Zombie vs. Ninja

I picked up a copy of this movie as I love zombie movies and ninja movies. With a title like Zombie vs Ninja, naturally I expected to see combat between zombies and ninjas. I expected this even more so after reading the description on the box which made a statement about the doors of hell being open unleashing a "zombie horde." Wow!

Imagine my horror to discover that this film is actually a composite of 1)a film about an undertaker, who happens to be able to teach his young apprentice kung fu skills, and 2)scenes that appear to have been shot for the only purpose of being inserted into this film to incorporate "ninjas" into the storyline.

The actors in the zombie story and the ninja story never appear on screen together. However, an attempt is made to make us believe they are in the same story as closeups of the actors are intercut to make it appear as if they are talking to each other.

The "zombie horde" is certainly an overstatement as we never see more than three or four zombies at once. The master keeps calling them up to train the young apprentice in kung fu skills, surely a questionable method of training at best.

The "ninjas" are probably the most hilarious thing I have ever seen. They are caucasians who wear shiny, brightly colored ninja outfits, and have names like Bert, Bob, and Ira. Uhhhh.... not exactly what you expect froma ninja movie. Their costumes appear to be made of plastic and are white, yellow, and blue, which really should make them quite visible in the forest.

The funniest thing about the ninja characters is that they wear headbands that say "ninja" or "nin ja" with japanese writing in between the two syllables. What sort of ninja - arguably the most deadly invisible assassins - wear headbands that announce who they are?! I believe they were labeled as otherwise no one watching the film would ever know they were supposed to be ninjas as their outfits do not look anything like any other ninja costume I've seen in any movie.

Also, there are two ninja forces in the film, but it is not readily apparent. I kept wondering why they were fighting and killing their own friends, until the two ninja leaders fought at which point I realized that up until then I had thought they were the same guy. I believe that the two styles of ninja headbands - "ninja" and "nin ja" were used to differentiate the two bands of ninjas.

While this has to be seen to be appreciated, the movie is really bad, but not bad enough to be enjoyable. Watch at your own risk. If you are easily confused, I advise you to stay away.

This feels like seven uncompleted movies cobbled together into another one. There is no reasoning with anything that makes up any tiny segment. It just drags along between boring stories and fighting for pointless and asinine reasons. The outfits are bad, the dubbing awful and the cameraman work rubbish. This was made for no money and made badly even for no money. If you want to see something that was made really badly and then reviewed really badly then look no further. If you are in the mood for something good then avoid at all costs. Not even funny - just bad. This makes kung-fu look really bad and unimaginative. The whole thing looks like it was made in two weeks from conception to completion. Totally devoid of merit. This never gets better than the rather stupid trailer. Painfully bad and totally devoid of merit. Utterly worthless.

Excellent fights, the speed and the coordination of the last fights could rival some of those made by Bruce lee. Although the sense of humour in this movie at times is pretty grotesque, it was for me an interesting relief, from some of the lame standards of the general American action movie, which in my eyes are often a little bit to self glorifying. The "forest" ninja movie: Well, a couple of good scenes, but still not nearly as the skillful kung-fu of the "undertaker"! One wonders why anyone would think, it was a good idea too add this second movie within the movie (consequently cutting out some most likely very interesting parts of the Asian movie). The "forest" ninja story is of course pretty hard to follow, because it's difficult to distinguish between the outfits of the actors. This I could read that Kolchak25 had some problems with. The way to distinguish the rivalling sides in the "forest" is NOT by looking whether the head bands spell "ninja" or "nin ja", since the supposedly evil side both wear bands with "ninja" and "nin ja". For example the right hand of the evil ninja boss (which fights our ninja hero the second last fight in the forest-part) wears a band which spells "ninja" as do our hero. The only way to tell apart is to look at the colour of the head bands. The good guy is the only one who wears the orange colour band. This is very important to know if you are to make any sense of this movie.

Zombie Vs. Ninja ranks up there with "I Eat your Skin" as far as misleading movie titles are concerned. At no point whatsoever is there any combat between said opponents. As a matter of fact both the Zombies and the Ninjas appear to be in two separate movies pasted together into one Godfrey Ho clusterf......film.

The bulk of the movie concerns a man named Ethan who is beaten up during a robbery of family gold which ultimately leads to the death of his father. The thieves work for the typical kung-fu badguy here named Titus. After mistakenly thought for dead an undertaker/kung fu master (I know! Who would of thought!) accepts Ethan as his apprentice. The undertaker, called simply Master T, I think, employs an unusual style of training as he can summon zombies in order to sharpen his kung-fu skills. The story follows the standard kung-fu checklist as eventually Ethan becomes adept enough to fight his father's killers. Where the Ninjas fit in is another story.

Ethan's storyline seems to come from the movie called "Gravedigger". The Ninjas are filmed separately from the main movie and come in the form of a bunch of Caucasian men with very Asian sounding names like Duncan, Bob, Ian and Bert. Leading the way is Godfrey Ho weapon of choice Pierre Kirby as the Dragon. It is beyond asinine to watch Kirby pretend to talk to Ethan and Master T when the backgrounds behind him don't even begin to match. The sheer goofiness of the Ninja outfits complete with "NINJA" headbands and gaudy outfits make you feel sorry for these guys rather than be in awe of them. Nothing screams badass ninja like yellow undergarments. Watching all of these white guys prance around a forest preserve role playing ninja vs. ninja made me think I was watching a corporate getaway to promote "team players". It's just beyond bizarre to watch.

One of the greatest old skool kung fu movies ..

Unfortunately theres a silly 1980s american trash ninja movie melted into the original kung fu film ..

Wish i knew what the original kung fu movie is .. Its priceless .. Ten out of ten