Tarzan, l'homme singe

For that matter one of the worst FILMS ever made. Plot goes as follows. Slog through jungle looking areas for 10 minutes or so. Have Bo go somewhere and strip. Slog through the jungle some more. Give Bo another excuse to strip. Back to the jungle. Oh look! There's a Tarzan looking guy! Strip, Bo - strip. Kill the safari people. Tarzan looking guy has a fight scene. Saves Bo. Bo strips. Run credits. Run credits, run.

Having seen "10" about a year earlier, and thinking Tarzan the Ape Man might be similarly funny and entertaining, I took the 45 minute drive from a very rural town in San Mateo County, California "over the hill" to San Carlos to see a late night showing one Friday night in 1981. There were only a few people in the theater when the show started and several left as the movie dragged on. I was bored out of my mind except when Bo Derek found herself in a situation where she could shed her clothes. From the standpoint of pure physical beauty of human form, Bo Derek was at her physical peak when her husband shot her for this film. Twenty-seven years later, I remember in vivid detail the scene of her coming out of the ocean in full-frontal nudity. A 12 or 14 foot tall image of Bo's glistening wet body strolling up and out of the blue ocean directly towards the camera, into bright sunlight is one of the most beautiful images a person could ever imagine. She is stunning and the image will be burned into my memory for the rest of my life. When VHS was available in the late 80's or early 90's, I rented a copy from RKO video and was disappointed that most of that scene had been cut. If anyone knows where an uncut version is available, I would surely enjoy reliving the experience.

So, just how bad is the 1981 version of Tarzan the Ape Man? Everybody knows that it has a reputation as one of the very worst movies ever made, so when you sit down to watch it, you know it's going to be rubbish. The main element of fun is experiencing just how bad it really is. Can it really surpass Plan 9 From Outer Space? Is it as idiotic as Astro Zombies? Is it as boring as The Bible....in the Beginning? Is it as unintentionally funny as The Swarm? The answer is.... yes! This movie really is right down there with the worst twenty or so films ever made.

The story focuses more on Jane (the talentless Bo Derek), who arrives in Africa to reunite with her tyrannical, boozy, abusive father (Richard Harris). During a jungle expedition, she goes missing and is rescued by ape man Tarzan (Miles O'Keefe), only to fall in love with him.

O'Keefe is unquestionably the worst Tarzan ever, and Derek is probably the worst Jane. Richard Harris's performance is energetic and entertaining, but why he bothered to put in such a lively performance is anybody's guess. It's certainly a wasted effort.

The backdrop is nicely photographed, but then again anyone can design a nice postcard. The characters moving around in front of the scenery are so banal and idiotic that the film fails on every level. The worst moment of all is the dreary slow-motion snake wrestling sequence.

Miss this movie at all costs. Unless you want to compile a list of the worst films ever.... if that's your aim, then this is a must!

This is the best film the Derek couple has ever made and if you think this is a recommendation then you haven't seen any of the others. There are the usual ingredients: it is just as poorly acted as their other efforts, we can watch Bo disrobing or auditioning for wet T-shirt contests quite frequently, the story is just laughably idiotic, and the film takes itself much too seriously. And then: Orang Utans in Africa?

But it has a few things going for it. Bo looks great, the production values (sets, costumes, etc.) are quite good, and this greatly enhances its camp value. In a strange way it is actually quite funny, simply because it tries to be serious and fails so badly.

The one thing that Tarzan and Jane have in common in this movie is that neither wears underwear. Tarzan is presumed by that loin cloth, but Bo Derek makes sure the audience knows it...no bra, wet see thru clothing, and sometimes totally nude, but certain parts still hid. Director John Derek had a great canvas with Bo to put on screen. She is simply stunning, and one of the most stunning actresses in movie history. That said, the movies she made were mainly stupid, including this one. Bo's style of making Jane innocent is sort of fun to watch, but this is a film that is best watched at home, where you can fast-forward through Richard Harris' parts, and much of the rest of it. This film is only for the Bo Derek-body watchers. She delivers in that respect. Only lately has Bo started making pretty decent films. But this film highlights her top-achievement in the 1980's - the bra-less wet-look, displayed in a way that makes it look oh, so natural.