Children vs. Wizards is an experience I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. A movie made by the Russian Orthodox Church, it is a refreshingly bad take on Harry Potter as it establishes an interesting but more so alarming relationship between the wizards, anti-Christian and anti-Russian villains with a plan to bring down the Russian Empire, and the Muggles, heroic Russian patriots working towards bringing down this great evil and saving their motherland.
Our protagonists must infiltrate the magical school of the wizards and rescue the Russian students brainwashed into learning magic and, in doing so, disowning Russia. The man leading this whole operation is a cadet called Ivan, who funnily enough resembles a young Vladmir Putin-a truly weird coincidence if I've ever seen one. Now, Ivan has no weapons or tools to go up against the wizards, but not to worry, for he is armed with good old Christian faith! All he must do is pray against the Serbian and Scottish sinners and not even Voldemort could touch him!
Not only does this horrendous tale perpetuate religious supremacy, but it also preaches about the ideal woman, as we can see with Nadya's journey, the Russian commander's daughter who is falsely led to believe in the charm of the magical world and is subsequently taught to become a "whore" who takes advantage of men. These teachings are clearly painted as non-Christian and it is implied that virginity and loyalty to your husband is the only way to be a good Christian woman. Not only is dictating what women can or cannot do intensely misogynistic, but showing this sort of content to young and impressionable girls who just wanted to see a Russian adaptation of their favourite book series is a crime on its own.
Furthermore, in terms of general cinematic criticism, this movie is an eyesore. Funded by church-goers, the animation of this movie is so downright awful that the robotic movements and the lifeless characters seem almost comedic. I suppose this was a decision taken by the director to reflect the quality of the plot, which is perhaps one of the most boring pieces in all of cinematic history. For the first forty-five minutes, all the characters talk about is how wizards plan to invade Russia and how the patriots must stop them. There is no time given to flesh out the dull characters who are void of any personality, and any attempt at comedy as a way to appeal to the target audience falls hilariously flat. The climax can be predicted from a galaxy away and is devoid of any drama that keeps the audience invested. I guess even the director got bored of making this movie, because he decides to abruptly end it as soon as it touches the 90 minute mark. This was most likely an attempt to produce two more sequels so as to stay true to the original trilogy 'The Science of Winning', but I suppose even God could not permit so great a sin to fall upon humanity and we were thankfully saved from an international travesty.
