Once Upon a Time in Hollyweird

What a mess. Horrible editing, writing, pacing and production. It might have been fun for the crew to make this in a friend's basement with TikTok quality production values, but it is an insult to fans of Madsen and Sizemore, and to their legacies (in my opinion).

A rambling, incoherent, fantastical, delusional homage that wildly misses its mark.

Maybe years from now this will be looked back on as a cult classic but, despite comparisons to Tarantino's films, this is not worth your time, and nowhere near Tarantino, on any level.

If you stick with it, just listen to the dialogue, the variations in mic gain, the self-congratulatory script, the line delivery of unknown actors, and appreciate the desperation and delusion that must have gone into making this. And wonder who decided to distribute this.

And, Disney, check out the opening credit sequence and call you attorneys.

I asked my TV to bring up Once Upon A Time in Hollywood. Admittedly, I was tired and not paying close enough attention because it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this movie was not made by Tarantino, Brad and Leo were nowhere to be found, and something about Michael Madsen, who cares. I was confused, did Tarantino have a stroke? Did he have amnesia and forget how to make a movie? Was this all some kind of joke? This film has no redeeming qualities. Im embarrassed that I watched this, I cant imagine the shame of being involved in its production. Why does this exist? Why is it available for streaming? In what world can I watch this garbage but I cant stream Blood Circus?

First off I'm going to offer full disclosure, I'm only 33 minutes into this film with 55 minutes left and I had decided to abandon it around the 30 minute mark, but I may eventually finish it. So bear in mind this review isn't a whole overview, but this Frankenfilm is so bad I may not have the energy to make it through all of it.

It's very telling that even IMDB lacks this as Tom Sizemores last film and he isn't even listed as being in the film on its own page. I assume it's his last film and that he must have passed away during filming because it's obvious he's in very little of it. 90% of his dialogue so far isn't synced with his lips, or is delivered off camera by a bad imposter or some cheap AI program. They also do the Steven Seagal body double technique a lot which stands out as NOT Tom Size more from a mile away.

A typical scene has looped footage of Sizemore smoking a cigarette and interviewing a lead in a diner. All of his lines are mimicked by an imposter and consist of one liners with him never being seen to speak, while the bulk of the dialogue is delivered by the other actor who was obviously alone against a greenscreen. That's cut with far higher quality stock footage of a coffee shop and really cheap after effects and you get a scene choppier than the ocean during a hurricane.

The film and the lead both look awful and so far the plot seems to be throwing as many random actors and bad line deliveries at us as possible until something coherent is birthed by accident.

Most of the big names are from an unreleased film and consist of archival footage.

This is a sad last testament for a great actor like Tom Sizemore, who was a 90s staple until his personal life derailed his career. I wish this film hadn't been "finished at all costs" and put out there. Instead I think it would have been better served as the basis for a documentary on what could have been, like Tim Burtons Superman project with Nick Cage. I really loved Sizemore in most of his projects, but honestly, this feels more like a slap in his face than some tribute.

It reminds me of the fake Bruce Lee craze. That's how much reused footage there is of him sitting and fake imposter dialogue is in it in the first 30 minutes alone!

I also should say that I could find absolutely no information online about this production, other than the same synopsis across a dozen websites.

This movie reminds us why we put down animals when they're too sick to carry on.. so many acting careers should have been put down years ago when i see this movie.. it's like a fifth grader took his daddy's camera and just improvised. Film has no sense, scenario (is there one ?), movie is badly cut, acting is dead. Please no more ! Just put those old timers down, even pirating this movie would be a waste of time. Don't watch it ! Just don't, even if you can watch it for free, it's time you won't get back ! This movie reminds us every single day why people are not spending 15$ a pop to go to cinema and why the industry is slowly dying because of piracy.