Trinità e Sartana figli di...

I wonder just how many people over the years, from its European theatrical release to its present place on public domain video, have found themselves swindled by this movie. Though the two main characters of this movie have the names "Trinity" and "Sartana", this movie has absolutely no connection to those two famous spaghetti film series. I knew that when I picked up this movie, but I thought I still might get some enjoyment out of it since I love spaghetti westerns.

But despite my love of spaghetti westerns, I found this one very painful to sit through. It's a somewhat comic spaghetti western, but I did not laugh or smile once. The humor is unimaginative and often falls on familiar slapstick. But what's worse is the story - there's no real story, it's mainly a series of vignettes with loose connections to each other. What's even worse about this is as the movie goes on, it makes less and less sense, so at the end I had no idea what the hell was going on.

If you must watch this, seek out a widescreen print. The pan-and-scan version frequently chops off important stuff from the sides of the image so that the movie makes even less sense.

This film begins with a man by the name of "Trinity" (Harry Baird) being released from a small-town jail for being wrongly accused of horse theft. As it turns out, the man who stole the horses was a white man with blonde hair and Trinity definitely doesn't fit that description. Not long after he is released, he subsequently meets up with a man named "Sartana" (Robert Widmark) who just happens to be the same person who stole the horses. Together they ride out to their next destination to rob a bank that just received a cashbox full of money. What they don't know is that a wealthy member of this town by the name of "Mr. Burton" (Stelio Candelli) has already devised a plan to steal this shipment and doesn't like it when these two men acquire the money first. So, to prevent a future theft from going awry, he hires the services of a gang of Mexican bandits led by "El Tigre" (Ezio Marano) to help him out. But as notorious as El Tigre might be, he has no idea of the abilities the two men he will have to face. Now, rather than reveal any more, I will just say that this was a rather haphazard Spaghetti Western which relied upon humor as a key element. Unfortunately, it doesn't quite work very well as the comedy wasn't very sharp at all. As a matter of fact, if not for the presence of two beautiful actresses like Beatrice Pellegrino (as Burton's wife "Maribel") and Daniela Giordano ("Martha") I would have rated this film even lower as they were the only bright spots to be found.

First things first: get past the exploitive title, as this has no bearing on either the Terence Hill "Trinity" or the Gianni Garko "Sartana" series. You'll notice straightaway that Trinity is played by a black man (given his name, it is quickly explained, because he hails from Trinidad). And Sartana, although a handsome blonde, is more vagabond scoundrel than Garko's finely- dressed card-sharp. At least the two men are called by their titular names in the picture, which is untrue of some cash-in Western characters.

You'll find the film to be an affable, meandering, buddy-western comedy with no grand aspirations, but yet an agreeable watch for the genre fan.

The loose plot of the pic has our two partners-in-crime planning various schemes in order to line their pockets, and specifically to raise the $5000 necessary for Trinity to return to his homeland. Along the way, our heroes encounter the usual bumps in the road: crooked town bosses, pretty girls with bottles of wine, crusty old traveling musicians, Mexican bandits, etc. After numerous starts and stops, their final heist involves robbing a stagecoach headed for the US/Mexico border.

Despite the impediment of dubbed performances, I was quite enamored of Harry Baird as Trinity and Alberto ("Robert Widmark") Dell'Acqua as Sartana. Widmark, who we can only assume took his stage name from his slight resemblance to Richard Widmark, is a fresh- faced, grinning SOB who brings a spirit of mirth to his antics. He is also quite adept at acrobatic hand-to-hand combat and leaping stunts, bringing to mind Jackie Chan during the film's various brawls. Baird is more the straight man, with deadpan one-liners and reaction shots appropriately scattered throughout the proceedings.

A "funny", circus-like theme (by Carlo Savina) repeats here and there just to remind us not to take any of this too seriously -- the music is infectious and is one of the film's assets.

I saw a cropped, non-pan&scan version (101min) of this on a budget DVD, which detracted from the experience a bit. Don't know if a widescreen version is to be had anywhere but would be a great improvement.

TRINITY AND SARTANA, THOSE DIRTY SONS OF B****** (as the on screen title reads) plays as a genial, unimposing Spaghetti Western buddy comedy. Taken in the correct spirit it serves its purpose, led along by its two fine leads and a what-the-heck attitude. 6/10.

This is a pretty silly movie. If this was in the Police Academy series of movies, it would be somewhere between Assignment Miami Beach (where they still made an effort to care about the series) and City Under Siege (the official F*** it, let's go make some cash sequel). The jokes are plentiful and plenti-awful, and the romance is super cheese.

This is still definitely a genre movie, however, and all the reasons to enjoy Spaghetti Westerns exist in this world, even if on a watered down level. There is one thing in particular that really makes this movie watching, however, and that is the crazy Parkour moves of the Sartana character! He's all over the place, extremely athletic, and makes the fights/escapes very entertaining.

Rating: 18/40

Ready for some cold spaghetti from the bottom of the pot? Despite being a good looking production, Trinity & Sartana is about as sophisticated as a Three Stooges short, only with fewer laughs, no chemistry from the two leads, and the worst spaghetti western score I've ever heard. Also, whoever designed "Sartana's" costume should be tarred and feathered.

Harry Baird, who plays Trinity (that's Trinity from Trinidad) and who's usually in better movies, heads a cast of familiar European faces in this typical tale of a couple of outlaws who find it easy to rob banks but hard to keep the money since Trinity (from Trinidad) keeps giving away the loot.

It's a testament to the popularity of the real Trinity and the real Sartana (and the real Django for that matter) that literally dozens of (mostly) dull movies came along to capitalize on them by attempting to trick unsuspecting moviegoers into watching inferior films.