: Altogether? Oh, let me see...
- Irma La Douce: Three?
- Nestor Patou: Not as many as that.
- Irma La Douce: Who wants to be a stray dog? You got to belong to someone, even if he kicks you once in a while.
- Nestor Patou: Why don't we just tell him the truth?
- Moustache: The truth? That's dynamite.
- Nestor Patou: But I'm innocent.
- Moustache: The jails are full with innocent people because they told the truth.
- Irma La Douce: I once used to know a specialist, used to send some of his patients to me. All they needed was a little push.
- Irma La Douce: You oughta be ashamed of yourself, scaring a poor little dog like that.
- Nestor Patou: They oughta take that dog away from you, you're not a fit mother.