Bulletproof

Move over, Rambo, there's a new one-man-army in town... and he knows how to play the sax. That makes him a real deadly enemy!

Gary Busey, one of my favorite B-squad actors, is Frank "Bulletproof" McBain, an ex-CIA agent who can't be harmed by bullets and likes to give his foes weird names like "Butthorn" (I guess that's a softer version of the word a##-hole!). He uses big guns, plays the saxaphone, and really whups the crap out of his enemies. Oh, and he gets the chicks, too. I know, this film sounds really derivative and ridiculous at first, but if you have the right patience, you could wind up enjoying this film. Busey is a great actor because he's the kind that can portray any character. For example, in "Lethal Weapon", he's a sleazy villain, and in "Bulletproof", he's an all-out, gung ho hero. His ability to play any man is what really impresses me the most. If you want to see Busey as a dirtbag or a psycho, watch "Lethal Weapon" or "Under Siege", or if you like to see him as a womanizing or wisecracking good guy, either "Bulletproof", or "Point Break" are your choices.

There's a fair amount of silly, ridiculous stuff in this movie, but unfortunately it's a lot slower than I remember. Gary Busey is basically the only thing noteworthy outside of a cameo by a very early Danny Trejo.

Highlights include Busey's character, McBain, fantasizing about a lost love and serenading her with diegetic porn sax on the beach, the repeated use of "butt horn" as an insult, and a particularly dumb escape sequence involving Busey tied to a wheel.

But there are long stretches of nothing between those moments. Every now and then you get a little something, like the guerilla commando with a scoped uzi (why???), but this is the sort of movie anyone could have made in their sleep for how much it's just extremely standard action stereotypes.

I have a feeling they ran out of money, too. A shootout signalling the start of the final act has decent pyrotechnics, but everything after that is so neutered you'd swear they cut down the violence for a PG rating. Except the version I saw also had a fair bit of nudity in the opening, and the movie still landed as an R. So I guess they just ran out of budget for squibs and explosives. Makes a lot of the last few encounters feel weirdly toothless when they cut away from what other movies would revel in.

But hey, it's not all bad. Though I hadn't seen it in a while, this is my third time watching it, and it's because it does have memorably stupid shenanigans in it. I just wish it had more.

I had such high hopes for this movie when I discovered it. Not only does it star my favorite actor of all time (Henry Silva), but it serves as the vehicle for Gary Busey's ill-fated and misguided debut as an action star! Unfortunately, I was pretty let down by the time the end credits rolled. The only redeeming aspect of this dated movie is the first half-hour, which is a pathetic attempt to mimic Lethal Weapon-styled buddy cop movies. Like many other action flicks starring big ego second-tier stars (Steven Seagal being our number one offender here), they really try to build up the main character as a devil-may-care indestructible ex-CIA supercop who all the bad guys know about. Notice during the ice cream truck chase when the villains have this exchange after they pound Busey's car with bullets:

Villain 1: I think we blew him off! Villain 2: You don't blow up a dude like McBain!

The story is pretty lame once it gets going. McBain is hired by the army to retrieve a tank named "Thunderblast" (!) that seems to be some armored afterbirth of the Reagan-era military buildup. Henry Silva's role is pretty wasted as a Libyan colonel who is working alongside the Commies. Aside from the hilariously bad first half hour and the introduction of the word "butthorn" into popular lexicon, Bulletproof is pretty much a waste of time.

There's uber cheesy 1980s action nonsense and then there's "Bulletproof". This thing is so utterly daft it may lead one to believe that the filmmakers had their tongues in their cheeks to some degree. It's cheerfully dumb fun that should have viewers busting a gut, or shaking their heads at the ridiculousness of it all. The good guy is a seemingly indestructible goof ball and the villains are all pure one dimensional scum - not that that's a bad thing. In movies like "Bulletproof", that's what you hope for. There's plenty of explosions and plenty of gunfire; this may be stupid, but it sure as hell ain't boring.

A lively, hilarious Gary Busey is cop Frank "Bulletproof" McBain, so nicknamed because of the amount of bullets that his body has taken (39 and counting). He keeps these souvenirs in a mason jar in his bathroom. He's forcibly pressed back into service by the military after they've *deliberately* allowed a super duper tank of theirs to be snatched up by terrorists. McBain, almost a one man show, takes on all comers, including a Mexican creep named Brogado (Rene Enriquez of 'Hill Street Blues'), a Libyan goon named Kartiff (a priceless Henry Silva), and a Russian thug played by the eternally bad ass William Smith.

Director Steve Carver ("Big Bad Mama", "Lone Wolf McQuade") was an old hand at action by this point, and he keeps this patently absurd story moving right along. The cast is full of familiar faces, so buffs can have a good time playing Spot the Character Actor; Thalmus Rasulala ("Blacula"), L.Q. Jones ("The Wild Bunch"), Mills Watson ("Cujo"), R.G. Armstrong ("Race with the Devil"), Luke Askew ("Rolling Thunder"), Lincoln Kilpatrick ("The Omega Man"), delectable Lydie Denier ("Satan's Princess"), Juan Fernandez ("The Collector"), Redmond Gleeson ("Dreamscape"), and the great Danny Trejo all turn up as well. Smith and Silva are delicious in their roles; one has to hand it to Silva for having his swarthy villain act down pat after so many years of practice. "In my country, women have RESPECT!" Lovely Darlanne Fluegel plays McBains' former flame, one of the Army personnel who've been captured along with the tank.

One need never worry about having to tax their brains when it comes to entertainment such as "Bulletproof". It's an absolute hoot from beginning to end.

Eight out of 10.

Lame brain story and messily energetic plotting, but "Bulletproof" is so much fun… absurdly so. Forget the nonsensical narrative; watch it for the mayhem, explosions, gunfire and Gary Busey going about his business while calling his enemies a "butt-horn". Yes that's right, "Bird season's over butt-horn"! Dynamic and noisy from the get-go and what a way to introduce Busey's unstoppably grizzled character Frank "Bulleproof" McBain. Watch him remove bullets from his wounds and then add them to a jar. Hey its no action masterpiece and it predictably recycles itself, but this crackling rough b-action joint delivers the over-the-top goods and director Steve Carver (who directed two great Chuck Norris' ventures; "Eye for An Eye" & "Lone Wolf McQuade") just knows how to capably package it all up. Tough exchanges, sharp, if pulpy dialogues, grungy setting with cheap looking props (the rolling wheel scene involving great dummy work was side-splitting, so was Silva's reaction to it) and a frenetic pace that never lets up. Even there's time out for some heartfelt flashbacks; Busy and a saxophone. Simply smooth in presenting a broken man.

While the names and faces of familiarity do show up. How can you go wrong when you have Henry Silva, Juan Fernandez, William Smith and Rene Enriquez adding spice and maliciousness to their villainous roles. You got Cuban, Libyan and Russian terrorists all rolled into one. Talk about an aimless bunch though… I lost count how many times they had a chance to take out their man even with an onslaught of ammunition. Who to save the day; "Bulletproof" McBain with Busey's charisma on overload. His mission; make his way to an Mexican village near the Texan border to retrieve a stolen American top secret attack vehicle code named Thunderblast (truly a space-age looking piece of machinery), which is just as bulletproof as McBain. Silva cheerily hams it up, but it's Smith that packs the venom despite the short time he spends on screen. Typical textbook bad guys, doing the bad guy shtick. Also popping up is the beautifully impulsive Darlanne Fluegel whose character shares a past with "Bulletproof" McBain. L.Q Jones, R.G Armstrong, Luke Askew, Lincoln Kilpatrick and Mills Watson make up solid cast. In very small parts are genre favourites Danny Trejo and Cary -Hiroyuki Tagawa. Another interesting name to find itself attached to the credits; low-budget film-maker Fred Olen Ray put pen to paper to co-write the story.

"You might be bulletproof, but I'm just human".