Dirty Secrets

Unsigned (no director or crew credits displayed), this Digital Playground release belongs not to the high-end (think "Pirates" and its sequel) product by which the label made its name but rather gonzo filler more akin to its latter-day corporate sibling Brazzers. Five vignettes lasting three full hours way overstay their welcome thanks to a single-camera, barely any editing format.

Gimmick here is in line with so much Internet Era porn, a slavish imitation of Amateur sex tapes or "reality TV" style in conceding to the ascendancy of late of free "anybody can make a porn video" content. So each scene has a hidden camera laboriously set up or hand-held camera shooting parts of the vignette, all done sloppily to suggest a candid approach.

This results on the DVD in footage repeated over and over and over again when Ryan Driller and Robby Echo compete to see which girlfriend puts out the best and easiest. After that crummy pair of scenes featuring underage looking cuties Zoe Wood and Goldie Rush blows over, the show goes to the opposite extreme as zoftig blondes Nina Elle and Olivia Austin have Sapphic sex after Nina gives Olivia a massage.

This scene has a hidden camera at a long distance previously set up by boss Kieran Lee, so the girl/girl action requires the viewer to do some squinting to see what's going on - poor technique at its crummiest in slavish support of the "reality" premise. Kieran storms in and the camera goes close-up for a very tedious threesome in which the same sequence of stock positions is executed by one gal after the other until Lee does his Rodney Moore thing on their faces.

Best scene here, perhaps to be anthologized in the future by DP, has a British twang, with Carly Rae (Summers) picked up at a nightclub by a mystery man (Chris Diamond, whose face is never shown), and then humped in the club's bathroom with relentless, unedited POV camerawork. She attacks Diamond's huge, always erect cock with relish resulting in collectively one of the longest blow jobs ever committed to video. What makes this tedious scene offbeat is the presence during most of it of two girlfriends of hers gawking at the sex and giant dick, the usual uncredited extras.

Finale has lovely Alice Lighthouse masturbating and then servicing Damon Dice, leading to a long distance facial for her masterminded by his odd positioning of her with her head down on the floor so that he can use gravity to extend the arc of his spunk ejaculation. A fitting non-ending to a nonsensical program.