The basic premise is kind enough to inform that we're about to sit for a purely ludicrous, unserious romp, and it does sound promising enough that we might be curious to check it out. That curiosity has to be weighed against the fact that titles of this tenor in the 2010s and 2020s tend to be of a nature that makes excessive use of schlocky computer-generated imagery over practical effects and tangible creations, with bare-faced production values that are all but literally painful to behold, but that's a risk we as viewers can decide easily enough if we're willing to take. Unfortunately, despite the mix of horror, science fiction, and comedy that the concept portends, the latter portion of the equation is desperately missing, as is even the tiniest modicum of general Fun. From the very, very start filmmakers Alan Maxson and Shawn Schminke fill their flick with unremitting zest and bombast; it's "Go! Go! Go!" from the moment we press "play," with no sense of dynamics in which humor could flourish - let alone any wit or care that would foster that humor in the first place. To be very blunt, 'Christmas with Cookie' is an absolute, boring dud.
The same forceful, driving ethos of "Check this out! Hey, this is good, right?! Hey, look at me!" applies to everything in these thankfully brief fifty-one minutes: writing, direction, costume design, hair, makeup, acting, CGI, "art direction," props, music, and more. At the same time, this is extraordinarily low-budget to the point that all the above facets plainly betray the lack of available resources, extraordinarily low-grade to the point there was no actual discernible attempt made in any capacity, and so glaringly pristine in its image quality and sound design that all the astounding deficiencies ring clearly in our ears and are thrust directly in our face. The script inserts self-referential, self-deprecating meta quips as a substitute for any cleverness; Maxon himself, starring as both Cookie and Santa, demonstrates that he has no acting capability whatsoever by chewing scenery in the former role and using the exact same voice in the latter. Great guacamole, this is just rotten.
I've seen some amateur horror that was genuinely great. Lacking experience, developed skills, and resources are unfortunate, but are not truly a barrier to quality film-making and storytelling provided a movie is instead characterized by earnest effort, enthusiasm, and heart. Why, Nathan Cox and Archie Meyer's 2019 feature 'XIII' is one of the best "found footage" films I've ever seen; 1995 Japanese 'Evil dead' homage 'Bloody muscle body builder in hell' is a pure joy; much the same goes for Hawaiian 1991 title 'Slaughter day,' a fabulous homemade extravaganza of blood and gore. Maxson and Schminke, however, not only lacked experience, skills, and resources when making 'Christmas with Cookie,' they also lacked meaningful effort, real imagination, or any apparent concern for how the end result would look. Calling this 2016 rubbish an "amateur" endeavor is an insult to other amateur filmmakers who at least do the bare minimum and, you know, Try.
From the outside looking in the idea looks entertaining. It could have been, if anyone involved had bothered to apply themselves to the slightest degree. They did not, however, and in turn the viewing experience is senseless, and all but unwatchable from the moment it begins. To sit in front of our screen and continue suffering this dreck is an act of committed masochism for which we should be heavily compensated. Let us hope that Maxson, Schminke, and all others who contributed to this nightmare decide to remove themselves from the industry forevermore, and let us further hope that any site that houses this or their other works to stream make the humane decision to remove such abominations from their platform. 'Christmas with Cookie' is unfailingly terrible, dull, tiresome garbage, and no one should ever watch it.
