Sightings: Heartland Ghost

I wasn't expecting much from this one, and that's exactly what I got. "True story," indeed. And Bambi is a nature documentary.

Where to begin? Without any knowledge of its origins, I had it identified as a TV movie in minutes. The lighting was flat. The actors walked through scene after scene like cardboard cutouts. The monster "effects" - almost makes them sound legit, doesn't it? - amounted to a wide-angle lens and some color saturation. Dreadful. This is the same low-budget effect that became popular with the zero-budget crowd: that monster point of view with Sega colors.

The thing that plucked this turkey, though, was the screenplay. The attempts at emotional depth were laughable. Every time one of the characters opened their mouths, I knew they were going to utter some completely clichéd and idiotic thing. I was never disappointed.

Sorry about the venom, folks, but I don't want anybody wasting rental money on this one. Beau Bridges, why have you forsaken me?