Astro-Zombies

Don't listen to those who claim this isn't a so-bad-it's-good film. It's terrifically lousy and laughably GREAT. From the dull, muted library music to the stock footage of LA Police cars to what has to be the first unnecessary nude-dancer scene (since then, a staple of cop/buddy movies), to the total lack of pacing in the editing, to fight scenes that look like Shriners hugging after an all-nighter, this is hoot city.

First, a compliment: The Astro-Zombies' masks are actually impressive, except they do not say "Astro-Zombies." They say "tricked-out motorbike helmets for the Village People."

You already know the plot, such as it is, from the other comments and no, it doesn't make a wit of sense, but the wife and I enjoyed every grueling minute. Personal favorites: the 40-weight oil on Franchot's hair and Carradine's endless muttering in a vain attempt to let the audience in on the plot. Wendell Corey, apparently stewed to the gills just to be able to mumble his dialog (he died from drink before the film was released). The Astro-Zombie running, running, running, holding a flashlight to his forehead (now that's ACTION!). The long, pointless shots of a car radio. Tura Santana's need to use a silencer in a gun fight (it's a revolver, which can't be silenced anyway, and the silencer is hardly real; more like a mashed dixie cup painted silver). Poor Rafael Campos, actually doing decent acting, making the other players even more wooden. And who leaves a scimitar lying around in a lab? Handy, yes, if you need to lop off someone's head, which as I recall from my own lab experience, is rather rare. But why ask questions about the incongruous? Astro-Zombi cannot answer them. It's an enigma. Or is that enema?

Those toy robots in the credits. What the? Hysterical. This is not to be rented. You must own it.

The Astro Zombie is a man in a rubber mask. The Male leads try to keep a straight face while spouting ridiculous dialogue. Tura Satana wears exotic outfits, makeup and eyelashes which gives the movie some camp appeal. You'll have a hard time figuring out the plot. It's shocking to see the depths Wendell Corey had descended to but he was probably too sozzled to care. The women scream a lot especially when the Astro Zombie tries to rip their clothes off. John Carradine bumbles around in his laboratory endlessly. The opening and closing credits are shot over film of toy robots and tanks. If you thought Ed Wood made bad films wait until you see this. I'll never part with my video copy though!

I recommend this movie to insomniacs, maybe they can watch this movie and enjoy it. It's a mix of spies, science, and horror as several plots interrupt each other. 1) A team of detectives are investigating a series of murders where organs are taken from bodies and try to stop a gang of spies. 2) A mad scientist (played horribly by John Carradine) takes the organs and makes a series of astro zombies that run on batteries (more on this later). 3) A gang of spies, led by Tura Satana, needs the scientist's information to create their own supermen to take over the world.

Now, each plot has its good points. Joan Patrick is the shining star in the detective story as a young nurse used as bait for a zombie (seems the brain of a criminal she operated on is inside of it). After that fails, she goes home and is attacked by one while her cop boyfriend is outside. The cop puts up a fight with the thing and (luckily for him, since he was getting beat pretty bad) the zombie runs out of energy in its "cell battery" on its forehead, so it grabs the nearest flashlight, turns it on, smacks it onto the battery, and runs back to the lab! The scientist plot is saved by the presence of a scantily-dressed young captive who is gawked at and pawed upon by Carradine's assistant Franchot. Carradine just rambles on and on about science and zombies and such to his mute assistant, who couldn't care less! All Franchot wants to do is experiment on the captive! The spy story is Tura Satana's story and I could watch her forever! An extremely sexy woman, just like in FASTER PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL!, she is pure evil. She holds men hostage and burns cigarette butts into their faces, shoots cops gleefully even after they're dead, and obviously wants to take over the world!

Now that I think about, I guess I can see why people might want to watch this. For the sheer silliness of it all. But there are many boring parts, including a hypnotic nude dance in a club by a woman painted head to toe in psychedelic colors! Proceed with caution!

Okay, this movie really sucks and not many people are gonna tell you any different. Even though I had some fun watching Astro Zombies, I know it is a worthless piece of sheet! It's just amazingly so horrible that I actually laughed at it and enjoyed doing so. I think that's what it was intended to do was to make people laugh at its stupidness.

If you are a John Carradine fan, then you must watch this film. Otherwise you more than likely will absolutely hate it and most people won't even make it 30 minutes into the movie. There is no need to get into plot, acting, or effects because there really isn't any to talk about! If you can take this movie for what it is, and that is to not be serious, and if you enjoy watching really campy films, then you may just possibly enjoy this little bundle of joy...but don't count on it!

As I watched this film, I couldn't help but think that leading man Wendell Corey looked intoxicated throughout the movie--acting listless and somewhat slurred in speech. So, I did a search on the net and read up on Corey's life--discovering that the same year he made this film he also died from cirrhosis of the liver as a result of alcoholism. What a sad end to what had been a good career. Corey had been mostly a supporting actor in the late 40s and into the 50s--steady and effective in his films. Here, though, he was blundering through his lines in a grade-z sci-fi yarn. Oddly, despite getting top billing, he's not in the film that much--perhaps he died before it was completed.

John Carradine is also in the film, but that isn't nearly as sad as Corey, as Carradine made a career out of appearing in bad films, so this seems to be right up his alley! It is truly an awful film--with practically no budget, ketchup for blood and acting that seems amateur at best. You know it's a bad film when Carradine is probably the BEST actor among them.

Here is the plot: American scientists have been working on creating "astro-zombies". In essence, robots that follow mental commands over great distances--so that humans on Earth can control these droids in space. The problem is, a mad scientist (Carradine) has gone missing and many mutilated bodies begin appearing. Could it be Carradine or the Commies or both?!

One of the few strengths about the film is the head "baddie". This woman should probably have gotten a fashion makeover, but I still loved her style--no debating--just shooting people. And, when she shoots them, she shoots them again and again--pumping bullets into the lifeless bodies just to be 100% sure they are dead. For once, we seem to have an intelligent villain--too bad she's starring in such an unintelligent film!! And, too bad that she conveniently forgets to do this at the very end--when she SHOULD have unloaded a full clip into her victim! The biggest deficit (and there are many) is that the film is so dull. Cheap does not mean that it must be dull. Even bad films such as PLAN 9 or TEENAGERS FROM OUTER SPACE are fun to watch because of their ineptness and because they try so hard to be entertaining. This one, sadly, isn't bad enough to be good for a laugh.

Not surprisingly, the film is from Ted Mikels--one of the best bad film makers that ever lived. Clearly, he was the rival of the likes of Larry Buchanan, Ed Wood and Al Adamson. If you don't believe me, understand that "The Astro-Zombies" is among his BEST films!!