Dead Meat

This movie is a MUST for all B-Movie horror buffs! It has everything you could ever hope for: Nudity, bad fake blood, absurd killer (never explained why he kills), and cheerleader lesbians! OF COURSE this is a terrible movie. The plot and directing are OK, as in perfunctory which is actually much better than most films like this.

The GREAT: Nudity, Cheerleaders, and bi-curious cheerleaders getting naked and going at it! The GOOD: The filmmakers knew what they were making - a stupid horror movie. All the actors are really stupid and annoying, and thankfully, they do all get killed! The music was actually good, a lot of great dark metal! The BAD: The dialogue was so horrible I found myself fast-fowarding through some scenes it was so bad. Also there is a lot of padding added to this film, with characters walking FOREVER while a song plays, save yourself the time and just fast-forward. Also, the blood was so stupid and fake, its like "Oh no! I got red corn syrup all overm yself!" Ron Jeremey is absurd as the killer, his arm gets blown off multiple times, and he literally just staples it back together and its good as new. He literally jumps out of nowhere, and can't be stopped - obviously the film-makers are were just playing up the camp with Ron Jeremey's character. Also, why the hell were all the cheerleaders wearing their uniform the entire time!? Would they really be wearing their uniforms on a cross-country road trip? That was really stupid. I think it must have been just to keep wardrobe costs down, as I'm sure it cost about $50 or so to make this "film"

Andre the Butcher is about a satanic demon that took the place of a family man butcher who lost his family and takes up performing his profession on everyone that stops by. A ridicules film whose saving grace is that it is supposed to be demented, and that it is. Cheerleaders, convicts, and cops all get in on the act and fall prey to the butcher. Ron Jeremy plays the butcher in a way only he can. Of course with Jeremy, you would also expect to find gratuitous nudity. Luckily, it's the cheerleaders and not Jeremy. If you like mindless demented films with little redeeming qualities, this is for you. At some point during the film you will snicker and walk away shaking your head. Perhaps you can make it to the ending. And would someone please, please, kill that darn half a sheriff that keeps popping up on the screen. I bet he's even in the sequel.

I waited over 2 weeks for Andre to arrive thru Netflix and it was definitely worth the wait. There's not much to do in my town so I watch A LOT of movies, and all kinds. Andre The Butcher really didn't meet my expectations, which was a good thing. Andre is probably the best low-budget indie I've seen in the last 3 years. I call it an indie and not a horror film because there is a lot more going on in this film than just pretty faces and slasher gore. Unlike most shoestring digital movies out there, Andre actually has good actors, sharp dialog, good camera work and its just a damn funny movie. Yeah, its obvious this wasn't made with the budget of Titanic folks. But the filmmakers really got a lot of bang out of their buck.

The only negative thing I would mention is the boxart. The front of the DVD box makes it look like a straightforward gorefest, which is definitely not the case. I can see a lot of disappointed horror fans out there in this regard. I would recommend that horror fans and audience in general not get fooled by the sinister boxart. This is best described as a comedy with horror elements- the kinda flick to watch with the gang and a kegger. Once you understand the true nature of this film, it is a blast! I hope these guys make more movies, and more with that delicious hottie April Billingsley. She can lick chilli off my toes anytime! ;)

Even if you don't love Ron Jeremy, or understand his place in pop culture history, you will appreciate his contribution to Dead Meat. He is hilarious, even without speaking a word. The usual slasher ingredients are here (ingredients, get it? Ha Ha!) cheerleaders, boobies, questionable chili, a scary dude killing people, some escaped convicts, etc. You know the drill: pretty people end up in a scary house in the woods, and are killed off one by one after they have lesbian sex/take off their bikini tops/eat some chili. It totally rocks, right down to the sound track. The best part of this film is the writing, which is funny, surprising, and full of fun. The actors all seem to be having a blast, even in the Florida heat. The special effects are surprisingly awesome for an independent film. There is one that deserves particular praise, but I won't spoil it by telling you. Quality all the way! I saw this film at its premier, and loved it from start to finish. There are not many big budget movies that are able to keep my attention the way this independent film did. I hope to see more from the filmmakers in the future.

I hated this when I first saw it, but then I thought about it more and realized it wasn't quite as bad as I thought originally. Still not very good though. It had its moments, like the cheerleader kung-fu. The obvious body double shots of boobs was just plain ridiculous. The only thing this movie has going is its silly humor. Most of it didn't work for me, but I can see where some people may appreciate it. I was pretty disappointed that this was not a super gritty creepfest like the box art implies. The tone of the movie is nowhere near as cool as the cover. Then again, these movies usually aren't. I should probably get used to that kind of disappointment.