Teen Knight

My only theory is that this movie was some sort of tax write-off for the producers. Otherwise, how do you explain actors who seemingly have never rehearsed? How do you explain a script that sounds like it was read off of a finished game of Scrabble? How do you explain sets and effects that would make Ed Wood proud?

The basic story is a kid who wins a trip to a medieval fantasy camp run by androids. Other winners include Token Nerd, Token Snobby Rich Kid, Token Snobby Girl. The film crew taping this camp for the sponsors of the contest include Token Nice Girl Who Is So Involved In Work But You Know Will Learn Not To Be So Uptight And Have More Fun By The End Of The Movie.

As luck would have it, a giant storm sweeps over the land causing calamity (*cough* Jurassic Park *cough*). The next morning our hero figures out in roughly two minutes that they've all been transported back to medieval times, wherein hijinks ensue.

It seems as if whoever made this film has never seen a movie before and has no idea how to shoot, write, or pace one. At no point did it seem like anyone knew or cared what was going to appear on screen.

This is the worst movie I've seen that wasn't on Mystery Science Theatre.

This movie is ultimately one of the worst movies that i have ever seen. The fight scenes were horrible because its apparent that they got their sword fighting lessons off the back of a cereal box. Script for the movie sounded like a second-grader wrote it. And also very poor choice of actors. Its apparent that this movie is a total dud. So horrible, words cannot describe it. They should change the name from Teen Knight, to Teen Knightmare. When I was about to watch it, I thought "hey kid gets into medieval times and fights evil, that oughta be cool!" But instead of good action and acting, I got last minute fight scenes and script of the dead. So its best to stay away from this movie. This movie WILL burn your eyes off and WILL destroy your ears. So STAY AWAY.

Rented this movie under the title "Medieval Park" - My 7 year old picked it out, thinking his Medieval-loving 11 yr old brother would enjoy it, and it really did sound like it would be pretty cool. WRONG! 5 minutes in it had already lost their attention. The 11 yr old labeled it "lame" from the start, although he was impressed with the castle. I didn't pay too much attention to it until they started laughing hysterically at the sword fight: tap right, tap left, tap right, tap left......really?!?! We also noticed that the boy on the face of the DVD was not even an actor in the movie. Caterina S. needs to remove this one from her resume'. Wouldn't want anyone to accidentally come across it and prejudge her performance.

Okay, when I saw the cover and when the movie first started, I thought, "This looks like something I could have made in my garage." But it turned out to be pretty entertaining for mindless, low-budget fare. There were some actually pretty funny parts, especially the sword fights where it looks like nobody wants to get their hands dirty and everybody looks all apologetic for landing a blow. And some great, hilarious magic fights. Some people would think that's bad acting; I think it's hilarious -- as did the 40 grade-schoolers I was watching it with.

Yes, the script is cheesy, cliché, and near-plagiaristic. Yes, the acting is pretty bad. (Although I've seen much, much worse.) The directing and editing isn't great and the special effects are embarrassing, but I was never bored watching this movie, which is more than I can say for something more "cultured" like, say "Thin Red Line?". And I personally found it much funnier than the self-proclaimed World's Funniest Movie Ever, "Knocked Up." (Which was a terrifying experience. I had to sneak into "Paranormal Activity" to actually find something to laugh at.)

"Teen Knight/Medieval Park", however it is branded in your district, makes for a rollicking fun night with the family. Plus, there were bare-shouldered medieval wenches, so a good time was had by all. But overall, this makes for a more engaging evening than many "Oscar contenders" out there. (*cough * cough* Terence Malick *cough)

Let's see. A dry script, actors who can't even give the impression of acting, special effects that are absolutely laughable, and I've seen better swordplay between 4 year olds with empty paper towel rolls.

I wanted to like this movie, really. It has a great premise; kids at a castle get caught in a time warp, transported back to the middle ages, and have to figure out how to get home. As they look for that mystical door to their own time, they encounter sorcerers, knights, a prince, and dragons. Sounds great, huh? Well, it's just not. I tried to give it a good shot, but towards the end when Peter is fighting the other soldiers in the castle just lost it for me. It's like the actors didn't want to hit their swords together too hard, because the steel barely touches. The whole showdown with Raykin is horrid, too. The director must have told him to just 'lose' the fight, because he repeats the same mistake, over and over. Call me a stickler, but I just can't stand sword fighting scenes that a child wouldn't believe were real.

I'm stretching to give this a 2/10 rating. Maybe a child would enjoy this movie if they've never seen anything in this genre before. Once they've watched another sci-fi/fantasy film, though, steer clear of Teen Knight.