I went through 3 failed in vitro treatments, innumerable injectible IUIs and Clomid cycles, and 3 regularly-conceived miscarriages. I then had to have a full hysterectomy the week I turned 40 due to severe endometriosis, thereby ending ALL chances of giving birth. As my husband wasn't interested in adoption (and had 3 children from his first marriage), I felt my lifelong dream of being a mom slip away at such a young age. I also felt alone in my suffering any sense of loss, and my husband and I ended up divorced due to multiple traumas endured in our 9 years together. Now, at 52, I feel I'm the only one who even remembers my babies - the only one who still grieves for them, and the only one who is completely childless. Having also experienced breast cancer twice by the age of 45, I'm fully aware that in all likelihood, when I'm on my deathbed one day, I'll have no family to surround me and mourn my loss. I know that is an odd thought, but that's what sticks in my mind 17 years out from my pregnancy losses, having gone through so many other thoughts about my identity as a childless woman, the reduced importance of my own life, and the loss of all sense of family. I felt like this film gave me permission to have those thoughts - however strange they may sound to others. Though I didn't hear much about divorce, I was so uplifted to see other male partners in the film discuss their own feelings of loss, and this gave me insight into how some males handle pregnancy loss. Mostly, I took away the film's primary theme as being "I won't accept shame or stigma for losing my babies; they were and will always be significant, even if unborn." And secondarily, I believe a major point is that we "Angel Moms" have to share our stories to heal. I have felt I couldn't talk about my losses for so many years now (people expect me to be OVER IT), but this movie, again, gave me permission to grieve even still, but to not suffer in silence. Thank you for the compassion with which this documentary was told, and thank you for allowing these moms and dads to share their most vulnerable feelings about their saddest days and experiences. There was nothing like this back in 2000-2003. With sincere gratitude,
Jennifer
