Gospel of Deceit

When the pastor's wife enters a passionate relationship with an ex-con we know we're on Planet Soap.

Expect lots of suds, sobs and unexpected tears accompanied by hysterical howls of laughter.

What to say about this typically schlocky made for TV soap opera/movie? Most of the way through this is simply bad. I'll give Alexandra Paul (who?) credit for being a pretty sexy preacher's wife as Emily Wendell, whose husband Ted is the pastor of some large Community Church and who is so totally obsessed with his ministry that he apparently doesn't notice that he has a pretty sexy wife! Actually the best line of the movie belongs to Ted (J.C. Mackenzie - I know, another "who?") when he says to Emily "I am the church. This is just a building the Lord put me in." Speaking as a pastor myself, I howled at that one.

Anyway, the movie moves along at a frenetic pace with the plot not really being very well developed, but as far as it goes, Emily falls for a young, mysterious drifter (Luke, played by Corey Sevier) who appears out of nowhere and sweeps her off her feet. The interplay between Ted, Emily and Luke makes clear that the movie is at least well named, as one lie follows another until the story is so absolutely confusing that you almost give up. Then comes the last and perhaps unintentionally hilarious scene in the church, as Emily confronts Ted about his lies in front of the congregation and a live television audience. Until then I thought this movie might get a 2 or 3, but the end is really so funny that I have to raise this to a 5.

To be honest, what initially got my attention was how smoking hot Luke was with his bad boy, Colin Farrell look. Then after a while with all the twists and turns, this movie kept getting better and better. It held my interest all the way through and is really good for a Lifetime movie...hence, the 10 rating.

I truly felt for Emily, the minister's wife. She had tried so hard to forget her past just to have it used against her. I found the actress's portrayal of the character to be quite good as well.

Some Lifetime movies are very predictable, but this one was not. There were twists I didn't see coming at all and no boring moments. I would highly recommend this movie.

A preacher's wife (think Reverend Lovejoy's wife from "The Simpsons") gets her bony ass regularly shtupped by a muscle-bound sex-monkey drifter cute-as-a-button boy-toy with a very high-maintenance pompadour hair-do (think Snake from "The Simpsons") just as her sanctimonious husband is about to conclude a lucrative televangelism deal. Complications ensue. There is nothing wrong with this film once you admit it's really pornography for women. There is really nothing unnatural about that, per se. Some works of this genre have attained cult and classic status, like, say, oh, I don't know, "Jane Eyre". Everybody with ovaries enjoys this kind of pastime. It's just regrettable that American women - and Anglo-Saxon White Protestant women especially - feel that their pleasure can only be complete with the inclusion of large doses of guilt, deceit, bitchiness, gossip, mental illness, paranoia, greed, medical near-emergencies, police and media involvement, skeletons in the closet, triple-generational incest, double adultery, shame, ruined reputations, scandal, murder, blackmail, public exposure, bad driving and ultimately humiliation, punishment, mutilation or death of the "guilty" parties. Refer again to all the works of the Brontë sisters and their Gothic Harlequin romance and afternoon soap-opera descendants. Everyone should be able to enjoy sex when they can, but why all the hypocrisy?

The film score alternates between torridly sexy sax solos for the soft porn scenes and abysmal "fear music" that would make the History Channel proud for everything else. A Black Gospel choir is also trotted out on stage every time the viewer might be forgiven for concluding those small-town fundamentalist Christian nutjobs must surely be racist Republican tea-baggers to boot.

Rob McElhenny look-alike Corey Sevier delivers, over and over, absurd twists, turns, and surprises.

Alexandra Paul is the Queen of Lifetime, and this movie earned her the crown.

Is it a GOOD movie? I suppose not, at least not in the traditional sense of the word. But it is original for sure. And hilarious.