Yoga Hosers

Saw the "premier" in NJ.

First off, let me say Kevin Smith seems like a genuinely good dude. Actually - he is undoubtedly a great dude. Listening to him speak about film and the whole process was inspiring. It seemed like I was hearing one of my buddies talk. Very down to earth- but at the same time he'll throw out something ridiculous - but hilarious. Listening to him speak was arguably better than the movie. For the record- I wouldn't consider myself a HUGE Kevin Smith fan. I like him- but you know. I'm not one of the die hard Kevin Smith fans. I respect the hell out of him. I must admit though, I haven't seen his latest films.

"Yoga Hosers" had its moments. Johnny Depp is almost unrecognizable and had everyone laughing. For him to go from Black Mass to this is mind-boggling. Talk about versatility. The two main girls might not sit well with people - but with Mr Smiths prologue - I understood their performances. They are supposed to be brats who are obsessed with their cell phones. The movie has a bunch of cameos whom people will recognize from the past and enjoy seeing again. It also had a cool 80's arcade vibe. It's obviously not meant to receive Oscars or critical acclaim; but, nevertheless, it's a fun flick- with some interesting performances. The story itself is silly- in that unique Kevin Smith way. I did feel bad after at the Q and A when he kept saying he was a crappy filmmaker and that he has no skill (comparing himself to Tarantino). I know he's being humble, but it just didn't seem right hearing that. Clerks, Dogma, Mallrats? Classics man. He represents NJ well. I wanted to shout out but I was working. I think he just felt it was important to acknowledge the haters, and I respect that.

So- yeah. This is a tough movie to review. The best way to put it - it's so bad it's good. I think that's the point. It definitely had funny moments. Even some creepy ones. It is a comedy though - before anything else. It's a movie for all ages really. The theater was sold out and cracking up. I do kinda wish they used less CGI - but for this type of story - it is somewhat necessary. It's a shame people have labeled it as "a play date" just because of the father /daughter + father/daughter thing. That's what Mr. Smith said at least.

Overall, if you're feeling up for a weird, funny B - movie and you're a fan of Kevin Smith and Johnny Depp- I suppose it's worth a watch. I had a good time. Like I said- it's so bad it's good.

6/10

P.S. Very cool to learn Kevin Smith and I were born at the same hospital. Riverview Medical Center.

Kevin Smith was good filmmaker. He made Clerks on a shoestring budget. He made the wickedly funny Dogma. And he made the surreal Tusk. But somewhere along the lines he seems to have forgotten certain things.

While Sophia Coppola wrote a love letter to Japan in "Lost in Translation", Kevin Smith seems to have scrawled something on a bar napkin for Canada in "Yoga Hosers". It's frankly a wonder why specifically this movie was made.

The story itself, is unremarkable. Two girls, played by the daughters of Johnny Depp and Kevin Smith play the two Colleens who wind up in the middle of some really strange stuff dealing with Nazi sausages. Yes that's right, Bratzis. The girls are cute but they're not great actresses. You really need more if you plan on building a career for these two.

But that's not the problem. The problem is why specifically is this set in Canada? Put it in the United States and the story would barely change. The only difference is there wouldn't be all those lame Canadian "jokes" that people say when trying to be clever.

Yes. We get it. Canadians have an accent. They say "sorry" differently. They say "zed" instead of "zee". And nobody, especially in Manitoba, says "aboot". Maybe that's an East coast thing but I've spent time in Canada and never heard anybody say it that yes. Sure, it's different than how we say it in the United States but it's not "aboot".

But literally that's the joke. Canadians talk funny. Ha ha ha. Get it? If not it's okay, it'll only be hammered home with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. If you make the mistake of trying to take a shot every time somebody says "sorry" or "aboot" you'll be passed out in the first 10 minutes.

I'll admit it had some decent moments but overall, it was just terrible.

I'm really not looking forward to "Moose Jaws" because I honestly think it's just going to be more of the same.

Kevin Smith definitely didn't shoot for the moon, or aim to make this for everyone, or even most...he made this for his fans from the Podcast, and to give his daughter an avenue to stretch her new found skills.

The movie is fun. the performances in it all shine at different moments...the two standouts being Johnny Depp as Guy Lapointe and Tony Hale as Lily-Rose Depp's Dad...Solid and funny.

The girls grew on me after awhile...which was surprising, only to the fact that watching teen girls on their phones and chatting back and forth...in real life can be annoying...But Smith makes it funny, and paced well.

Overall...if the preview intrigues you...see it.

If not...it's OK to skip...it's not for you.

At first I gave it a chance... I have seen some bad films in the past and endured them to the end but I honestly could not continue the painful experience that this film put me through for 28min. I did skip forward a few times in hope it might get to the point. I doubt though that anyone involved actually knew what the film was a bout. Confusing and badly executed.... I think one star is fair due to it being unwatchable for me... good luck to anyone that makes it to the end.

Yoga Hosers (2016)

* (out of 4)

Friends Colleen (Lily-Rose Depp) and Colleen (Harley Quinn Smith) are invited to a Senior party but they end up having to work at the local convenient store. They invite the boys back to the store for a party by they're attacked by some Nazi sausages.

Yes, writer/director Kevin Smith has followed the ultra-bizarre TUSK up with an even stranger movie that isn't nearly as creative. You know, I got the great opportunity to see Smith in person during one of his "conversations" and he's a terrific and fun guy. I mean, you gotta admire the man for what he has accomplished in his career and during the chat he talked about people questioning him and that he will do the type of films that he wants. I really, truly and 100% respect that and I admire any filmmaker who wants to take chances and do weird things.

With that said, just because I respect the filmmaker doesn't mean that I'm going to enjoy the picture. Sadly, YOGA HOSERS is a really awful movie that doesn't work on any level outside of being weird, strange and in all reality original. Yes, Nazi sausages are on display here and you've got to at least admit that you've never seen that before. The problem is that Smith's screenplay is just weird and for a comedy it's never funny. That's the most shocking thing to me because Smith is one of the best dialogue writers out there yet this film just seems flat and lifeless.

I don't know if the point of this film is to give his daughter and Depp's daughter a film to go and if perhaps Daddy Smith and Daddy Depp are just here having some goofy fun. Perhaps that's the case but you still have to have some sort of laughs. At just 89-mintues the film is rather short but it drags on to the point where around the twenty-minute mark I was already looking at my clock. I will say that the two leads are actually good together and have a nice chemistry, which just makes you wish even more that they had something better to work with. Johnny Depp returns to his role from TUSK and adds to the weirdness.

YOGA HOSERS is just another flat out weird movie but sadly this one here isn't nearly as effective as TUSK. With the lack of laughs this movie is pretty much dead in the water, which is really too bad.