Scarecrow

I'm a fifty-something woman who's still impressed by our high-tech world. I love music on CD's, microwave ovens, cable TV, computers, the Internet -- and my DVD player.

These wonderful consumer items were undreamed of when I was growing up, which is why I'm so disgusted by some of the alleged movies that get a DVD release.

And I really hate it when I unwittingly end up renting one them. "Scarecrow," for instance. I guess I'm a fool for a halfway competently designed DVD box, or something.

This flick is an amateur production through and through -- poorly written and acted, boringly predictable. And criminally lame with the jokes -- for instance, one guy is killed when the scarecrow rams an ear of corn in his ear. Get it? Get it?

What a total waste of technology in the 21st century.

Oh dear lord. This movie... It was horrible. I am a HUGE fan of horror movies. And most of the time, horror movies other people say are bad, I like. The actor who played 'Scarecrow' was amazing, I will say that. But this plot was awful. It made no sense! It had way too much gore, and an unnecessary (and revolting) sex scene at the beginning. I do believe the director was trying to be 'shocking' or whatnot, but it just came out awful. To add to the pile of festering crap they called a plot, the actors (besides 'scarecrow') we're awful, and I cared so little about them that I soon forgot who was who. In conclusion, this movie made me sick. If you can avoid watching this movie in anyway, please do.

Amazing. That's what you'd say if you sat through this film. Simply, incredibly, amazing. It's actually so amazing that anyone was stupid enough to dump money into making this monstrosity that you simply can't believe what you're seeing. That, my friends, is what is truly scary about this film. Somebody thought it was a good idea to make it.

Well, here's another amazingly original story: High School student (occasionally seemed like college—go figure) has whore for a mom, lives in a trailer park, and is an "artist" who is ridiculed for his "being all different." Well, of course, this poor ridiculed boy is eventually killed and, here's the original part, his soul inhabits a scarecrow (beneath which, he is killed by his slutty mama's latest john). Then he goes around with the standard killing off of all the people that done hurt him. Awww.

Here's the breakdown:

The Good:

--Amazingly funny movie—even if that's not what the clearly drunk filmmakers wanted.

--This and the sequel on one disk in the Wal-Mart $5.00 bin—so it's only a little overpriced.

Didn't Hurt It, Didn't Help:

--The violence and gore are kind of sub-standard. One person is stabbed with a corncob.

--Sounds like they put some effort into the music—but it doesn't really fit the movie—and isn't all that good.

The Bad:

--Terrible, terrible acting.

--Another slasher let-down with sexy women—none of them removing clothing. When did that cease being a staple of low-brow slashers??

--Ridiculous story.

--The scarecrow vomits up one-liners that would make Freddy Krueger and Arnold Swartzenegger blush.

--Standard underlying love story goes nowhere, and is poorly done.

--Some of the people killed seem like they were chosen at random—you never really know who anybody is and then they're killed. And you only assume that they must've had it coming.

The Ugly:

--Extremely average slasher fare, just with a murdering scarecrow instead of… well, all that other crap.

--Nowhere near as interesting as Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, Pinhead, Chucky, or even Angela from the "Sleepaway Camp" series—all of which are better than this atrocity.

--The absolute worst dialogue I have ever heard in my LIFE. The script is laden with a level of retardedness that I never imagined could exist. I'm serious here—it's a full step beyond terrible. Don't get me wrong, though, it's funny as hell—but I've never heard more asinine banter—even in "Slumber Party Massacre III." This film makes "Jason X" look like Shakespeare.

--The man who kills the boy that becomes the scarecrow: Worst wig ever. Dialogue to match.

Memorable Scene:

--The one where elementary-school youths spew out their own witty dialogue: "Hey, let's go find small animals to torture. Huh huh."

Acting: 3/10 Story: 3/10 Atmosphere: 2/10 Cinematography: 1/10 Character Development: 2/10 Special Effects/Make-up: 5/10 Nudity/Sexuality: 1/10 (No nudity, Mom's a whore, girls wear no bras) Violence/Gore: 5/10 (Low quality, mediocre amount) Dialogue: 0/10 (Extremely ridiculous, blatant, over-the-top and painfully funny—so bad it's good. My first rating for dialogue in any film!) Music: 5/10 Direction: 2/10

Cheesiness: 10/10 Crappiness: 9/10

Overall: 3/10

Another one for just people like me who enjoy watching pure crap. Or Slasher-film completists. This is not a good movie, at all. Laughable dialogue and characters keep it from being truly boring.

www.ResidentHazard.com

I couldn't sleep for months after watching Scarecrow. Emmanuel Itier is a brilliant new director/writer and I'd love to see more of his work. Roxanna Bina is totally plausible as Stephanie. After seeing this chilling film I am now totally scared of Scarecrows since Emmanuel Itier's Scarecrow bears little resemblance to the friendly Wizard of Oz variety who only wants a brain. This scary Scarecrow clearly has a deeply evil brain and is not afraid to use it. No birds are going to sit on Itier's Scarecrow for long before being frightened out of their feathers...Not for the faint of heart....

I swear that's a direct quote. This is almost bottom of the barrel stuff. When Full Moon and Troma collide--That's how I picture this movie. Scarecrow has the production values of a recent Full Moon picture (not the great, older stuff) and the ridiculousness of a Troma pic (it even has a Tromette). This is one of those movies where you can immediately start picking out who the misguided "hero" is going to kill later on. It's a tad predictable in that department. That's not a problem though. The problem is that I have to once again force myself to believe that late 20-somethings are high school kids. There are no high school kids in this movie. Lester, the main character, has gotta be in his late 20's. His mother looks younger than him. In fact, it could not have been his mother, unless she had him when she was four. It also features the worst director cameo ever. It's this crazy French director making an ass out of himself. It is fun to laugh at. I will give them that. This is one of the funnier direct-to-video movies I've ever seen. And the guy that played the boyfriend/sheriff was hilarious. I love his wig. Let's not forget "scarecrow ninjitsu." That is some laugh-out-loud sh*t. The one thing this movie does have in its favor is the scarecrow design. Honestly, it's one kick-ass mask. I also find it respectable that they completed the film in eight days. That's insane. However, if you want to see a real "mothalovin' landmine of evil," go watch Dark Night of the Scarecrow or Scarecrows (1988) instead.

"What do you got, straw for brains?"