Deathstalker IV: Match of Titans

I didn't think anyone else had even heard of the Deathstalker films, let alone actually owned them - so when I saw this 'un on sale for a couple of quid second-hand, the appalling decision had already been made...

It's not a good film, obviously. In fact it's pretty terrible. I can't say just how terrible it is in relation to its three predecessors, because they were experienced way back in my murky, impressionable childhood and the only bits I can remember are the bits that were inexplicably recycled in this one.

But the real tragedy of Match of Titans is that while it's certainly a long way from the likes of the Conan films in terms of production values and, well... everything, really, it's also not quite inept enough to be funny. Don't get me wrong, the scale of incompetence runs pretty high considering it's the fourth instalment in a series, but when it comes to the crunch Rick Hill goes and ruins everything by turning in an inappropriately decent performance. Maria Ford's worth looking at, too. Not worth watching, mind you, but definitely worth looking at. There's a difference.

Still, the 'special' 'effects' are well down to standard for the genre, as are the 'plot', 'dialogue' and 'continuity'. And I can only speculate that the 'fight scenes' were choreographed by a couple of arthritic, wheelchair-bound 85-year-olds drunk on gin, which is great for a film entirely based around a hand-to-hand combat tournament. So it's not all bad, then.

As you might have expected this is another cheap and shoddy sword and sorcery flick from Corman's trash factory. Not nearly as fun as Deathstalker I or II, but at least the character is back in his relaxed, tongue-in-cheek mode, unlike the too serious Deathstalker from part III. You get some bad swordfights, self-parodic machismo, gladiator action, nasty leather-lesbians, lion-men, stone-soldiers and lots of T&A. And of course once again you get to enjoy some Concorde "classic" scenes, like: "Man being dragged through the woods by a horse", "Pigman eats pork" and "thinny, hyperactive gladiator in stupid viking helmet uses penis-violence and is beaten to a pulp by a fat, hairy giant with a club".

This is clearly the best of the Deathstalker series, much better than the first three. Rick Hill (Deathstalker 1) is back, this time with more filled out masculine features and physique. He and Dionara (Maria Ford), after generally being involved in medieval combat against the bad guys at the beginning, go to a tournament hosted by the evil Queen Kana (Michelle Moffett). Sort of like "Enter the Dragon" except swords onstead of martial arts, and both men and women. It then becomes evident that the Queen has further motives than sadistically watching people die in slaughtering each other, that is, specifically to get rid of enemies present at the tournament and get a hold of Deathstalker's magical sword. Deathstalker and Dionara, with the help of a sidekick they persuade, seek to foil the queen.

There is lots of wild action, outdoors and indoors, some banquets and orgies and nudity, and the queen even has some erotic moments with Deathstalker and the sidekick. Dionara has a water hole fight with her lead rival before a climactic swordfight. But Rick and Maria make a great pair of protagonists, the best Deathstalker romantic pair. If you are into this genre, see it.

Wait...there are four Deathstalkers, if they keep this up they can have their own convention!!

Its better than part 3 and that's the only redeeming feature about this....feature.

You would see better action watching Beaches.

This is a great film. Here are some highlights:

The film has scenes directly recycled from DEATHSTALKER I as well as BARBARIAN QUEEN, but portrayed as if they were brand-new scenes.

Unlike Deathstalker I, there are no pig-men, but there are lion-men and wolf-men and -women, who seem to be recurring villains in the film. Like the first film, the protagonist is played by Rick Hill, which is fun to see his deadpan-delivered lines. His female sidekick/love interest is Dionara (Maria Ford). The duo basically make their way to another tournament, which evil Queen Kana is holding for the warriors in the whole kingdom.

At one point, Deathstalker meets a Tommy Wiseau-look alike who does 50 pushups. Named Vaniat (Brett Baxter Clark), he sort of follows Hill and Ford to the tournament. We later learn that Vaniat is the first no-fapper (which I didn't know existed in 1991): he tells Deathstalker that sleeping with women saps one's vital energy; hee also eats a whole pig and likes cardio. He was basically a crossfitter before cross fit existed. To add to the greatness, this character's non-exposure to women becomes a hilarious plot point later on in the film.

We also get to see the early '90s fascination with lesbian-esque women clad in leather, one of whom has a buzzcut and befriends the main girl Dionara. One of the secondary villains whom we meet midway into the film is a lesbian, who basically forces herself on a younger girl after killing her female guardian.

The music sounds as if the composer was having a seizure on the keyboard.

With so much greatness, DEATHSTALKER IV is a much-watch!